Against All Odds

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

A/N:

Chapter 15 (Run no more)

Sasha stood on the front porch, trailing her finger along the walled border. She stopped for a moment and leaned forward, gazing out at the street. Socko's car was sitting at the curb, he was inside with Spencer and Lenny, working on the house. She wasn't so troubled by this neighborhood. Not as much as Carly and Spencer were, considering she had to live in a neighborhood like this for the last few years. They never did. However, she was nervous about the location. Could they be found by Mr. Clayton? Probably.

She didn't mind the house, really. The neighborhood, she could help Carly and Spencer get used to, but she wasn't sure she wanted to remain here forever. If Socko said it was a safe area, then she believed him. Maybe not as much as Spencer would, but she did at least trust the guy. She wanted to try looking for work, but with a baby in this place, she still couldn't trust the neighborhood enough to chance anything happening while she was away. It was a risk she refused to take, unless Spencer or Carly were around to make sure Blake was safe.

"Hey! Hey you!" Sasha drifted away from her thoughts and concerns as she heard a feminine voice calling for her. She looked over to see the neighbor that was on her porch when they first arrived, the woman was waving and smiling at her. The girl seemed young, close to her own age, and had a very kind face. "I'm Juanita." She smiled at the woman and moved to the side of her patio close to the neighbor. She had no qualms with talking to this lady. After all, how else besides making friends and making the best out of a bad situation, would any of them survive?

"I'm Sasha." She felt a nervous pang inside her, but understood why she would feel that way. Meeting someone new was always exciting, but at the same time, difficult to know whether they would like you or not. Being the distrustful person that she was, it was hard for her to simply connect with anyone. She watched as Juanita left her porch and came over to hers. The nervousness inside her grew, while at the same time, so did the excitement. "It's good to meet you."

"Same! So you just moved in, I see. Husband and children?" She practically blushed at the question, as innocent as it was. Did it really appear that way? She chuckled lightly and shook her head.

"It's a bit complicated, really. Carly is the oldest, she's Spencer's little sister. She's living with us. Blake is my son, Spencer's the dad, and Spencer is…well, he's not my husband." She didn't want to make herself sound bad, but it couldn't be avoided. She didn't mean to have a child out of wedlock, but that didn't mean she regretted anything. "You're not the judgmental type, I hope…" Juanita laughed and waved her hand through the air. It was a pleasant response, something that made Sasha feel a little better.

"Of course not, I can understand having a baby and not being married. I wouldn't judge someone on that. Why?"

"Let's just say in the past, there have been those people." Besides Spencer's father and grandfather? Indeed. When she was on her own, she attempted to go to a few churches, but almost every church she went to was filled with old hags who looked down on her as if she were a slut or a whore for having a baby and no man beside her. The last church she found was actually much more accepting of her, everyone was friendly and helpful, but due to the loan shark, she was forced to move away from that place. It still hurt to think back on them, she'd been so scarred by everyone she met that the people at that last church actually had been helping to heal some of those scars. She dreadfully missed them.

"What about your parents? Aren't they around?"

"Uh, no…" She tried to contact her birth father a long time ago, when Blake had first been born. She hated to think about him, that man never wanted anything to do with her growing up. Even now, he still didn't. Her heart clenched and her muscles tensed as she tried to push that man's memory from her mind. "Mom passed away back in '96." The girl frowned and looked at her apologetically. She exhaled softly and crossed her arms over, she hated when people told her how sorry they were that her mother was dead. It was personal and too much, especially when they didn't know who the woman was.

"You probably miss her, don't you? I know how it goes, I lost my mom some years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her." She blinked and lowered her arms as her body started to relax. She hadn't expected that response, and in truth, she was glad for Juanita's statement. "I guess your dad's out of the picture, and I'm sorry if I brought up anything to make you feel uncomfortable…"

"It's okay. I'm uh…" Now she didn't know what to say, it was embarrassing. She shifted to the right and leaned sideways against the wall next to her. "Dad's been out of the picture for a long time. So…you lost your mom too? What was she like?" Probably a better woman than hers was, but at the same time, she could still respect her mother for at least trying to make money. She still had that resentment that made her want to be a better mother to Blake than her mom was to her, that same resentment helped her to realize she couldn't raise him alone. She watched as Juanita leaned against one of the pillars on the patio. The girl's face fell slightly and her shoulders lifted.

"She was a nice woman. Hard as hell to live with when I was a teenager, but I suppose I made it hard on her." Juanita chuckled awkwardly and closed her eyes. "She did what she could. We started getting closer just a few years before she passed away…Kidney failure." Sasha's heart sank and she slowly straightened herself up. She was struck speechless, what comfort could she give? At least Juanita and her mom had grown closer. She was only fourteen when her mom died, and so unknown that the child services didn't even bother to find her a home. Not that it mattered, she did better on her own back then. "In those last few years, she really showed how much she cared about me, always trying to do whatever she could to be the mother she wanted to be." Sasha frowned and looked off to the side, pushing down the anger and jealousy starting to rise up in her. She didn't need that emotion, not now.

"Your mom sounds very nice." Juanita paused for a minute, appearing to be getting the hint that Sasha was leaving. She didn't want to press the topic any longer, not for fear of becoming angry that both of her parents were crap to her. "Anyway, tell me a little about the neighborhood…"

"It's a bit quiet. I mean sometimes there might be some arguments between neighbors, but for the most part, everyone looks after one another. Except for the old man on the other side of your house…he's not all that friendly." She looked over to her other neighbor with a frown and slowly shook her head. It was a bit concerning to think that the old man wasn't friendly, because that just meant there was a chance he couldn't be trusted. If he couldn't be trusted, she wanted nothing to do with him. "If you leave him alone, he leaves you alone. That's pretty much how it goes."

"I see."

"Oh, I made a pie by the way. When Lenny said we were getting new neighbors, I wanted to make something of a welcoming gift." Tempting, and at the mention of the pie, her stomach roared with hunger. Could she help the fact that she loved pie? "It's a lattice peach pie."

"Peach?" Her mind instantly traveled to the warm smell of her favorite flavor. It wasn't enough that she loved pie, but peach was practically a delicacy. Her stomach begged her and her thoughts tempted her. She looked to the house and listened as someone hammered the wall inside. Spencer, Socko, and Lenny were still working on the house. With Carly at school, she had absolutely nothing to do. Spencer would surely appreciate having a warm pie to eat after all that work, the same for Carly, who would be coming home soon enough. "That actually sounds good. Do you want to meet my son? He's two." Juanita gushed and her eyes lit up with joy.

"Of course! I would love to. Maybe I can meet the rest of your family later?"

"Sure, I'll introduce you to Spencer when he's done working. Just let me go grab Blake and we'll be over, I think it'll be good to talk to someone without going nuts." As if she hadn't gone crazy over the years, to think she could finally relax was exhilarating. Although, by that same respect, she was certain she couldn't relax just yet.

"Okay." She watched with a tiny smile as Juanita hurried over to her house. Her heart lifted and swelled in her chest, she just couldn't imagine possibly having a new friend. Maybe it was worth it to talk to Juanita and not shy away from the girl. After all, friends kept people sane in crazy times. Carly would probably go ballistic without Sam and Freddie, Spencer needed Socko around to keep his head on his shoulders, so maybe she needed someone around also.

She took a wistful sigh and started heading back in the house to grab Blake. This would be difficult for her, everything going on was difficult as she never felt herself having to depend on anyone besides herself. Now she was having to depend on Spencer, maybe depend on her friends, and much to her surprise, it felt good to have people to fall back on. Now if only the loan sharks decided not to make her life hell and force her away from any new relationships or scare people away from her. Much like that church, whenever she found a good thing, something always had to come by and knock her down.

Did she want to admit to being afraid? No, but she couldn't deny the fear. What if she befriended Juanita, what if the loan shark found her and threatened her friend, going so far as to either kill the girl or tear a rift between them? What if they hurt Spencer? What if something happened to Carly, or worse, Blake? These were fears she had to push aside, and it was taking all of her strength just to keep from cracking down under all the pressure. She had to trust, had to put her faith in Spencer that he was right when he said things would be okay. She had to keep strong, she had to take support from others while also giving her own support. No more running. She couldn't do it. It was now or never, stop running and try to build a life, or keep running and possibly lose everything she held dear to her heart.

As she rested her shaky hand on the doorknob, a tear left her eye and she quickly shook it off. Her mom always ran, her father must have ran too, in order to avoid paying child support. She wasn't going to be like her mother, she made that promise, but the realization had finally hit her, up until this moment, she had been just like her mother. She slowly turned her gaze to Juanita's house and saw the girl wave at her before going inside. As she opened the door, she saw Spencer working on a door. Her heart continued to rise as she watched him. With a whisper, she spoke to herself and closed her eyes.

"I'm not going to run anymore."

So Sasha's making a big step in this chapter, and one that I think would be good in the long run. Learned a lot of things about her too, why she's where she is now, what's been going on in her life. Hope she finds that peace she's looking for, maybe Spencer can provide that.