It was cold and Steve pulls the jacket he has on tighter around himself. Apparently, SHIELD doesn't believe in spending extra money on heating. A few people mill around the room, the faint sound of keys being tapped on fills the room. Steve is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice when a slim figure slinks up next to him.
"Penny for your thoughts, Captain?"
The voice is clearly Natasha Romanov's and Steve smiles a little as he looks up to her. "How about a dollar?"
Natasha rolls her eyes and takes the seat next to him at the table. "What's on your mind? There's only two reasons I've ever seen you so deep in thought."
Steve arches a brow. "When?"
"Well...when you're trying to find a way to disagree with Fury or you're trying to figure out how to deal with Tony." She says.
Steve is surprised and he tries to mask it but it's clearly too late because Natasha grins. "What did he do this time?"
"What makes you think this has anything to do with Tony?" Steve asks. He's trying his best to keep a cool and calm demeanor, to not let anything on but he knows that Natasha is smart. "He's hiding something and I don't know what it is. Usually, if he's being secretive about something it means nothing good. What do you know, Natasha?"
For a moment, Natasha looks at him blankly but she shrugs. "I don't really know, Steve. Tony is Tony. He does things according to his agenda. Have you tried asking him about it?"
"He brushes it aside," Steve answers.
"Well, I mean, he's rebuilding the penthouse and he's been talking about using that as headquarters for the Avengers," Natasha says. "Though, I don't see how that would upset you or why he would keep it from you."
Steve frowns, looking down at the table and worrying at his cheek with his teeth. It makes sense that Tony might not want to say anything about it, especially if they're already rocky in their relationship. If what they had even was a relationship. The more Steve thinks on it, the more he realizes how uncomfortable it would be for him to be there.
Natasha is watching him but he pretends not to notice. Finally, she says. "How long has this been going on?"
"What?" Steve's head snaps up. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about," Natasha answers. "If you think we don't know what was going on with you two six months ago then you're wrong. Everybody knows."
Steve is stunned and he can feel his chest tightening painfully. No one was supposed to know anything, it was a secret between him and Tony. Now the cat was out of the bag and he doesn't like it much.
"We've all seen you sneaking into Tony's room more than once," Natasha continues. "It confirmed everyone's suspicions when you guys stopped bickering at each other as much."
Steve is uncomfortable and he shifts in his seat. "What about Fury? Does he know?"
Natasha shakes her head. "I don't think so but he's way too involved in this mission to care about anything else."
Steve nods. "It was a mistake."
"Was it? Is that why you came back to New York because if I remember correctly, you said you weren't coming back unless you were needed."
A groan escapes the Captain and he runs his hands through his hair, leaning forward in his seat. He places his face in his hands so that he doesn't have to see Natasha.
"I don't know. I don't know what to think or how to feel." Steve is hardly someone to be open about his feelings and emotions but it feels good to talk to someone. Someone who isn't partial to one side or the other. "It's too much to handle right now. I'm still trying to understand this brand new world. I wasn't raised in it and the culture shock is overwhelming. Then if I throw Tony into the mix, I'm even more confused. In the seventy years that I was in that coma, everyone I ever knew and cared about died. I'll never know what happened to them and it makes it hard to get close to anyone. It's hard to become that vulnerable."
Natasha is silent for a moment but her hand reaches out to take one of Steve's. "I can't begin to imagine what it was like to wake up seventy years later or to know that your loved ones are gone but I can tell you that it's okay to open up again. You can't keep living and worrying about the past."
Steve nods. "I know that. Tony just...I can't stand him half the time and the other half, I just want him."
A small laugh escapes from Natasha. "He's hard to deal with but deep down, I think he has a really good heart. Keep in mind that his life hasn't been all privilege and fancy cars. He's had a hard time too."
"I know," Steve murmurs, looking up at her. "I said something really awful to him this morning. I said that I had hoped he was a better person than his father..."
Natasha cringes faintly. "Ouch. You might want to apologize for that one..."
He nods, knowing that she's probably right. She stands, patting his shoulder gently before leaving the room and leaving Steve to his thoughts
It's near midnight and Tony is drunk. Not just a little drunk but stumbling around and barely able to see a foot in front of him drunk. He just can't get the last thing Steve said to him out of his head. Steve had hoped that he was different from his father. He was different. Wasn't he? He wasn't cold and calculating like Howard Stark had been but he had the same brilliant mind. At the same time, Tony had the same trouble with truly being in touch with how he feels. He bottles it all up inside, letting it fester until it explodes and he does something stupid.
Somehow, Tony makes it to his bedroom and flops onto the bed. He's lost his glass along the way but he doesn't care. The room is spinning and he wonders where Steve is. In his drunken stupor it's amazing that Steve is the one thing he can still seem to focus on. He can feel tears stinging at the back of his eyes and he hates it. He hates the legendary Captain fucking America can reduce him to this. He feels weak and vulnerable and it's foreign to him. He's Tony Stark. He doesn't break down like this.
Tony's eyes slide closed and he feel the world tilting on its axis. Maybe he just won't wake up. Wouldn't have solve the problem for both of them?