SM owns. Unbeta'd
Witfit prompt: Parallel
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FR: Isabella Swan (SwanB (at) mail (dot) com)
TO: E. Cullen (EAC (at) mail (dot) com)
Subject: Re: Re: I've been thinking...
Edward,
No, I don't mind you emailing me every day. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you, it's just that things here are a little hectic. You'd think Paris is supposed to be about relaxing and enjoying life. I feel like I've been running non-stop since I got here. I guess it's good, since it doesn't allow me to think about things so much. Don't get me wrong, I still think about... things. Your email really made me analyze everything a little differently. I want to set a few things straight, though.
At first, I was a little pissed at the way you kinda accused me of being the one to fuck all this up between us over the years. But after the initial anger subsided, I read it again.
I'm glad you didn't stay mad at our friends too long. It's really not their fault, since like they said, I told them to say nothing. You ask why...
I was scared, Edward. You and I were so close, we confided in each other all the time. I always cared about you. You remember how shy I was, and I saw how you were with all the extroverted girls at school. I simply thought I wasn't good enough. I wasn't even your type... you said so yourself. I couldn't be anything other than myself. And I believed at the time I wasn't what you wanted.
Then over the years, I couldn't bear the thought of telling you, only for you to distance yourself from me. I'd rather have you as a friend, if I couldn't have you romantically. It was pretty masochistic of me now that I think back.
Over time, I learned to move on. The few guys I did date, they were great. They gave me attention, they were gentlemen. But they weren't you.
I'm sorry for placing you in a tough spot. I really wasn't planning on telling you at the cafe. I think my emotions got the better of me. I was stressed about the flight, not telling you (which I'll explain in a minute), and feeling frustrated that you just didn't see me. I've always felt as if you didn't see me. ME.
I didn't tell you about the fellowship because really, we'd been a little distant lately. I was going to tell you about it at my party, but then.. you know what happened. Call it bad timing, fate, whatever.
Paris is beautiful, hectic schedule notwithstanding. There's a little cafe that's parallel to the hotel we're staying at that makes the best latte I've ever tasted. Better than the ones in Seattle. I've also painted quite a bit. I'm attaching a pic of my latest. It's in front of Notre Dame.
I miss you too, Edward. You have no idea. Sometimes I wonder if what happened at the airport actually happened, or if it was a dream. I'll confess that I've always fantasized about where we'd be when I finally told you, and what I'd say if you ever told me you loved me. Leaving you that day was the hardest thing I've ever done.
XO,
Bella
A/N: It's so interesting to see how the tide of public opinion has turned with the reviews. Like I said, humans are flawed creatures. The reasons she gave him for never telling him were the exact ones I had for never telling my bff.
I might be able to update 1 more time tonight, but don't quote me on that...
A peaceful Good Friday to all those who observe it.