"It felt like even when He wasn't there, you were. So thank you. Thank You."
XxXxX
If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill
Guiding like a lighthouse, it's a place where you'll be
Safe to feel at grace and if you've lost your way
If you've lost your way
And I know you don't know oh, but I need you to be brave
Hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay
I'll see your pain if you don't feel our grace
And you've lost your way
I will leave the light on
I will leave the light on
'Cause I will leave the light on
XxXxX
When April wakes up that morning, she knows something is different. She remembers Meredith telling her about days that she felt like she just might die... and the days when she almost did. April wonders if this is the same feeling. Nevertheless, she rolls out of bed and gets dressed, applies her makeup, and brushes her teeth and hair.
She forgets all about her feeling when she walks into her baby daughter's room. An uncontrollable smile spreads across her face when the little girl opens her bright blue eyes and looks up at her. "Hey, little ladybug. It's time to go to work. Yes, it is." She whispers as she lifts Harriet from her perfectly decorated crib. She nuzzles her nose into her baby's cheek and smiles. "You're so squishy." She giggles. Harriet smiles.
After getting her daughter dressed and fed and eating something herself, April finally leaves for work. She keeps an eye on Harriet through the rearview mirror and plays her favorite songs over the radio to make sure she isn't bored. You could say the little girl is a little spoiled.
Just as they reach the chorus of Harriet's favorite song, April spots something a few hundred feet in front of them.
She turns off the radio.
XxXxX
Jackson arrives at work and immediately heads to daycare to see his daughter. He peeks his head into the playroom but doesn't see her, so he approaches one of the ladies watching them. "Oh, Dr. Avery. Did you bring Harriet?" She asks. Jackson knits his eyebrows together and shakes his head.
"Um, Dr. Kepner was supposed to bring her in today. Has she not come in yet?" He asks, looking down at his watch. The woman shakes her head. It's 12:30. April almost always arrives early to go on rounds with the interns and check on the ER. She should be here by now.
"If she stops by, I'll let you know." The lady assures him. Jackson nods, trying to keep his mind from swarming with unfavorable possibilities. She probably just slept in or had trouble getting Harriet out of the house. Maybe she just decided to take the baby with her on rounds for some company other than clueless interns.
Right?
XxXxX
April pulls over and gets out of her car to get a better look at the horrible wreck in front of her. It looks like two cars had crashed and a third one had crashed into them, flying up and flipping over and landing about 30 feet away. A small fire has started on top of the car and is growing quickly. She turns back and looks at her daughter to make sure she is okay. Harriet is sleeping, so she runs over to the wreckage to check for survivors.
The first thing she does is call Owen to tell him there is a wreck and most likely some traumas. He says he will get an ambulance and be there ASAP. Then she approaches the cars to begin triage.
The first car has only a driver and he is unconscious. It looks like he hit his head on the steering wheel. She struggles for a few minutes to extricate him because he is heavy and she has to hold the door open, but eventually, she gets him laid out on the ground. After checking him for any other injuries and finding nothing but some bruises and a sprained wrist, she decides that he might have some internal bleeding.
Suddenly, an idea jumps into her mind. She grabs a marker out of the glove box of her car and writes MINOR HEAD LAC. NEEDS CT FOR INT. BLD on the man's thigh in bold. Then she moves to the other car. This one has a mother and a son that look to be about 14 years old. She pulls both of them out with much more grace than the last time. The mom's airbag went off and the son had his seatbelt on (for once) so there aren't any major injuries there. They are both unconscious and April assumes it's from the shock but thinks they should probably get CTs as well just to be sure. She does not want what happened to Derek to happen to these people.
Just as she is about to reach the last car, she hears a quiet, scared voice calling out to her. She turns around and realizes the little boy is waking up.
"Hi. Hi. You're okay. I'm Dr. Kepner. April. Can you tell me your name?" She asks softly, placing her hand on the boy's shoulder gently.
"J-Jackson." The little boy whimpers. April can't help but smile.
"Really? My best friend's name is Jackson. Isn't that cool?" She says, trying her best to keep the boy calm. He nods.
"Okay, Jackson. How old are you?" She asks.
"13." He replies. She nods and smiles at him.
"Jackson, can you tell me what happened? Do you remember?" She asks. He nods.
"We uh... we were turning around the corner and the other car was coming the opposite way... something ran into the road and they swerved out of the way... right into us. It was nobody's fault. Is my mom okay?" He asks. April looks over at the lady on the ground a few feet away.
"She looks just fine. I need to go check on the people in the other car. Can you stay here while I do that?" She says, her hand still resting on his shoulder.
"O-okay..." He says. April stands up and walks over to the flipped car. Her eyes flick back to her own car and she can barely see that Harriet is still peacefully sleeping. When she reaches the car, she notices a woman, maybe in her late thirties, sitting in the driver's seat trying desperately to get her seatbelt off.
"Ma'am! Ma'am, you could have serious injuries! You shouldn't move until I can check you out!" She calls, running up to the car. The woman looks up at her, her face full of fear and shock.
"In the trunk! I-I'm a painter, I've got 6 gallons of oil paint in my trunk!" She shouts. April freezes. Her eyes jump from the fire on the car to the trunk, wide with fear and realization. She turns back to the woman just in time for the explosion that sends her rocketing backward into the forest. Her back hits the hard soil and she tumbles backward until her body finally rests at the bottom of a small ditch filled with water colder than she has ever felt before. She can just barely see that the flipped car is nowhere to be found and little Jackson has jumped up in shock.
She can hear Harriet crying in the distance when unconsciousness overcomes her.
XxXxX
When Owen arrives at the scene of the car crash in the ambulance about 20 minutes later, he notices April's car pulled over near the wreck. He runs over to it to check if she is inside. Harriet is sitting in the backseat screaming and crying. He immediately grabs her and hands her to a paramedic, running off to find April.
"April! April!" He yells. The paramedics run over and start inspecting the three people that he assumes April had pulled out of their cars. "APRIL!" He shouts. Something catches his eye in the forest a few feet away.
"No..."
XxXxX
Everything is a blur from the moment he sees her body to when they enter the hospital and Owen orders the nearest nurse to page Pierce, Shepherd, and Grey. She asks through her tears if she should page Dr. Avery.
"NO! Do not page Dr. Avery." He shouts just as he reaches the trauma room. Meredith and Amelia arrive just as he gets April hooked up to every machine they have and has a chance to assess her injuries fully.
Meredith doesn't say anything. She just gets to work checking April's vitals and inspecting her abdomen. Amelia is frozen in the doorway.
"Did you page Jackson?" Meredith asks Owen. He shakes his head. "He's going to find out eventually." She retorts. Owen gives her a look that only people who have been through what they have could understand. Suddenly, April flatlines.
"Damn it!" Meredith shouts, starting chest compressions while Owen gets a crash cart. Amelia finally shakes herself out of shock and runs over to help. Owen shocks April once but nothing happens. Maggie arrives just then.
"Oh, my god!" She shoutes.
"We're not going to lose her!" Meredith yelles just as Owen charges the defibrillator again.
"Clear!" He shoutes and Meredith raises her hands. They watch as the machine whines and then shocks April, making her body jump into the air. All eyes rest on the heart monitor as they hold their breaths and wait.
A single beep registers in their minds and they all let out the breaths they were holding. She is back for the time being.
Arizona and Richard enter the trauma room, shocked. Richard rushes to help and Arizona freezes in the doorway, tears flowing onto her face. She can't stand to watch anymore and runs away, finding a gurney in a nearby hallway and collapsing onto it. Her fingers find her phone and she dials without even looking down.
"Arizona?" Callie's voice fills her ears.
"I need to come to New York. Now." She squeaks. Callie is silent for a few seconds. Arizona assumes she heard the weakness in her voice and knows something was wrong.
"What happened?" Callie asks. Arizona whimpers and holds in a sob.
"I just need to not be here anymore. I can't take this much longer. All of the death. I can't do it." She cries. Callie sighs.
"Who is it this time?" She asks with sadness in her voice.
"Kepner." Arizona croaks. Her ex-wife lets out a quiet gasp and then a louder sigh. Her voice breaks with emotion the next time she speaks.
"You can come here as soon as you need to." With that, she hangs up, and Arizona is left alone in the hallway to cry. Memories flood her mind and she does nothing to hold them back.
"I just... I can't stand the way she looks at me. The way that everyone looks at me." Arizona sighed as she set down the champagne bottle.
"No one's looking at you," April assured her.
"Please. I grew up gay. I know what it feels like when people are staring." Arizona argued. "You're missing a leg and they stare. And everyone knows you're a cheater and they stare. And they talk, and they judge, and they... stare." She continued. April looked at her sympathetically. "Like that," Arizona said.
"What? You're... come on! I was- you were telling a story!" She defended.
"No, I know how you must feel about me. And I know you try to hide it but I can see it on your face." Arizona said sadly. April was silent for a few seconds.
"What do you think you see?" She asked.
"You know..." Arizona shrugged. "Jesus." April scoffed and laughed.
"Oh, god. Ugh, what, you think I'm incapable of empathy because I go to church? What is that about? I can empathize like nobody's business! Especially with a cheater." She denied.
"You're right." The blonde shrugged and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry." She poured April some more champagne.
"I'm sorry! For calling you a cheater!" April said suddenly, realizing what she had said.
"But I am, though," Arizona said sadly.
"I know," April said.
"She stared at me too. But the way she stared... felt... really, really good. You know?" Arizona said, deep in thought.
"Actually I do," April said softly, a small smile on her face.
Arizona smiles slightly thinking about how they had laughed until they thought they might die later in the night after many more glasses of champagne. She almost chuckles when she remembers April asking to try on her prosthetic leg. Then she remembers the situation and more tears flood to her eyes.
No more supply closets.
XxXxX
April is rushed to surgery and Meredith stays behind for a few minutes to absorb everything that just happened. She has always been quick to react to stressful situations and is known to fall apart only after the difficult time has passed. Her level head has quickly dissolved and she feels her composure slowly breaking down.
Alex finds her in the hallway and she assumes he is completely clueless as to what is happening. She knows she probably looks like a mess because Alex's face is immediately concerned.
"What is it?" He asks. She thinks about the words that she wants to say and realization washes over her. This is actually happening. It isn't just a horrible nightmare. The woman she met years ago back when she was just a quiet, nervous girl with a notebook full of motivational phrases to keep her sane and a crush on her husband is actually dying. The last of her denial withers away and she feels bare inside.
All that she can do is cry.
XxXxX
After Meredith finally managed to tell Alex what happened he insists on telling Jackson but she asks him to wait a little bit longer. Apparently, Harriet needs some stitches from the debris that hit the windshield of April's car and sent glass shards flying everywhere. The nurses are once again told not to page Jackson so Alex does them instead. One of the cuts is pretty nasty and he thinks it might leave a scar. As if she won't be scarred enough from today.
In the OR, Meredith has managed to open April up and assess her internal bleeding. They hadn't had time for a CT because of the severity of her injuries. Blood seems to pour from every inch of April's abdomen and Meredith can't see anything, let alone where it's all coming from.
"Suction! More! I can't see anything! We need to localize this bleeding." She shouts at the terrified intern assisting her. "Hang two more units of blood. STAT!" She orders the scrub nurse who hurries to do as she is told. She still can't see despite the intern's desperate attempts to suction all of the blood away. The body cavity just keeps filling up again.
The heart monitor flatlines and everyone looks up at it in shock for a moment before springing into action. The intern starts chest compressions and she starts giving orders to nurses and the anesthesiologist for ACLS drugs.
Jackson bursts into the OR a moment later. His eyes are wide with shock and fear as he realizes what is happening. None of their attempts to resuscitate April are working. Meredith stared helplessly at the heart monitor with teary eyes.
"I'm calling it." She whimpers. Jackson charged into the room and drapes himself over April's body, his arms clutching her shoulders tightly and tears streaming down his face.
"NO!" He screams, his voice shredding with emotion. He grips April's body like his touch might bring her back to him. "NO! APRIL!" He howls. Meredith watched him and painfully glances at the clock.
"Time of death... 15:40." She chokes, snapping her gloves off as the staff clears out of the OR, defeated. Jackson sobs loudly over April's body and refuses to let go even when Meredith tries to pull him away. Richard comes down from the Gallery to help her and they finally pull him away. He stands a few feet away with his hands on top of his head in shock.
"April..." He sobs, his eyes glued to her face, which looks like she could be peacefully sleeping. "Please... don't leave me..." He whispers so softly he can barely hear himself. "Please..." Someone pulls him out of the OR so that they can take April's body away.
"No..."
XxXxX
Okay so this is just basically my very quick prediction of what I think will happen in the pre-finale-finale. I wrote this before I watched any promos other than the extended promo after Thursday's episode so it's probably not very accurate. I've never written Japril before (though I do ship them) so if it sucks please don't like banish me from the fandom or anything.
I felt like the only way to do April's character justice at this point was for her to die. I don't think that if she survived and still left that it would be true to her character. I feel like if she was that close to death and lived then it would bring her closer to God and she might even see God (and Samuel) while she's 'dead'. I also think it would make her realize her feelings for Jackson (or Matthew which is more likely if she has to leave) but if she leaves with Matthew then she would be leaving Harriet and I don't think she would ever do that especially after Samuel.
This is just my opinion. Feel free to review and leave your predictions!
Kisses!
-E