[Yui]
Hikigaya Hachiman wasn't quite what I had expected.
Well, to be honest, I didn't really know what to expect of him—it was unfair to judge him just because of his looks, but I never did believe that tripe about "never judge a book by it's cover" thing. I mean, people were still guilty of doing it everyday (admittedly, even I am!), and just because it's some smart-sounding quote doesn't mean everyone listens (or should listen) to it.
Anyways, Hikki (I don't really like calling him Hikigaya-kun… it's too long!) was an actually okay guy—he even offered to help me solve my problem with Yumiko! I mean, don't get me wrong—he doesn't really know me or Yumiko; but something told me that he might be capable of doing something without having to be subjection… uh, subjecting… biased (yeah, that's it!)! Yeah; since he isn't biased, he'd be able to find a solution that's partial to the problem itself.
Though, I'm kinda worried about how he's going to handle it. On one hand, whatever he comes up with might end this silly thing between us; on the other, it might not work—worse, it could end up making things a whole lot worse.
Aah, thinking about these things just gets me all confused and stuff!
We met up a number of times—him, asking me all about Yumiko; me, explaining as much as I could about my friend. If I didn't give it a second thought, I might have said he was actually interested in Yumiko!
Diligently, he jotted down the stuff I said into some small notebook of sorts—small enough to put into your pocket—like he was some kind of detective. Well, he could pass as one; the way he asked stuff was straight to the point, he mulled over the notes like they were some great puzzle leading to some impressive answer; and he would make up scenarios and ask me how Yumiko would most likely act in them.
Normally, if people wanted friends to make up, they'd play devil's advocate and listen to both sides of the story. Oftentimes, the one really in the red is made to realize that they did something wrong and should apologize. The remaining party, though with absence of the actual mistake, should be humble enough to accept the apology and offer one as well just for the fact that their friendship ended up like that.
Well, that's what Hikki told me, anyway.
He also explained that since he was in no way really acquainted to us (I never told him how I knew him and his dad, hehe), then there was no way he could pull off devil's advocate for our problem. With that came an entirely different plan of getting me out of this misunderstanding with Yumiko.
It might be too early to say it, but I think I can really trust him with this.
And I'm curious about that favor he asked me of, too.
His taste for drinks was unexpected, too.
I took a sip of that MAXX Coffee thing he always bought from the vending machines, and it was a bit too sweet for my taste, especially since Yumiko and I frequent a few cafes around our school—I've had my fair share of different coffee flavors, too.
Even if it was out of my strike zone as far as coffee was concerned, there were some few cases where I bought the beverage for him. He's already asked me for a favor in exchange for his help, but I just felt like doing this. Hikki wasn't that bad of a guy, so I figured why not be more supportive of his effort? He seems like he really cared about my problem, and invested a good amount of time in it. Besides, doing the favor he asked of me didn't seem as… equal, as far as exchanges were concerned. If I didn't buy him the canned beverage, it felt like I was abusing him or something. It left a really bad taste in my mouth! So to speak.
"Hey, Hikki."
"… Stop calling me 'Hikki.'"
"Don't be so nitpicky about it! Anyways, how come you like this stuff so much?"
Something about what I said must've been wrong, because he looked at me like I didn't know the answer to 1 + 1 despite being a middle schooler. That's so rude, you know!
"'This stuff?' 'This stuff?' Are you looking down on MAX Coffee? If you are, get down on your knees and apologize to the can!"
It was a bit weird to have someone be so worked up like this over a can of coffee. I mean, I've never seen anyone be like this over something so trivial. Maybe, he just liked it? A little too much, too, I supposed.
"Eh, what are you saying Hikki? I'm just asking you what you like about it, is all."
"Hmph. Plebeians won't understand this miraculous step into the 21st century. So, listen up!" Plebe—what?
Hikki spent the next few minutes shooting his mouth off and praising MAX Coffee, and how it was the next best thing that man invented next to fire. Geez, I don't really understand how one person can't get tired of drinking something so sweet! Well, maybe I shouldn't judge so easily—it might have some special meaning to him!
Mama always told me that it was impossible to not judge a person, so the best thing a person could do instead was to view things in different ways to come to a better understanding. Hikki definitely fell under the type of person who would have so much more to him despite how he looked and acted.
"What's most important, after all, is that since life is already too bitter, then coffee should be sweet—ugh, what the hell am I doing, telling you this… Anyway, let's get back to you telling me all about Miura. The more I know, the easier this is going to be."
Life's too bitter, so coffee should at least be sweet.
It was something surprising. I've always admired people who followed their personal beliefs and principles even in reality, but this is something of a different kind. It's like Hikki's already learned a lot about living his life, that he's already sure of the things he's doing—down to the letter.
Even if it was for something as simple as drinking MAX Coffee.
It made me think about just how bitter life has turned out for me and Mama: being fooled by a criminal, fending off for ourselves, me getting into fights like this with even my closest friend…
Suddenly, the beverage I was drinking started to taste a whole lot better, and Hikki was making more and more sense.
I don't get it.
Why would he do such a thing?
He was helping me with no other reason other than the favor he asked me of (which seemed like a very small favor, at that), and yet the energy he was pushing into having Yumiko and I be able to reconcile over our misunderstanding was more than what a stranger would be giving out.
I could even consider him as a friend; well, not someone as close as Yumiko, but maybe as an acquaintance I'd like to get to know over a longer period of time. But when he cornered me then and there, telling me that he was just taking advantage of mine and Yumiko's situation in order to get something out of it, it was kind of jarring.
We might not have been close enough yet, but I could tell he was a really good guy. Sure, he looked like some delinquent, what with his eyes and everything, but his character didn't speak on the same language his looks did.
Whatever happened after Yumiko dragged me off all happened as if they were a blur—her apology, me forgiving her, assuring her that I support her romantic run with Hayama-kun, telling her not to go after Hikki. I remembered saying goodbye quickly, and walking on home in a daze; my head was in the clouds, wracking my brain for some reason Hikki did whatever it was he did.
"… I saw an opportunity. A chance to see if there were people out there who could prove my notions of truthfulness among people."
Truthfulness among people? What did he mean by that? People being honest? Was it something about being able to know the real feelings of another?
"This was all a test. A ruse…"
Was it all lie? The more I thought about it, the harder it was to believe. In the end, Yumiko and I got together again, despite the silly reasons behind the misunderstanding. Sure, it was stupid to think she'd get jealous all because I looked like I had any interest in Hayama-kun, but the emotions behind it couldn't have been any less strong or real. Our fight was real, but how was it in a way a test?
"… I wanted to see how real you could get. And you delivered. Congrats for that, I suppose."
How real I was? Somehow, I had passed with flying colors with whatever it was he wanted to see. But, nothing made sense to me. What was he after? Why was it that whatever I and Yumiko did important?
It made my head spin and left me confused. At this point I didn't know what to make of him. Whatever time we spent planning to get me friends with Yumiko again left me with more questions than answers.
Before I could put aside the issue and give myself a long rest, my phone rang out to notify me of mail; snatching it off of my bedside table, I took a look to check if I could just send a reply tomorrow after sleep, but the sender got me off guard.
The decision to sleep was put to the side and I browsed quickly through the contents of my mail.
After next cram school session. Bench by the tutorial center's open area. I'll wait for an hour.
[Hachiman]
A relationship where no one had to lie, where everyone could be honest; could rely on one another—
Did such a relationship exist?
Was it possible for such a thing to exist?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Humans are imperfect, after all. Flawed to an extent, yet still with potential for something more. There are those who are proud to wear both the good and the bad for everyone to see, for they fear no scrutiny as long as they were true to the identity they possessed. There are those with insecurities and faults too numerous to say, who hide the truth about them underneath piles of lies, lies, and more lies.
Whether it was the former or the latter, it made the ideal of a genuine relationship seem more and more as just that: an ideal. Something good on paper, but not on practical.
I am of the opinion that lying—twisting the truth, fabricating a convenient reality that you force unto another—is an action truly despicable and detestable. I hated it when I told on bullies and was made to look like the wolf, when I was nothing else but the black sheep, as adults listened to beautifully composed notations of deceit. I hated it when a classmate invited me over for a birthday party, only for me to realize that the venue and time didn't match reality. I hated liars and the very act they did because I've been the target of them, and I knew just how unpleasant such things could be.
I hated lying, because it made me hate people—filled me with distrust, wariness, and anxiety.
People told lies to rest themselves assured on the fact that they could get away with something they didn't have the luxury of telling even half the truth of. It was more convenient for them to say something false, fool another into thinking it was reality, and wash their hands of such a sin merely for the reason that they wanted to be rid of the inconveniences brought by telling the truth. In short, they escaped reality by twisting it to their own designs and preferences.
What I did to Yuigahama did not border—not even near!—the arts of deceit. I admit that I did hide motives and bits of information from time to time, but refusing to say anything was the lesser evil if to choose between silence and fabrications was the choice I would make any time of the day. Did hiding something from another and not bothering to share unless asked constitute as lying? I didn't believe it so—however, there are those who would debate the fine points of such a morally grey action.
At first, she seemed like the typical Nice Girl who would put forth an effort to keep those around her in a pleasant mood. She was approachable and bubbly (though her Academics stat needs some work), and kind to those who would be in need of it. So to speak, Yuigahama Yui fit the mold of the stereotypical facade used by Orimoto and what other pretentious girls I've met in middle school.
However, she turned out to be far, far different from the kinds of girls I knew.
Yuigahama was not nice for the sake of appearances, but because she truly did care—to the point that it may seem a bit invasive to people she might not know closely but still attempt to help. She was nice for the sake of being nice.
Truly, a diamond in the rough.
All was done for me cling onto the hope that there existed people out there who were genuine enough to show me the best of themselves in spite of whatever scrutiny they would be put under. Yuigahama Yui was someone capable of staying true to her kind self, as long as it meant that she stayed friends with a girl who seemed to be quite unworthy of her graces.
What I did, outside of my opinion, was questionable at least, and wretched at the most. To exploit the existing circumstances that held a relationship with a thin thread ready to break at any moment and manipulate it in order to receive answers under optimal conditions—this was nothing else if not the brainchild of a sociopath; uncaring of those around him, and only after the self-satisfaction brought by his logical experimentation.
Such a monster my logic has given birth to, it seems.
I checked my watch, looking at the hands with some sort of anxiety that crept from the pits of my stomach. Six more minutes, I mused. Six more minutes to see if she was ready for my disclosure, and the explanation of what I wanted to discover. Six more minutes to determine whether or not I was a step closer in understanding the world that turned without so much as a care to my existence.
Five minutes.
"Yui."
"Erm, Yumiko?"
"Why were you following him? Did you already forget what he tried to do to you?"
"… I need to ask him why he had to do it."
"What do you mean ask? What the hell is there to ask?! He tried making a move on you, that creep, and I have half a mind to go directly to one of the teachers around here and report him, if not for you constantly talking me out of it!"
"But there's something else—"
"Then what else is there, Yui?! Tell me, what else is there that you have to talk to him about? Is he blackmailing you? Do you actually know him? Tell me what it is, or god forbid me, I'll just have to drag you out of here."
Would she forgive me? I mused.
Maybe yes, maybe no. You say goodbye, and I say hello [1]. The odds of fifty-fifty were the worst, in my opinion—but then again, perhaps I should side with optimism for this one. Surely, a girl as nice as Yuigahama would have a better chance of actually coming here to gain some clarity as to the situation?
Four minutes.
"… I can't tell you, Yumiko. This is… between him and—"
"So you do know him. Why is it that you seem to think a creep like him with some ulterior motive seems to be much more important than us right now? I told you I wanted to spend time with you as an apology for what I did, but now you turn away from that just so you can get cornered again?"
No, I shouldn't be too presumptuous about such things. Stereotyping into a category such as that one was not something I should easily fall to.
Three minutes.
"I-I can't tell you, Y-Yumiko, I'm sorry!"
"…"
"Yumiko… ?"
"Have it your way, Yui. You fix our bridges, or you chase after that pervert and this is where we part ways. Which is it? C'mon, we don't have all day."
The taste of iron started to replace the bitter tang of MAX Coffee in my mouth. I had bitten my lower lip a little too hard because of anxiety, it seemed.
Two minutes.
Here it came. The disappointment was already rising up like bile from my stomach, and a sinking sensation came with it to smash against the uncomfortable feelings my body was dredging up.
One minute.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't worry about it so much, okay Yui? Just forget about that delinquent and we can make up for lost time."
"… Yeah."
"Alright, let's go. Hayato's waiting for us, after all!"
…
…
…
"… What was I thinking. Of course she wouldn't go, favor or no."
It was more than disappointing. There wasn't quite a word in my limited vocabulary to describe the feeling, but disappointment and regret underscored what it was that I felt. I should have expected this, really. A societal heretic like me, adhering to rules and notions outside of the norm, would sooner or later encounter something that would solidify the entire fact that the actions I performed contained more harm than benefit.
Case in point: this. Whatever this… shit was.
I tossed the empty can into the nearby bin, collected my sparse belongings and trudged towards the exit. What a miserable close to such a miserable act.
The scent of peaches lingering along the hallway didn't quite register as I walked out.
"… And that's what happened."
"I see."
This sucked. The coffee didn't seem to register on my tastebuds as my mind raced against nothing more with the thoughts of what had occurred during my interference regarding the relationship of Miura Yumiko and Yuigahama Yui. As distracted as I was, the words flowed easily in narrative—dad ended up wanting to hear what was bugging me, and I was more willing than I originally thought in providing him details.
"30 points, Hachiman. Failing score."
"A score for what, old man?"
Dad took a good, long sip from his can of MAX before looking at me—this was the first time I could recall I've withered under his gaze. He wasn't angry, that much I could tell; no, what his eyes radiated was in no part something of anger, but more of a bitterness that I was quite familiar with. Intimately.
Disappointment. Yes, that was exactly it.
"People don't exactly think the way you—or I, for that matter—do. They won't always understand that sometimes, the masks we wear are the product of cold logic and reasoning. Those who do not and wish not to are inherently selfish that they would see only the effect brought upon them, ignoring the fact that perhaps an understanding could be reached by understanding the motives of the other."
I wanted to understand people—see how they tick, even if in the end it was something displeasing and questionable. As long it would reach a genuine understanding, I was fine with it.
Pursuing that relentlessly, I had forgotten to take into account the fact that not everyone wanted to be understood, nor was it that everyone was capable of understanding. Just as I pursued ideals for my self-satisfaction, so too did they satisfy their selves by shutting out others and seeing only themselves.
"What do you think I'm getting at, Hachiman?"
It was so simple, I could definitely understand the disappointment he felt.
"I manipulated the situation to my liking without taking into account the fact that these were people, and that emotional mess I'd leave behind would always be something I can't just change to my liking."
Emotions didn't always line up with logic. Seldom were the two capable of reaching a harmonious ecosystem when it comes to dealing with people. I ignored the fact that Yuigahama would have trouble debating whether to speak with me again and believed solely that because she owed me, because she possessed interest in what it was I wanted, she would come to hear me out and come to an understanding of my undertaking.
"It was a girl, wasn't it."
I choked on my drink. "H-How'd you know?!"
"Guys don't look as guilty when dealing with other guys. Stranger or someone you know?"
"We met only at cram school."
"Stranger then. Stacked or flat? Is she a looker?"
"What does her bust size have to do with this?! Or her looks for that matter?!"
"Hmm. She's stacked and pretty. Damn, you screwed up." I can't tell if his grin's gloating or just plain amusement. Perhaps it was both.
"What was her name?"
I took another sip. "You probably don't even know her. If you plan on stalking her, I'm telling mom."
The way he flinched was enough of a reaction to trigger the same damned despicable grin on my face. "I won't stalk. I don't stalk. And if you tell your mother such blatant lies, expect a budget cut over your allowance brat. Now, name?"
"… Yuigahama Yui."
Shit, old man! Don't spit your coffee on me! Say sorry to the gods of MAX, dammit! Apologize in seiza!
"Say that name one more time."
"Yuigahama Yui. What, the kid of someone you know?"
He narrowed his eyes to the point I had to wonder if he had eyes at all. "You have no idea, Hachiman."
… There appears to be a story behind this. And I can already tell that it's too complicated for my tastes.
[1] Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles.
And so ends the Middle School Arc in a very convoluted, anticlimactic, cliffhanger. Applause, applause.
I live. Told you guys I'd be updating soon. *wink*
Anyways, the dynamic between Yuigahama and Miura here was something I wanted to delve into as I kept peeking back into Season 1 and the earlier novels, where Yuigahama couldn't quite give voice to her own wants and decisions and was being pushed into things by Miura. Operating on the idea of a friendship between the two stemming as far back as middle school, this Miura won't be the type all too similar to that of the anime.
Though it has been hinted and shown multiple times in the light novels and anime, I am of the firm belief that despite Miura being inclined to want to help her friends and/or preserve the dynamic of her clique, at the core of it all was still a priority to be with Hayama. As much as I do enjoy reading the multiple Hikkiura fanfics out there, there are those that catch me a bit off guard because IMO the Hayama wall 8man would have to overcome which looms over Miura's heart would have to be as difficult as possible. Well, at least that's what I think about those with plot lines concerning a confused Miura, a hesitant 8man, and the riajuu-bomb Hayama.
In terms of characters and understanding them, so far I've been encountering some difficulty in how I would be handling Yuigahama in the future. As much as I have a rough idea on how to progress with the story, characterizations are still a pain in the ass. At the core of it all, we'd have the Yuigahama we all know and love. However, I've got plans, and so far trying to go back and forth through the novels have made me appreciate and curse the subtlety and thought Watari-sensei has put into creating Yuigahama. I'll strive to go through this hurdle, though—you can count on that.
Enough of my personal ranting. Bottomline: this AU Miura will strive to show more balance between spending time with friends and mooning over Haya-something Haya-whatever.
To those concerned about updates, I've got good news and bad news.
Bad news is that this semester looks to be more hectic (I've got a lot of classes that are software-output oriented in terms of requirements) so updates are to be far and few in between. Best case scenario is me updating every 3 – 4 weeks; worst case is me updating every 4 – 6 weeks. But I at least will be sure that a monthly update will be coming.
Good news is that the semester has just started, which means once I hit my stride in getting used to the flow of things and my schedule, my writing speed will be increasing and perhaps I can be ahead of my projected update schedule. Expect longer chapters as well, ranging from about 5k – 8k words (or more, if I can pull it off lol). Also, as the first arc has come to a close, I can already tell everyone that the next update will see us jump into Soubu finally. Which junction of the high school arc? I'll leave that to your imagination.
Also, thank you to all those who take the time to read and review the chapters. While I am no professional in writing, your support means the world to me as a trashy uni student looking to use writing as both a creative outlet and a stress reliever. I'm glad there are those who take interest in the same ideas that capture me.
I look forward to the constructive criticisms and reviews. I'll see you guys next chapter.
PS. Granblue's next Unite and Fight will see me busy. So, yeah. If you guys play, you know how much of grind hell we're in (and I'm in, since I main Light kek).