AN: I am, in fact, still alive! Enjoy!

Chapter 6

Sasuke woke up feeling strangely warm and comfortable. He slowly opened his eyes and was greeted with an unfamiliar view. His head was laying on Itachi's chest and a hand rested on his messy hair. Black eyes looked softly at him and a gentle smiled spread across his brother's face.

'Good morning.' His gentle voice felt like a caress.

Memories of the past night flooded Sasuke. His brother's lips, the love he felt, the need, the longing all came back to him. He was at a loss of words, simply staring at his brother's perfect face and his unruly hair.

Itachi noticed his expression right away. How could he not? He had spent most part of the morning pondering how to face Sasuke once he woke up. He hoped his approach would be good enough. He would never let himself surrender to the alcohol and desperation as he had last night. Sasuke seemed to enjoy it, but what did he know?

'Don't worry, Sasuke. Last night was a lapse in judgement, a mistake. I will not repeat it.'

He had been weak last night. No. He had been week all this time. Ever since he first saw his little brother all grown up. Although Sasuke was the one who lost his memories, he felt like he had been the amnesiac in their relationship. He forgot they were tied by blood, he forgot his brother was a man, he forgot Sasuke was a mental wreck and he was probably just taking advantage of it all. He forgot, but now he remembered. The Sasuke in his memories remembered none of their time together and he would not rob him of his life twice. He was not about to take advantage of Sasuke's need for companionship, love and family and push his twisted feelings onto him. No. He would offer him a family, a home, and a brother.

'W..what are you talking about?' Sasuke's eyes widened, his expression pained in utter defeat. He was being abandoned.

Itachi gently sat up, nudging Sasuke to do the same. He placed a hand on his head and patted it gently.

'Don't worry, Sasuke. I'll always be here, always love you, but what you feel for me is not this kind of love. I'll be your brother, like I'm meant to be. Last night is one I deeply regret, but I'll do my best to make up for it and always be here for you.'

Sasuke was at a loss for words. Was Itachi serious? He regretted last night? Sasuke could not begin to understand his feelings. To him, last night had been the rightest thing in his whole life. Of course, he couldn't say any of that anymore. Itachi was probably right. It was wrong, weird and disgusting. They were brothers yet he lusted for Itachi. He wasn't even gay for the love of God, yet somehow he wanted him. And he was wrong. He was a glitch in the matrix, an error. His feelings were just unnatural and he wasn't going to burden Itachi with them.

Maybe the years of being deprived of love and affection turned him into a freak or maybe Itachi was right. For the first time he was given unconditional love and as a fool he mistook it for more than brotherly affection. He repeated that over and over in his head before he opened his mouth.

'I'm sorry too. I have been acting strange. It's probably hard for you to see me now, as opposed to the me in your memories…'

He jumped out of bed and ran for the shower.

'I'm going to work.' He shouted from the bathroom.

He heard Itachi mumbling his name in the other room and that prompted him to keep repeating the earlier thoughts he had in his mind. He was just his brother. This was just brotherly love. He was confused. The words kept playing in his mind like a tape on repeat, yet somehow, somewhere, there was a scratch on the record. A tiny thought that risked to crumble his sanity. What if he wasn't wrong?

Left alone in the house, Itachi couldn't quite contain himself. His blood was boiling. He wasn't sure exactly what he felt. He had Sasuke, in his arms, finally after all those years. His beloved, precious brother was within his reach and he had gone and risked ruining it all. What was he even doing? He had always known that Sasuke was more important life itself, the only thing that mattered, however he had never felt such inappropriate urges. At first he thought it was a childish game. He did not even consider how far it'd go. They teased each other, it was harmless and all of a sudden Itachi went and developed such feelings. All of a sudden it stopped being a game. Now he wanted more. He was greedy. He had spent years praying to all gods that his sweet little brother would be returned to him and now here he was, yet Itachi was not satisfied. Being a brother was different than what he had expected. Now he wasn't even sure he wanted it anymore. He wanted Sasuke to look at him as he had that night. He wanted his little brother to be his, he wanted to touch him. He was sick, perverted and he had to stop.

That night had been a mistake, but now he was done. Done soiling his sole reason for living with his twisted fantasies. Sasuke was already broken, what he had to do was mend him, pick up the pieces and make sure his little brother could go on in life happily. Sasuke didn't need Itachi breaking him even more and Itachi was prepared to do anything and kill all of his desires if it was for his brother's sake.

The next weeks passed uneventfully and Sasuke felt as if he was finally regaining his sanity. He was finally seeing Itachi the way he was supposed to. He was his older brother, family. He wasn't his lover nor a potential love interest. He still felt the occasional tingle in the back of his mind when Itachi cuddled him to sleep on those nights when the nightmares took over, but most of the time he was far too exhausted to give it too much thought. His body still ached inexplicably at times when Itachi was near, but he had learned to control it. He chalked it up to his amnesia, madness, hormones, exhaustion and every other excuse he could think of. He saw Itachi being happy, smiling gently at him. Being his brother made Itachi happy, so that was what Sasuke wanted to do. It was the first thing he thought of in the morning and the last thing he thought of before he went to sleep. If Itachi wanted a brother, Itachi would get one.

His mind finally felt at peace, albeit slightly numb to everything. He was too caught up in his play of emotions to register much of the world. This was his reality now, he was Itachi's brother from the moment he opened his eyes to the moment he closed them. What happened in his dreams thought, he could not control.

It was already dark when Itachi got home. He felt exhausted, but the thought of seeing Sasuke's face was exhilarating. He couldn't think of anything he would rather do than spend time with his little brother. The past weeks had been exactly what he had planned them to be. They bonded. He could see Sasuke becoming more and more comfortable around him. His little brother started trusting him and allowed himself to fall back into old habits. The way he clung to Itachi as he wished the nightmares away, the way he smiled for him and the way he always lit up when his older brother came home. Nothing had changed since they were little. He should have known that Sasuke was still that same kid. No matter the hardships and the years of loneliness and pain, Sasuke had stayed just the way he always had been.

Itachi was grateful for his amnesia. He wasn't sure Sasuke could cope with remembering even a small figment of the past so he hoped. He drowned himself into his hopeless dream that Sasuke would stay clueless forever. He refused to think about it most of the time, but occasionally the thought flickered through his head. Fast, sharp like a flash. What if Sasuke remembered? Wasn't he just being selfish? Sure, his little brother was happy to have a family after all this time, however what was the price? What if being around Itachi made Sasuke remember the past? Would he be fixable after that?

Itachi forcefully shut his eyes and pushed the thoughts away. He wasn't sure what was right or wrong, but he was just human. He was already stopping himself from fueling his desires for Sasuke, he couldn't also keep away from being his brother.

He walked past the kitchen and into the living room, just to be greeted by the sight of his little brother asleep on the couch, balled up into a fetal position and with a childlike expression on his face. Itachi moved closer, examining his soft features. His velvet lips were slightly parted, black locks of hair framed his porcelain face while long lashes fluttered slightly with each deep breath that he was taking. He seemed so peaceful, so pure. He wanted to touch him and before he knew it his hands were already moving towards Sasuke. A noise upstairs woke him from his reverie. He looked at his hands with a frown then moved away from the sleeping man. He would not taint him further.

He knew what awaited for him in his bedroom long before he opened the door. Konan was there, waiting for him with a bored expression.

'How long are you going to ignore me?' she said with a deep sigh.

'To be fair, I was sure I wouldn't have to do it for so long. You're a smart woman, I was sure you'd get the message sooner rather than later. But maybe I was wrong.'

Konan frowned as she listened to him.

'Itachi, you may insult me, but the truth is I'm not sure which one of us is being an idiot.' She looked him in the eyes with a knowing expression.

At that moment, Itachi hated her. Her cool demeanor and the way she could see through bullshit were the traits that made him think she was slightly appealing, however at the moment he hated it. She wasn't needy, which meant that even if he gave her the cold shoulder she would still try to deal with it by having a logical conversation about the pros and cons of their relationship. He knew he would lose that argument. In no world would leaving a beautiful, educated, loving, rich and understanding fiancé for your younger brother who didn't even want you romantically make sense. He also hated how she saw right through him and his lies. She didn't know about his feelings for Sasuke, but she definitely knew something had changed since his arrival.

Defeated, he took a seat next to the window and eyes her waiting.

'I want to know what's going on. Actually, nevermind that. I don't even care what you're up to. What I care about is the potential that this relationship has. I would hate to think of all of these years and the future and realize we've been wasting our time. Itachi, you can fool around all you want, I don't care, but you need to realize there's no one out there for you other than me.' She sat up and walked over to him, placing a hand on his cheek and placing a kiss on his lips. He felt froze, unresponsive.

'I can't give you anything you want.' He sighed eventually.

'But you also can't have what you want. I'm fine with that. I don't need your heart. God knows, Itachi, you aren't capable of love. What you feel for Sasuke isn't love.' Hearing her words his blood ran cold. She knew. Of course she did. She was smart.

'You don't love him.' She purred into his ear. 'You want it simply because you can't have him. And even if you loved him, what could you do? Just give up. We don't need to be happy, Itachi, just content.'

He felt his resolution crumble. She was right. Sasuke was forever out of his reach, so what was the point?

The blood spilled from everywhere, even Sasuke himself. A gentle voice was calling his name over and over. His mother? Maybe, he did not know. He turned around to search for her but the sound was far away, diluted by the cascades of blood.

Then came the faces. Mangled, dead cold eyes bulging out and their expressions of fear and pain. Then the screaming. The echoes of countless voices clinging to life just to fail miserably and descend into madness and torture.

He kept on waiting for a light, for the hand of his brother to lead him out of there to somewhere safe, but Itachi never came.

His legs felt weak as he stood up and walked through the piles of bodies. He was going to find his brother. He would make it all better. As he walked forward, the corpses became more and more grotesque. Dismembered arms, legs and various body parts lay around. The bodies now looked like morbid puzzle pieces and Sasuke could not tell which head belonged to which body until he saw the familiar black orbs staring at him. Itachi's eyes bore holes through his chest. The empty, haunting gaze made Sasuke stumble and fall into a pile of arms and legs. It was Itachi's head, no doubt. His body was also somewhere further in the back. Itachi was dead. His brother was gone.

There was no escape from here.

When he opened his eyes he felt tired, old and haunted. He felt as if he had spent and eternity into his nightmare. His clothes were soaked with sweat and his eyes stung with tears. He grabbed his knees and buried his face into his chest. He was weak. All of the years at the orphanage, he had never feared anything. Death, disease and every other thing people dread, he couldn't care less about, but now he was weak. Now the thought of Itachi being dead was worse than a thousand deaths and the thought of being alone again was unbearable. He needed Itachi. Not just like a pretend family, no, he needed him to be his completely. Sasuke was already completely captivated, there was no escape. He realized now just how important his brother's existence was to him. So what if it was wrong? What if it was abnormal? He couldn't go on lying to himself and he sure as hell couldn't stop feeling that way, God knew he tried.

He staggered to his feet and dragged himself to Itachi's room. Just this once, he'll tell him the truth. Itachi meant more than anything to him so why hide it? He was already weak, pathetic. Might as well sink to the deepest abyss and admit his feelings and if Itachi rejected him, the he was already as good as dead. He needed to know how his brother felt. He promised himself this would be the only time. If his older brother was to reject him, he would give up forever and go back to the way he was before.

Sasuke slowly opened the door to Itachi's room. The moonlight shone through the curtains and caressed his brother's pale features. He felt bewitched, rooted in place. His head was spinning, he felt like he was drowning. He heard a choking noise coming from afar. It took him a while to realize it was the sound he was making while struggling to get enough air. Once his legs stopped shaking he turned around and ran out of the room.

What was wrong with him? Of course Itachi didn't love him! He stumbled into his room and collapsed near the wall, cupping his hands with his palms and squeezing his temple until his knuckles turned white. He couldn't get the sight of the blue haired woman resting peacefully onto his brother's chest. He was so stupid. Hot tears of frustration clouded his eyes. He felt as if his very soul was being crushed. What was wrong with him? How could he consider confessing his twisted feelings to Itachi? And moreover, how could he be so weak and dependent on his brother?

He wiped his tears and stood up, fists tight. This was the last time. The last time he was vulnerable, the last time he allowed himself to feel. He got by just fine in the orphanage. Itachi was poisoning him and his sterile life, infecting him with twisted feelings and vulnerabilities. He had been weak, but no more. He would never be this pathetic. He would never be hurt like this.

I'm sorry, we can't have happy stuff happening for two chapters in a row, I'm a dick.