Thank you so much for all the support you've given me in writing this fiction. Honestly, I didn't expect any of the reviews I've gotten and I certainly didn't think this would become more than what it did. I'm writing this for you guys! xoxoxo
When Tony opens his eyes the next morning he regrets it immediately. The sun that pours into the room stings his eyes and his head is pounding but he's amazed that he doesn't have the urge to throw up everywhere. With a groan, he rolls to the side, gagging on the sour after taste of alcohol and his main goal at the moment is to get to the bathroom so he can brush his teeth. It seems like a very long trip to the bathroom but somehow, he manages, groaning along the way from stiff muscles. He remembers why he hates hangovers. Once he is the bathroom and the bitter taste of last night's binge is washed from his mouth he looks up into the mirror and sighs heavily. He looks like hell but what can he expect?
The penthouse is cool and goose bumps rise on the bare skin of his chest and arms. The arc reactor is brightly lit and Tony is relieved that he didn't do something stupid. He trudges back to the bedroom but when he reenters the room he gets a surprise.
Steve is sitting on the edge of his bed with a paper cup of coffee and a bottle of aspirin. Tony blinks at him in confusion.
"How'd you get in here?" He asks.
"Your door was unlocked and the receptionist buzzed me in." Steve smiles slightly. He gestures for Tony to join him on the bed.
Tony crawls back into the bed, positioning himself so that he's sitting up agains the headboard. He takes the offered coffee and aspirin from Steve.
"I didn't expect for you to come back here." Tony says as he opens the bottle and pops a few of the white tablets into his mouth, chasing them down with the coffee.
"I didn't expect it either but I'm glad I did. It smells like a bar in here." Steve frowns. "You know for someone who went to such extremes to save his heart you sure don't care much about your liver." He touches the arc reactor in Tony's chest lightly. "I'm sorry."
Tony stares at him for a moment. "For what?"
"For what I said yesterday before I left about your dad. That was low and...I'm just sorry." Steve replies.
"Well you might not have been too far off," Tony gestures to himself. "I got upset and immediately crawled into the bottom of a bottle. That is exactly the kind of thing that my father would do so maybe I'm not better than he is."
Steve shakes his head. "I don't believe that. I was angry at you so I said something stupid."
Tony frowns, not saying anything and looking down at the cup of coffee that he holds in his hands. He doesn't know what to say but he knows that he probably owes Steve an apology as well.
"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to make you feel like a third wheel." Tony sighs. "I just don't know how to feel about anything and with Pepper..."
Steve shrugs. "Why can't we just take it one step at a time? See what happens?"
"What?" Tony smirks. "Steve Rogers is being impulsive and without a plan? It's never been done before so I should probably mark this date on my calendar."
"Tony," Steve says. "Shut up."
Steve leans in, pressing a kiss to Tony's jaw and making a soft trail to his lips. Tony's glad he took the time to brush his teeth now and he kisses the Captain back, shivering at the touch.
"I love you, Tony Stark." Steve says.
The way he says it, so casually and without a hint of fear or reluctance throws Tony into a tail spin. He panics for a moment, not knowing how to respond to this confession of love. Tony has never truly loved another person until now and it's scary as hell.
"Ditto," Tony says, not yet able to say those three little words back. It just makes it too real, too complicated.
If Steve is upset or disappointed, he doesn't show it. Instead, he kisses Tony with a sort of desperation like he's afraid Tony will vanish into thin air. Tony maneuvers the coffee cup onto the nightstand and slides his fingers into Steve's hair. His body is responding to the kiss but he pulls back.
"Wait," He says, a little breathless. "Let s stop for now?"
Steve blinks. "Really?"
"Yeah," Tony can't help but laugh. "Trust me, it takes a lot for me to say that because I want you every minute of every day but maybe we should slow down a little."
Steve doesn't argue but nods. Somehow, he understand what Tony is getting at. That he needs time to process what is happening and he has to sort out exactly what he's feeling.
"It can't just be about sex," Tony mutters.
Steve smiles, touching Tony's cheek gently. "I know. Maybe we should go out, do something, I mean...if that's all right with you."
"That'd be great," Tony smiles.
They're sitting outside a small cafe, the crowd light since it's a time between breakfast and lunch. It's quaint but expensive because Tony doesn't do anything simple. It's not his style. They're sitting out on the veranda of the cafe and his headache has ease and his stomach is churning less. He's managing small bits of food but mostly he's focused on the expensive Italian blend of coffee that keeps coming. The caffeine is helping the hangover even if it's just psychological. Steve on the other hand is eating like he hasn't eaten in years and Tony finds it amusing. He doesn't feel paranoid about sitting in this place with Steve. Somehow, it feels right and comfortable and as he watches his lover a warm feeling spreads through his chest. He's so, so in love with Steve Rogers but the words keep getting lodged in his throat.
As a child, Tony had only really loved his mother. She was the one to take care of him, love him and wipe away his tears when he was hurt or scared. He could never have gone to his father because Howard Stark would tell him to man up and deal with it. He had never shown the slightest affection towards Tony and perhaps that affected him now. Maybe that's what made it hard for him to be emotionally ept. He never wanted to feel that vulnerable just to be hurt again. Tony will never forget the conversation with Nick Fury about his father. Fury had said that Tony had it all wrong, that his father had loved him before he died. They were just words though and it was too late to find out the truth. So much for regrets.
When Steve is finished eating and the server has cleared their table, leaving only their coffee cup, he sits back in his chair.
"Tony, I know what you were hiding from me." He says.
Tony starts and sits up a little straighter in his chair, his heart pounding. How could he have known? Who had told him?
"What are you talking about?" He croaks.
"Natasha told me everything about it. Why did you think you had to hide that from me?" Steve asks. "I think it's a great idea even if it means being a little awkward."
"You do?" Tony is confused because this isn't the type of reaction he expected. How would Natasha know anything about it, too?
"Well yeah but how does Pepper feel about it?"
"Pepper?" Tony asks. "I...well I mean...she doesn t know much about it."
It's Steve's turn to look confused. "She doesn't know that you're rebuilding the penthouse to serve as headquarters for the Avengers?"
A wave of relief washes through Tony. So that was what Steve was talking about and not the other plan that was strictly between he and Nick Fury.
"O-oh the headquarters, right." Tony nods. "Yes, Pepper does know about that. In fact, it was partially her idea."
For a moment, Steve studies Tony and he thinks that his lover can see right through him. He's positive that Steve knows he's lying but then Steve shrugs.
"Well, like I said. I think it's a great idea. There's so much that goes on at SHIELD and it's all very distracting. Not to mention you have all that high tech stuff that I don't even understand." Steve smiles.
Tony returns the smile. "I could teach you, you know. You're smart and you'll catch on faster than you think."
"I don't know," Steve shifts a bit in his seat. "I have seventy years to catch up on. I can barely use that stupid cell phone I have."
Tony laughs. "Maybe we shouldn't have given you a smartphone to start out with?"
"A what?" Steve blinks.
"Nevermind," Tony can't help his smile. It's things like this that makes his heart swell when it comes to Steve.
A silence falls between them and Steve is worrying at his cheek with his teeth. Another habit that Tony has observed when the Captain is deep in thought. He can only imagine what is going through his lover's head.
"What are we going to do when Pepper comes back, Tony?"
Tony has been dreading this question even though he knows it's been coming since Steve came back to New York. "I don't know," He says. "What am I supposed to tell her?"
"Probably the truth." Steve snorts.
"Don't be a smart ass, Steve. This is serious. I don't want to hurt her." Tony snaps.
"Well then maybe you'll be doing her a favor by telling her sooner rather than later."
Tony lets out a frustrated sigh. He's not sure exactly when Steve decided that they were officially a couple. Tony's not even sure that's possible with as much drama the two of them create. What pisses him off even more is that Steve is right. He's always right and Tony hates it.
"I know you're right, Steve. I just...I don't know how I'm going to tell her." Tony shakes his head. "I wasn't even aware that we made this official."
Steve is dumbfounded. "You're kidding me, right?"
Tony only offers him a blank stare.
"I was pretty sure that my confession to you this morning, telling you that I love you, was a pretty good sign of that." Steve's voice is raising and people are starting to stare at them.
"Sh, Steve, people are looking." Tony hisses, feeling uncomfortable.
"I don't give a damn." Steve barks his eyes angry. "You need to make a decision, now or I'm gone."
Tony's heart hurts and the thought of Steve leaving is unbearable but there's more to this than the two of them. The fact that he's lying to Steve about what he's really up to is gnawing at his insides.
"Steve, just...I don't know what I want..."
His lover lets out a breath, disbelief written all over his face. "I'll tell you what, when you figure it out, then let me know. I'm not going to wait around for you forever. I won't."
Steve says nothing more but stands from table and pulls cash out of his pocket, dropping some bills on the table for his food before walking away. Tony knows that he should go after him, knows that he needs to be truthful with Steve but he's glued to the chair.
This has become far more complicated than he had intended.