Godmothers
"Life could be worse," I tell her, "You could be pregnant,"
I wake up with the world swimming before my eyes. It's six and Madam McCarney lets me out with a package of potions and stern advice to eat well and keep healthy. I'm allowed to exercise though, jogging is good for my baby. It's an icy day but I creep into my dorm, with the girls still sleeping, throw on some trackies anyway. I expect to feel sick, I mean, it's the morning isnt it? Why don't I feel sick, where is my morning sickness?
Missing in action, I suppose, ah well, I'm not complaining, I haven't eaten yet. Maybe it'll come later. It's raining when I get outside but I man up and head to the lake. The heavy sky is drizzling sadly and my hair falls to rat's tails. I'm gasping for breath when I've run round the lake but I plough through, ignoring the knives stabbing my stomach.
Just keep running, just keep running, just keep running.
Darts of freezing water fight me and I struggle against the wind, my side cramps ferociously as I gasp for breath. Damn, I'm unfit. Why would I ever think jogging was a good idea? But I'm burning calories.
I run for an excruciating forty minutes before nipping back to the dorm for a shower, I inspect my body in the downpour, you can still see my ribs, thank God. I'm a little jiggly, I need to do more work, but baby will be okay. I'm not hurting it. I'm going to get fat though, I'm going to become huge, big and whale-y. But I don't care, okay I do, but I can get it back. I can do this all again when I have my baby in my arms. Then I can be thin, then life will be perfect.
I curl up on the floor of the shower, I still have to tell Teddy. Tell the girls. Tell my bloody family. I feel weight piling on my chest and the hot water pounds me into the floor. I love that feeling, it's like I'm in a waterfall. I wonder if I can nap here. Just for nine months.
When I get myself up to leaving, the cold air attacks me horribly. I wrap myself up and lie on my bed in my fluffy towel, still dripping and cold. Lauren's alarm sounds and they all begin to grumble and twist into consciousness, Kitty is sitting up like a hare, bright eyed and bewildered.
"ArghnogNO," says Lauren sleepily, hitting her bedside table pathetically. Emma is still sound asleep. Kit looks over at me,
"Up already?" she asks blearily, then she remembers, squealing "VICTOIRE! How ARE you?"
Lauren shoots up and cries,
"Go AWAY mum!"
I snort and Kitty giggles. Emma is still oblivious.
"I'm fine, Kitty. She totally overreacted, I didn't even need to be there,"
"Thank God," Kit replies, Lauren is staring into space, confused. She's not a morning person.
"Can you get Emma?" I ask, pulling my towel around me and waving my hand in Lauren's face. Kitty is shaking Emma, who is fighting back. It happens most mornings. Lauren is unfurling from her sleep like a flower, she blinks and looks into my face with recognition.
"VIC! Are you okay?" she screams,
"I am FINE, thanks for visiting though," I say, winking.
"SHE WOULDN'T LET US VISIT YOU!" she cries angrily, before she realises I'm joking.
"YOU'RE BACK!" shouts Emma, having just woken, "How do you feel!"
"She is fine," reply Lauren and Kitty loudly over the top of my weak answer.
I sigh at them and turn to the pile of clothes in the corner. I pull on some creased robes in next to no time and begin to smear on my foundation, Lauren is charming her flawless skin with subtle flicks of her wand but I was never good at WonderWitch spells. I brush my stubby eyelashes with gloopy mascara which breaks off in flecks around my face, I turn to Lauren in despair and she siphons them off for me. What a babe.
I glance at Kitty, mascara wand in hand, she shakes her head slowly. She will never be tempted to wear make up. So naturally beautiful. Sigh. Lauren and I continue primping, crammed on the floor of the dorm next to the full length mirror while Kitty and Emma hog the bathroom. There's a natural silence for a few seconds. Until Lauren blurts nervously,
"I think I'm going to sleep with Harry,"
"Potter?" asks Emma, laughing to herself.
I cringe, mortified. Harry Topps is actually her boyfriend, NOT my uncle. They've been going out a month or so. He's an all rounder, blonde hair, blue eyes, Gryffindor, clever, but it won't last. Lauren goes through boys like I go through novels. She's never done more than kiss them though,
"But seriously, why? When? Where?" calls Emma, through a mouth of toothpaste.
"I think I love him. And I'm 17 now and I just, I just, I feel like I'm ready. You know?"
"Not really," says Kitty from where she's moved to reading on her bed, she's never had a boyfriend, the cutie. I MUST set her up with Nick!
"Me either," says Em, coming over from the bathroom and squatting next to us on the floor. I remain dubiously quiet. Em has had boyfriends but, no one serious. I guess I'm the only one who's had sex. Now would be a great time to tell them I'm pregnant.
"You don't want to have sex in a broom closet though, the idea of sex at school creeps me out." Emma admits, "It's just weird, with all the teachers milling about,"
"True, I know everyone's doing it though," says Lauren,
"Like who? Tara Finnegan and the Ravenclaw sluts?" laughs Emma, "They're lying. Honestly, no one has sex at Hogwarts!"
"Which is why I'm inviting him to mine for Christmas," replies Lauren, beaming.
"If you're sure," says Kitty wisely shutting her book and plonking herself into our mirror circle, "I don't even want a boyfriend."
"I wonder what sex is like..." says Lauren dreamily,
"Me too," adds Emma.
I've been silent for too long, my face is going red, I can feel it. They're all looking at me. Oh God. Nerves hit me over and over and the pressure feels like it's going to break me,
"I SLEPT WITH TEDDY!" I shout, standing up. They all stare at me.
"You did what?"
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"How did you even...?"
"And I'm pregnant," I whisper, sinking down again. I'm met with stares again. No one knows quite what to say.
"Well that's stolen my thunder," says Lauren after a while. "How do you know?"
"Madam McCartney did some tests on me, it's certain,"
"And, what, what are you going to do?" says Kit, quietly shuffling up to me and sticking her arm around me. I lean into her,
"I'm keeping it," I say, I manage a smile, my dear friends grin back.
"Call it Emma,"
"No way, she's calling her Lauren, aren't you?"
"But Kitty's a cool name, right?"
"Shut UP. I don't even know if it's a girl yet! No way am I naming it after you anyway, it would be awkward, since you're going to be Godmothers!" I cry,
"GODMOTHERS?" they squeal and dive on me, into a messy group hug, they squeeze me so tight. I love these girls, I love them so, so much. But I can't breathe,
"This. Is. Not. Good. For. Your. Godchild." I stammer and they realise me quickly.
"How did it happen?" asks Lauren,
"Well, I was born. I lived a few years of innocence. I had sex, and now I'm pregnant,"
"She MEANS how did you bed Teddy?" asks Emma impatiently,
"It's all Tom's fault really, he left me alone with a boy, with a bed and with Firewhiskey. What did he expect to happen?"
"So, you're not...together?" asks Kitty,
"Nope,"
"And he doesn't know?" she says,
"Nah,"
"Oh." she says, "How are you gonna tell him?"
"I have NO clue," I say and I look at their eager eyes for guidance, "I guess, one of you could.."
"NO!" they shout in unison.
"Haven't you heard of the contraceptive charm?" asks Lauren, winking, "Too caught up in the passion..."
"IT'S ONLY 97% GUARANTEED!" I shout, "I know it perfectly well, thank you very much!"
"Wait, what is it again?" asks Emma, giving a sly grin,
"It's not hard," Lauren begins, swishing her wand, and imitating Professor Patil's 'sex talk' voice, "ContTRA ConCEPtio,"
She falls about in giggles and I laugh uproariously, honestly her Patil face is perfect. She does the squint just right.
"What time is it?" pipes up Kitty,
I check my watch. Shit.
"Guys, we've missed breakfast!" I shout, as if I care.
Kitty looks distraught,
"And it's potions first!" she cries in anguish.
"Life could be worse," I tell her, "You could be pregnant,"
She throws her book at me.