Frostbite

Chapter 19

…..

The glint of her engagement ring caught Caitlin's eye again as she tapped at the keyboard in front of her computer at the lab. It had been a couple of weeks since they had gotten engaged and they were busy planning a wedding while working on how to control her powers. Her left hand touched her snowflake locket absentmindedly, twirling the charm with her fingers. She wondered if she would have to wear it on her wedding day. Even with everything good that's happened, she still couldn't help but worry about the future.

'With all the threats we face, we're probably better off just eloping' She thinks to herself.

"What are you thinking about" Barry's voice spoke from behind her, his hands caressing her shoulders.

"Just wedding stuff" she says, tilting her head upwards so she could greet him with a kiss, she didn't want to worry him with her thoughts

"Anything I can help with?" he asks as he leans over her shoulder

"Well… if you could tell all the supervillains to just not attack the city for a day we might be able to choose a date" she says with a coy smile

"Somehow, I don't think that's possible" he says

"Well then, there's always the flowers, or the cake or the location or the guest list or the invitations or-"

"Oh god we should just elope" he groans, flopping down on the chair next to her.

"Funny, that's what I was just thinking" she says with a grin "At least you have your best man sorted out. I may have to drag Felicity in just so I can have one bridesmaid"

"Iris" Barry blurts out, earning him a weird look from her.

"Iris? I doubt she'd even want to come to the wedding, much less be a bridesmaid"

"No. Iris, is here" he says, pointing to the door. Sure enough, Iris is standing outside the lab entrance.

"what do you think she wants?" Caitlin asks, nervously glancing at Barry.

"I don't know, but I have a feeling we're about to find out" he says as Iris approaches where they're sitting.

"Hi" she says, standing in front of them awkwardly

"Hey"

"Wally's training if you're looking for him" Caitlin says, offering a small smile.

"I'm not here for Wally… I actually came to talk to you" she says, looking towards Caitlin "Can we have a minute?"

Barry seems hesitant to leave until Caitlin nods at him, letting him know it's okay. When he's gone, Iris takes his place on the seat beside her.

"Iris… I'm sorry" Caitlin begins to apologise

"Don't" Iris stops her from continuing "I know you're sorry. That's not what I came here for"

"Then why did you come?" Caitlin asks, confused as to why she would even be sitting here.

"Wally told me… about what you tried to do a few weeks ago"

Caitlin looks down, shame flooding her and turning her pale "Oh"

"You were going to sacrifice your life… to keep his safe" Iris states, "I can't imagine how terrified and alone you must have felt…Caitlin, I never meant what I said… I was hurt, angry"

"You had every right to be" Caitlin interjects

"Still, I called you a monster. I knew how scared you were of becoming one and I used that fear to hurt you. I- I can't help but think that that may have put you on that roof" Iris confesses

"No, there's nothing that could have changed that day" Caitlin says, "I was tired, and scared that I was going to hurt the person that I loved the most in this world… truth be told, a part of me just wanted it to stop"

"But you don't feel like that, now right?"

Caitlin doesn't respond, choosing to stare down at her hands.

"Oh, Caitlin" Iris sighs

"I want to be happy, Barry, he makes me happy. And the last few weeks have been amazing but… I'm scared, all the time. I feel like at any moment, icicles are going to start shooting out of my hands" Caitlin admits, twisting the engagement ring around her finger "I mean is this what my life is going to be like from now on? Always being terrified of hurting someone, constantly having to run tests? And if so, how can I ask Barry to commit to a life like that?"

"He already has, he wouldn't have given you that if he didn't mean it" Iris says, nodding towards the glittering ring "At first… when I found out, I thought you were just a fling, nothing more… I was wrong, he's different around you. He looks at you as if you're the only thing on this earth, like he's ready to jump in front of a bullet to save you or something. He never looked at me that way"

"He loved you" Caitlin says and Iris nods.

"And I loved him, but not in the way he loves you or the way I loved Eddie. We weren't meant for each other" Iris says, offering a small smile

"Iris, I know you said you didn't come for this but, I'm so sorry for what happened. No matter what problems the two of you were having, I never should have gotten involved with him when the two of you were still together" Caitlin says, guilt churning around in her stomach.

"I can't say that I'm completely past what you two did or forgive you just yet" Iris admits "But… maybe I can start hanging out here more often? I miss you guys, I want my friends back. You guys used to be like my second family here"

"I'd like that very much" Caitlin says, a little of the weight taken off her shoulders "I know Barry misses you as well"

"I'll talk to him on my way out" Iris says, grabbing her bag from the floor "I should probably get going anyway"

"Well, I hope to see you again soon" Caitlin says, smiling warmly

Iris nods, pausing just before she reaches the door "Caitlin?"

"Hmm?"

"Just, promise me you won't shut him out… I can see that he's worried about you"

Caitlin bites her lip, nodding "I'll try, thanks Iris"

Iris smiles and waves before exiting the room. Feeling a little more emotionally drained than usual, Caitlin sits down at her desk with a sigh, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes for a few minutes.

Barry's soft footsteps interrupt her, when she reopens her eyes he's standing beside her, that constant look of worry etched again on his face.

"You alright? Iris said you guys talked about everything" he asks, sitting beside her

"We did, she heard about… what happened on the roof" Caitlin says hesitantly "She felt guilty for what she said before it happened… We both apologised and talked about things, you"

"Well that's good, right?"

"She told me not to shut you out, said she could see that you're worried about me" Caitlin admits, biting into her lip again.

"I almost lost you, of course I'm worried. And shut me out from what?" Barry asks, placing a hand on her forearm.

"How I'm feeling" Caitlin mutters "I just… I don't want you to think that I'm not grateful or happy with you because you're pretty much the reason I'm still here but.."

"But?"

"I'm scared" she whispers "I'm so scared Barry. I don't want to become killer frost, I don't want to hurt you. I want to marry you and have a family with you, grow old with you. I feel like I'm drowning and I'm dragging you down with me"

"Cait, no" Barry shakes his head, leaning forward in his chair so he could lean into her "we're going to get to do all that, hell I'd marry you now if we could find a minister. And bring me down? Babe, you're the thing that brightens my world every day, I'm a better person just by being near you"

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to be here, I don't want you to have any regrets" She admits

"Never" he states, cupping her face with his hands, his thumb brushing across her jaw "No matter what happens, I could never regret being with you Caitlin. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You are going to beat this"

She smiles slightly, raising her hand to touch his "You have so much faith in me, too much I think"

"That's because you don't see how strong you are" he says, stroking some hair back with one hand "You're the strongest person I know, so much has happened and you still worry about everybody else"

"I worry the most about you"

"You won't hurt me Caitlin" he says, intertwining one hand with hers and moving it down to his chest, right over the place where his heart beat "I trust you"

She looks to where their hands are placed, feeling the thump, thump underneath her palm, she looks back up to him, meeting his eyes "You know we might not be able to get married for a while? Not with everything going on, there's barely anytime to plan anything"

"Then we'll wait" he says "We've got plenty of time Cait"

She smiles, moving forward to wrap her arms across his shoulders, pressing her face against his neck "I'm sorry I've been shutting you out" she mumbles, lightly pressing a kiss to his neck.

He inhales deeply, moving his arms to encircle around her waist "You're scared, I get that… Just promise me you'll talk to me from now on about it"

She nods against him, choosing to stay wrapped around him for a little bit longer. Barry on the other hand, was busy coming up with a plan.