Disclaimer : I do not own Glee.
"What about now? Can I try the wheelchair? Please." I almost begged. I needed to move, I needed to get out this bed. And I needed to wash my hair. "When can I go back home?"
Gemma answered almost straight away, "Maybe you can try the wheelchair right now. And I'm not sure yet, but from what I've heared I think you'll be able to go back tomorrow morning, so don't get to used to this bed" she chuckled.
That was a good thing, because I really needed to get out of here and prove to myself that I'm able to get through this. That I'm able to push through the numbness in my legs and eventually get them to work again. I was going to have to force myself to believe in myself.
"So... Can I try. Right now?" I asked, desperate to try.
The nurse laughed, "Alright, Quinn. But I just need you to know that you might be disappointed. You know that you cant move your legs, so you're going to be needing some help to get into that chair."
Right, that's true. Crap. ow wasn't the time to feel bad. Now wasn't the time to bury myself back into the darkness.
"I know that" I simply stated, trying to hold on a strong face.
"Well then, I guess we could try. Wait just a second, I'll go and get the wheelchair" she said, exiting the room.
I watched her leave, and when the door clicked closed, I instantly started pounding on my thighs in frustration. "Come on!" I yelled. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel pain. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. Not even one tingle, not one spike. "What is this ?" I exclaimed. My voice was slowly disappearing and had become this croaking sound because of my intense breathing. "Feel ! Just feel something for Gods sake !" I sobbed. My hands had stopped pounding and were now covering my face wet with tears. I don't know why this happened... But this can't be happening to me. I need my legs to feel something, just at least one spike. "Please" I whispered, clasping my hands together and looking up at the ceiling. "Please don't do this to me".
Of course I was aware that I'm being a slight bit selfish, but at that very moment, I couldn't really help it. It all just came to my head all of a sudden and with all the thought flying around like bees, I just couldn't help trying to make them go away. That was the cause of my break down.
I was in a state that no one could see me in. Not even the nurse. I couldn't let people see me weak like this. I'm meant to be the strong one. I'm meant to be the one who got through so many things and is now as strong as steel. I can't believe I promised to make the most of my life, and yet I was pounding my fists to my legs hopelessly.
When Gemma came back into the room, I quickly turned my head to the door, acting normal even though my eyes were red and my cheeks were tear-stained. Obviously, this didn't appear unnoticed to my nurse.
"Are you feeling alright ? We can always move this time to another. You don't have to try this now. I can understand if you're feeling nervous, Quinn" she said with a soft voice.
I shook my head almost immediately, "No, I want to do this now" I told her, trying to get the memories of what had happened just before.
She put on a face that probably meant 'I'm not going to insist' and I nodded, smiling.
Gemma rolled the wheelchair right next to my bed and let me sit up before she uncovered my legs from the sheets, revealing some horrible and dark bruises, plus a few scratches. If I had the ability to feel my legs right now, they would probably be really painful. But I can't. I can't feel them. Enough, Quinn. Act strong. Be strong. Convince people that you're alright. Don't let them feel sad for you.
The nurse then lifted me off the bed and sat me onto the wheelchair. I set my hands onto the sides and searched for a feeling. What was I feeling right then? I'm not sure. Maybe relief that I got out of that bed, maybe freedom, or maybe frustration because I might not work this thing properly.
My hands slowly moved to the metal part of the wheels and I pushed forward, feeling that I could move for the first time for a few days.
I rolled around the room for a little while, trying to get the hand of my new way of getting to places. Then I made my way to the door and I looked around, at Gemma, who gave me a nod indicating that I could go out.
I pushed the door opened and traveled through the hallways. I knew what I was looking for. I was searching for Jason's room. I wanted to see if he was awake yet and I needed to reassure him that everything is going to be alright, because that's what he did for me when I was at my worst.
I turned my head, left and right, looking at the door numbers. But I didn't know his, so the only was I could find out was if I went to the reception. And that's what I did. The counter was too high for me to see the receptionist, though. So I had to clear my throat in order for the lady to lean over and ask "What can I do for you?" with a welcoming smile.
"I... Uh. I'd like to know the room number of one of my friends... If that's possible?" I started. "Jason. Jason Alexander?"
"Room 251" she told me, with an apologetic smile. I knew why. Probably because he was still unconscious. Probably.
Then, I left, because the lady didn't say anything else. I started rolling to room 251 and when I got there, I noticed that there were a crowd of doctors in front of the door. I was about to excuse myself to get past them, until I saw that girl again. The one who was crying for Jason in the waiting room while I was still unconscious. The pregnant one. She was still pregnant, and, she was still crying helplessly.
"Miss, we're really sorry, but I don't think we should continue..." I heard a doctor say. What is all this about?
I sat there for a moment until the doctors left the girl on her own. Her eyes looked crimson red in my mind. They were full of sadness, anger and pain... Hurt. I slowly approached her and looked up at her teary face.
"I'm sorry about what happened to Jason..." I mumbled.
Silent. There was an awkward silence in between us for a few seconds.
"How do you know him...?" she asked, hesitantly at first.
What could I say? 'Oh, I met him in a world between life and death' Nope, I don't think that would be an appropriate sentence. "We were in high school together. He was a grade ahead of me so we didn't really know each other. I've just recently heard that he had an accident." What? I wasn't lying. Alright fine, i was half lying, but the other half was true. We were in high school together.
"Oh" was all she said. And then we were plunged into that awkward silence, once again. I get it, though. I wasn't going to push her to talk. Especially after what happened next.
The girl crumpled to the floor and began sobbing loudly. I remained there, looking at her with wide eyes because that was exactly me the first time I broke down in that parallel world. Although this time, I didn't quite know what was happening. I felt like I missed something.
She had her back against the wall, and her face was hidden in her knees. She was shaking furiously. I felt sorry for her.
If I were able to, I would have gotten up from this wheelchair and I would have sat down next to her, just like Jason did when I was in this state of extreme sadness. But I couldn't move from this thing. So instead, I brought my chair as close to her as possible, without squashing her, of course. And I laid my good hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what the doctors told you, and you don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it. But I just woke up from a coma, a few hours ago. So Jason can wake up too. Because he's strong, and because everything is possible." I murmured.
The girl just kept sobbing. But really, I wasn't expecting her to say anything. There was his boyfriend lying unconscious in the room behind us, after all.
"Sometimes you just have to keep believing. You know, just like the song Don't stop believing. You shouldn't stop, no matter what. Always have hope for what's going to happen next. You never know, he may wake up in a few seconds and everything will be fine. Or maybe you'll have to wait a few more hours, or days, and he'll wake up, and then again, everything will be f-" but I was soon cut off my her words.
"He can't stay in that room much longer !" she exclaimed, through sobs, finally lifting her head of from her knees. "The doctors said... They said that they're going to stop the machine thing that's sending air to his lungs to keep him breathing... They said that there's no use in continuing to use it because there's practically no hope. They say that he won't get out of the coma because of his severe heart condition... There's no use in waiting, because the doctors don't believe that he can wake up" she cried. At the end of her sentence, she had crumbled once again. It was heat-breaking, seeing someone like this, with absolutely no hope whatsoever.
"T-They are going to cut his air?" I said, shocked at her statement. How can this be possible. Doctors aren't allowed to do that ! Well, what did I know, I knew nothing about what they were or weren't allowed to do. But I certainly knew that if they cut Jason's air, there was going to me no hope left at all. They have to keep him breathing.
"I know... I didn't think it was possible, but they're doctors, they can do whatever the hell they want, even if it kills their patients family. I have a child ! I need her father to be here when I give birth to her... I need him to be here to see our baby girl..." she sobbed.
I smiled at the fact that she knew what gender the baby was. A little girl, just like Beth. Flashbacks of when I was pregnant flew through my mind and then I landed back on Earth again. "He will be here... But he has to come back soon" I mumbled.
Maybe I should go and talk to the doctors. And tell them to wait a little longer. But the girl had probably already done that...
"I know you probably don't want to talk right now, but would you like to have a drink with me. I think there's a coffee maker on this floor" I suggested. She probably needed to clear her head...
Without a word, she stood up shakily and wiped her eyes. But even though she wiped the tears away, more of them came flowing out. She leaned her head against the wall and cried freely. I didn't stop her, I didn't talk to her. But I knew that I was there, and when you're down, just like she was, it's always comforting knowing you have someone right next to you.
When she had calmed down a little, she shot a glance at me and smiled, even though her bottom lip was trembling. We walked- well, she walked, and I rolled to the coffee machine at the end of the hall and got our coffees. Then, we sat down on the empty chairs and sipped our hot drinks.
I noticed that she was taking glances at my legs, who were obviously, still not moving, so I decided to cut the silence. "I can't move them" I shrugged as if it weren't important.
"I'm so sorry" she mumbled apologetically.
I held a hand up meaning that she didn't have to apologize, "It's fine. Apparently I'm going to be able to walk again so I guess it's not that bad after all" I explained. Then, I noticed her hesitant expression, "You want to know what happened, am I wrong?" I chuckled. She slowly nodded so I took a deep breath before explaining a long story, but I summed it up, "Well, I was on my way to a wedding and I received a text message. I read it and then this happened" I said, pointing to my legs. "A truck crashed into my car and then I lost conscious" I sighed.
"And you woke up..." she mumbled, sipping from her cup of coffee.
"Jason will wake up, too. You just have to wait. Have a little faith" I smiled softly.
We continued talking for quite a while, even after we finished our drinks. Then we arranged another one of these talks, since she said that it was nice to have someone to talk to. And we went our separate ways.
When I got back to my room, I had the pleasant surprise to find one Rachel Berry waiting for me at the side of my bed.
"Your nurse said that you were talking to Jason's partner" she beamed once she saw me in my wheelchair, "How are you handling this?" the brunette asked.
"Quite well, actually. I'm quite surprised to see you here, Miss Berry" I smiled, rolling over to her.
"That's good to hear. I'm proud of you, Quinn"
I instantly blushed and then something came to my mind. I had decided that I would live each day as if it were my last. I knew that this was going to be a bit rushed, but what if the world ended tomorrow. Alright, I was exaggerating, I know very well that we can do anything with 'what ifs'' but there's no turning back now, I had an idea in my head and no matter what was going to happen, I wouldn't change my mind.
"Rachel... I need to tell you something" I started of hesitantly but then I became sure that this is what I wanted to do. This is what I had to do.
"Go ahead, Quinn. I'm all ears" she smiled. Obviously, she had no idea about what was going to come out of my mouth.
I turned my wheelchair so that we were facing ourselves. I looked into her eyes and began talking. But I needed to be sure of one thing, first. "Please, can you just wait til' I've finished if you want to talk?" I asked. When I saw her nod of approval, I prepared myself emotionally, taking a deep breath in.
"I nearly died... But what if I did? What if I didn't wake up? I would have only one regret. Just one... We spend so much time saying things. Things that we don't think, stupid things. So now I'm telling you, so that I won't ever regret holding this in and never saying it, I'm in love with you, Rachel Berry. Don't say it back if you don't mean it, but please, just tell me that I have a chance. If I don't, I'll find a way to fight in order to get to your heart, because you already have mine." I said, then continuing. "Rachel, i grew up around this saying 'If you never try, you'll never know', so this is me, trying, taking a risk. What happens next is for you to decide" I ended, waiting for a response.
I know that I shouldn't have said that, because she already had Finn. But I needed her to know how I feel about her.
Voila for now ! What should happen next ?
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