Peter Pan

A Young Boy No More

By Raekitty13

Disclaimer: I was going to tell you that there was no way that Barrie took this long to write Peter Pan, but I was wrong. I did my research, and as long a I finish this story within the time limits of 2008, I'll have taken as long to write my Peter Pan fan fic as it took Sir James Matthew Barrie to write his original play, Peter Pan.

Author's Notes: 'Iiight... this was a lOOOOOng time in coming, but I promise, they're freshly baked. Cookies go to Luna32 , Mistfairie93 &&& tennchick15!!! I have no excuse for how long it took me to update this, so I made a double batch. I have kinda lost all hope of ever finishing any of my stories, and as a writer, that's the worst kind of writer's block I can get. Not being able to finish something I've started is not only horrible in itself, but also irresponsible of me. Therefore, as my New Year's Resolution, I really am going to try to finish this story! And for those of you who are fans of my other fics, I'm gonna work on them as well. Okay, enough of my mindless rambling... I've kept you waiting for faaar too long. To my wondrous, amazing, dedicated fans;

Chapter Fifteen- Thru A Man's Eyes

I closed my eyes and fell asleep instantly; who knew flying all day could make you so tired? It must have been all the fresh air. For sometime, everything was dark, void of anything useful. I remembered to think of Peter, but not even his brilliant green eyes shone out of the darkness. I never was good at calculating dream time. As far as I could tell, it was never constant. What seemed like five years of absolutely nothing was in all actuality only ever five or six minutes.

So I waited patiently for something to come, feeling as though I'd be waiting all night, knowing full well that I was really only half asleep, therefore probably cheating myself out of minutes of glimpsing Peter in all his glory. Finally something clicked, and, like a light switch, my dream world became alive and I could see again.

But what I saw couldn't possibly be what was happening now, fore it had already happened. I felt as if I was flying again, looking down at what had happened at the breakfast table this, or rather yesterday, morning. I could see myself heaping in forkful after forkful of Peter's scrambled eggs, the sight made me cringe. I sat there watching myself when suddenly my world began to spin, like bathwater disappearing down the drain. Round and round everything seemed to spin; it got to the point where I had to close my eyes.

Upon opening them again I found that I was now viewing the scene from almost eye level with myself. I was about half a head taller than normal, and facing, eye to eye, myself. It was really quite odd, I couldn't figure out what was going on. I could hear myself droning on about Daisy and wanted to cringe again before slapping myself in the forehead. I sounded like such a moron! But I found that no matter how much I wanted to face palm, I couldn't. My body simply wouldn't obey me.

Instead, I got up to get more scrambled eggs for myself—er rather, my other self... my real self?

I couldn't figure it out! What on earth was going on?

Then, out of nowhere, I heard his laugh. It wasn't like an external hearing of sorts, but a mental, whispery one. It was quite and soft, not one of mockery but of pure, loving amusement. "She really is cute when she eats so much. Not even Wendy would eat like her, she's like one of us."

Of course I would hear his voice at a time like this. The voices! They were back... I found myself wondering over his "thoughts" if I was going bonkers again, and if the first time, there had been hot guys' voices in my head telling me to kill Miss Daisy... Heh, what were they going to have me do next? Oooh, yeah... Kill Peter.

"Hmmm, this Daisy lady sounds like a challenge. I like challenges... but I like fighting pirates better. Beating some old lady just doesn't sound like fun... Maybe I could beat some sense into her father though... Then again, if I did that, he'd leave the chick and Jessie would go home. I don't want her to leave. If she leaves... I don't know what I'll do," WAIT! I wanted to scream out, but of course, my body wasn't MY body... it was Peter's and obviously, it had a mind of it's own; one that I was being forced to listen to as it pondered about my story telling. God, I have the STRANGEST... what the heck was this anyway? It FELT real, but that didn't necessarily mean it was either.

"It would be like losing Wendy all over again," HAH! He DID love Wendy... maybe it just took him all these years to figure it out. Had he been staying in his own little world, collecting guilt and depression, knowing that Wendy had chosen to grow up with out him instead of staying young forever? A sudden wave of saddness washed over me, and it wasn't my own. It felt different, but somehow the same; depression anyway I looked at it. Was he trapped in his own little world of self loathing for something he really couldn't control? Would I be doing him a favor by ending his life instead of letting him suffer?

"Only this time, it'd be worse, 'cuz I know now what I missed out on back then." He was lonely, I could feel it; I could sympathize with it. Being inside Peter's head, weird fantasy dream or not, wasn't what I thought it would be. There weren't random flashes of planned battle scenes. There weren't any weird emotions that I couldn't name. Oddest of all, his mind, somehow didn't feel cluttered, like a child's mind normally is. It's as if the growing process had begun to take hold of Peter's mind. The sorrow and loneliness Peter was never supposed to feel as "The Boy Who Would Never Grow Up", was slowly turning his mind into one that belonged solely to a man. Not only a man, but an old man, a young boy who had seen things way before his time; an old man who was introduced to heart break prematurely.

"I wonder if she already wants to leave. What would I do? What could I do, if she... if she left? How could I possibly stop her?" Again, I could feel the loneliness overwhelm me. Peter had friends, but after Wendy, he was left looking to find something to fill the void in his heart. And let's face it, as a guy who is said to wear tights (he doesn't by the way... just leaves and torn up, older-than-sin trousers), he's not gay and the lost boys just couldn't cut it. First he had always been looking for a mother who cared, but after meeting Wendy, he was forced to see that there were other women that could love him too, and in a different way then a mother would. He wasn't lonely for friendship, he was aching for something more than friendship, at the age of twelve or thirteen. He felt he was missing out on something, that at his extended age of youth, should still have cooties and completely disgust him; but we didn't.

"I could tie her to a tree and never let her go... I could have her be my prisoner... but then she wouldn't love me. She wouldn't be free... even if I TOLD her to love me; forced her to tell me she did, even when she didn't; it wouldn't be the same as... as..." It wouldn't be the same as free, unconditional love; but Peter wouldn't know that... and somehow, I didn't really either. All the same, Peter's mind ramble made me giggle, even if it was a silent, not even whispery in HIS head, kind of a laugh. I was thinking all the while, "Nice, Peter. Reeeaaaal, nice. Tie me to a tree; how romantic. Tie me to that tree and just wait and see how much I love you... and just IMAGINE how much I'd loooove to express myself on that topic..."- Okay, so maybe he was still a twelve-year-old boy in body AND mind.

Suddenly I was watching Tonya and myself make up, and oddly enough, I felt utterly confused. "Weren't they just shouting at each other? How do they go from shouting to hugging in less than five minutes?... Girls..." I then proceeded to shrug off my confusion.

"Tell me about your pranks, Jessie," My voice, his voice, was actually resounding outside of my-- er, his head for once, and it was something odd to experience, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I had been hearing his thoughts for so long, that I forgot that he wasn't mute, and could actually verbally communicate and get his point across... even if everything was jumbled up inside his head. "Tell me about how clever you are. Brag to me like I would brag to Wendy about my feats. Take responsibility and pride in what you've done so far."

Wow, I didn't realize guys thought that much! I mean, in general, they don't SAY anywhere near that much... So I'm dumb and assumed that just because they didn't SAY that much, meant that they didn't THINK that much either... Peculiar, a boy's mind.

I listened to myself drone on about my attempts to break Daisy's spirit. I watched myself smiling at Peter. At the time I was loving his undivided attention; his eyes boring into mine, as he had puzzled through my logic. Now I was in his shoes and the feeling, as I could tell, was almost mutual. HE was loving MY attention; seemingly almost wanting to drown in it. It was weird, I have to admit, to start feeling attracted to myself, even if I was viewing life through Peter's eyes. "Yes, she really is amazing. Jessie would be a great addition to the Lost Boys. Imagine, Peter, all the possible pranks and stunts you could pull together against... against..."

Against who, Peter? Who would we pull pranks on? Each other? Your worst enemy?

Not only are you lonely here, but you're also bored. Bored out of your mind, aren't you Peter? Nothing exciting has happened to you here, in Never Land, since Hook passed on. Nothing was worth living for. You're adventure was running dry. Your life is going nowhere but down, like the Never Land. Were you waiting for someone to save you from your boredom? Were you waiting for someone to resurrect Hook as much as you were looking for someone to love?

"She stopped mid-sentence..." I saw Okami land on my shoulder, so I knew what was going through my mind, even if Peter didn't; but I hadn't realized at the time that I had stopped mid-sentence. "Her smile is gone... She looks almost horrified... I wonder what's wrong-How does one go about asking that anyhow?"

Brilliant. Peter could read me like an open book. If he knew something was up from the get-go, he was sure to be closer at hand than Okami and I had thought.

"Peter?" I saw myself cringe. Jeepers, I was going to have to watch my body language!

"Guess I don't have to ask... Maybe she'll just end up telling me on her own. I wonder if I look worried about her. Maybe I should tone down my expressions. I don't want her to know that I'm thinking about her all the time." "Yah?" "Play it cool, Peter. Play it cool..."

"I really have to pee."

"Heh." Peter and I both really wanted to hit our... er his head right then. Maybe even mine, too. I could feel it. But he resisted. "Girls sure are weird... all that emotion for a bathroom break?"

"If you go around the back of the tree house you'll find this really big bush, you can use that right?"

Well, that would explain the twisted smile...

I saw myself nod expressionlessly. "Have any tp?"

"Tp?" "What the heck is TP?!"

"You know, toilet paper?"

"Oh." "Now I feel dumb... Who wants to use that stuff anyway? Leaves are better... much softer and..." Oh, God, just what I wanted to hear from the man of my dreams; his toilet traumas... I swear! What the heck was my world coming to?

"Jacob." Peter's mental voice seemed to be snarling. Oooh, this is when Tonya's Lost Boy had thrown me the toilet paper and smiled! Peter was jeeeeealous! "Stuuupid git! Now I feel even MORE stupid..."

Peter wasn't even paying attention when I left. He was too caught up in his hurt pride. "Toilet paper. Pfff. Toilet Paper. What kind of man knows that TP stands for Toilet paper... Boy... I mean boy! What kind of BOY knows what TP stands for?...Holy crap."

Peter's mind worked in circles... I was beginning to see it already. No wonder he could defeat adults... the way his brain worked, if you didn't get confused, you'd have to be as mental as he was... "Jacob is growing up! He's going to leave me. LOOK at how close he is that that girl... uhhh, what's her name... I know she's one of Jessie's friends... uhhh... crap."

Niiiiice, Peter. Real nice. That's almost as good as tying me to a tree... Sheesh, how forgetful can a guy get? I mean I mentioned her name like fifty times at least during each of my little spiels. Had I been able to move either his or my own head, it would have been shaking, but as it was nothing happened my way.

"What's your name again?"

"Tonya." Her voice was cold. "How can you keep forgetting?"

"How can you keep remembering?! Gosh, who ever came up with the idea for names, was insane. I know!" I felt a surge of pride well up in the pit of my stomach. "How about I call you number two?"

"Number two?"

"Yeah, I mean it's obvious that I will never remember your name... so I'll call you number two."

"I got that," She said slowly. "What I don't get is why the number two? Why not number one?"

"Because," - "She fell for it! Haha!" Peter sure was pigheaded. "I am number one!"

I wanted to roll my eyes so bad, but being inside Peter's head, I obviously couldn't. Luckily, Tonya did me the honors of doing so. Unfortunately the good feeling didn't last long considering Peter was oblivious to it all.

Sudden boredom swept over me as Peter looked around. "I'm bored."

"Let's do more sword fighting!" Gary cheered, raising his wooden sword. I wasn't sure how I knew it was Gary, but I assumed that was Peter's brain functioning and not mine... then again, how he remembered Gary's name and not Tonya's was still a mystery...

Another lost boy jumped up, Andy, and grabbed his overly large twig of a sword, "Yeah! I'm all for a bit of action!"

"Guys..." the shortest of the group complained, but nobody heard him.

"Yeah!" Peter cheered. Fighting! That sounds like fun! We could fight Indians... "Here's the plan guys..."

And so, I as Peter, walked around for about an hour and a half, looking for Indians... They were about the only ones left around here... and apparently, there were so few of them that they were extremely hard to find.

"Peter!" Shorty cried out, for seemingly the third time.

"What?" I yelled back.

"I'm tired of this! You said this would be fun! But it isn't!" Shorty had stopped walking and was standing where he stood, pouting away, full blown temper tantrum syndrome just beginning to kick in. "I'm hungry and I want to go back home! NOW!"

I felt my eyes narrow and my own anger flare up. "It's not MY fault YOU can't find the fricking Indians, now is it?" Peter demanded.

"Oh yeah?" Shorty demanded. "Whose idea was it to come out here in the first place?"

"It wasn't MINE!" Peter snapped. "Gary wanted to fight."

"Don't blame ME!" Gary jumped in, sword raised. "I haven't seen EITHER of you spot an Indian! And besides! If Peter hadn't killed Hook, we could be fighting PIRATE butt right now... NOT standing here getting eaten alive by mosquitoes!"

"OH YEAH?" I was swept away again by that feeling I had experienced when Daisy had told me exactly what I had needed. I was ready to kill. My grasp on my metal sword tightened and my heart began to pound, forcing adrenaline-laced blood to roar past my ears.

I could barely hear my own battle cry, "I'LL GIVE YOU PIRATE ASS! FIGHT THIS!"

I clenched my right hand into a fist and threw it at Gary's face as hard as I could. Luckily for him, he ducked. Unfortunately, for Jacob, who had been standing behind him, my fist made contact with his left eye.

"God damn it!" Jacob gasped. "Peter! You-"

I felt a sharp pain in my lower leg. Glancing down, Peter realized at the same time that I did, that Jacob had kicked him hard enough in the shin to draw blood. "JACOB!" we growled in unison, although only Peter's voice was heard.

Peter wound up for another punch, restricting his anger as to not actually kill his Lost Boys, refusing to use his sword. I could feel his muscles tense, and as he released his fury at Jacob, I felt them contract. Impact was satisfying... until I heard Andy cry out in pain, but even that couldn't suppress the endorphines now flitting through my veins.

Before I knew it, I was getting pounded on by half of my Lost Boys, the others were on my side, good ol' Johnny, Jimmy and Joey. Had I not hit Jacob, he'd be on my side too... stuuupiid Gary. At some point, I had lost my sword, and was throwing punches with both fists. Jimmy had lost three teeth total, but he was still kicking like the dickens, so we fought on.

"Peter!" Someone was calling my name, but I couldn't tell whose it was. As high as it was, it could have only been Shorty's, so I ignored it.

"Peter!" The voice continued to shout.

"Jacob! Peter!" It only seemed to know our two names, mine and Jacob's.

"THAT'S IT!" I felt someone tug on my hair like no other before.

Jacob's cry out beat mine though, as someone yanked on his ear. "OOOUCH! Mother-"

"Watch you're mouth." Tonya's voice was as cold as ice. "I said enough was enough and I meant it. One more punch and I'm going to give every single one of you a sex change right here and now. Is that clear?"

I heard Shorty whimper, but otherwise there was silence as we all pulled basketball crotch blocks. "Good."

My hair was released as was Jacob's ear. "Where's Jess?"

Jessica. The name, my name, it flooded my memory as it did Peter's. I was Jessica, not Peter. I was simply watching what had happened earlier through Peter's eyes. I felt nauseous.

Tonya jabbed Peter in the stomach and repeated, "Where is Jessica?"

Tonya's tiny, girly punch, seemed to have been the end of Peter's fighting, he turned his head and I felt it as he blow chunks all over Gary who had been on the ground, cradling a bruised arm.

"Gross!" Gary cried, standing up in a panic, this morning eggs dangling from his hair.

"I bet she's at home, wondering where the rest of us are. I bet you she's scared, Peter," Jacob's voice was taunting, and only caused Peter to give a dry heave conceived by pure panic.

"We can't go anywhere if Peter doesn't stop throwing up." Shorty picked up on the taunt, now carrying the burning torch.

"Why you little..." My vision heightened as Peter straightened his back, I saw Shorty shrink back in fear. "Let's head back towards the tree house."

Peter seemed to know exactly where he was, because he found the tree house easily. They had all been wondering for at least an hour, but after the fight, it had taken him less than twenty minutes to get them all back. The first thing he did was run to check the inside. "Jessie?"

It felt weird to fell my, er- his lips, say my name. "Jessie, are you here?"

"Peter!" Jimmy's voice called from outside. "Peter! You'd better come see this!"

Peter dashed outside and our eyes locked on my mud note at the same instant.

"I can't tell what it says!" Shorty complained.

Peter on the other hand, could read it perfectly well, which, for some reason threw me. Peter, he read silently. I'm begging you to forgive me, but I had to leave to save Tink and Okami. I have to betray you to save them, BUT please, please don't take your new found hatred of me out on them. I can't blame you for hating me, but if you hurt them, I'll have to beat Hook to you so I can beat you up for it. You hear me? Well, I'd better go, DO NOT FOLLOW ME. Jessie .heart.

Suddenly, my vision blurred. She left me ? God, at that moment, no matter how hard it had been at home, I wished that I had never come to the Never Land. Where did she go? What makes her feel that she could ever truly betray me? I don't... I don't understand.

I felt a part of me die as Peter re-read the note I had left him. I knew he knew, without having to hear his thoughts. I knew that he knew I was going to bring back his worst enemy. I knew he knew.

"Peter? Peter, what's wrong?" Jacob asked him.

"You guys remember where we buried Hook's body?" He asked slowly.

Peter didn't have to look up from my note for me to see all the Lost Boy's shake their heads. "We've got to beat Jessica there if we don't want to die..."

I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to close my mind from his stream of thoughts. I wanted to close my heart to his suffering. And all of a sudden, my wish was granted, and I was left alone, with only his tears still streaming down my face. It felt so lonely, so cold, to be the only one in my head anymore.

Opening my eyes, I saw a concerned Okami staring at me. It was then that I realized that the tears on my face were my own, and no matter how much I wanted to close my heart to Peter's pain, it was physically impossible, because we both carried the same heart break.

Author's Notes: I'm sorry guys, I was struggling with some MAJOR writer's block there, and I know it shows. I'm sorry it took so long and that this chapter sucks so bad. Thanks for sticking with me tho, and reading this far. You guys really are amazing.