Frostbite

Chapter 9

…..

I stare at the computer, mindlessly reading through a new medical article on the internet and doing my best to keep my eyes away from Barry talking to Wells a few metres away. Every now and then I glance up, giving my eyes a break from the harsh light of the screen and we'd locked eyes once, the pain flaring up in my chest and making me look away.

It had been weeks since we had last properly spoken and the tension in the room was palpable to everyone but Wally, who had no clue what was going on and Iris, who occasionally dropped in to visit. Cisco had tried to talk to me a few times during the week but I had pushed him away, saying that I didn't want to talk about it and would rather focus on my work.

But despite the pain and the anger I felt I still continued to be the best doctor possible, wordlessly bandaging his wounds and checking him over when he would come back from a battle.

Still, sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to heal from all of this if I took a leave of absence, got away for a while and put some distance between Barry and I. Surely ripping out the metaphorical stitches in my chest every time I saw him would only prolong my recovery.

As I ponder this I don't notice Cisco going for lunch, dragging a confused Wally and an agitated Wells out with him and leaving only Barry and I in the lab. I start to look at potential places to go away to on my computer, not noticing Barry walking up behind me.

"Going somewhere?" his voice surprises me, making me jump.

"Jesus Barry! Don't do that" I huff, briefly grabbing my chest "And not that it's any of your business but I'm considering taking a short break" I say getting up from my desk, desperate to get as far away from this conversation as possible.

His next words both make me want to burst into tears and slap him across the face, making pause my hasty retreat from the room.

"Why?"

I turn back around, staring at him angrily "Really? You really have no idea why I'd want to leave for a bit?"

A guilty look crosses his face and he steps forward "Caitlin I'm sorry"

"Don't" I say, raising a hand to keep him away "It's my fault really, I obviously put more meaning on the relationship, if you could even call it that, than you did. I asked you to choose… and you did"

"Don't say that, don't brush us off as if we were nothing Caitlin. It was more than that, you know it was more than that" He says, frustration evident in his tone.

"Of course I know it was more than that! I loved you! More than I had ever loved anybody before. And do you want to know the worst part? Despite all of this, despite everything I still love you. But you chose her, so… I guess that's just something I'm going to have to get over" I say, leaving the room before I did something I'd regret.

….

Later that day Barry gets injured while helping stop a bank robbery. A bullet to the chest and a few broken ribs which will heal within a day but that doesn't stop the feeling of fear wrapping around my heart when I first see the blood on his torn-up suit.

He's in and out of consciousness while I do my best to fix him, working against his rapid healing abilities as I quickly extract the bullet and make sure there's no more further damage. Later on, when he's all bandaged up and my hands are clean from his blood I sit by his side, waiting for him to wake up. Iris will be coming by straight after work and I don't feel right leaving to wake up alone.

He groans as he slowly regains consciousness, blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted to the lights. He relaxes slightly when he notices me and gives me a small smile which I put down to the amount of morphine currently flowing through his blood.

"Hey" he mumbles sleepily

"Hey, how're you feeling?" I ask

"Sore, my ribs hurt but otherwise just tired"

"That's probably just the pain meds, it'll wear off soon" I say, avoiding eye contact as I stand to check his vitals.

"I'm sorry Caitlin" he whispers and I pause, looking down at him.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, for everything. I never wanted to hurt you"

"…. Barry, I-" I'm interrupted by Iris running into the room and flinging her arms around his neck.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" she cries as she presses kisses to his face.

"I'll give you some time alone" I say, awkwardly leaving the room before he can say anything else.

…..

"You'll probably be sore for the next day or so, so don't be afraid to take some painkillers. Just take it easy for the next few days and call me if you develop a fever or any signs of infection" I say to Barry as I finish checking his bandages.

"Thanks, I know this can't have been easy on you. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had just let me bleed to death" he says with a chuckle

I don't laugh at his joke, snapping off my gloves and disposing of them in a bin nearby "Don't be ridiculous, you're my patient first and foremost. I would never let my personal feelings interfere with that"

"Still" he says, a small smile on his face "I'm grateful"

He pauses before he leaves the room to head home, "Caitlin?"

"Yes?"

"If you want to take a break, I completely understand… just know, there would be no Flash with Caitlin Snow" he says before giving me a smile and leaving.

I never did end up taking that break.

….