"Is Nero home." Anders asked a few weeks later.

"Yes...why?" Fenris questioned.

Anders sighed, he didn't want to explain to the elf what he was doing at their mansion in Hightown, he especially didn't want to explain what it was that he and Nero were going to do. Fenris was clever, and paranoid, if anyone was going to catch onto his plans Anders had no doubt that it would be the elf. So he sighed and said, "he broke his ribs not long ago, I figured I would check on them." he shrugged, it was a suitable lie.

Fenris sighed and moved to allow the mage to enter. Anders nodded and did so, noticing that the place was dusty again, although less dirty than it had been when the elf had first moved in. When Fenris closed the door he lead the way through the estate to the backyard to where Nero was lounging in the sun, his fingers entangled in the grass.

For a moment Anders felt an extreme guilt for the things he was making Nero an accomplice to. Here the man looked so blissful and at peace that he almost turned around and left, to fetch the sela petrae on his own. He frowned, if it was that easy he would have done it on his own, but he knew those tunnels were fraught with people who would view his presence as a threat and attempt to kill him. He wasn't stupid enough to face an unknown number of adversaries on his own.

Nero glanced up as the door closed behind them and, seeing Anders, got up and brushed the dirt off of his pants. Anders realized that Nero was filthy, he had probably been gardening that morning and he was hit with another shot of guilt that Nero had started the elfroot garden for him but he didn't use it anymore. For a moment he considered asking where the elfroot was going, but decided it didn't matter.

"Anders, how are you?" Nero asked as he approached.

Anders shrugged, "I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

Nero frowned, "confused? what do you mean?"

"Your ribs?"

"Oh, yes, that." Nero chuckled, "I haven't even noticed them since we got back. I presume that's a good thing."

Anders nodded and glanced at the elf, best not to drop the pretenses I suppose. "I would like to examine them, just to be sure that they've healed properly."

Nero furrowed his brow, knowing that Anders knew that his ribs were fine, before he opened the door to head back inside and motioned for the mage to enter, he glanced back at Fenris who gave him a questioning look. He shrugged and followed the mage, leaving the elf outside. It wasn't until they reached Nero's room that either of them spoke again.

"Why are you really here, is this about the ingredients you wanted me to help you find?" Nero asked.

Anders chuckled, "yes it is, I had figured you must have forgotten, so I decided I would come to you."

Nero shrugged, "sorry, I didn't think you would want Fenris to come and he's been paranoid about splitting up, he's convinced that Denarius is going to bring an army here to capture us."

Anders raised an eyebrow, "an army, to Kirkwall? That seems pretty far-fetched. Not to mention the amount of templars here, I don't think bringing an army of mages to the heart of templar power in the free marches would be the best tactical decision."

Nero laughed, "I said as much to Fenris, he said that Denarius would hire a bunch of soldiers or mercenaries. The point is moot. Since you have come here I don't see him having a problem with my leaving with you, so long as you bring me back. He's more paranoid about my running into trouble if I go out alone."

Anders rolled his eyes, "well you have to admit, you do have a habit of getting seriously injured every few years."

Nero scowled, but chuckled, "I know, which is why I don't argue too much about it. Even though I'm beginning to lose my damned mind being stuck in this cursed mansion." he sighed, "I probably shouldn't leave Kirkwall though, so that stuff you wanted to get, from the bone pit was it? I'm not sure we should do that today."

"To get the sela petrae we just need to head back to Darktown and enter one of the sewers-"

"Your kidding me, sewers, again?"

Anders shrugged apologetically.

"And what, pray tell, is this sela petrae?"

"Its a mineral that can be extracted from...stuff found in sewers."

Nero's expression turned to one of disgust, "and you're going to ...drink this stuff?"

Anders frowned, that was kind of disgusting wasn't it? "Well there is purification stuff that I have to do with it..."

"That is still nasty."

"Try not to judge me."

Nero laughed, "trust me, I am trying."

Anders left the room for a few moments so that Nero could change into clothes that he didn't particularly care for. While Anders waited he heard the front door of the estate shut and familiar footsteps go across the main room. Then he could hear Fenris and what he thought was Isabela's voice, although he couldn't understand what was being said.

He gave up when Nero opened the door and turned to face him. Nero handed him an envelope with a gray warden wax seal on it and his heart skipped a beat. Oh Maker, they know where I am, Bethany must have told them, shit, shit, shitshitshitshit-

"Bethany sent me a letter, that was inside it, she wanted me to pass it on to you." Nero explained.

"Oh," he said after a few moments, and placed the envelope inside his jacket, "thanks."

"Nero eyed him suspiciously, "its the first letter she ever sent me, I guess she did not know how else to get mail to you, she said she used to have her brother pass it on, but she didn't want him to know about this one."

Anders nodded but didn't bother to elaborate. He hadn't heard from the girl in at least a year, maybe longer. At first, after the incident with Corypheus, they had sent each other letters quite regularly, but after a while...he became busy, and he hadn't the time. He stopped responding to the letters he received and eventually they stopped coming. For a moment he wondered if he would actually read it, or if he would toss it to the side and forget about it.

He shook his head, he would worry about it later, "I think Isabela is here."

"Oh good," Nero said, ignoring the fact that Anders was hiding something from him, it was nothing new, "she was supposed to be here hours ago, Hawke had to leave and couldn't wait for her to show up. Fenris must be livid."

...

It was almost dark by the time he returned the Hightown with Nero. The had spent most of the day in the sewer tunnels and were forced to fight some lyrium smugglers, carta thugs and a few apostate mages that Anders had never seen before. He had tried to reason with the mages, but they were convinced that he was their enemy and he was forced to kill them.

He was still fuming about how paranoid and angry the circle managed to make mages. He understood their anger and paranoia of course, he was the same, but the fact that the apostates found him untrustworthy was a little painful. He had worked so hard to smuggle circle mages from the Gallows, had risked his own freedom and the freedom and lives of the people that had helped him; he was no danger to the people he had killed that day, but they would not listen. It seemed that the mages that were escaping now were unsure where to go and what to do after they escaped. He used to smuggle the mages through the tunnels and assured their safety in getting to other cities and villages where they were then hooked up with someone that would take them to either Ferelden or Tevinter.

He sighed as he thought about it. After a few years of success in the mage underground it had eventually fallen apart. The templars became more vigilant, the mages in the tower were more afraid of repercussions if they got caught escaping than they were of the templars themselves, and the people helping him with the organization became scared that they would get caught. It had been a good system, but he knew that it wouldn't have lasted forever, even so it was sad to watch his pet project die.

He let his thoughts drift away as they approached Nero's home. He was eager to get back to his clinic to begin purifying the sela petrae samples he had obtained that day, but he had promised to accompany Nero back to the estate so he did.

Nero turned to him as he opened the door.

"Thanks for walking back with me...Oh, and before you go...I think you should get a new jacket. That one is kind of...dead." Nero said apologetically.

Anders looked down at his coat and frowned, "it's not that bad...and I can't really afford a new jacket."

"See a tailor then, get it dyed and...re-feathered or something." Nero suggested.

"I can't afford that either."

Nero scowled, "then take a job once in a while when Hawke offers them, you look like shit Anders."

It was the mages turn to scowl, "thanks."

Nero sighed, "tell me I'm wrong."

"I'll see you some other time Nero." he said sharply before turning and walking away.

"Anders!" Nero called from the doorway, but the man ignored him, "goddamned emotional prig" he muttered before closing the door.

It wasn't until he got home and had set water to boil for the sela petrae and was taking off his jacket that he remembered the letter Nero had given him. He finished undressing and tossed his clothes into a bucket of soapy water to clean and put on an extra pair of pants before sitting down to read the note.

Anders,

You haven't messaged me in years, and Garret wont say much when I ask about you. How are you doing? What are you doing? Have I done something to upset you? Why wont you write me back?

I'm not completely sure why I'm bothering to write you at all right now. I know I wont receive anything back, but Garret has told me not to bother writing you and I wanted to know why he would say such a thing? Are you with someone else and writing to me now is awkward? I don't mind if your with someone else, things happen and its not as if we can be together, I'm happy for you if you have found somebody, but does that really mean we can't be friends anymore?

Is it Justice that is preventing you from writing me? Or is this a decision you have made all on your own? I'll stop writing if you wish, but I would like to know what's wrong. Did you want me to stop writing? you had never said as much in any of your previous letters, if you do want me to stop, let me know, even if there is no explanation...I just feel very confused about all of this.

I considered you a good friend, and an honest person, so I cannot believe that you have cast me aside for something as silly as being bored by me or whatnot. I just want to understand, can you help me with that much, at least?

I must sound terribly desperate, but I need to know what is going on. I miss hearing from you, it was something I used to look forward to, receiving your letters. Garrets letters are fine, but they have always been few and far between, and lately its usually just his babbling about nobles and how annoying they are.

I miss you Anders, please right me back.

Sincerely,

Bethany Hawke.

Anders read the letter a few more times before sighing sadly and tossing it on the table. He looked over to see that the water was boiling and put the sela petrae samples in the pot to boil with it for about fifteen minutes or so. When he sat back down he read the letter again.

His chest hurt, she sounded wounded and he knew that he had hurt her, as he had warned her he would. But the warning didn't do anything to prevent the guilt he felt over it. He missed talking to her as well, but he refused to let her get involved in his mess in any way possible. Even if he never told her anything about it but they were still together, as much as they could be in that respect, and anybody found out then she would be accused of being his accomplice, even if just because she was a mage and they communicated.

Besides that, he wasn't sure he could be with her and then do what needs to be done without telling her. He was sure that his plan would end in his death, it would be unfair to continue a relationship, even if long distance, with someone when he was going to die sooner rather than later.

He did miss her something terrible sometimes though. Sometimes when Justice finally let him go to sleep he would lay awake despite his exhaustion and remember what it was like to have her sharing his stupid, dingy, cot with him. It had only been for a week before she had to go back to the Wardens, but it had been a glorious week. He had been shaken up by the deep roads for some time after their return, and he continued to kick himself for attacking the group when they were down there but she had convinced him that it wasn't his fault. He was being attacked and Justice had reacted. And he had believed her.

He was fairly certain that he would believe anything she told him, he was sure if he told her of his plans that she would be able to convince him not to follow through with them. Which was another reason he couldn't tell her, Justice wouldn't let him.

He rubbed his face and stirred the pot of sela petrae. After the time was up he would have to mix it with wood ashes to remove some of the minerals by precipitation, so he would have to cover it in a tightly sealed, upside down jar that he had procured for the task. Then he would take the remaining muck, the sela petrae and ash mixture, and let it dry into a powder which he would then mix with the drakestone.

He did not look forward to getting the drakestone and leaving the sela petrae in his clinic. He worried about thieves, even though he had never had a break-in. He figured they would take the sela petrae thinking it some sort of drug and he would have to go back into the sewers to collect more. He didn't want to collect more.

He grimaced and stared down at his bare feet. He was still filthy, and he needed to wash his clothes...but he might as well have a bath first. He checked on the sela petrae and noticed that there was still water in the pot so he sat down to wait a bit longer. Justice began nagging him about working on his manifesto and he grimaced again.

Tonight was going to be a long one.