It was a simple sleep spell.
Diana was still disappointed that she had not attempted it earlier. Then again, she was holding onto that sliver of doubt that her recurring nightmares would stop eventually - that she'd get over whatever it was that kept her anchored in those snippets of time. This spell in particular made it so she would be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. While there was no guarantee that the spell would work in terms of fixing her dreams, she was willing to at least try it, for the sake of her sanity, which she could tell was becoming slightly more unhinged with every restless night. She knew, however, that she ran the risk of trapping herself in another nightmare. It was a risk she was willing to take if she could get her body to rest for its proper eight hours.
Her thoughts kept moving back to Akko. She couldn't stand what she had said to Akko in such a state, and everything she didn't say: things she still didn't know how to say. Akko wanted answers, but the ones she gave only seemed to tear into her heart deeper than the questions, themselves, did. Diana chastised herself for her brutal honesty and for the lack of her usual conversational grace - a politeness that seemed to fade as time went on, as her thoughts continued to eat her alive.
But Akko had needed to know. It wasn't fair to push her away without explanation. And although it was too much, too heavy for Akko to anticipate or fully contemplate in that quick moment, it had been necessary. As awful as she felt about it, Diana did not regret her choice.
I did what was best.
Perhaps, if Diana repeated the words enough, she would start to believe them.
Diana settled into her bed and held her wand up to eye level, lowering her forehead to the tip, closing her eyes, and muttering the incantation. A small beam of dark blue light emanated from her wand and disappeared into her forehead. Within several seconds, Diana could already feel her eyelids growing heavy and her body relaxing, gently allowing her to drift off to sleep.
It's quiet for once.
She's at her desk again. The candle nearby flickers from the sudden breeze. She hears a creak and turns in her chair.
It's Akko. She's sitting next to her. The feeling of seeing her there - it's familiar.
Staring. Her eyes are focused and unfocused all at once, Diana can recognize her face and can't at the same time. The room flickers around them. Just like the candle, it blurs in and out, trying to focus and still failing. But Akko is unfazed. Akko doesn't move.
She just keeps staring.
Diana doesn't know what to think. So she doesn't think. She reaches a hand out to her, but it's as if Akko stretches just out of her reach.
"Akko," Diana hears herself say, though she doesn't remember wanting to speak. "Are you alright?"
Akko stares. Blinks. Tilts her head with an absent look, like a newborn; seeing everything and knowing nothing. Then after a second, she pauses. Smiles. Nods her head.
"Of course I am, Diana," Akko says, her voice deceptively cheerful - so alarmingly sweet it sends a freezing chill down Diana's spine. "I'm in here, with you. So... of course I'm okay."
"Of course," Diana repeats, she looks down at her desk. It's littered with books and parchment. She opens the large textbook in front of her-
The book emits a blood-curdling screech so loud it rings inside her ears and claws at the inside of her skull. Slamming the book shut, her breath goes in rapid, hands shaking.
That was her voice again, wasn't it?
"Sorry… about that," she hears herself speak.
"About what?" Akko still hasn't moved. Diana swallows, feeling her body go still from the building terror in her gut. Akko's eyes move down at the papers between them, while the rest of her is statue-still. Diana wonders if she's breathing. "Hey… Diana, I wanted to ask you something."
"Yes?" Diana tries to move toward her, but again, Akko remains at the same distance.
"Why am I so important to you?"
"You're my friend, Akko. Why wouldn't you be important to me?"
She laughs, or more so, opens her mouth for a hollow, empty mimicry of a laugh to come out instead.
"No, no, no, you're misunderstanding," Her eyes flick up. "You don't dream about your friends, Diana."
Her smile is too wide, too beatific, too full of teeth. Her eyes are large and empty and deep enough for her to fall into. Diana knows this isn't right, but yet, she can't help believing it all as a reality.
"You dream about me."
"I… " Diana shakes her head. "I can't help what I dream about."
"Are we friends, Diana?" Akko leans in, eyes big and curious and almost mocking in their anticipation. "Or are we… something else?" She smiles sickly again.
"Something else? I- I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean-"
"I don't understand you, Diana!" Akko presses a hand to her lips to stifle another high giggle. "I'm not in any danger now. It's just me and you. Safe. Alone." Akko moves closer to her and Diana attempts to back away now, pushing her back up against her chair, but to no avail, the distance between them suddenly begins to close. "Isn't that what you want?"
"I-"
"Or does the great Diana Cavendish, head of the House of Cavendish, not know what she wants?" Akko feigns a gasp. "Now that's a strange thought!"
Diana finds the strength to stand from her seat. Akko mirrors her with a terrifying quickness.
"Get out."
"C'mon, Diana, what do you want from me?" Akko leans into her and grabs her shoulders. Diana can't look away from those dark red eyes, looking right through her soul. "Sheesh, don't be difficult! Just tell me what you want!"
"I said leave!" Diana loses her temper and pushes Akko away from her. She falls to the floor and the entire room crumples up under her impact, singeing in the corners of Diana's vision like burning paper curling up into ash.
Smoke rises up and Akko is coughing. Coughing. She won't stop. Diana moves toward her and suddenly the room disappears in a sea of smoke and when it fades out, she's in what she recognizes as the hallway of her manor. But, that sound - that coughing - it's still in her ears. She follows it through the maze of twists and turns. It grows closer.
Everything towers over her, much larger than she last remembered it. The coughing is louder as she approaches a specific door. She has to stand on her tiptoes to reach the knob, but she manages to twist it open with her tiny fingers.
"Akko, are you-" Diana starts, but her voice drifts off - soft, weak. Her teddy bear slips out of her hand.
"Mama?"
Her mother is sitting up in her bed, hunched over, almost folding in on herself as she coughs so loudly it reverberates throughout the entire room. It's so much worse today. Much worse than it had been yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, and the day before-
The doctors had said she had another year. They had lied to her. Figures. What did non-magical people like them know anyway?
"Oh no," Diana rushes to her mother's bedside, who takes her hand in her own. "Mama!"
"Diana-" her mother manages to say between fits of coughing. Her hair drapes over her face like a curtain, her foggy blue eyes look through the strands; unfocused, unseeing, "Diana, go find Anna, okay? Please-"
"Not necessary," a voice speaks from behind. As soon as Diana turns around and sees Anna with a few other men in uniform, one of the butlers scoops her up. She screams again - just like that sound from the book - pathetically flailing her arms and legs, trying to wiggle free.
"No!" Diana continues to screech through her tears as she's carried out of the room. The room filled with pitiful sounds of sniffling and sobbing and coughing. The room filled with people she doesn't recognize with masks and white robes. The room where she sees her mother for the last time.
"No, Mama! No! Please!"
This time, her shrilling scream is deafening enough to wake her up.
"Diana?"
"She's shaking…"
Diana's eyes bolted open, but the vivid sunlight coming through the window made her shut them again. Sitting up, she rubbed her wet eyes, and looked to see both Hannah and Barbara at the side of her bed. It was then that she noticed Barbara was holding her hand.
"You were crying in your sleep," Hannah said.
"Diana, are you…?" Barbara's voice trailed off, seeing how swollen Diana's eyes were. "Diana…"
Diana didn't respond. She didn't know what to say. This vulnerability - it was painful. The dreams had always been vulnerable, she knew that. But this one, it had hit her where it truly hurt. It hit hard. It took Diana a moment to process that she was no longer dreaming, looking around the room with a vacant expression.
"Apologies," Diana managed to croak the words out. How many times had she apologized in the last week? There was no point counting. It didn't matter. "I need to get ready."
Diana attempted to get out of bed, but Hannah and Barbara didn't move from their place. Diana looked at them, raising an eyebrow. Hannah looked down at her hands, before back up to Diana, her eyes pleading.
"We're really worried about you."
"When we weren't able to wake you up, we…" Barbara said, pausing and sniffling, biting her lip. "We were so scared."
Diana simply shook her head, not having the energy to find a tactful way to respond to her teammate's concern.
"I used a spell to keep me asleep. I have clearly made a lapse in judgement. I didn't mean to frighten you two. My error entirely," Diana said, motioning for the two of them to move. "Now, if you would please, I have to get ready for class."
Her teammates looked at one another silently, before getting up and stepping aside. As Diana hurriedly disappeared around the bookcase that cut her off from the rest of the room, they exchanged their stares of deep concern without saying a word.
They needed to find a way to help Diana, and soon, whether she wanted it or not.
Class with Finnelan was super boring, as usual, and Akko felt herself dozing off again. Her eyes found the back of Diana's head a couple rows ahead and she sighed, closing them. The last conversation they had was all she could think about. She'd barely gotten any sleep that night and instead, spent it wiggling around in her bed and annoying her teammates with her constant groaning and mumbling.
It wasn't fair. How could she sleep when Diana couldn't? Why wasn't she over there helping her? Sure, she didn't know how to help or if Diana even wanted help, but she could've at least tried.
Diana's head moved a bit and Akko's breath came out funny. She shook her head, eyes moving down to the paper, not wanting to look creepy for staring.
While Diana hadn't said anything to her before class started, Akko wasn't too surprised by that, as she usually tried to keep herself as focused on the lessons as possible. She couldn't help but envy that ability sometimes. She'd probably be doing a lot better grade-wise if her mind wasn't so full of loud, noisy things - meaningless things, like what ifs and maybes and scenarios that she knew would never play out the way she wanted them to. All channels playing at once and and no remote.
But whenever Diana spoke to her, everything went quiet. Even if it was only for a moment before the noise came back. But still, Akko noticed, because when Diana spoke, she paid attention. Because she wanted to pay attention.
Sucy nudged her and she sat up, her ears catching Finnelan's dismissal, followed by the shuffling sounds of all the students gathering up their things. Akko didn't really think as she shot up from her seat and ran down to catch up with Diana, snaking her way around the other students.
"Diana!" Akko called out, causing a few students to turn their heads, as well as Hannah and Barbara.
Diana, however, hadn't turned to look at her; it was like she had been frozen - caught, and couldn't make herself move.
"Diana," Akko repeated, walking closer. "I just wanted to ask if six o'clock would be an okay time-"
"No," Diana's voice cut in, still turned away. "I'm afraid I won't be able to tutor you today, Akko."
"Huh?" Akko was taken aback, yet she continued moving closer. "What are you-"
"Must I repeat myself?" Diana's voice sounded as rigid as her body, cold and unmoving. It made the hair on Akko's neck stand straight. "Today will not work. We will have to schedule another time." And without so much as a glance back, Diana made her way out to the hall.
Much to Akko's surprise, Hannah and Barbara did not follow after her, and instead looked back at Akko, both with a strange and fearful wideness in their eyes. A look Akko had only been familiar with from the time she had vowed to bring Diana back to Luna Nova from her estate. That signaled her. She knew something was very wrong. Again, without thinking, she ran out after Diana, who had surprisingly made it far down the hall. Once she ran and caught up to her, she grabbed her shoulder.
Quicker than Akko thought, Diana spun around and she froze.
Her hair had been combed to partially hide her face from her profile, which was odd, since Diana always had her hair back. As soon as their eyes met, Akko took a sharp inhale.
Diana was swollen red around her eyes, as well as the tip of her nose. The colors contrasted heavily with the alarming paleness in the rest of her skin. Her icy blue irises moved, looking down on her, lips quivering.
Akko was never the best at reading people, but she was smart enough to know this wasn't the type of redness that came with allergies. Especially considering Diana's behavior, Akko could tell this was something emotional. She needed to do something.
"Diana…" her tone went soft.
"I-" Diana's voice came out thick and she cleared her throat, closing her eyes for a bit too long and a bit too tightly. When she opened them, they were shining. "I have somewhere to be."
She attempted to move away and Akko side-stepped her again. By this point, Sucy and Lotte had found themselves out in the hall, watching, along with a small group of nosy students.
"Diana, what's wrong?" Akko asked and took her hand. "Is it the-" she lowered her voice, "is it the dreams?"
"Akko, please…" Diana's voice lost it's edge, almost pleading. Her hand tensed up before she pulled away. "I can't talk about this here."
Diana was about to turn again before Akko clenched her fists and raised her voice.
"Did our talk mean nothing?" Akko spoke up and Diana stilled, looking down to the floor, as if she was ashamed - her eyes would not meet her.
The girls down the hall murmured and whispered amongst themselves at the exclamation. Annoyed with their classmates' inability to mind their own business, Sucy "accidentally" poured out a vial of stink potion from her pocket. The noxious gas immediately filled the area, causing all the girls to cover their noses and run off in disgust. Luckily, Lotte saw what Sucy was about to do and muttered an incantation to keep the fumes away from the two of them.
"Oh, Sucy, should we do something?" Lotte said, her voice tinged with worry for her friend, who was obviously growing more frustrated with Diana's behavior.
"What is there to do?" Sucy said, disapperating the liquid and picking up her now emptied vial.
"I- I don't know," Lotte said and looked at Sucy. "I know we want them to sort out their issues, but I feel so bad!"
"Of course you feel bad," Sucy responded, looking back to meet her friend's eyes. "You're a caring person and a kind friend. It's your nature."
Lotte hadn't expected such a response from Sucy, especially one that was so complimentary toward her. It was… nice. Lotte smiled to herself.
"Sometimes I feel impatient about it too," Sucy said. "I have to hold back the urge to grab Akko and tell her, but," she shook her head. "It's not my place to tell Akko what her feelings are. Only she can do that."
Lotte nodded. Sucy had always been good at seeming unbothered by things, especially feelings. It was relieving to see that despite this disposition, she really did care for her friends. Lotte wondered that maybe, because of this appeared detachment, that Sucy had a better hold of her own emotions. And in that sense, Lotte couldn't help but feel a bit envious; she was always caught up in everyone else's emotional turmoil, she rarely gave herself time to think about her own feelings.
What are my feelings?
The thought was cut short when she heard Akko yelling again.
"Diana!"
Diana had turned and began walking away, Akko following behind her. Lotte moved to catch up to them, but Sucy raised a hand and shook her head.
"Those two need to talk," Sucy said, her voice even, "alone."
Diana stopped in her tracks and hung her head, which was so unlike her, someone who always stood up straight, composed and proud. Looking Akko in the eyes had never been more difficult. Akko huffed, stiffening.
"Diana, I'm serious!" Akko said. "How do you expect me to feel about this? You need to talk to me. You-"
"Akko," Diana's voice was weak, broken from any sharpness it could have held. "I-" She had no idea what she wanted to say. "I-"
Before she could finish the word she choked up and a sudden sting filled her eyes. Akko paused and looked around. She nodded to Sucy and Lotte, as well as Hannah and Barbara who had caught up far behind them, and took Diana's hand in her own.
"Come with me," Akko whispered, and Diana, unexpectedly, allowed her to lead her away, too sapped of energy to protest or ask Akko where she was taking her.
Akko didn't want to admit it, but she didn't know where she was taking Diana either, just anywhere they could be alone. That was all she knew. Diana's hand was languid in her grasp and she almost felt like she was dragging her friend through the school halls.
Finally, they had made their way to the Red Team's room and Akko quietly ushered Diana inside, promptly shutting the door behind them.
"Would you like to-"
Suddenly, before Akko could finish her question, she found herself in a sudden embrace. Diana wrapped her arms snugly around her, and there was a odd sense that she hadn't truly hugged someone for a very long time, given the way she seemed to melt into her arms. Diana buried her head into Akko's shoulder and it was quiet between them for a moment before the palpitations of Akko's heart kicked in, and she could hear it thrumming inside her ears. In a shaky and awkward attempt to cut through the silence, Akko slowly returned the embrace, her arms finding their way around Diana's waist.
"Diana…" Akko began, her voice barely audible.
Her words were greeted with a strange noise from Diana, who still hadn't lifted her head. It took Akko a moment to realize it was a sniffle, and another moment to realize it was dissolving into a sob as Diana's body shook beneath her hands.
"I'm sorry, Akko," Diana spoke, the sound of her voice was raspy and so much softer than it had ever been. Vulnerable.
"F-for what, Diana?"
"I-" Diana took in a sharp breath, slowly exhaling against her. "For keeping everything inside. For being so cold. For making you feel so guilty for something you can't control."
"Diana, please, it's-"
"No," Diana lifted her head and Akko looked into those deep, blue eyes once more, watery and surrounded in rings of red, sunken slightly from lack of sleep. "Don't justify it. I've kept everyone out - especially you, and that isn't fair."
Akko paused, her breath catching in her throat again before quickly shaking her head.
"I don't want you to shut me out," Akko said. "Whatever's going on, these dreams… I know I can be useless sometimes, but I want to help you!"
Diana's lips quirked a bit, and she lifted a delicate hand, seemingly to stifle a soft laugh.
"What? Did I say something weird?" Akko tilted her head, raising a brow.
"Calling yourself useless… you risk your life over and over to save others, to save the entire planet, and you'd still call yourself useless…" Diana said, her eyes moving to the floor. "I really don't understand you sometimes… but then again, I've been just as confusing, if not more."
"It's okay, really," Akko said, taking Diana's hands in her own. They found each other's eyes again, and Akko couldn't help but feel that same thrumming in her chest when they did. "I'm here for you, I want you to really hear that! I'm right here! And I'll always be here. Just, please, don't shut me out anymore. It hurts me to see you like this, when you won't tell me-"
Akko opened her mouth and a strange croaking noise came out in place of words. Her hold on Diana's hands tensed a bit and a warmness spread over her face, her vision blurred a moment before hot tears began to glide slowly down her cheeks. Diana's mind flashed to her dream again, how intense Akko's stare had been- but, it all seemed to fade when she saw how Akko's watery eyes were full of deep care; empathy that she found admirable.
"J-just promise you'll let me- I won't run away anymore- I won't- I promise-"
"Akko," Diana brought her into her arms and this time it was Akko who buried her head against her. "It's alright. I won't hide anymore, not from you. If you promise not to run, then I promise not to hide. Okay?"
"Yeah," Akko spoke against her shoulder.
"I promise."
A/N: I'll start by apologizing for such a long, unannounced hiatus, it was not my intention to keep you all waiting so long. This past semester had been a very busy one, but I always had plans on continuing this story. As always, I adore and deeply appreciate your comments and kudos for this work, your support means the world to me.
That being said, I wonder where this chapter will bring us next with these two? (: