Chapter 17

Tiny Tim was a slob. Eliot had been in some nasty places in his life, and the trailer the big bruiser was staying in was really disgusting. It ranked right up there with that slum in Istanbul, but not quite as bad as the place he'd had to hide in back in Morocco… Parker was even grossed out.

"Eww, eww, eww," she kept saying. She was walking around on her toes, trying to keep from touching anything. "We should just burn the place. Can we burn it, Eliot?"

"No, no burning, Parker," Nate's voice in his ear said. "We need the cops to FIND the documents."

"I dunno if anyone's going to find anything in here, Nate," Eliot said dubiously, looking around at the half eaten plates and cartons of food, the laundry strewn about, the random trash tipped and spread over the floor, the beer cans ankle deep in the corner… "This dude is seriously gross."

"Eww, eww, eww…" Parker was NOT happy.

"Look, guys, just plant the stuff and get out." Nate was apparently getting tired of their comments.

Parker looked over her shoulder at him, balancing on her toes as she did. "I'm not touching anything," she declared. "You do it."

Eliot rolled his eyes. "Of course, I have to do it," he grumbled. "Gross stuff, the guy always has to do it."

"Sophie said guys are supposed to take out the trash, kill bugs and open jars," Parker informed him. "I think that pretty much covers everything in the place."

Eliot snorted. "Sophie, stop teaching Parker stuff, will you?" he said aloud, gingerly easing a drawer in the 'kitchen' open. Dear god, what was IN there? He shoved the envelope of incriminating documents in and shut it. "I hope nothing eats those," he muttered.

"Parker's absolutely right," Sophie said, sounding smug in his head. "Ladies are not supposed to have to deal with the more disgusting aspects of life."

Eliot checked outside before opening the door and motioning Parker out. "That's so not fair," he said.

Parker did some sort of weird wiggle-shaking thing once she was out. "Eww, eww, eww, I can still feel all the grossness," she complained. She squirmed and kind of shuddered before dashing for the car. "Come on, Eliot, let's get out of here before we get totally contaminated," she called.

Eliot rolled his eyes and headed after her. He wasn't going to win this one, was he?

Gerald Pitts' place wasn't as convenient for them to case. While Tiny Tim had been staying in a trailer outside of town, away from any annoying prying eyes, Pitts had taken an apartment in town. Well, ok, it wasn't really town, but there were enough people around that you couldn't just walk in. And there weren't enough people to blend in and get lost in a crowd. That meant they had to figure out an alternative.

Fortunately, Eliot and Parker were professionals. And experts at alternatives. Of course, it would have been better if they could agree on that that alternative should be, but that was just a little detail.

"I can too go over the roof," Parker was insisting. "No one will see me."

"But they'll see ME," Eliot contradicted. "And I am not going over the roof!"

"So what's your idea?" Parker groused, crossing her arms and glaring. She was cute when she did that, Eliot thought, with a small grin.

"Nate, did we bring any uniforms with us?" Eliot asked.

"No," Nate said.

Well, that shot down Eliot's grand plan. Until Parker got that look in her eye, and started grinning maniacally. Which, of course, made Eliot very nervous. He might be feeling something… special… for the thief, but that didn't change the fact that she was still crazy. He just happened to feel that it was a good kind of crazy. Mostly.

"Let's burn it down," she said.

"Wait, what?" Eliot said. "No, no burning! We didn't burn the trailer, we're not burning down a town."

"Wait, Eliot," Nate's voice said thoughtfully. Eliot groaned. He was going to let Parker burn something.

"A smaller fire, at one of the abandoned buildings down the street will draw people's attention and give you a window of time to search the place," the mastermind went on. "Hardison?"

There was that period of silence, as Nate was clearly listening to Hardison. "Ok, Hardison says that about four blocks down, there's a former barbershop that's been in foreclosure for a couple of years."

Eliot peered down the street, through the car windshield. "Yeah, I think I see it," he said. "It's pretty run-down."

"Perfect," Nate said. "Slip in and start something burning, enough to draw attention long enough for you and Parker to check out Pitts place without being seen."

Parker was grinning just a little too much for his taste. "Great, just great," Eliot muttered, eyeing her warily. "Look, darlin', I'M going to start any fires, got it? You'd just torch the whole damn thing."

"Maybe," Parker said, still grinning. "But we're still using my idea."

Eliot resisted the urge to smack himself in the face. This was not going to go well. He could just see it. Parker leaned over and planted a smacking kiss on his lips. "Don't pout," she smirked. "Let's go burn down a building."

"I'm not pouting," Eliot grumbled, starting the car and pulling away. He'd have to park it somewhere else for this to work. "Men don't pout. We brood."

"Sure, whatever you say," Parker said cheerily. She slid a sideways glance at him and smirked bigger. "Pouter."

Eliot growled at her, but he couldn't keep the corners of his mouth from twitching. Considering the fact that he was sleeping with Parker, he guessed he could at least admit that he really got a kick out of working with her. The girl was crazy, and it suited him to a tee. Even when her kinda crazy made him nuts, it still made him smile, even if it was after the fact.

He parked the car several blocks away, in the parking lot of the local library. There were enough cars there that no one would notice their nondescript Camry mixed in. He heaved a sigh. "Ok, let's go start a fire," he said.

"Oh, fun," Parker said, bouncing out of the car. She rolled back and forth on her toes, waiting for Eliot to round the car next to her. She caught his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. It sent that familiar warm feeling through Eliot. They started down the street, looking for all the world like a couple out for a stroll.

"Hey, Sophie," Parker asked thoughtfully.

"Yes, Parker," the grifter responded, a bit absently. Eliot did not want to know what she was doing. Last he knew, Sophie was at the house with Nate and Hardison. There were way too many possibilities there.

"Does this count as a date?" Parker asked. And Eliot almost swallowed his tongue.

"What?" he exclaimed, looking down at Parker.

"What?" Sophie and Nate's voice both reverberated in their ears.

"Well, we're holding hands and going to do something fun together," Parker said, swinging their linked fingers a little, and causing Eliot to tighten his a little more. "Doesn't that make a date?"

Eliot opened and closed his mouth. Well…

"Technically you could be right, Parker," Sophie's voice came, "but usually dates are not part of a con or with your team listening in."

Eliot snorted. "Yeah," he said. "No WAY I'm taking all of you with us when we go on a date."

"So we're going to go on a date?" Parker asked, looking up at him through her lashes.

Eliot gaped for a second, then glared. "Sophie! What the hell have you been telling Parker?"

"Me?" Sophie said innocently. He could practically hear her batting her lashes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Parker cocked her head at him, looking straight up at him now. He really preferred that to her little try-to-be-Sophie-coy attempt. "Don't you want to date me?" she asked him, sounding a bit unsure now. "I thought that's what you did when you slept with someone you cared about."

Aaaand there went his soft heart. Dammit. Eliot pulled Parker to a stop and leaned down to kiss her firmly, not really giving a damn that they were right in the middle of the sidewalk. "Yeah, darlin'," he told her, a little gruffly. "I'm dating you. But," he added hastily for the benefit of their listeners. "THIS is not a date. This is work. We'll go on a date when we go back home."

Parker smiled, that quicksilver grin that lit up her eyes. "Ok," she said, and tugged him on. "Now come on, we've got a building to burn."

Well, learn something new every day. I now know how to spell "Colombian". :-) And while I'm enjoying all this plot, I really think we need some fun smut. Some really fun smut. Hmm…