You're A Pest (Performed by: Ghirahim, Zant, Vaati, Veran, Ganondorf, & Minions)
This parody is about Link being dragged into a torture chamber. Moments later, he is tied to a chair, and his mouth is taped shut. He has to go through the most nightmarish thing he has ever experienced so far: watching five Zelda villains sing a song to him in a comical, yet graphic, way. To make matters worse, they also perform disturbing acts, such as feeding him to the Stalfos, as the song continues.
[GHIRAHIM:] [SPOKEN:]
My dear Skychild, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight.
And now we invite you to suffer; let us tie you to a
chair as the Zelda villains proudly present -
your nightmare!
[GHIRAHIM:] [SUNG:]
You're a pest! You're a pest!
Put our killing to the test
Tie this rope around your neck, my friend
And we will do the rest
Tie it hard
Tie it tight
Or else, we'll be here all night
Try this poison
It's delicious!
Soon, you're sleeping with the fishes
Watch us sing, dance as well
While you're stuck there in a cell
And the tortures here are never second best
And we'll make you scared straight
While you abacinate
You'll die a pest
Yes, a pest
You're a pest!
[ZANT & MINIONS:]
Yes, today
Is the day
We will set you "en flambe"
[ZANT:]
We'll prepare and serve with flair
A killer, cutthroat cabaret!
You're alone
And you're scared
'Cause this murder's all prepared
You'll be gloomy, you're complaining
While we're here and "entertaining"
Tooth extract, use the Rack
Put large weights upon your back
[MINIONS:]
Just because we are the ones
That you oppressed
[ZANT & MINIONS:]
Come on let's lift our glasses
While we kill, with class,
This little pest
[ZANT:]
If you're stressed
It's kneecapping I suggest
[ZANT & MINIONS:]
You're a pest! You're a pest! You're a pest!
[VAATI:]
Life was so unnerving
For a villain who's not serving
We're not whole without a soul to stalk upon
Ah, those good old days when we were evil...
Suddenly those good old days are gone
Decades we've been rusty
More than dirty, more than crusty
We just want to sin so we could feel alive
Most days we just stroll around the dark realm
We were just mere fables
Then, somebody turned the tables!
[VERAN:]
It's a pest! It's a pest!
Sakes alive, we can avenge!
Blood galore? Well, thank Farore
That we're getting our revenge!
Soon, he'll be on his knees
And my dear that's fine with me
When the stalfos get through chewing
Get the pot and get it brewing
Make it warm, piping hot
Goodness sakes, heat it a lot!
Fire it up! We want the company depressed
We've got a lot to do!
Is it one burn or two?
For you, the pest!
[MINIONS:]
He's a pest!
[VERAN:]
Such a pest!
[MINIONS:]
He's a pest!
[MINIONS:]
You're a pest! You're a pest!
Your demise is our request
We'll castrate you, mutilate you
And we'll never let you rest
You will squirm, while we squeeze
Yes, indeed, we aim to please
While the murder vibe is flowing
Let us hurt you, we'll keep going
[GANONDORF & MINIONS:]
Slash by slash, stab by stab
When you scream, we'll all be glad
[GANONDORF:]
Then I'll rip your little heart out of your chest
[ALL:]
Tonight you will get beat up
Hang you from your feet up
Kill the pest!
Kill the pest!
Kill the pest!
Let's kill the pest!
Right when the song ends, Link wakes up screaming and panting in his bed. It turns out he really was having a nightmare. He sighs in relief as he lies back down and falls asleep.