A/N: Brandel's Reach is an island.

Also, when Fenris is thinking, its in Tevinter...only I'm translating it because, why the hell not. And Fenris swears a lot. Particularly in his head.

Fenris woke up late, but didn't get out of bed. It was warm under the blankets, and he could tell that it was cold everywhere else. Cold by his standards, at least. Nero understands that; at least someone does.

He scowled. Every damned night, as he was falling asleep, he thought of the other man, and his thoughts always returned to him when he woke up. It was annoying. Clearly they were not getting back together, if they were it would have happened by now. Three years is a long time to yearn for someone else, and he was growing tired of it.

But alas, he could not help it. He felt an unexplainable joy when he made Nero smile, or laugh, and worried when Nero was stressed. He hadn't moved out when Nero moved back in, like he had told himself he would. He couldn't. He assured himself it was because he had nowhere else to go, but he knew it was because he missed Nero's presence in the house. And now that Nero was back...

He grabbed the pillow beside his and covered his face with an angry sigh. What were they doing? They flirted, they teased each other, they didn't avoid each other as often anymore. They even had sex every few months. What did it mean?

Maybe Nero is sleeping with me because he's horny, and that's all it is.

Maybe if I stayed some night and didn't leave before morning, I could find out.

Ugh, I'll never do that. What if he told me to leave? I'm pathetic.

But wasn't this the problem before? We were together but we never clarified anything? It's been a year and a half, maybe it's time to talk about it.

But what if he doesn't want what I want? What if this is as good as I can get?

I shouldn't push it, I could ruin even this tiny shred of hope I have, then what would I do?

Completely lose my shit, probably.

He tossed the pillow covering his face off the bed, and sighed loudly. He was tormenting himself, why did he keep sleeping with Nero when they avoided each other like the plague for weeks afterwords? Why would he do that to himself? Because, you love it when it happens, you idiot. Wasn't that the worst part? He was always a mess afterwords; unsure what to say, what to do. He could never decide if he wanted to go tell Nero what it meant to him, or if he wanted to end it altogether. And every time he convinced himself that it was a good thing, that this was the time he would stay, or ask Nero to stay, and everything would go back to how it was those short months three years ago. Before...

Fuck Arsenio, fuck Hadriana, fuck Esperance, and, why not, fuck Hawke. Fuck me. I'm an idiot. I'm a self-centered, angry, bastard. Fuck Denarius, how dare you do this to me. You're ruining my life even now, you cocksucker.

He sighed.

It's my fault, I just wish I knew how to act. Do other people know what to do? Should I ask for advice? I'll probably become the butt of jokes if I did that, best to trust my own instincts. If only my instincts made sense. I shouldn't say anything, ever. I should end it before it begins next time. I'm not capable of having a relationship, look at the pathetic mess I've made out of the only one I've been in? I'm too ignorant and lost...how could I provide for him if I'm too busy obsessing over what I'm suppose to be doing?

And so the tirade of self-hatred began, as it did every morning. Although it usually started after he had gotten out of bed. He laughed sadly to himself, this was such a routine, it was almost comical. Except for the part where it hurt like the void.

He stood up and shivered in the chill, which wasn't as bad as he expected, but still there. He grumbled at himself as he headed for the small tub of water, and splashed it on his face, in an effort to wake himself up. He shivered again as it dripped down his chest and stomach, to soak into his pants. With a sigh he dunked his hands back in the water and ran his fingers through his hair, so that it wouldn't stick up in odd places as it always did when he woke up.

He dressed slowly, not sure what he was going to do, but he knew today was going to be one of those days that he couldn't sit in the mansion and stew in his self-loathing. It would drive him mad, and he'd probably break something. Maybe Hawke would have a job he could do, or maybe he could visit Donnic, or Sebastian. He grimaced, not Sebastian then. He was a smart man, and Fenris enjoyed their debates and conversations, but sometimes Sebastian's faith was...overwhelming. And he wasn't in the mood for it today.

As he was heading out the door he remembered that Donnic was doing day shifts now, so he would be working. Fenris sighed heavily, and headed down the stairs that would take him to Hawke's estate.

Maybe if Hawke has nothing for me I'll go home and read something. I don't think I ever read the Book of Shartan that Hawke gave me...

I thought the whole point was getting out of the house.

Dammit.

Maybe Varric, he's always looking for an excuse not to work. Cards could be fun, for a couple of hours.

I wonder where Isabela is.

In a brothel, a clinic, or a bed, no doubt.

He snorted as he knocked on Hawke's door. He waited a few minutes before knocking again, this time he heard barking and Bodahn yelling at Sandal to quiet the dog down. Then Sandal started barking, which actually made the dog stop, but then Bodahn had to tell Sandal to stop barking. Madness. he smirked.

A few seconds after the noise quieted down Bodahn opened the door, "Messere Fenris, good to see you."

"Is Hawke in?"

"He is, but he's got company. Madam MacDonald has brought her daughter over, and they are having tea. You could wait in the library if you wish, but they may be a while."

Fenris smirked at the idea of Hawke having suitors pushed on him again; everyone had to know his preferences. Gossip spread through Hightown like wildfire. The noblewoman must be ignoring it, and hoping for the best. Poor man.

"I'll come back later." he told the dwarf.

"Thank you, Messere." Bodahn smiled and shut the door quietly.

"Varric it is then." He said to himself as he made his way down the long staircase leading to Lowtown.

He took his time as he trekked through the city, he was in no rush, and if Varric wasn't there then he would have no choice but to go home and read. He used to read in the garden, before Nero moved back in, but even though Nero always started tending the garden fully clothed, he always ended up shirtless, in spite of his scars, and it was very...distracting, to say the least. Nero was a very fit man, and it was...pleasant to watch him sweating and covered in dirt and-

Stop it. You are not some adolescent boy, you have the ability to control yourself.

I might as well be, I sure as fuck feel like one when he's around.

That's because I need to shut the fuck up and think about Varric.

...my logic is stupid...but effective.

Picturing the dwarf stopped him from experiencing an awkward erection in public quite well. He loved the hairy bastard, but not in that way. Dwarves sort of...looked funny. Everything was so short and stumpy...and hairy, they were effectively the complete opposite of elves. Which made whatever relationship that was going on with the dwarf and elf that sent them into the deep roads three years ago after their idiot children strange indeed.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts before entering the bar, surprised that he had made it there so quick considering he was trying to take his time. But then, Denarius was a fast walker, and he didn't want his bodyguard lagging behind so Fenris had learned to walk fast, just as he had learned to wake up alert, eat, sleep and breathe quietly, not speak his opinion, and to hate mages.

He opened the door and allowed a moment for his vision to adjust to the dimness, it was only then that he realized who the gray-haired man with a staff in the corner was. It had been many years since he had last seen the man, he was not so gray then, nor were his wrinkles as pronounced. Time had not been kind to him. He was frozen stiff with terror for a moment, instincts from the last time he had seen this man's face kicking in, telling him he had disobeyed and he was going to be punished. Then he remembered he had been free for almost a decade, and he pulled the blade from his back, rage tinged with a small amount of fear infusing his entire existence. What would happen if he failed to kill this bastard?

Denarius had seen the elf come in, and had stood from his chair when he did. As he approached the elf he saw the fear in his eyes, but only for a moment before the blade was readied and the elf was preparing to swing at him.

Denarius smiled and said, "hold on a moment, my little wolf. I have some information you might wish to know."

"Is this about my supposed sister? Hadriana told me all about her before I crushed her heart." Fenris snarled.

"This is about your friend, I believe they named him Nero?" Denarius said with a satisfied smirk.

Fenris' heart sank, and his posture eased. Not Nero..., "what did you do?" he demanded angrily.

"Nothing yet. Put down your blade, and perhaps I will tell you."

Hesitantly, Fenris lowered the sword, but did not re-sheath it, not yet. Not while this bastard was right in front of him. Denarius smiled at him, which almost made Fenris want to vomit. How did he ever live for that smile?

"You see, my little wolf. I have a deal to make with you. Right now I have some of my best men following this Nero around, prepared to capture him if I do not send word by the time the sun sets. Now, a part of me has considered just taking him, as he is the Archons property, and there is a wealthy reward offered for his return. Much more than the lyrium you hold is worth. But I do miss my little wolf. So I thought to myself, I wonder, what is more important to you. Your freedom, or his?"

...

"Maker's breath, here, is this enough?" Nero said, handing three sovereigns to the Harbormaster.

Liam smiled, "I'll sing like a canary now, what do you want to know?"

"A ship might have left here around noon or a bit after, it was possibly Tevinter, do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Aye, I thought it was ballsy bringing a Tevinter ship out here, nobody really likes-"

"Do you know exactly when they left and where they were going?" Nero demanded impatiently, practically bouncing on his feet in his eagerness to go.

"Well I told the Captain of the ship that they really shouldn't be leaving as I've heard word that there is a storm coming down from Hercinia. They say its going right along the coast, and traveling between Ostwick and Brandel's Reach is tricky at best, outright dangerous in a storm. Captain said it was fine, he'd just head to Ostwick and wait out the storm, apparently whoever was paying him was in a hurry-"

"If a dwarf comes through here and asks if you've seen me, tell him where I'm going, would you?" he turned to leave when Liam laid a hand on his shoulder.

The harbormaster smirked, "well, I'll need some more coin for that."

Nero sighed, "look, I promise you he will be able to pay you, just tell him that you know so he does. If he doesn't...tell him anyway and demand payment from Garrett Hawke, he'll pay you."

"Sounds tricky-"

"If you don't I'll tell the guard that you harbored a slaver ship, because that's what it was, so will you do it?" he said in a rush.

Liam sighed, "I suppose. Just don't tell nobody-"

But Nero was already running to the east entrance to Kirkwall. When he got outside of the city walls he banged on the door to the stables, but nobody answered. He waited a few seconds before glancing across the street at a tavern, where horses were tied outside, while their masters drank within.

"Aw, shit." he muttered before trotting over quietly.

He approached the horses, silently thanking the powers that be for Krispen, one of his creator's, having a fancy for hunting and demanding that he be brought along for protection and because he figured that the Archon might want the same thing. Esperance, of course, had protested, saying it was dangerous or whatnot, but Krispen insisted. Nero had liked Krispen the best, he treated Nero the most like a human...a slave, but still a human.

But even though it wouldn't be his first time on a horse, it had still been years since he had been on one. The last time had been just after he escaped Esperance, he had stolen one of their horses and ran as far and as fast as he could. But eventually he had to sell the horse for food. He approached the closest horse to him, a black stallion with one white hoof. It eyed him warily, and he slowly reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. The horse's skin twitched but otherwise he did not move. Nero got closer and trailed his hand along the horses neck, till he was touching the bridal. Then, with one hand, he untied the bridal from the post and placed a hand on the horses chest, urging him to back up.

It snorted but did as he asked, and, hoping that the horse hadn't been ridden too hard that day, he hopped up into the saddle. The horse didn't seem to care, which was good, he didn't particularly feel like getting thrown off of the beast. It was either very well trained, or just seemed to like him, as he barely had to touch his heels behind the horses elbows for it to move forward.

As much as he wanted to get the beast to run, right now, he knew that he had to work up to it. So they started at a slow pace into the woods, onto a small path. The same one that Nero had used the first time he had gotten into Kirkwall. Absentmindedly he realized that he hadn't bothered adjusting the straps of the stirrups, but was pleased to find that whoever owned this horse seemed to be the same height as him.

When he figured he had been walking for an hour he urged the horse into a trot, which almost threw him off, he forgot how...bumpy this part was, and he was already sore from sitting in the saddle for so long. He waited as long as he could handle before he got the horse to run. He had it running through most of the night, only stopping once by a stream so the horse, and he, could drink. His stomach grumbled and he suddenly remembered that he hadn't eaten since that morning. He was so hungry he almost felt like gagging, which was just stupid, but there was nothing edible around..well, nothing edible for a human. The horse seemed pleased with the grass. Bastard.

With a sigh he jumped back into the saddle and was running again for several hours, before the horse began to tire. He frowned, irritated, but sympathetic. Then an idea struck him, what if...deciding to give it a shot he felt along the river for the opening to the horses stream, when he found it he pushed it open, increasing the amount flowing into the animal. Then he pushed as much of the flow into the horse as he could.

He smiled with satisfaction when the horse's pace quickened.