T'was the Night Before Christmas, House Style
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the hospital
Not a patient was stirring; how is that possible?
On white board was drawn a tree with presents underneath
In direct contrast to all of House's long held beliefs
The team was working on yet another mysterious case
Who would get it this time? Adams, Park, Taub or Chase?
Wilson was in his office, House was in his, taking a nap
Foreman's wondering how long he can put up with House's crap
When from the parking lot there came such a noise
It was not happy or peaceful, wishing everyone joy
All jumped up to see what caused this hideous sound
And when they looked out the window, here's what they found
Security lights shone on the snow that lay on the ground
Making things well lit and allowing safety to abound
When what did their curious eyes see by chance?
The local fire department's ambulance
As the driver backed into the ER bay
All knew that House would have something to say
"A drunken Santa, seen one, seen three
All this Christmas stuff is not for me
No stockings, no wreaths, no boughs of holly
Candy canes mock me, as does the man who is jolly"
The team headed to the lobby to drink some holiday cheer
"I'll only have some if it's spiked," House said with a sneer
As much as House disliked all the holiday fuss
If it involved alcohol, get some of this he must
So down in the elevator he went with his team
He planned to grab a few cups, then leave the scene
As the doors opened at the lobby, House heard a melodious tone
The type he would never put on an i-pod or i-phone
Just as House found that the punch wasn't spiked
Someone began speaking over the PA mike
"Santa has arrived and he has lots of games and toys
For all the good girls and all the good boys"
Santa walked out of the ER carrying a very large pack
Santa? Someone stupid enough to do this, the idiotic hack
His eyes were glazed over, his walk unsteady
It was clear he had too much egg nog already
His natural brown hair peeked out from the cap
House looked at him and said, "Oh, God, what a sap!"
The guy's fingers and teeth were yellow from too many years of smoking
And as a wobbly Santa walked past, House said, "You've got to be joking."
He looked and saw the children frightened of a man they should adore
And remembered many ruined Christmases that happened years before
House knew that this Santa wasn't right for the kids
And as Christmas spirit found his heart, here is what he did:
"Hey kids, Santa needs a seat," House said as he took his pack
"I'm Santa's helper. Let's see what's hidden inside of this sack."
He opened the bag and handed out all the treasures
And for some odd reason, it gave him a certain pleasure
His mood darkened, though as he recalled Christmases his father missed
But it greatly improved as by one little girl he was kissed
Upstairs, House saw his team smiling as they put on their coats
They handed him a present, and all started to gloat
But he said, "I don't care what I did, I don't care what I receive.
This is one Scrooge who will never believe!"