Partying, Partying, YEAH.
God, he's an idiot. And I'm carrying his spawn, awesome.
Forgive me for being a loser, but I am getting excited for this party tonight. I have new dress robes, I swear I'm getting thinner and I have the best friends in the whole wide world. Lauren's got her weird muggle music copier to play music out loud, she says radios are outdated... The special 'Room' is sound proofed and decorated in orange and black. Yeah, yeah, judge me, I'm overexcited, but we NEVER have parties! I might be unable to drink, dreading the party food, loved by my best friend and feared by the father of my unborn child but I am ready to 'put my hands in the air like I just don't care'!
Actually, on a second thought, I'm fucking dreading this.
It's Halloween, we've just had the feast (which was so exciting, I managed to vanish half my plate amongst the hustle and bustle) and we're waiting for lights out in the common room. The little kids have all gone to bed, the first years in awe at the pranks we've played on them. And when I say we, I mean Lauren and Emma, not me. I don't play pranks. I'm a mature, grown up woman. I tell them this.
"Yeah, but did you see that kid's face when I told him that the Chamber of Secrets reopens every Halloween?" snorts Lauren, "He looked like he was going to wee himself!"
"Especially when Fred jumped out in his snake costume," adds Emma, laughing at the memory.
Yeah they teamed up with the trio of doom. Fred, Louis and James disregarded the usual 'no costumes' norm and came as scary animals. Except James, who was a unicorn. Obviously.
We sneak down to the room in batches, four by four. And, luckily, old Filchy (he is SO old. He must be like, a million by now. He was around in MY DAD'S time) doesn't catch us. He'd probably wee himself, more than that the scared first year, if he saw us. Drunk sixth years are a sight worse than even freaky snake costumes.
And they'll certainly be drunk, Emma has procured all the necessary booze from the Elves, she's also got bucket loads of food. I think I'll stick to water. But, I didn't each much at lunch, barely anything at dinner, and I'm starving-ly, excruciatingly hungry. And tired. Maybe I'll have a little snack, for the baby.
The room is quite empty, it's kitted out with a long table of refreshments, pushed to the side, leaving a space for dancing. There are also big comfy sofas dotted about for chilling. It's a big room but at the moment it's really just me and the girls, who are bustling about. Lauren is fiddling with her music thing, Emma is putting touches of lipstick on, she looks super stunning in short black casual dress robes, cloaked in lace. Her lips are red and she's done her eyes all big and dark, I'm in champagne coloured robes, in silky material that brushes my knees, I think I look okay, you can't see my body very well, which is always a plus. Lauren's done my hair in a weird braidy thing, she's looking great as always, in low cut, long lavender robes.
People are beginning to arrive, Kitty clings to me. She's a socially awkward little butterfly, and she thinks she looks fat. As if she could ever look fat, but we forced her into some really tight blue robes and I know for certain that she's worrying about Nick. She hasn't told us she fancies him, but she must do!
Teddy just entered, and he's noticed me. Oh crap. He's walking over, ohgodohgod.
"Hey." he begins, looking about as awkward as I feel,
"I need some food!" squeaks Kitty, rushing off as tactfully as she knows how. I will kill her.
"Victoire, can we talk?" asks Teddy, gesturing a door that's popped up out of nowhere.
I walk towards it, without talking to him. I'm still mad. He pushes the door open for me, and there are a couple of armchairs in a tiny room that's also orange and black. I take a seat and refuse to look at him.
"I'm sorry, okay?" he begins defensively, looking up at me with those eyes, "I just, I was just scared, I didn't know what to do! I'm just a little kid!"
"You're 17. And a father. You have to grow up," I say bluntly. His lip quavers a little bit.
"Are we, are you keeping it?" he asks quietly,
"Yes. Yes I am, and if you want to be involved you can be, but I could do this on my own, Teddy. You obviously don't care about it," I know I'm being mean, but he deserves it. HE RAN AWAY!
"Fuck off! I'm this kids father and I'm being involved no matter what! Jesus Christ, Victoire, I was just surprised. I, I want this baby,"
I don't know what to say to this. He looks so passionate. He looks like he really wants our baby, and thank God, because I didn't want to have to do it alone.
"O-kay," I begin, deciding to fill him in on details, "I'm about 9 weeks or so along and I have a scan in a couple of days. I've told just about everyone I need to tell and I'm getting a job soon too. So, yeah,"
"I'll be at your scan, and I'll get a job," he says, almost heroically, "And look, have you spoken to Tom? Because he came into our dorm yesterday screaming and shouting and now he won't talk to me."
"Why do you think that is? I forgot to tell him I was pregnant, he had to hear it from Roxy or someone and he's in freaking love with me apparently! Good job, by the way, knocking up your best friend's crush,"
"Aw crap. He STILL 'loves' you? Bollocks, he's had this stupid thing for you since forever,"
"How does everyone know this except me?"
Teddy shrugs. God, he's an idiot, and I'm carrying his spawn. Awesome.
Spawn is a gross word, ew.
"Do you love him too?" he asks,
"I don't love anyone!" I say. "I'm freaking 16,"
Stupid Tom. Stupid Teddy. I'm not angry, or scared of Teddy any more. So what do I feel for him? I look at him, he's smiling goofily and looking at my stomach as if there was a bump there already. And in a second, I look at him, and I realise how irreversibly linked we are now. How we can never go back from this point, never pretend we don't know each other. How he's cute, and he's funny, and everyone always expected us to get together. How our families are best friends, how we used to be best friends, back when my mum thought I'd end up marrying him.
I close my eyes a little. I need to wake up a little bit, and I need to feel less crazy. I feel so light, like a messed up feather. And I think I'm owed that little bit of food I promised myself earlier.
"I'm going back," I say, standing up and letting my head spin, he nods and gets up too. Back outside, everyone is already dancing and the music is blasting. There seem to be a lot more empty bottles, Tom is brooding in a corner swigging Firewhiskey. I whisper in Teddy's ear,
"Go. Make him like you again, we can't do this without him,"
"He'll never like me again," he says simply. But he goes over anyway.
The food table is packed, with cheesecake and crisps and cauldron cakes and hell loads of other crap. There's nothing safe, so I grab one cauldron cake.
Then another, then another. And I move on to the crisps, and I'm ramming them in to my mouth. Fistful after fistful of glorious, glorious food. So much to eat, and I've lost all my boundaries. Because I haven't eaten properly in days and I just can't be strong, no I'm weak. And I take another slice of pizza, dripping in melted cheese. There's food around my mouth. I am disgusting.
"You must be hungry," says Lauren cheerily, walking over and grabbing another bottle of mead.
But I'm not, not any more. I'm full to the brim, heavy, fat. I've eaten so much, how many calories is that? Five hundred, a thousand? I can't stress, no I must chill.
I plop down into a sofa, next to some drunk girls I know from Transfiguration. We chat idly as I worry in my head. They aren't making much sense anyway. Kitty plonks down too, with a loud,
"VIC!" like she's never met me before. I shouldn't have trusted her with Firewhiskey. Nope, Kit and booze do NOT mix well. Lauren might get slutty, Emma gets a little teary, but Kitty, well she gets annoying.
"Hello Kitty," I say, in a strained voice.
"You know Nick...?" she begins, staring dreamily at him. He's dancing with some Hufflepuff chick-Anna Webb maybe?
"Yes, I've heard of him," I say, Kitty slides on to my lap, all her weight on me.
"He's so cute isn't he?"
"Yes, he's brill. And look, he's lost his dance partner," I say, shoving her off me. I seem harsh, but this is all for the best. If I don't pair her off with him now, she'll end up laughing at a Dorito or something. She's weird.
He walks over and pulls her up and they shimmy off into the crowd of people. Somehow lights are pulsing and people's skin seems glittery in the mass of writhing limbs. Several people have coupled off already, including Harry and Lauren. Em is dancing with Harry's friend, Sam, who's in Ravenclaw. Everyone is so smiley, and I feel so down, suddenly. I can't forget the food I ate, but I can't bring myself to throw up. I just feel so God damn guilty on my little baby. On that little cluster of cells that bloody depends on me.
I want to go to bed. Lucky me, on the first night out in ages, stuck with a baby and a crippling sadness. Ah, so much drama. And I think I might, well, let's be honest here, I think I might fancy Teddy. A little bit. A lotta bit.
I scan the room for him, Tom's dancing with Annie, some girl I vaguely know from charms, and my heart aches for how much I miss him. He's been gone for less than a day but I just miss him so much it physically cripples me. If he was dancing with me, cheering me up, cracking one of our inside jokes, God I'd feel ten times better. I'd want to be here, and not be alone in the corner, with a bowl of crisps too near my hand. He'd be whispering a joke in my ear and maybe Teddy'd be on my other side. And maybe, just maybe, everything would feel okay.
Salty tears leave tracks in my carefully applied face for the millionth time in two days. Who knew teenage pregnancy was so fucking stressful? I dip my hand into the salty bowl of heaven over and over, crunching in the most ugly way possible.
I search the crowds again, I still haven't found Teddy. I wish he was here. Only he knows how I feel, the girls are all paired off and drunk off their faces and happy as hell. I can see them, under the lights, and all the other dicks we know. I see his face, catch his eye. My heart jolts crazily, thumps and flips. He's coming over. He sits next to me.
"Heyo Vic!" he slurs. Oh oh, he's drunk. Fan-fucking-tastic.
"Hi Teddy," I sigh. I should have seen this coming, no one sober at a teenage party but me.
"Having fun?" he asks, leaning into me,
"Yeah, yeah, great." I say sharply, sick of this. "Look, Ted, I think I'm just gonna go."
"Whyyyy? Noo, stay with mee!" he says, clinging on to my arm. I can't help but blush, oh gosh, I can't resist him.
"But, Ted, I just, c'mon I'm pregnant. I do not belong here!"
"Have a drink!" he says, bursting into laughter. There are tears in his eyes, it wasn't that funny.
"Yeah, I'll go now," I say, standing up and sticking my head out of the door to check for Filch. All clear.
"Let me walk you!" he says, "It's dangerous!"
He pats my stomach, winking. I can see people in the party watching and judging me.
"Fine." I say, and drag him out. I suppose it's good practice for having a baby.
A drunk, stupidly handsome baby.
He walks me to the common room without a mishap from Peeves and insists on coming up to my dorm with me. I'm not complaining, he's wonderfully cute when he's pissed. I draw the line at getting changed in front of him though, accio'ing my adorable cow onsie and slipping into the bathroom.
I have a moment to get my shit together and brush my teeth. I stare in the mirror and wipe my eyeliner from where it's run. You're okay I think, you're going to be okay. I get back to my dorm and into bed, and Teddy's STILL here.
"Ted, I'm safe now." I say, he's sat on my feet. He looks kind of zonked, and is shuffling into a lying position. "This is a single bed," I point out, as he snuggles in next to me. Drunk people are so clingy. But I love that, he's breaking my heart with kindness, it's like we used to be when we were little. And we start playing that age old game of, 'remember when'
"Remember when we built that pillow den? Out of blankets and shit?" he says, laughing.
"Uh huh, except you wouldn't let me in. You said it was 'boys only' and dragged baby James in there, even though he could barely walk," I reply, remembering how funny Teddy used to be, even if he did make me furious, by excluding me.
I try not to remember, that years ago, when I was about 10, Teddy Lupin was my first ever kiss. But I know he's remembering too. It was the summer, he was leaving for Hogwarts in September. He, as always, would act all grown up, tease me and laugh at me. Pretend he knew better than I did, how it felt to kiss someone. It was just a cute, childish peck, a game of dares and an obvious outcome. But it was more to me, it was growing up, and it was the start of my crush on him, the start of something different, mature. And it stung all the more when he ignored me that Christmas, and the Christmas after that. Something changed, and I have no idea what, but we weren't best friends, TeddyandVictoire anymore.
I look up and realise his face is inches from mine, and his eyes are remembering too. Yes, we're both clouded in nostalgia of the summers when we were children, when we were simpler people. I can feel his eyes on mine, our faces are so close, as we're tangled up together in my tiny bed. When he breathes I can taste it, sweet and soft and endearing. A murmur of a smile crosses his lips, and he gives me the quietest, most gentle kiss, his lips like the bud of a rose. Smooth, irresistible.
Before I know it, I've deepened the kiss and we're making out like the dumb teenagers we are. I couldn't forget how good a kisser he was, and he doesn't disappoint. I can't believe this is happening again, everything feels kind of tingly. I know my feelings for him in a second, I fancy the pants off him and I never want this to end.
But it does, and he draws back, that glimmer of a smile on his face again. He sleepily throws an arm around me, pulling me against him, so we're curled up against like two cashew nuts. He blinks his heavy eyes again, and I watch his eyelids slowly droop as he drifts into sleep. He must be really quite drunk. He looks like the little child I used to know, as he tumbles into the naivety of sleep. I wiggle round so we're spooning and close my own eyes. Food is forgotten as I sleep lightly, next to the father of my child.