Against All Odds

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

A/N:

Chapter 47 (Reconciliation)

Sasha sat with Jessica, Carly, and Spencer in the living room. Spencer's arm was around her shoulder, Jessica was to her left, and Carly was lounging on the ground before the television. They were there to support her, as she was about to call her old friend, Erin. Thankfully, whatever happened, she knew they had her back.

As she stared down at her cell phone, anxiety started rising inside her, doubt filled her mind and her fingers trembled upon the numbers. What would she say? 'Sorry for not keeping in touch'? How much of their life and memories had fallen by the wayside? The number she had didn't actually belong to Erin anymore, but the person that answered was a cousin of hers, which explained why the number still worked. "You think I'd be burdening her? I mean, it's been a little over ten years…" Carly glanced up and lifted her shoulders.

"It's like Jeannie at school said, a true friend won't forget about you." Sasha turned her eyes to Carly and frowned, it was a bit of a bittersweet statement. On one side of the coin, it gave her hope that maybe she and Erin could be reunited, but on the other side, she felt like shit because she was the one that pushed them away. "I'd say it says a lot that you're at least trying to get back in touch with her. Maybe if she can, she can come down for a while and you two can hook up for a while, really get to know each other again."

"That would be a dream…" She chuckled nervously and started to picture herself spending time with Erin again, but she was almost certain that Erin lived elsewhere. How lucky would it be that she'd live anywhere nearby? Though she could picture herself sitting on the beach with her old friend, chatting up a storm and catching up. Just thinking about it stirred up a new confidence and she quickly dialed the number. Her eyebrows rose sharply, almost shocked by the fact that she'd just done that, so she quickly put the phone to her ear and let it ring. The questions in her mind were a mix of anxiety, nervousness, and excitement. She wondered if she was ready, because it was almost as if she were saying that she accepted her past for what it was. There was no doubt in her mind that she was, and that she was ready to move on, but damn anyone who thought it was an easy task.

"Hello?" Sasha froze upon hearing the familiar voice of her friend, she hardly expected her to answer so suddenly. Had she been so distracted by her thoughts that she hadn't noticed any time passing by? "Who is this, and how did you get my personal number?" Hearing her voice brought tears into her eyes, she wiped them away and took a deep breath, searching for the right words.

"Erin…this is Sasha. Sasha Rodriquez, Sasha Striker, either name…" She waited as a long pause turned into silence, she was afraid Erin might have hung up the phone. When she heard someone take a breath of air, she was flooded with relief.

"Sasha? Where the hell have you been all these years!" Erin sounded tremendously happy to be hearing from her. "Mom and I were just talking about you the other day."

"Miss Candy?"

"Actually she goes by Candice now." She understood that perfectly well, after all, Candice sounded a bit better than Candy. There was an air of authority and prestige in Erin's voice, which was a bit baffling. Though she knew she worked for some business company, she thought it was a phone company. "So what are you doing? What made you decide to call me up?"

"I really missed talking to you. We were best friends, so…" She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. Her heart was still pounding, and her stomach felt empty as hell. "I've actually met someone, a great man…" She opened her eyes as Erin gasped for joy. Spencer moved his hand to hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. "We're getting married in May. I have one child with him, he'll be turning three in August, and I am pregnant with my second baby. Life's been a bit rough, but he and his family have been really supportive, and I'm actually going to go to college and get an education degree."

"Oh my god, that's great news! What are you going to teach?"

"I was thinking Elementary school, Grammar, or Reading." She absolutely loved books, it was just something that came with the territory. If she wasn't playing a video game, or doing something important, she would be reading. "What about you? Last I talked to you, I think you were moving up in a business?"

"Yes! Actually, I'm with T-Mobile, and I'm now one of the top executives. Not quite CEO, yet, but I'm aiming for that job." Erin laughed and Sasha felt a spark of joy inside her. She was proud, and very happy that Erin had made a life for herself. "I live with Mom out here in Miami. She saw the ocean, the beach, and just fell in love with it all." Sasha's jaw dropped and her heart shot to her throat. Miami, it was just a few hours away! Granted, the bottom of Florida, but stunning nonetheless. "You should see Mom, she's ecstatic about where I am now."

"I know, it sounds amazing. Also, we just moved to Florida with Spencer's family! We're in Tallahassee." The tears in her eyes were now running past her lips, and the excitement buzzing within her was greater than anything she'd felt in such a long time.

"We should meet up again sometime, catch up. It's been way too long."

"I know, and I actually wanted to talk to you about the wedding. I know it's been a long time since we've talked, but when I was younger, you were always my closest friend, so…Would you be interested in being my Maid of Honor?" Erin's breath hitched a bit and she took a momentary pause, seemingly to consider the offer. Sasha's heart began to beat at a slower, steady pace. She was prepared for a rejection, but praying she'd accept. "So…what do you say?"

"I'd say I'd love to, but under the condition that Mom and I can come up and spend some good quality time together. It'll be like old times." Immediately her elation skyrocketed. When she looked around, the others were grinning at her.

"That sounds great. We're living at 3500 Cypress Hawk Lane, just at the end of Tallahassee where the big lake is. When do you guys think you could come visit?" She heard a pen tapping on a desk and Erin humming as she flipped through some papers, likely a schedule.

"I can have my secretary clear me of anything anytime, but the holiday season's busy, so maybe the day after Christmas?" There was nothing big going on then, besides Spencer working and Carly going to school. Jessica would be visiting with Regina all day, dealing with whatever they had going in the case against Robert, so she would be alone with just Blake.

"Yes, I'm definitely available then."

"Great! I'll see you then. It's been great hearing from you, Sasha, I can't wait to tell Mom!" She couldn't wait to see Candice either. Hell, how much about them had changed over the years? She couldn't help but imagine just what they were like now. Her emotions were haywire as she sought to calm her excited nerves.

"I'll definitely be happy to see you guys. I'll be in touch?"

"Definitely, and so will I. Now before I forget, how did you manage my number?"

"Oh, well I had saved your old one, and it belonged to your cousin, who ended up giving me your current number."

"Cool, I'm glad to hear that. Anyway, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Great!" After the two hung up, Sasha began to truly feel the impact of the emotions and the memories that were rushing back to her. She wiped her eyes and slowly rose to her feet, she was in desperate need for air.

"You okay, Sasha?" Jessica asked. Sasha nodded at her and closed her eyes.

"I'm fine, I just need a moment alone…"

She made her way out of the house and towards the lake. She gazed up at the starry sky and let a tear roll down the side of her face. Her mother came to mind, and she began to wonder if her mom would be proud of her today. There was a lot of hope that she would be, but times like these, she wished she could talk to her.

She rubbed her arms and watched the purple clouds roll past the moon. Just above the half-concealed moon was a bright star, easily detected. Her heart slowly rose in her chest as nostalgia struck her. She smiled at a memory and slowly closed her eyes.

"That's Saturn and that right there is Jupiter," Rachel instructed while pointing up at the stars. She smiled at her eight year old daughter, who was eating a McDonalds hamburger. They were sitting on a park bench, taking a break from the walk they had been going on. They were currently living with Candy and Erin, but it was only temporary. Rachel was too proud to remain there for long, she'd been saving up the money she'd earned from the strip clubs, and was planning to buy an apartment soon.

Sasha kicked her legs through the air beneath the bench and tilted her head as she chewed a bite of her burger. "Mommy? What are all the other stars?" They were spread across the night sky like a blanket, and they gave off an incredibly warm feeling. "You said not all of them were planets, right?"

"Right dear. I believe each star in the sky represents a person…"

"A person?" Her eyes widened astonishingly and she gave her mother a look of confusion. "How does a person become a star, mommy?" Rachel's warm smile comforted her, making her lean back against her.

"You see sweetie, when someone passes on…they go to Heaven, and I believe that each star represents that person's house in Heaven. The star is their light, the way that you know they're watching over you, and it remains there forever. The sun conceals these homes in the daytime, but that just makes the light burn even bright at night." Sasha was surprised, she had never looked at such a tale before. "Like right now, your grandma and grandpa would be up there, gazing down at us."

"Really? They are?"

"Yes, and they protect us in their own way."

"Do you think you and I will become stars one day, Mommy?" She bit into her hamburger once more and gazed up at the stars with longing in her eyes. She wanted so badly to be a star, but she didn't want to die. Rachel laughed softly and wrapped her arm around her shoulders.

"When we pass on, we will become a star. Should something ever happen to me, for example, I will always be there with you in your heart and watching over you as a star."

"But you'll never die, Mommy. You'll live forever and ever, always taking care of me, right?" Rachel smiled sadly and reached down, kissing her forehead. She pulled back an inch and whispered.

"I will always be with you, Sasha…"

Back then, she'd been too young to understand the diseases her mother had contracted due to her lifestyle. AIDS and HIV had been a slightly new thing, and Rachel would have passed on either way within the years, and she knew it. Though HIV wasn't what initially took her life, it made no difference whatsoever, because it would have eventually taken her. Rachel knew it, too, but she never let Sasha in on it.

That star above the moon that caught her attention, maybe it was her own mother, looking down at her from above. "You always did what you could, Mom…" Sasha's voice shook with pain. Her hands closed tight and her head bowed, her entire body was shaking. "I…was so angry, angry that you were leaving me…I said things I shouldn't have said, and I'm so, so sorry."

If she could hear her, if she could reach out and touch her, or hug her, then maybe she could know everything would be okay. "Why couldn't I have had some more time? Why were you leaving me? I remember all those questions running through my head, and…I didn't even know. You did everything you could to take care of me, and looking back, I do appreciate it." Her voice cracked as she slowly lifted her eyes to the star, which seemed to glow just a bit brighter than before.

"I talked to Erin after all these years, and I'm going to see her, along with her mom, again. I wish you were here to see it all, you'd be so happy, and probably joking about how jealous of Candice and Erin you were." She turned her eyes to the lake before her, and she could have sworn she saw a reflection of her mother in that water. Her body trembled once more and her eyes quivered.

"Mommy…you were a great mother, and I know how much you struggled, how hard it was…I knew that first hand with my son. God if you could see him now. He's the most precious child…His father is an exceptional man too, who truly loves us."

She paused herself and slowly stared down at her feet. What more could she say? She really thought her mother was hearing her, but that didn't change how much she wanted to hear back from her. She lifted her head up to the sky and let out one choked sob as her stomach knotted up inside. "I'm sorry I gave you hell when I was younger. If I could do it all over again…I know I came from a bad past, but I accept it now, and I accept…that your gone…but I miss you. I really do. Everything you did for me, everything you taught me, if there's just one thing I wish I could have said before you died. I thought about it, but there's only one thing I can think of. I…love you…" Her voice cracked again as the salty tears ran into her mouth. She wiped her eyes and sobbed, for the first time, truly grieving for her mother. "I love you, Mom…Thank you…"

The star grew brighter and Sasha was filled with a warm glow that she couldn't explain, though it felt like her mother was embracing her. It was the same warm feeling she had as a child whenever her mom held her.

After several minutes, she slowly turned around and saw Spencer watching her. He smiled at her and started walking towards her. She lifted her eyebrows and moved to meet him, letting him hug her close so she could cry on his shoulder. She finally made peace with her mother, reconciling after all these years, it seemed. That heavy feeling she felt for so long was finally gone, like a weight lifted from her shoulders. "Mom would have loved you, Spencer." Spencer smiled at her and slowly ran his hand through her hair.

"She sounds like a good woman, maybe we would have gotten along."

"Can we just sit…maybe look up at the stars for a while?"

"Of course." She smiled as he moved towards the ground, holding her hand as she gradually brought herself down and laid her head into his lap. He was sitting cross-legged, and she was lying in front of him, fairly comfortable. As she gazed up, she spotted Saturn and Jupiter, both clear as day. The star above the moon, her mother's star, as she called it, formed the head of a triangle.

"You know, mom used to tell me that the stars were loved ones watching over us." She felt him caressing her hair and glanced over to see him gazing up at the sky. She held her smile and slowly breathed in.

"Do you believe that?"

"I do, actually." She lifted her hand and pointed to her mom's star. "See that one over the moon? That's Mom…I could probably tell you so many stories about her."

"Would you? I'd love to hear about her." Her heart shot up once more and she quickly nodded, there was plenty to talk about that she would want Spencer to know. Her mom would probably love being talked about and reveling in the attention.

"I can do that, there's so much about her to tell…"

Very well then