I sat alone in the dark, desolate abandoned house that I had come to know as my home. Small clicking noises came from the hand held game that I held in my hands as I sat against the arm of the couch, a guitar solo wafting through the ear buds that were hidden beneath my dirty blonde hair.
I watched as my character sliced her way through another opponent, not really paying much attention to the game. Dark circles laced my tired eyes as I stared at the screen with a blank expression.
The television played to my left, turned just enough for me to get another glimpse of the bloody excursion that had taken place after my two best friends' latest heist. One, my own brother, had been found in a church that he'd crashed his truck into; the notebook that had taken his life had perished in the fire with him.
The other, who I'd been considerably closer to, had been shot to death after provoking the policeman who'd chased him after misleading them from the reporter Takada and my brother. I missed them both terribly. I didn't know what to do without them.
The song Where'd You Go by Fort Minor made its way into my hazed mind. My heart sunk as I saw his face flash onto the television set again, all bloody and lifeless. I couldn't take it and began to weep for the umpteenth time today. I'd lost everything and everyone dear to me. What was I to do?
I wasn't some kind of super genius like Matt and Mello. I wasn't great with computers or math or anything like that. I was very great at organizing heists and all, but what good was that without them to pull them off? What good am I without them?
I hugged myself close as the hand held game clacked its way to the floor. I couldn't go to the unmarked graves of my loved ones. The police got a tip that the duo had a third accomplice and, me being that person, couldn't risk it. Everything they've done would go to waste if I'd gotten captured.
I stood, ignoring the GAME OVER sign taunting me from the floor and walked into the room that I shared with Matt. A few of his belongings were strewn around the room. I climbed into the cold bed and hugged his pillow, rubbing my stomach affectionately, proof of my love for Matt blooming there. I fell asleep to the heart wrenching song, knowing that nothing would be the same again.
Three years later, I sat in my fairly new house, watching my son playing with the leggos' that I had bought him for his third birthday. I smiled at him. He was the spitting image of his father, red hair and all.
"Mark! Its time for lunch!" He perked up at my voice and stood up, running into the compact kitchen as fast as he could. He giggled when I scooped him up, tossing him into the air a little before catching him again and hugging him to me.
I sat him in his high chair and began to feed him his vegetables. He loved them, unlike his father. He got that from me at least.
The fact that he reminded me so much of his father made my heart hurt, but in a good way. I wiped a bit of food off of his face and poked his nose, causing him to giggle at me.
"Mommy! I'm supposed to eat it! Not smell it!" I smiled down at him and kissed his nose.
"Oh, is that so? Well, then! You sure showed me! How about after lunch, we go visit Daddy and uncle Mello, hm?" The Kira case had finally been closed. They'd never found me so I was able to go to his resting place.
Mark's eyes lit up in a way nothing else could. He started clapping his hands and squealing in delight. It almost brought tears to my eyes, but I smiled through it.
I finished feeding him and got his clothes changed into a pair of khaki shorts and a black and white short sleeved striped shirt.
I wore a black, knee length skirt, a light blue blouse, a thin gray jacket. I pulled my now long hair back into a loose ponytail and slipped on my gray flats, making sure my son's tennis shoes were tied and his jacket was zipped up.
"Okay! Let's go see Daddy!" Mark cooed happily from his perch on my shoulders, gripping pieces of my hair to hold himself steady as I held his knees with my nimble fingers.
The walked to the cemetery was short, seeing as I'd bought the house close by. I just wanted to be near him in anyway possible.
We walked past a few graves, past tomb stones and flowers, all the way back to unmarked grave after unmarked grave. Just by the tree line sat two lone graves, both sporting new flowers; I never let any old ones sit there for long. Small wooden crosses sat above each one, the only things around besides the flowers.
I set Mark down and he immediately sat between both of the graves, tracing his little hands over both. "Hi, Daddy! Hi, Uncle Mello! I hope you guys are having fun where ever you are! Me and Mommy are having so much fun! Oh! And Mommy got me the coolest toys for my birfday!"
I smiled lightly. Mark was good at speaking, but he could never quite get that one word yet. I watched my world talk to two people he'd never met before like it was a normal ordeal. My heart pounding, the same wishing that I had been the one driving that car instead of Matt, but then, I wouldn't have Mark. I would never regret my son as long as I lived.
"We miss you a lot, Daddy and Uncle Mello! Mommy says that I'll get to meet you both one day. And Daddy, Mommy really, really misses you. She cries every night about how much she wishes you were here. So, I hope we both see you soon Daddy! I love you!"
Tears prickled their way into my vision and I began to weep. My leg went numb so I crouched and held my knees to me as I cried. Mark had stopped talking to the graves and walked back over to me.
"Mommy? What's wrong, Mommy?" My head hurt. My body hurt. My heart hurt. I had to stop, though. I was worrying Mark. I wiped my eyes, and smiled past the tears to him.
"Nothing's wrong, Sweetie. Mommy just got something in her eye. Say, how about we go to that playground just a little ways away from our house? How does that sound, Mark?"
His green eyes still showed concern, but he nodded as I took his hand and took him out of the cemetery. "Mommy?" I looked down at him, smiling as I watched him kick a rock.
"Yes, Honey?" He was quiet until we got to the playground. I wondered what was going on in my three year olds' head before he spoke again.
"Until we see Daddy again, I'll protect you. So, please don't cry anymore." I smiled adoringly at him and picked him up as I sat down on a bench and hugged him close.
"I won't, Mark. Thank you, for being such a good boy. I love you so much." I nuzzled my nose with his and set him down. "now, go play, but be careful okay?" He grinned, nodding at me and ran to play with a couple of other kids on the swings.
I watched him play, my mind wondering back to the days where thing started happening between Matt and I. I watched over my son, just as I knew Matt was watching over us. And I knew from that moment, things would never be the same.