Frostbite

Chapter 5

…

"Okay you're doing great Caitlin, just keep focusing"

"I am focused" I say through gritted teeth as I focus on controlling the storm whirling around me, making sure I didn't give in to the darker part of me, the killer frost part of my brain.

"Your physiology is amazing; your body is literally changing to adapt to the cold temperature. You can stop now" Wells says as he stares at one of the screens monitoring me.

I take in the storm, panting slightly as Barry chucks me a water bottle "How long was that?"

"uh, 33 minutes. A new record" he says with a smile as I gulp down the water

"Your control has developed immensely over the last two months Caitlin, I see no reason we can't try to test it out" Wells speaks, going into the other room and bringing Cisco back.

"What's going on?" I ask as Cisco stands in front of me.

"You are going to hold Cisco's hand for 30 seconds; I want you to try to resist using your powers"

"Are you insane? I could kill him!" I shout, taking a step back

"I think that you are in enough control now that that won't happen."

"And you want to test that theory on him? No, no I won't do it" I say, shaking my head.

Barry steps forward "What if it was me? If something were to happen I wouldn't get hurt and we've already done this before" I hesitate and he holds out his hand "Please Caitlin, I want to help"

I reluctantly take his hand, expecting to feel the immediate transfer of energy and warmth that would occur whenever I touch someone. I didn't feel it, instead I felt a spark as our skins touched, like someone had just electrocuted me. I glance up at Barry, our eyes interlocking as I held his warm hand in mine.

That feeling was back, the feeling of being tethered, of being terrified of letting go because I didn't know if I'd ever feel this way again. But then Wells announced the thirty seconds were up and I immediately dropped his hand, remembering that he had Iris, Iris who he loved.

I smile as Cisco hugs me for the first time in months, watch as Wells and him celebrate with Barry and laugh as they bring out champagne even though it's barely noon. But the whole time I can't stop thinking about the spark I felt when our hands intertwined.

Eventually I excuse myself, needing a breather. I sit on the stairs of one of the stairwells, mulling over everything in my head when Barry comes in and sits down next to me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired I guess" I sigh, picking at a loose thread on the blue dress I was wearing.

We sit there in silence for a minute before he says anything.

"Did you feel it too?"

"W-What?" I stammer, shocked by his boldness.

"When we held hands, you felt it too didn't you? That's why you're out here"

"Barry…"

"What? I know when you're lying so don't even bother" he interrupts

"Why are you asking this? Why are you even back here? You have Iris" I state

"I know"

"So what are you doing?"

"I don't know! I just, I need the truth. Caitlin please" he pleads, turning towards me as I kept my head down

"It doesn't even matter" I

"It does to me!" he interjects, "please Caitlin, I need to know. If you have any feelings for me whatsoever tell me now"

There's a pause, for a second I think I can hear my heart actually breaking as tears well in my eyes "I can't" I breathe out "It's too late Barry…... it's too late" I say getting up to go

Before I can leave he runs after me, spinning me around and his lips crashing down on mine.

I immediately lose all train of thought, responding to the kiss by cupping my hands on the back of his neck and pulling his closer while his hands go from my face to my sides. We collide into a wall and my legs go around his waist while his hands grip my hips, holding me up.

Our mouths pull apart and he latches onto the skin of my neck while I curl my fingers into his hair. I feel one of his hands begin to slip up my thigh and it's like all of a sudden, my conscience kicks in and I push him away "No we can't" I say, my chest heaving as I rush off, fresh tears running down my face.

…..

I ignore my phone as it buzzes for the hundredth time in two days, I had called in sick, too embarrassed to go in. How could I ever look Barry in the eye? Or Iris, she didn't deserve this. Snow was falling from the roof above me as I lay in bed, my powers were always harder to control when I was upset.

I watched as the snowflakes hit the pillow beside me, utterly miserable. Why did he kiss me? He asked if I 'felt it too', so he felt what I did? But what about Iris? He had pined over her for the longest time and now he finally had her. How could I ruin that for him?

I groaned, pulling the covers over my head as someone knocked at the door, I had bloodshot eyes and a red nose, not to mention the fact that a re-enactment of Frozen was going on inside. I was in no condition to see anyone. I pulled the covers tighter, hoping that whoever it was would get the message and leave but alas they just kept knocking every couple of minutes.

I groaned, dragging myself out of bed, I didn't care that I was my grey sweats and my star labs jumper, whoever it was would just have to deal with my bedraggled state. I threw open the door, not even bothering to check who it was and a startled Barry stood on the other side.

"What are you doing here?" I hiss, bewildered and a little annoyed that he wouldn't leave me alone

"Have you been crying?" he blurts out, looking at my red eyes.

"Nice, why don't you just tell me I look like crap next time? Come on, come inside before someone sees you" I say, ushering him in, the people in my building were notorious gossips. "What are you doing here Barry?" I ask as I close the door.

"I needed to talk to you and you haven't been answering my calls or texts. Why haven't you been at work?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You know why" I say and he looks down, shame written all over his face.

"Look Caitlin, I'm so sorry… I- I don't know came over me" he tries to explain, his shaky hands running though his hair.

"It's fine, I get it. It was just a mistake. The last few months have been stressful and you were confused" I say, trying to sound as if it wasn't killing me inside saying that.

He looks up, his eyes wide with panic and he takes a step closer "What? No, no that's not what I meant"

"Then what did you mean?" I say, frowning

"I don't think it was a mistake and yes I'm confused but not like that. I meant I'm sorry for the way it happened, you deserve better than to be groped against a wall in the lab" he comes up to me, gently touching my wrist.

"Barry.." I whisper, my breathing becoming heavier with our close proximities.

"Please… just tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for me?"

"Barry.. I can't"

"Please"

His begging breaks down my resolve and as I feel his hand run up my arm to my neck I whisper "yes" my eyelids fluttering closed as he bring his lips to mine again.