Chapter Two

Warmth. I felt warmth wash over my body.

And pain.

So.

Much.

Pain.

Everything was dark and I cried out. My body ached and my left side burned in agony. I whimpered, unable to open my eyes or feel anything beyond the fire licking at my body until I felt something cool brush across my forehead.

Soothing.

There were whispers in my ear that I could not make out as something dulled my pain. The voice was comforting. Familiar.

"Cullen?" I whispered as my pain faded and I drifted back into unconsciousness.

My dreams were restless and filled with dark shapes and eerie feelings, but they did not stick in my memory as I stirred awake. I groaned and opened my eyes to the strong afternoon light pouring through large windows. I was in my bed in Skyhold. A fire crackled in the stone hearth, making the only noise in the entire room. I wondered when I had gotten here and how long I had been asleep. I knew that I couldn't stay like this forever because no matter what had happened, my duties wouldn't wait long for me. I shoved the sheets off my body and sat up. I yelped as a sharp sensation shot through my side. I looked down and saw the bandages wrapped around my waist. Right. That's what happened. I must have had Andraste's favor because I was lucky to be alive.

My legs were wobbly as I made an effort to stand. I must have been alseep for a while for my legs to feel this unstable. Searching around the room I saw that there was a pitcher of water on my desk and I was suddenly acutely aware of how dry my throat felt. I walked over slowly and painfully to pour a glass for myself. Breathing was a bit laborious, but I could still walk. That was good, I could work with that.

After I had my fill of water, I decided to get dressed. The clothes I slept it were damp from sweat and I was sure I had work to do somewhere. It would not do for the Inquisitor to look disheveled. And there were healers that I needed to thank. The process was arduous as I had to be careful not to aggravate my still healing wound. Andraste's tits did it hurt.

A pile of papers sat on my desk needing my attention. I could die and still have paperwork to do. I smiled wryly to myself as I thought I almost did. Sitting down I began to work through the pile, sorting through reports and letters and making stacks to respond to based on importance. The room felt stuffy and my stomach growled, but I didn't have the confidence that I could go down the stairs on my own just yet, not with changing clothes having unexpectedly taken so much healers had patched me up, but I also knew my limits and knew that even with magic, I still needed time to recover.

The door to my chamber creaked open and I heard the padding of leather boots on stone. I could tell who it was by the weight of each step and the jangle of armor. His blond hair poked above the floor as he climbed and a smile cracked across my face as I realized he was probably checking on me.

"Hello Commander." I said steadily.

"Maker's Breath, you're awake!" He exclaimed as he fumbled with something in his hands while he approached my desk. "Uh, the apothecary wasn't sure when you'd wake up, but she said that you should drink this. Its-uh- its supposed to help with any pain you might be feeling." He set a small vial in front of me and watched as I drank it. It was bitter and I heard Cullen snort at my grimace. "She warned me that it was bitter, but said it works." He said as I handed the glass back, my nose still wrinkled from the unpleasant experience.

"I would hope so. I don't want to feel this pain more than necessary. I need to be back to work as soon as I can." I kept writing my response to a report from the Emerald Graves.

"With all due respect Inquisitor, it looks to me like you're already working."

"Yes, but I'm sure Josephine has been putting off the inquiries of nobles for long enough."

"Right, but you need some time to rest. You barely made it here alive." I looked up and saw the genuine concern on Cullen's face. It gave me pause. I remembered seeing that concern after Haven. He must have caught me as I fell from my horse. I unconsciously put my hand to my injured side.

"It will leave a scar." Cullen's voice broke me from my thoughts. He was rubbing his neck. I wondered why he always seemed to do that when we spoke.

"Huh? Oh yes, I figured as much, but it won't be my first." I pointed to the large one that marred the right side of my face. "How long have I been asleep?"

"It's been two days. I- we thought you-" His voice cracked a bit. I knew what he was thinking. His words to me after Haven had conveyed a similar expression.

"I thought I was too. But-" I hissed as I stood. Cullen jumped to help me, but I waved it off. "I must have some unfinished business because the Maker would not take me."

"You need to rest, Inquisitor." Cullen tried to direct me to my bed.

"Nonsense. I can't lay in that bed one moment longer. If I've been asleep for so long, I need to get back out there and show everyone that the Inquisitor is okay. I can't stay up in this tower like some dainty damsel. I need to move around, stretch my muscles, and show people that I'm not killed that easily. You will not stop me on this."

Cullen chuckled and I scowled. "You are a stubborn woman."

"You're just now noticing this?

"Certainly not."

"Good." I nodded before looking at him sheepishly. " Still, I could use some help right now…Would you accompany me to the kitchens? My stomach feels emptier than the Void and stairs might present a challenge. At least until this painkiller starts to work." The pain in my side was dulling, but I still wasn't confident that I could use stairs without help.

"I can go ask someone to send food up to you, Inquisitor." He said before I waved his suggestion away.

"No. I really want to go myself. Please let me have this?"

"If you insist, Inquisitor." He held his hand out to me and I took it. The leather of his glove was soft with years of wear and it brought me an odd feeling of comfort. His grip was steady, but gentle as he assisted me down the stairs until we reached the door to the great hall. I stood straight and opened the door, pretending nothing was wrong as Cullen trailed a few steps behind me. I strode across the hall until the door to the next stairwell was closed behind us.

"Maker's Breath," I huffed, looking at the stairs below us, "Why does this place have to have so many blasted stairs?" Cullen was quick to return his supportive arm to me as we descended again and I smiled, feeling a small jump in my stomach at his help. "Thank you."

"I really must advise against you straining yourself right now, Inquisitor." His voice was tinged with worry and I could feel his steady grasp on me as he continued his assistance.

"Thank you, Commander, but I need to walk around. I'll go absolutely mad otherwise." I found comfort in his touch as he helped me down the stairs. I almost didn't want him to let go as we approached the bottom. We walked to the kitchen door and Cullen took his arm away as he pushed open the door. Warmth and the smell of bread washed over me and my stomach growled loudly. I could feel the embarrassment heat up my face as the Commander snickered under his breath.

"Inquisitor! Commander!" A member of the kitchen staff stumbled as they nearly dropped a tray of fresh bread. "Pardon me! We weren't expecting you."

"No, I apologize for our intrusion!" I said gently as I walked into the inviting room. "I was just hoping to find something to eat for the Commander and myself. We're a tad peckish."

"Certainly your worship. Thanks to Ser Morris we have plenty, please help yourself." I smiled and grabbed two wooden plates for myself and Cullen.

"Thank you." I took some bread, dried meat, cheese, and fruit and waited for Cullen to take any food he may want, although he took less than I did. My stomach was angrily rumbling. We exited the kitchen the way we came and I looked at the stairs leading back to the Great Hall and grimaced. I wasn't willing to deal with that again just yet. "Follow me." I said as I turned and went to a seldom used door. Opening it revealed a room with floor to ceiling shelves filled with books. A dusty tome sat on a desk at the end of the room illuminated by a blue flame. I took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of the old books. I turned to see Cullen curiously looking around.

"Have you ever been in this room before?" I asked.

"I can't say that I have." His voice was quiet as if he were trying not to disturb something ancient.

"Few have. When I found this small library, everything was was covered in cobwebs." I set my plate on the desk and ran my fingers along the spines of tomes long forgotten. "It's become my pet project trying to fix this small room up when I have a few moments to spare and need a quiet place to hide from the rest of Skyhold. Sometimes I'll even come down here to do some work and write letters." I could feel how close Cullen was. The room did not allow for much space between two bodies. "I figured we could sit in here rather than go back up the stairs." I placed my hand on the desk and gingerly lowered myself to the stone floor. Cullen smiled gently and sat down on the ground next to me and I felt a blush bloom across my cheeks.

"Thank you for showing me this, Inquisitor." He said warmly.

"Call me Avalina," I whispered. He was always so formal and it felt wrong in private moments such as this. "At least in private."

"Certainly...Avalina." I had never heard him say my name in all the months that we had known each other. It felt odd, but also it felt right. We had been dancing around each other for months, using our titles to guard our interests… or at least I had been. I was trying to keep my emotions guarded. I couldn't let anything interfere with my responsibilities as Inquisitor. We faced a monumental threat from demons and an ancient darkspawn, and I was the best hope we had of sealing rifts and defeating Corypheus. I couldn't afford to let a romance blossom. Not right now. Not to mention my family. But hearing my name fall from his lips sounded so beautiful and it forced a smile from mine.

We sat in silence for a while, eating in peace before Cullen spoke again.

"Inqui—Avalina," He stopped himself, considering something carefully. "It occurs to me that I do not know much about you."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. " I thought Leiliana would have given you my entire life story when I was a prisoner in Haven." Cullen chuckled.

"Sort of. She told us about your family and background, but that isn't what I meant." He paused, picking at his food. "I meant more about you as a person. Favorite colors, games, and other such things. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?"

I leaned back against the desk. "Well," I searched my brain for a moment, "I enjoy playing music and reading I suppose. But lately I've found myself enjoying silent walks in the night air or trips down to the tavern to drink and play cards with Varric and the Chargers. They're all small things that distract me from the pressure for a short time."

"I see." Cullen said and fell silent again for a moment, "I know we ask a lot of you. You never asked for this responsibility, but I am proud of far you've come in the months that I've known you. And I know that the others feel much the same." His words were gentle and I found myself blushing again.

"Thank you. I still doubt that I'm the right person for this job, but if Andraste has truly sent me as her Herald, I must do my best for the Inquisition and for Thedas." I sighed. I didn't have a choice. I absolutely had to step forward and take responsibility. No matter how many deaths haunted my dreams or how many doubts weighed on me, I had to remain resolute in the face of the danger we were up against. I had no room to let my fear govern me. Cullen's hand gently patted my shoulder.

"If you ever feel overwhelmed, please feel free to come talk with me. None of us carry our burdens alone, Avalina."

"Thank you Commander."

"Call me Cullen." He let out a soft laugh, "At least in private." I grinned as he threw my own words back at me.

"Very well...Cullen." We stayed in silence for a time as we finished the food on our plates.

The quiet between us wasn't uncomfortable. Quite the opposite. It was easy and reassuring, but it was eventually broken as Cullen stood from the floor. I looked up at him as he offered his hand to help me up. "As much as I enjoy your company, I feel that we will both be missed if we do not return soon." Cullen was right. We both had work to do and my hunger was sated. There was no reason to remain. I took his hand and he gently helped me out my feet while I winced at the now dulled pain in my side. "I'll escort you back to your chambers. Please do not exert yourself too much. You need to heal."

"That's not necessary. I think I can manage by myself now. I want to go speak to some thank you for helping me, Cullen."

"Of course, Avalina." The sound of my name sent chills over my skin. This was not a good idea.