Disclaimer : I don't own Glee.
While I was eating, I noticed that different expressions crossed her face. What's that about?
I looked back and forth, to Rachel and to my sandwich, until she seemed to have gathered that I wanted some explanations.
She sighed heavily and then said, "When you were unconscious..." she trailed off at first. Maybe she just wanted to get my attention, to stop eating my sandwich and listen to her, so I put the sandwich back in the plastic box and placed it on the rotatable table that was in front of me.
I gave her one single nod for her to continue.
"When you were in a coma. Laying in this bed, with no sign of life other than your that screen over there-" she pointed to the heart rate monitor next to my bed, "Indicating that your heart was still beating. I lost hope..." Rachel said, tears in her eyes. She didn't fight them, though. She let them spill out her cheeks. Even when she cried, she still looked like the most perfect person in the world to me. "I'm so sorry, Quinn. I just...- I didn't know if you would come back." she explained.
I nodded understandably, because when I was in the parallel world, in between life and death, I wasn't sure myself that I would be able to go back to the land of the living. It was so frustrating and was the cause of the many break-downs in Jason company.
"Everyone seemed so sure that you would be coming back. But I couldn't persuade myself that they were saying the truth. They're my best friends, we're a big family, and family members are meant to trust each other. But this time I couldn't. I needed to see for myself that what they were saying was true. I needed to see you alive again so that I knew they weren't lying. I stayed by your bed for hours, praying for you to come back." Rachel said. Her voice was wavy, but I didn't care, she was flawless anyway. If I could move my legs, I would have already jumped off this hideous hospital bed and I would be sitting next to her right now, with my arms around her.
My imagination is pretty impressive at times.
The petite brunette continued, "But every time I held your hand, trying to bring you back to life. You never did" she sighed, "What was I thinking, I'm not some sort of witch who can just make you live again with one touch" Rachel scoffed, shaking her head to herself. "I needed you to come back. I needed to tell you how sorry I was for everything that happened. I needed to tell you that Finn and I didn't get married, I needed to tell you that I would try my best to make you feel better once you woke up. I needed you to wake up, Quinn."
"I'm awake now" I mumbled, when I noticed that she had stopped talking for a split second.
"And I'm sorry"
"Sorry that I'm awake. Why thanks, Rachel, I appreciate that" I smiled cheekily.
She shook her head and we shared a glance. During that one second glance, I admired her eyes, like I always do when I look into them. Those soft and sparkling eyes, yet so fiery. Those were the eyes that I could stare at for hours, days, even years. I would just be able to live like that, with Rachel's in front of me. I would even have to eat, or drink. Rachel would simply keep me alive.
"No, Quinn. I'm sorry for what happened. You keep telling me that I don't need to blame myself, but I do. Inside of me, I have this need to blame myself for what happened to you. The accident you got is was my fault, you can't tell me to not blame myself. Don't deny the fact that if I hadn't have texted you, you wouldn't be here right now. Don't deny it, Quinn, because we all know it's true." she explained.
One day, someone will have to explain why every time that Rachel opens her mouth to speak, I'm always speechless.
Of course, I needed to tell her that she shouldn't blame herself, but she would never listen to me. This girl is being way to stubborn right now, yet so... Perfect.
I decided that the word 'Perfect' was a word that I would use to describe Rachel. And Rachel Berry, only. From now on, that one word is reserved for her.
"Then, I apologize for making your life a living hell during the last few years." I stated, with a sad smile. I was going to be stubborn, too.
"That's not the same..."
"Oh don't you start, Rachel Berry. You know it is, you're just too stubborn right now to admit it. I've made your life a living hell, Rachel, we all know that. I've made you suffer, I insulted you, called you names, drew horrible pornographic pictures of you. -Yes, that was me, if you were wondering. I knew that you would get hurt if I stole Finn from you, so that's what I did. I tried to keep him by my side as long as possible, all that to hurt you." I said.
I could see all of those moments that I talked about, spinning in my head. It made me sick to know that I had hurt Rachel so much.
"See Rachel, I made you suffer for several years, and yet you're here apologizing for sending me a text message. This isn't your fault, believe me. I shouldn't have read the text message. I should have just waited til I arrived, or stopped on the side of the road, but instead, I grabbed my phone and read the damn text message." I told her. My voice seemed to be echoing in the room, the tone of my voice bouncing on and off the walls. "I'm not finished" I stated, before looking at her right in the eyes. We soon locked our stares and were looking into each others eyes with so much intensity. "Do you know why I read the message, instead of just waiting? Do you know why exactly I didn't just stop the car?" I asked.
In reply, she just shook her head.
I took a deep breath, and prepared myself mentally for the long explanation that was going to come out of my mouth in a great big mess, obviously.
"You told me to hurry. So I did. I wanted to be there on time to see you say 'yes' to Finn. Because he makes you so happy. You deserve happiness, after all the pain I've put you through. I needed to see Finn put that ring on your finger, and I needed to see you beam at him with teary eyes, because you would have been so happy together." I explained, shrugging my shoulders. "That's all I wanted, Rachel. I just wanted to see you happy. And I was scared that if I didn't get there on time, I wouldn't be able to see that moment. The messages you were sending me seemed so urgent, like you were going to start the wedding for me. So I needed to reassure you by telling you that I was almost there. The last thing I remembered was pressing that send button and waiting for my message to be sent. I never knew if you received it. If you didn't, I just wanted to tell you that I was on my way."
We both looked like a mess. Tears were spilling out of our eyes and running down our cheeks freely, and at some point, during my explanation, our hands seemed to have met.
Rachel squeezed my hand in both of hers, and sobbed with her head down.
"Look at me" I said, with a wavering voice.
She instantly obliged and lifted her head ever so slowly.
"Please don't blame yourself for this." I almost begged. I needed her to listen to me and to stop worrying about it. Because eventually I would get out of this hospital and I would hopefully be able to walk again. And everything would be normal again.
Rachel soon perked up and straightened her back, her hands still wrapping mine. "How about we make a deal?" she suggested.
I was hesitant at first. I wasn't sure that making a deal with Rachel Berry would be a good thing. But obviously, I trusted her with all my heart so I slowly nodded.
"I won't blame myself if you don't blame yourself either" the brunette stated.
I shook my head almost immediately after she finished her sentence, "And how will we know if we're not lying, and just acting normal when in the inside we're still blaming ourselves?" I asked. It was true, though. I knew that Rachel was a great actress and that she would probably make my believe anything she says, but if she's just hiding the fact that she's still blaming herself, the deal wouldn't work.
The girl looked thoughtful for a while, until she made that face as if a light bulb just appeared over her head. "What if we just work on it?" she suggested.
I preferred this idea, even though I had no idea how that was going to work. I gave her a confused look and she soon explained herself properly.
"We can just make it up to each other. Spend time with each other, talking about everything and nothing, go to places together, being there when someone's down. That way, it would be our way of apologizing for everything we've done" she shrugged, shooting a glance at me, probably searching for a sign of agreement.
"That would be nice" I nodded, while I was smiling. I knew that my smile wasn't that big, but inside, the smile was gigantic. No one would know how big I would have been smiling right now.
"I have the perfect song for this!" I heard Rachel exclaim, clapping her hands together.
I instantly missed the skin contact but I listened anyway.
"I know I haven't sung much during these past few days. But I dedicate this song to you"
Here we go, Rachel Berry speaking as if she was just going to go on stage. I chuckled at the cuteness in front of me and gave her a soft and encouraging smile.
"Actually, I dedicate this to Lucy Fabray, the you I would loved to have met. It's about being yourself. You don't have to hide behind something when you can just be yourself." she smiled as she hummed a note, probably to prepare her voice.
"I never promised you a ray of light
I never promised there'd be sunshine every day
I'll give you everything I have
The good, the bad
Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below
So help me down you've got it wrong
I don't belong there
One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were me
And I, I just want to love you
Oh I, I just want to love you
I always said that I would make mistakes
I'm only human and that's my saving grace
I'll fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong there"
She's actually singing a song to me, to make me understand that I don't have to be perfect to be loved. Swooning. I, Quinn Fabray am swooning because Rachel is singing to me.
"One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were me
And I, I just want to love you
Oh I, I just want to love you
Like to think that you know me
But in your eyes
I am something above me
That's only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a, I wear a, I wear a Halo
One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were me
And I, I just want to love you
Oh I, I just want to love you"
She ended on a perfect note as usual. I tried to not think of those last few words, the chorus, actually. 'I just want to love you". Rachel Berry, you can love me anytime you want. I'm not going to keep you from doing that. I told myself, then mentally slapping my forehead for thinking like that.
"I will always accept you, Lucy Quinn Fabray." Rachel said.
This was short, I know. But I wanted to do a small chapter before Shelby and Beth comes to visit Quinn.
Disclaimer : I don't own Bethany Joy Galeotti, nor do I own her song Halo (Which is truly amazing.).