He knew he would find her there. Under the fan, where they seemed to have their most relevant conversations.
This time, she was not sitting, but laying on the hard cold floor, eyes fixing the ceiling.
He sat next to her, without a word and waited for her to speak. He knew she would. She always did.
She saw him sit next to her from the corner of her eyes. He had showered. She could smell his scent washing her nose trills and it didn't help her confused state that he used Wyatt's shampoo. She was trying to picture them under this fan and she almost laughed.
What was happening with her life ? First losing Rufus, then having their future versions bursting literally in their bunker. And she didn't get to the part where they were going to actually go back to a timeline when they already were. And now, this.
She still looked up at the ceiling when she said :
" Tell me this was not my idea to come back right now, just after we lost Rufus, after you…" her voice trailed.
She waited him to answer but he stayed silent.
She snorted. Damn it.
" Of course this would be my idea... And no one had tried to get me out of it ?"
This time around, it was Future Wyatt's turn to snort.
" You might have chopped your hair Lucy, but the years have done nothing on you. You're still bossy as hell".
" And you still have your own ways at sweet talking" she pointed out, right back at him, still staring right before her.
He laughed and something felt off. His laugh was light...Without reservations. She had heard him laugh before but never like this.
A weird, comfortable silence installed itself but she should have known better when he interrupted her thoughts.
" Who are you mad at ? "
Unfaded, she looked at him from the corner of her eyes and said :
" Well, let's see, the list is pretty long. And surprisingly, you, this version of you, are not in it, is it weird ?"
She didn't let him answer and kept on :
" I am mad at your present self. No offense, but he screwed up, big time. And in addition, when he screws up, I screw up. This is the way it works, but you probably know it. »
She paused.
« I am mad at him for making reckless decisions but I am mad at myself for letting him, you, making them. We were both blinded by our need to make things right with the people we love and we ended up here, crying over our best friend's death, wondering how we did let this happen, recalling every moment and trying to pinpoint the exact time where we lost control. We both fought each other at a time when we had to fight with each other. »
He smiled when she said « the people we love ». She was so lost in her insights that she didn't notice she said it. His present self would have been happy to hear this but he knew the moment was not right. He also knew his present self would cherish forever the moment she came clean about her feelings for him. He still held dearly this memory close to his heart and no matter how much he travelled through time, he remembered every little details of this day.
He saw her from the corner of his eye straightening herself up and lean her back against the wall so she would be at his level. He didn't push his luck and didn't look at her directly.
Part of him wanted to, but the other part was less keen on watching closely Lucy in that broken state. Been there, done that. It would only bring back memories he made his best to put in rest in a corner of his brain. It would also make him want to blurt everything out to make her feel better and his Lucy would probably be mad at him for breaking their deal before they left their timeline.
He listened to her taking a deep breath and knew she was in for another round but this time, he didn't expect this.
"I am mad at myself. For being so selfless, stupidly honest and for not fighting for him, for you. I am mad because I pushed him, you, away when in fact I was just trying to protect myself from potential rejection. I was so scared so I prefered putting an end to it and at the same time I ended badly hurt. I am mad because my need for revenge was so strong I didn't even think and I let Rufus die, without me at his side. I let him down, more than once because of all this, and now he's dead. And honestly, I am more mad at my future self right now."
This time, Future Wyatt couldn't help it and turned his face to her and looked at her quizzically. At the same time, she turned hers to him, looked into those familiar and yet estranged eyes and slowly said :
" For laying out so much possibilities... and this huge responsibility".
" What responsibility?", future Wyatt whispered, feeling less and less in control of his actions.
Looking into her eyes made it for him, everytime. No matter what version of Lucy he had in front of him, she would always be his weakness, and right now, he wanted to do what he forbade himself five years ago to do : take her in his arms and comfort her till she believes it will all be fine.
"You" she whispered back as she pointed him with her hand.
"I saw the looks and the light touches. I know me. I know the way I react when you're around me, at least, the way I want to react when you're around. I've seen your looks and I don't know if your present self have ever looked at me with such adoration."
Oh boy he did, she just never thought she could be worth those looks, that's why she never really payed attention to them, that, until he fought for her and made her realize she was worth it, all of it.
She paused and exhaled.
" I've seen you looking confident over the missions Wyatt. Hell, the first time we met, you had that look of overconfidence on your face...I remember thinking ' Woow, who is this guy ? Where does THAT come from ? All the Delta Force soldiers are THAT confident ?' I learned later it was all and only looks.
You know what changed ? You are confident now. And, as much as I don't want to sound like a bossy know it all, full of herself, I am pretty sure I have, or more accurately, my future self, have something to do with it. I am more than sorry to say that, but this, as she gestured to him, have Lucy Preston written all over it." She paused and continued : " Just like it is written Wyatt Logan all over my future self, as a matter of fact…"
He stayed silent, again. He couldn't even try to say she was wrong.
She looked at him, with disbelief.
" And you confirming this might be the third worst thing that happened today.." She took her head in her hands and stayed like this.
" What is the second worst thing that happened today" asked future Wyatt, suddenly very aware of what his Lucy said to him hours earlier.
"You, stating your love for me…" she mumbled on her hands, head down.
His Lucy would probably kill him but he couldn't bear anymore not doing something.
"Come here" he said, as he put one arm around her shoulders.
This was probably the weirdest thing he ever done and strangely, the one thing he wanted to do five years ago and never did because he knew he was not in the place to do so.
She didn't fight back and let him embrace her. She needed to feel him. She needed to know that this future version of him really existed. Whether he was like that thanks to her or not, she needed the reassurance that somehow he will be the man she always knew he could become if he overcame his demons.
While playing with her hair, he said :
" You know, I really miss your long hair"
Lucy scoffed.
" You won't give anything else away, won't you?"
" Well, technically, I didn't give anything away, you just had to rant all over the place and I stayed silent", he pointed out, proudly.
" You're really afraid of her, are you ?" She stated more than she asked, amused.
" Well if you really want to know something your Wyatt never told you then I'll share with you one secret : I've always been scared of you. You and her." He confessed to her.
" After five years, you still don't know how to make a compliment. I don't know if I should laugh or cry about it", she said, while sounding profoundly shocked.
At that remark, they both started to laugh and for a moment, they both felt better for each other.
She got out of his embrace and leant back her head against the wall:
" Thank you for coming here, at your own risks and making me feel better " she smiled at him.
" Sure thing Ma'am."
He looked her in the eyes and suddenly was overwhelmed by his emotions. She was right, she made the man he was today. She fought for him in ways no one ever did and this started since the day they met. She never ceased to believe in him, even when he was the jerk he could be. She always thought she stopped at one point to fight but she was wrong. She never let him down and that's why, after Jessica, he made a silent promise to himself and to her to always look after her, no matter what shit Rittenhouse would throw their way, he would always stand beside her, whether she would want it, or not.
That's why he came to see her. He knew she was devastated and he couldn't let her down even if technically he hasn't made that promise yet , even if it would cost him some tough time with his Lucy.
There were a billion things he wanted to say to her but he had not right to interfere into her current life. On that note, he agreed with his Lucy, that's why he let her talk and didn't give anything away, well, knowingly. He couldn't have stayed away from her knowing how much she was struggling.
He got up and looked at her. She smiled, blushed a bit and pointed out his beard :
" She must miss your dimples. I would have missed them, just so you know."
He laughed, half surprised, half happy to have some leverage on his Lucy and answered :
" Well, she never said it out loud but if you're saying so then...I'll take this into consideration" then winked at her.
" Thank you, Wyatt"
" You're welcome, Luce". When he saw the look of surprise on her face, he put a hand on his face, turned around to walk away, back to his Lucy, and heard her laugh. Oh man, she was really going to kill him.