FEARS
Hannibal closed his eyes for a moment, obviously irritated.
"Logan is heading in this direction," he knitted his brow before continuing, "and I believe he is carrying my son, though I have no idea why it is something my wife would allow."
Though the comment surprised him, Barney reassured, "Well…she might know something about him we don't. He did say he's good with kids."
Noticeably exasperated, Hannibal gripped the arms of the chair and began to almost imperceptibly twist the chair from side to side, as if the action might in some way restrain his irritation. He spoke very quietly as he considered the reason for his upset.
"It is curious that I am so disturbed by this situation. I have willingly and with great confidence placed my life in Logan's hands on two different occasions, however, placing my son in his hands appears to be another matter entirely."
Understanding fully, Barney agreed, "Well, he's a hell of a sniper, but, as a caretaker for a newborn I don't think he'd be my first choice either. Do you really think Clarice told him to bring you the baby?"
"She is interested in the viewing the documentary, though it seems unlikely she would choose television programming over her child."
Barney continued, "She's so protective of the little guy it seems incredibly out of character."
"That was my initial concern though Clarice is approaching very quickly and from the urgency of her pace I believe Logan removed the child surreptitiously from the crib."
This thought hadn't occurred to Barney. After all, who would walk into a child's room without parental permission and remove a baby from his crib? It seemed a stretch, even for Logan. Incredulous, Barney watched Hannibal for a cue. Though his words signaled emotional disturbance, the brilliant man's bearing and facial expression remained neutral.
Barney furthered the dialogue with two words.
"You think?"
Still appearing impassive, Hannibal explained, "That is my thought. We would be prudent to prepare for an aggressive response. I don't believe Logan has had much experience with an overtly protective and particularly hormonal new mother. Especially not one such as my Clarice."
Still appalled by the suggestion that Logan might actually have taken the baby without permission, Barney smoothed a large, work roughened palm over his mouth as he emphasized, "If he took the baby out of his crib, Clarice's gonna kick his ass!"
As a perceptive grin slowly crossed his face Hannibal visibly relaxed. Leaning back in his chair he prepared for the show he knew was about to occur. His voice lost the sharpened edge as his stance on the issue shifted from irritation to curiosity.
Hannibal's expression had slowly evolved from a flat affect to a wry smile as the gratified husband beamed with pride.
"Yes, I do believe my lioness is about to roar."
Barney hooked an index finger in the collar of his shirt, loosening the tightness he perceived.
"Is it getting hot in here or is it me?"
Hannibal's head inclined slightly as he reflected, amused not only by the rhetorical question as he watched the door, but also preparing for fireworks as Logan bounced innocently into the room with the baby in his arms.
Logan's relaxed demeanor made it clear he was oblivious to the gravity of the circumstance to which he had unknowingly exposed himself. His heart might have been racing had he been aware that because of his well-meaning but impetuous act, an irate new mother was closely in pursuit.
"Hey guys! Look who's up from his nap," Logan exalted as he gently cradled the baby in his massive arms going so far as to tilt him forward to display the child's calm demeanor in his presence. As Logan illustrated the baby's comfort with him, he pronounced gleefully, "See, Barney, I told you he'd love me!"
Barney shook his head and warned indirectly, "Hey, Genius, does Clarice know you have her baby?"
"No. Why? I was in the dining room getting more food when I heard the little guy gooing over the intercom so I ran up the stairs and just picked him up."
Clearly appalled, Hannibal protested, "Gooing? My son does not goo."
Logan stood, dumbstruck. He was taken aback by the reactions and was ill-prepared to respond.
"Well…he was making baby noises…what do you call it?"
"I call it what it is called, Logan. My son was vocalizing. It is the first stage of language acquisition."
Barney shook his head at Logan's comment and slapping both hands on his thighs he chuckled his response, "Gooing…priceless."
Suddenly, irate, Clarice burst into the room.
"Logan! What the fu…"
Having been prepared for the onslaught of profanity he was certain would follow, Hannibal quickly interrupted. "Clarice..."
Clearly horrified, Clarice approached Hannibal's desk pounded her fist on it, pointed back at Logan and thrusting her hand repeatedly in his direction as if stabbing the man with the rhythm of each word confronted through gritted teeth, "He…took…the…baby…out of…his…crib…H!"
Satisfied Clarice had not sanctioned Logan's bonding efforts and more than a little impressed with her audacity, Hannibal sought to comfort his wife.
"My Love, initially I was upset as well, however, let us put this in perspective. Logan was merely showing his affection for our son. Let us not forget, if not for his efforts on my behalf, we would not be having this conversation. He has proven he is trustworthy and it isn't as if he walked out the front door with him."
Clarice stood in front of Hannibal literally shaking with anger.
"Don't you think I'm not considering that? It's the only reason Pretty Boy here's still breathing right now."
Seeing the intensity of her rage, Logan backed away from her, visibly shaken.
"What's going on?" he questioned, desperately confused.
Barney explained bluntly, "You babynapped Hannibal, Dumbass. You're toast."
Logan, absolutely clueless, stood in the center of the room turning his entire body from side to side in search of an ally.
"What? What? I didn't babynap him he's right here! What's going on?"
Barney lowered his head and covered his mouth to muffle his laughter, clearly amused but not foolish enough to comment and risk Clarice's wrath.
Hannibal offered, "If you don't want Logan holding the baby, you are the boy's mother, Clarice. You need no one's permission to take your child."
Ardelia burst into the room.
"Hey, the show's back on…what's going on? Why am I alone in there?" she noticed Logan holding the baby, "Hey, wait a minute…what the heck are you doing with the baby."
Clarice slipped her hands under her son and carefully lifted him from Logan's arms.
"I just wanted to hold the baby…Geesh, you all act like I stuffed him in a duffle bag and snuck out the back door with him."
Ardelia grabbed Logan by the arm and tugged him, urging, "You wanted to watch the documentary, come on and watch it!"
Logan lowered his head, obviously dejected as he muttered, "I just wanted all the guys to hang out, Little Dude included. It's a special occasion. Look! I brought a gift in the baby's honor."
Logan reached into his pocket and pulled a small box, about the size of two decks of cards set end to end. He handed it to Hannibal.
"What's this?" Hannibal inquired as he turned the package over in his hand.
"It's a gift, in honor of your son. A man's first born son…it's a big deal."
Hannibal was clearly uncomfortable.
Clarice, seeing his hesitation urged, "Hannibal Lecter, open your gift."
Looking down, he hooked his finger between the tape and the folded corner of the wrapping paper and pulled, releasing the hold. Carefully unwrapping the paper, Hannibal withdrew the object from the paper, opened the box and removed a silver case.
Logan explained excitedly, "It's from 1894. It's real sterling silver. You can see the maker's mark on the back. I had the guy at the store look it up for me, Webster was the maker."
Clarice leaned forward.
"What is it, H?"
"It's an antique cigar case, Clarice. Very ornately carved with our son's birthdate engraved on the back." Hannibal addressed Logan, obviously touched by the gesture.
"Come on, Hannibal…open it." Logan encouraged.
Hannibal slid the sections apart. Within the case, three cigars each with a blue band marked, IT'S A BOY!"
Staring at the gift, Hannibal was momentarily without words.
Eagerly, Logan explained, "It's tradition to share a cigar with your friends after a baby's born. Three cigars…three friends."
Three friends…
"It's an exceptional gift, my friend. Thank you."
Blushing, Logan replied, "It's nothing…just a token of my friendship, that's all."
Surprised at the thoughtfulness of the act, Barney joined, "No, Logan…really. That was very classy gesture. Well done."
Hannibal looked to his wife.
"Clarice? My friends and I would like to share a celebratory cigar in honor of the birth of our son, would that be acceptable?"
Smiling, Clarice conceded, "Sure, H…wait 'til we take the baby in the other room. Just close the door and open a window."
"Thank you, Clarice."
Logan scooted behind Ardelia, quickly ushering her out of the room, obviously thrilled to be included in the male bonding ritual he himself initiated.
Ardelia kissed his cheek, smiling at his eagerness.
Logan whispered "Dee! He's letting me stay!"
Whispering in return, Ardelia responded, "Yes, he is. Pretty cool isn't it?"
Logan nodded, his voice barely containing his elation, "Dude…totally."
Clarice joined, "That was a good thing you did, Logan. I know it means a lot to Hannibal."
Logan leaned out of the room, "You think so?"
"I know so."
Logan looked back toward the room and back to Ardelia and Clarice, giving the women an enthusiastic thumbs-up as he closed the door to join the men.
Laughing, Clarice and Ardelia took the baby down the hall to the family room to watch the remainder of the documentary.
The women sat together on the sofa with Ardelia considering a question as she watched the footage. It nagged at the back of her mind, though she was hesitant to express her concern. She turned her focus momentarily to the men.
Understanding how important Hannibal's friendship was to her boyfriend, Ardelia was happy for Logan and wanted Clarice to know how much Hannibal's acceptance meant to her, even though that wasn't what she wanted to discuss.
"It was really cool of Hannibal to let Logan hang out. I know Barney's his real friend but it means a lot to Logan to be included."
Responding to Ardelia without turning her head from the television, Clarice watched the documentary as she nursed her son.
"Yeah, I'm actually really relieved Hannibal welcomed Logan. I felt a little guilty leaving him out of the loop like that but I try not to force too much on H when it comes to social interaction. He can only take so much of it, then, he's done. If I forced Logan on him, H would be polite, but Logan would sense it. It's much better this way. I have to say, that gift was really thoughtful. I honestly didn't think that jarhead had it in him."
Ardelia agreed, "Logan's been trying a lot harder lately. I think Hannibal is who Logan wants to be when he grows up."
"Trust me when I say that's not such a bad goal." Smiling as if she were privy to inside information she continued, beaming, "If he even comes close, Dee, you'll be thrilled."
Clarice and Ardelia sat, side by side, watching the documentary and enjoying being alone together. Clarice nursed the baby as Ardelia watched the footage, spell-bound.
Ardelia, the thought still gnawing away at the back of her mind, questioned, "Clarice?"
Concentrating on the footage and oblivious to her friend's concern, Clarice returned, "Yeah, Dee?"
Just ask her, damn it!
"Okay, don't get pissed off, but, during the filming there are times Hannibal is a little scary, like when he found out you changed the photo for the paper."
"What? Scary? He was just standing there. He didn't even raise his voice."
"Yeah, but he was standing there so freaking still."
"Yeah, so? He was upset…he's my husband. He's bound to get mad at me once in a while. Married couples fight. We're no different than any other couple."
"I suppose so…"
The baby finished nursing, so Clarice lifted him to her shoulder and began to rub his back. She turned to Ardelia and questioned with an irritated tone, "Why do I get the feeling you're not saying everything you're thinking?"
Immediately perceiving her friend's displeasure, Ardelia hedged, "Never mind. I don't want to upset you."
Clarice pursued, "Dee, since when are there things you can't say to me? I love H, but I'm not blind and I'm not so overly sensitive that I'm going to get upset if you have an opinion. It's the fact that you're beating around the bush that's upsetting. Hell, if you've got something to say just freaking say it."
"I'm just checking in, okay? I want to make sure everything's good for you. I mean… sometimes…when babies are born…things change. I just need to hear from you that everything is okay."
"Dee, he loves me."
"I know…but…if you were ever scared…you'd tell me, right?"
"Really, Dee?" Clarice, recognizing the part of the documentary currently airing, pointed to the television, "Watch this part."
Ardelia and Clarice sat side by side, watching the documentary.
As the cameras rolled, the couple slept soundly with Clarice's head resting on her husband's chest and his arms wrapped securely around her. Soon, the baby began to stir and Clarice immediately rolled away from her husband to get their son, obviously ready for a feeding. Hannibal, feeling her rise reached out and stayed her movement.
Without a sound or word exchanged between them Hannibal sat up in bed, vigorously rubbed his fingers through his hair as if trying to wrest the sleep from his mind, and left the bed. Crossing the room, he lifted his son from the cradle, cuddling his child he rested the baby's cheek against his own as carried his son to Clarice.
Lowering carefully to a knee he carefully placed the baby in his wife's arms, allowing Clarice to gather the baby to her breast. Obviously exhausted, Hannibal crawled across the bed and took his place beside his wife. Settling in bed, he wrapped his arms around his wife and held his family close.
The room was silent until Hannibal, in an attempt to keep Clarice awake as she nursed, whispered his love to her. The sensitive microphones picked up every word of his loving exchange. The scene was all that was seen in the photo from the paper and more. It showed a depth of feeling that shocked even Ardelia.
"Wow, Clarice…wow."
"You see that, Dee? That's why I chose that photo. Because it wasn't staged…that's us…that's H, and that's the problem."
"What's the problem?"
"It's the reason I asked H to do this. You're not the only one who thinks like that."
"What do you mean?"
"You'll see…it's coming up."
After the passage of several minutes, the section of the documentary including Clarice's interview came up. The producer and Clarice were standing in the baby's room as Clarice folded baby clothing. The producer began the interview, asking plainly, "So, Clarice…your husband is fairly famous. Wouldn't you say?"
Clarice was putting baby clothing in the child's armoire. She answered as she worked, "I don't know if famous is the right word. Well, I guess it is. He's very well known."
"Perhaps infamous is more appropriate?"
"Are you attempting to be offensive to get a reaction? If so, sorry to disappoint."
The producer re-grouped.
"It's not that I'm trying to bait you. It's only that…well, we've received a lot of emails and the one question the viewers had, the thing they most want to know is, are you ever afraid?"
Unflappable, Clarice responded very quickly. "I'm no more afraid of H than he is of me."
"Really? You have no fear in relation to your husband?"
"I didn't say that, but, I don't go to sleep every night in the arms of Hannibal the Cannibal, okay? That monster was created and hyped up by the editors of the Tattler because it's easier to say he's scary and he's crazy because he's too complicated for their tiny minds to comprehend."
"You think he's misunderstood?"
"I don't think he is…I know he is. He's my lover, my husband and the father of my son. How could I ever be afraid of that?"
"Are you surprised he agreed to this?"
"No. I knew he would."
"How were you so certain? He seems to be a very private man."
"He's a very private man forced to live a very public life and he's uncomfortable showing this much of us, but I insisted because I want everyone to see the emotional depth of the man. I was certain he'd agree because I asked him and there isn't a thing he would deny me."
"You inferred there's something in connection to your husband that frightens you…what is it, specifically?"
"Contrary to popular opinion, as you've seen staying here with us these last few days, he's not some supernatural dungeon dweller. He's just a man. A brilliant, very gifted man, very loving man, but he's a man just the same. He has wants like any other man and he has needs and feelings and insecurities, just like any other man. You want me to tell you if he frightens me? He does. Every day. I'm scared to death that one day soon...far sooner I'm sure than I'll ever be prepared for, I'll have to kiss him goodbye for the final time and face the rest of my life without him. I honestly don't know how to do that and the thought of it terrifies me. Yeah…I'm afraid…every day of my life. I'm afraid of losing him."
The camera zoomed in on an obviously teary-eyed Clarice, the screen faded to black and the documentary ended.
Ardelia sat, staring ahead at the television.
"Jesus…Clarice…Jesus. I had no idea it was like that… I'm so sorry."
"Me too, Dee…me too."
Until the next chapter my friends,
LH