Hello my darling buttercups! Why buttercups, I haven't the faintest clue-it was the first thing my fingers wanted to write :) I thought this chapter would be easy to write...and it really wasn't because unforeseen stuff kept happening...so yeah; I'm sorry it took so long (hopefully y'all still know what's going on). Because I was having so many dry spells and felt really bad about my writing, I looked over my reviews and wanted to give a special thanks to: AzureKate, H-thar, LightofaNewDawn, CrescendoMan, Dingy, Saccharo and as I'm glancing through them to remember which ones spurred me to get cracking-really everyone who reviewed! You guys are ALL so AMAZING.
xAltaria: Thanks for all your encouragement and contagious enthusiasm-I love fangirling with you! *hugs*
Minor note-this chapter is in two parts because it was 15k words and I wasn't sure if that would be too long for some people (you know, they lose track of what's going or lost interest or whatever). Now if longer chapters like that are ok, let me know and I'll certainly change it. With that said, read and leave some love :)
It was now her office; it would be her giving out orders on a regular basis. And yet she still felt like she was sitting on the wrong side of the desk.
Amodar looked up. "Already ready for your next assignment? Haha, you don't mess around, do you? I got a question for you, if you had to play nice with others, would you?"
"I prefer working by myself. It leaves little room for error."
Amodar laughed. "Oh Farron, error's half the fun. Screw it up once and you'll be sure to never screw it up again!" He sobered up, handing her a packet. His dark eyes were solemn and he looked thoroughly sorry. "Sometimes the hard way is the only way to learn it, kid."
"Lt. Farron?"
Sometimes it is. So am I in for it now? "No report," she concluded, her eyes offering no sympathy for the young sergeant Paxton.
He lowered his crestfallen brown eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, reaching up a hand to smooth down his outgrown blond crop. He wanted so badly to impress her. Lightning was a sort of celebrity among his peers—a tough female sergeant who became a l'cie, defied the odds and helped save Cocoon. Despite how daunting the consequences would be of having her as a superior, he knew she still received hordes of applications from men and women alike—and out of all them, she chose him, as he saw it, to be her personal protégé. And he failed to do the very first thing she asked of him. "He didn't come in this morning," he added disappointedly.
Of course. Lightning glanced through the charts, marking tasks for her little entourage of trainees. "You're free to go."
No…please let me do something else. "Lieutenant?" He felt compelled to nod once he had her attention. "I did find something else out though. Col. Millay lives on base and I do too, so I checked by his unit. His stuff was there, but the place was empty. And Col. Harvey said he left last night." He shrugged helplessly. The information had nothing to do with what his original errand had been, but he wanted to show her he tried to find at least something.
Could it be he left town? He would know where Hope is, but what would he have to gain in going after him? What could he possibly accomplish? She narrowed her eyes. Besides pissing me off? Worse yet, is he just an annoying relation of Angeal, or he was aware of his plan? Her eyes hardened and she took no notice of how Paxton shrank against the wall. Should've killed him when I had the chance. "That's…actually all I needed to know," she said quietly. "Thank you."
"Th-there's a group going out to drive off the silver lobos that are hanging out near the industrial area. Do you want me to go assist them?"
"No." Lightning stood up, escorting him to the door with a thin smile. "I want you to stay here; float around and see if anyone else can use you."
Sgt. Paxton nodded, stepping out. She followed and lightly touching the buttons on the handle, entered her pin code. Even if Millay left, the files would still be here—they weren't allowed to leave the facility. All she had to do was find someone she could manipulate. But he had half a day's start and she really had no concrete plan. Do I really need the case? Serah said Hope was with his father, so he's bound to be somewhere in New Palum. As long as she could get there, then a plan could come later. She grimaced when she realized it quite a Snow-like thing to do.
"If you don't mind me asking…what's so important about those files?" he asked, jogging along to keep pace with her.
Nosy brat. She turned a corner, slightly irked to see him following. "Haven't you been watching the news?" She scrutinized him, lifting her hand to cuff him between the shoulder blades. "Don't hunch your shoulders like you're waiting to get attacked from behind."
"Yes ma'am," he murmured, unable to keep back a grin. "About the news…well, I don't really, but you're all living together, right? You and all the other ex-l'cie…? Hope's kidnapping was pretty big—"
"I've got a meeting."
Jarred by the sudden interruption and disappearance of the lieutenant, Paxton stared at the closed door dumbfounded. Logically, he was aware that there had been ample time for her to go through the door—only he failed to see her.
Sazh fluffed his 'fro, standing in the doorway of his and Dajh's bedroom. The TV blabbered quietly to an empty couch, white captions in black boxes sliding across the bottom half of the screen. Cold sunlight streamed in from freshly cleaned windows, curtains and blinds pinned out of sight. Serah buoyed around the living room, puttering around, sometimes making her way to the kitchen, only to come back after a few fretful minutes as if pulled by some invisible anchor. She'd read the captions before going back to whatever she was doing.
"Lookin' a little frazzled," he mentioned. He strolled forward, glancing at the TV once he could see it. "Something eating you?"
"Mhm? What? O-oh no, I'm just cleaning is all, you know everything gets so dusty so quickly and no one's really been keeping up with…it looks a lot brighter with all the curtains up, don't you think so? Almost kind of homey, in a carefree way. I…" she twisted her hands together, giving a shaky laugh, "you know I called Lightning pathetic once, but in a way, I'm the exact opposite, I'm just stirring up dirt in the water trying to hide from the clarity of things and that…makes me just as pathetic."
Sazh smiled gently. "I see it differently. You're not trying to murk anything up—you're not ignoring the fact that…this family is in a state of distress…there's enough darkness in our hearts," he gestured to the windows, "we need this light in here." He lowered himself into the recliner. "So I ask again: what's eating you?"
Serah instantly sat on the edge of the couch, closest to the recliner. It looked like the words wanted to spill right from her lips, but they empty and soundless. She tugged at the black lace around the edges of her skirt; anticipative blue eyes wandering to the TV screen only to gaze back at the floor in sorrow.
It's worse than it looks. Girl's in trouble. "Serah, have you talked to anyone at least?"
She shook her head, lips pressed together, ponytail swishing softly. "The thing is," she started softly, "I don't know if I'm being listened to."
"Of course you are, we're always ready to listen."
She shook her head imperatively again. "No no, it's not like that." She leaned closer, eyes serious. "Like covertly." She bit her lip, looking worried. "See I didn't tell Snow because sometimes he says things and he only means good by it, but in all honesty," she allowed herself a doting, sad smile, "he can't keep his mouth shut. So then I thought I could keep it by myself—but I decided this is a family matter and that this decision shouldn't only be made by me, but I'm not so sure what the rules are and I might end up getting us all in trouble—"
"Serah." Sazh held up a hand. "Start from the beginning."
She dove into her tale with relief, her voice an excited loud whisper that had Sazh leaning forward straining to hear. "It all started with a phone call from a strange man with this really deep, scary voice and he said that Hope had escaped, so naturally I was really happy, you know, but he goes on to say that he's really dangerous and he killed a lot of people—oh but first, he made me swear that I wouldn't tell Lightning and that if I didn't cooperate, something bad would happen, but he never said what. But if I told Lightning, then she'd get taken away. He said that Hope would probably come here and that once he did…all we'd have to do is pick up the phone and we weren't to let him in." She grabbed at her hair. "Picking up the phone? What kind of craziness is that? How would they know? I mean, we aren't really going to not let him in, are we? But are we being watched and if so, then they'd know we wouldn't be cooperating and then something terrible will happen. But when I start to think about how Hope must be feeling, I just want to go out there and scream his name as loud as I can."
She rubbed her eyes, suddenly seeming tired. "If Light knew, she could help him—I know she could. She's like a big carrier for him—that guardian energy that Wright was talking about; he said Hope could use it through her, but that's what makes him so dangerous because he can't control it." She slumped her shoulders, staring at Sazh, oddly comforted by the fact that he was rubbing his beard and looking grave. It's good to get this off my chest; surely the both of us can come up with some kind of plan.
"You know how long he's been out there?"
She hung her head. "No…I didn't think to ask when he escaped. But wouldn't it make sense for them to call as soon as they realized he was missing?"
"Not entirely. Not if they thought they could catch him quickly or wanted to keep something under wraps." Sazh sunk back, breathing heavily out of his nose. It gets below freezing every night and the winds are unforgiving during the day—how could any kid survive that? We go on foot and we'll be just as lost as he is. He grinned suddenly. "I got it." He threw his hands up. "I got it." He wagged his finger at Serah, who mirrored his growing smile with hopeful eyes. He stood up. "Fly baby."
The meaning of his words filled her with determination and she curled her hands into fists, bringing them to her chest. "Sazh, you're amazing!" A shadow quickly fell over her face. "But we're probably not the only ones with that idea…"
"Don't worry about it, Chocobo's got some sharp eyes." But she was right; in a crowded sky, he'd need more than the chick to find Hope. If there was just some way to let Hope know we were looking for him, no doubt he'll hide from every aircraft he hears… He stared at Serah, feeling his heart thump stronger with increasing adrenaline as a new addition to the plan unfurled itself. A plan he couldn't voice lest they were under surveillance. She's a big carrier, huh? Well, fortune for those who risk, right? He clasped her shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "You just sit tight and do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I'll go look for a job."
A job? "Ok." She nodded, eyes flickering back to the TV. A woman in a navy suit explained the growing resentment New Palum was facing as its wealth continued to rise due to its close connection with the Sanctum.
"Dajh! C'mon son, time to run some errands with Daddy."
Serah giggled as the boy tripped over himself in excitement as he burst from the bedroom. "Alright!" He stopped to hike up the slipping overalls and stuffed his little feet into his boots. "Can we stop by Lebreau's on the way back?"
"You don't think she's had enough of you for awhile?"
Dajh's protests were muffled as the front door closed behind him.
Serah looked down at her restless fingers. Everyone was gone now. With Lightning at work and Snow off doing his thing with NORA, she was once again the sessile one. No, I can do something. There's nothing stopping me from going out and looking for him myself, now is there? She was aware it wasn't the safest—nor the most practical—thing to do, but it was better than doing nothing.
Rummaging in the bottom cabinet of the kitchen, she pulled out a couple lumpy, misshapen gyshal greens from a crude sack. Maybe I'll run into a chocobo and then it wouldn't take me nearly as long. Wrapping them in cloth and setting them on the counter, she ran upstairs to change into warmer attire.
"Judgment shall reign. It's a simple," Lightning looked down, hiding her yawn, "pun on words." She looked considerably meek for a few seconds, as if expecting to be called out.
Wright stared at her. "How dare you yawn in my presence."
She didn't smile and only leaned her back against the wall, crossing her legs. "Such a betrayal of my body could've gotten me killed—it's the most obvious sign I don't have it together, apart from slumping to the floor."
He glanced around the empty table, papers scattered everywhere. They still had about ten minutes before everyone came back from the break. "Well that's rather harsh, don't you think? Are you not getting enough sleep?"
Her eyes were exceptionally listless, making her seem like she'd disappear from the lack of energy she was emitting. "No, it's this meeting; I've never had to endure something so mind-numbing." So dispirited was her demeanor, Wright nearly jumped back from the way she seemed to snap at him without moving—her eyes pierced through him like shards of frozen glass. She got up, the dark maroon cape falling swiftly to its full length.
"Farron?" He knew she was agitated and he could relate. This morning he'd woken up with a gun cocked in his face, but whereas his silence was kindly advised; Lightning hadn't done anything wrong yet because there wasn't anything she could do.
"If you really had to ask, then I don't know you," she replied coldly. "It's obvious I'm being kept in the dark about Hope and here I am, wasting time discussing the finer points of Asnida's weathering cycles."
"Everything was crystallized and now it's being eroded quicker than we can figure out why; of course they're going to want to know the reason."
"They don't need me for that," she retorted. "Listen, you don't want me in the field—fine. But they can go skewer themselves if they think they can drag me in and use me to dig Hope's grave."
"Lightning," he pleaded, putting his palms up in surrender. "No one's trying to force you to do anything; the truth is, they're scared—they're scared of a boy who can bring down destruction and wipe out all evidence of any mayhem having been there in the first place."
She narrowed her eyes; an expression many enemies of hers had probably seen for the last time. "That wasn't Hope; that was Alexander—and if whatever that was ends up affecting mankind, which I doubt, then we all had it coming in the first place. Now excuse me."
"We're all trying our best, Lightning." I'm sorry it has to be this way, but even I can't share my limited knowledge with you. I've got my arms twisted behind my back.
She stopped at the door. "I would've thought that by now you'd know more than me."
"I'm just a medical doctor who likes to dabble in the sciences," he said weakly. "No one's going to tell me what I want to know if they don't need me in some way."
"Sorry. I guess I was beginning to rely on you too much." Her tone was bitter.
A faint pulsing glow from the barely audible TV cast a bluish aura. Lightning loosened her scarf, eyes on the alert. "Serah?" she called out. Silence. "Anyone," she muttered, making her way to the living room, letting down blinds and closing curtains. During the day, she didn't mind them being open, but they weren't small windows and once the evening set it, they let an outsider see quite a bit. In the kitchen, she pulled an apple from the fridge, taking small nibbles from it; swallowing the sweet juice she realized just how ravenous she was.
She sat at the bar, kicking bare feet at the island counter, quietly enjoying the red apple; her crunches filling the empty space solitary surrounded her with. Focusing solely on the task at hand, her mind was in a state of static—the closest thing she could come to relaxing.
The door swung open, cold winds spiraling in. Lightning stiffened when no one came in and quickly setting the half-eaten fruit down, she hopped from the stool, approaching with caution.
"Serah."
Her sister was standing on the stone step, rubbing down a large yellow chocobo. The massive bird shook itself and 'kewhed' loudly before taking off, sending up a cloud of powdered ice.
Serah turned around and willed her icy legs to take her through the door, immediately shedding frozen layers once inside. She yanked off her sodden gloves and pulled off the wooly hat, letting them plop to the floor. Man, I think I looked everywhere! Though I didn't think riding a chocobo would be so much fun…freezing too.
"Maker Serah, what were you doing? And at least come in if you're going to open the door like that."
She looked up, blinking sheepishly a couple times. "Um, riding a chocobo?"
"In this weather?"
She giggled. "Should I wait until spring?" Her sister grabbed a towel from the kitchen and came back, muttering a quiet curse when she stepped into melted ice. Serah scrunched up her face when warmth was patted back into it and she looked at the floor, allowing herself to be rubbed down—until she realized how unpleasant it actually was for Lightning to be standing there, kneeling. "Gahh and you're getting on my case; look at you, standing here barefoot in ice water."
"Well if I don't get you warmed up soon, you're going to catch a cold. Remember how bad the last one was?"
Light… Suddenly she wished she had stayed out longer. No, I wish I wouldn't have come back until I found what I'd been looking for! "Any luck on getting more information?" she asked somberly. Lightning lowered the towel.
"No… Do you think…do you think I should just go? I mean, what if," her hand tightened around the towel, "his situation isn't any better than when he was… Damn it, and I'm here not doing anything!"
Serah wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "Claire, I wish I could help, I wish there was something, anything I could do. I want Hope back too. It wasn't fair of Bartholomew to do that. The least he could do is call and let us know he's alright." She closed her eyes, praying that sometime tonight Hope would come bursting through the door and finally put her dear sister out of her misery, taking the burden off her heart. Hope, we need you. She needs you here…now it's time for you to be there for her! Serah looked earnestly into her sister's face, waiting for a reaction, allowing her to pull away. Lightning wiped beneath her eyes, a soft puzzled smile on her face.
"You're right; I want him back. I want Hope." She laughed softly. "That little silver-haired boy. I want him back. What's wrong with me?"
Serah grabbed her hands urgently. "Why does it have to be something wrong, Claire?"
I now know what it's like to have someone you can trust, someone who's willing to be there for you, someone who understands that it takes time…I…I can't be alone anymore. And that scares me. Because people can leave.
His emerald eyes stared up into hers, saddened with love and worry. He pressed his nose against hers, moving his head to give her a soft heartfelt kiss. "You're safe too."
Lightning looked down, surprised and slightly angered by her own blurry vision. Yeah, I see how well that turned out. "Because Claire can't handle this; she gets hurt."
Serah loosened her grip. And so you bottle everything up and push it away because 'Lightning' can function without it. But you can't keep back your true self, Claire—there's a part of you that wants to love and be loved just like everybody else. She reached up, cradling her face. "It's ok to be scared," she whispered lovingly. "You don't have to be a soldier for everything." She knew her sister carried scars, a lot more than she did; but Serah had someone to help her with them…and Lightning… Hope, I love you…but if you don't somehow manage to bring your butt back home, I'll never forgive you!
"Hey Lightning! You home?"
Serah literally felt like she was watching her sister crawl back into her shell and never more had she wanted to go outside and slap Sazh. She reluctantly let go of Light, who straightened up, face blank with determined chilliness. Urggh men! I bet a woman would've known to stay quiet.
The front door opened and Sazh stomped his way in, shaking frost from his jacket. "Phew, I'd say Hell just about froze over."
"Guess what, guess what!" Dajh grabbed onto the Farron sisters, his face beaming. "Daddy brought home a baby plane and I got to ride in it!"
"C'mon soldier girl, get dressed. I need you with me." Sazh fanned himself, the sudden warmth too much for him.
Serah blinked. He's…going to take her with him… That's perfect! He doesn't have to tell her anything! She covered up her happy face and turned around, bending down to pick up the wet gear.
Lightning put a hand on her hip. "Sazh, what's this about? You know I don't take orders with no information well. And to tell you the truth, I'm really not up for a jet ride."
Dajh tugged on her hand. "It was really fun!"
"Listen Lightning, it was bad enough I had to take Dajh with me. I can't fly it by myself; I need another able person, you know, like back-up. They need pilots co'ed with the GC to do a parameter check of New Bodhum—there're some unruly groups of monsters hovering too close to the border. You're part of the security regiment, so I thought why not ask the soldier herself? It won't take long. I'll flash a few lights around; if we're dealing with something a lil' more aggressive, I can take you down—nothing around here should take you more than a few minutes."
She sighed, rubbing her forehead. But she couldn't turn it down—her job was to protect the citizens, even if half of them hated her and theoretically, she was never off duty. "Give me a few to get ready."
Sazh grinned. "Take your time." He winked at Serah, who smiled her appreciation, and stepped out. "Just head on outside when you're ready."
Serah bounced a couple times on the couch, watching her sister make trips up and down the stairs. This'll work! "Be safe," she said. She glanced down when something slid beneath her; her sister's coat had been on the back and fell from her constant bouncing. She held it up, attracting Light's attention.
"Thanks."
"Yup." Serah was pleasantly caught off guard when her sister leaned down to kiss her forehead. She was debating whether saying 'thanks' would be too strange when her eyes were drawn to the TV; either her brain picked up a string of words and that was what triggered her alarm, or her eyes had unconsciously read something that disagreed with her heart. But either way, she froze and Lightning noticed it.
One look into her sister's panicked eyes and Lightning turned around, focusing on the screen. The remote control out of sight and mind, the soldier took a few careful steps forward, cape swaying, gloved hand reaching out to turn up the volume. Eyes shifted, pupils dilating and contracting in their turquoise irises.
"…What officials claim 'poor judgment' on PSICOM's behalf leads to a tragic discovery..."
The woman's voice suddenly blurred and morphed into something unintelligible as a picture flashed onto the screen and startled, she found herself staring into his smiling face, mesmerizing green eyes bright with happiness and with stabbing clarity, she was able to comprehend she had been there when the picture was taken. But as to what the reporter was saying—all she could hear was blood rushing through her ears, or was it waves because that's where they had been when the picture was taken; near the shore, near the water. She could even see the blue of the sky behind him and the hazy brown of the ground—hazy because he was the crisp, clear focus of the picture. But she still couldn't understand what was being said, so she had to tear her eyes away from the picture and skim over the captions:
The body of the fourteen-year-old Hope Estheim was found today in the unnamed wooded territory between New Palum and New Bodhum… Cause of death is still unknown and the condition of the body is being kept quiet until autopsy reports come out…
"Just what was this poor boy running from? And most importantly, who was he running to? Officials say Estheim had escaped four days ago, but chief executive Lisle Blanney didn't report his absence until just yesterday. When asked if he had known the whereabouts of his son, Bartholomew Estheim, soon-to-be-mayor, was too grieved to comment."
"Ack! Stop, Snow, I'm being serious right now, you have to stop, you're going to break the camera—stoooop!" Lying on her back, Serah flailed her arms, trying to keep the precious equipment from the flurry of sand Snow was kicking around. She was pinned under him and he was determined to build them a tunnel to hide in. "Snow!" she yelled, but it was obvious he was oblivious to her desperation; he couldn't hear her over his own roar of working triumph. A shadow loomed over and the camera was plucked from her grasp.
Squinting against the sun's glare, Lightning walked away, looking through the pictures her sister had taken. A warm wind ruffled through her hair and rippled her long black and white shorts. One hand raking her hair back, she absentmindedly bunted the beach ball back to Dajh and continued her way to the shore where Hope was crouching in the sand. Serah's screams could still be heard, but she wasn't shouting about the camera anymore.
Using the camera's screen to see where she was going, she stopped when she was close enough. Hope looked up grinning; he shook his hair back, but a lock still managed to get him in the eye. "Wanna help me out?" he asked, showing his sandy fingers.
Smiling wryly, Lightning reached down to push away the offending lock.
"Are you taking pictures of the sand?"
"No, I'm recording you torturing the hermit crab with a stick."
Hope looked down. "I wasn't torturing him. I was actually saving him—"
"By poking him?"
"Yes, by making him go faster—" just then a few feet away, the sand suddenly fell away to reveal a black hole, a red claw swiped out, clutching the hermit's shell in its two-fingered hold. "See, I was trying to save him from that." Hope let go of the stick, wiping his hands together.
She couldn't help snickering. "How noble. Wanting to change even the smallest fate."
He grinned again. "Got it from you. …And Snow."
"You just ruined it for yourself."
His grin grew bigger. "I'll smile for you if you take a picture." There was the interruptive screech of a seagull overhead.
"Yeah?" She adjusted the thin black strap on her shoulder and looked away from the camera for a second, making eye contact. "Then smile for me."
"You knew," she seethed venomously. She rounded on Sazh who'd been standing quietly in the back, pained brown eyes misting. "You knew, you knew, you knew—how much did you know and not tell me?"
Serah jumped in fright when Sazh plummeted heavily to the floor. "SOONER! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She couldn't get up from the couch.
"Lightning!" she cried, reaching for her with trembling arms.
Lightning turned to her, tears streaming heavily over red cheeks. "You knew too, Serah," she sobbed. "You knew and you didn't tell me. Maker, why wouldn't you tell me?" Her chest was heaving with racking sobs and she looked like she was going to collapse.
Sazh got up slowly, supporting his back against the wall; his movement didn't escape Lightning's notice. "Eliminating monsters from the border—was this some kind of game—trick?" She threw a quick glance at her sister. "Serah? Were you in on it too?"
A loud crash sounded from outside and Snow barreled in, blood dribbling from his chin. "I…I h-heard the news," he panted, pulling his hands over his eyes. "Fuck I heard the news…"
It was suddenly too crowded, disordered, everything was closing in on her, they were all reaching for her and with the colors swarming together, Lightning could barely tell them apart. The sounds were chaotic and she covered her ears, trying to keep the mind-shattering wailing out of her head, twisting away from the grasping hands. The ground left her unexpectedly and she didn't stop falling. Instead, everything went black and when everything went black, the wailing stopped.
It was awhile before Dajh finally crept out of his room and when he did, everything was dark and quiet. His daddy hadn't come back and no one else seemed to be around either. Teary-eyed, he wandered past the living room. He stood at the edge of the kitchen; a lone half-eaten shadowy apple on the counter. He was too scared to go up the stairs; they creaked and he didn't want them creaking if no one else was there. The little chocobo gave a soothing peep from his hair and set to preening the curly mess.
Sand tickled across her bare back, sending a light shiver down her spine. She tightened her grip around her knees. The sun had passed its peak in the sky and made its warmth considerably more enjoyable. Serah and Snow were further down the beach, walking hand in hand. Sand went flying on her right as Hope plopped, or rather tumbled down beside her, his wet hair dripping onto her arm. "You haven't gone in at all today," he said, copying her posture.
She gazed at the lapping waves. "There's still time."
"Mhm…" He settled shyly against her shoulder. "Sometimes…I wish Vanille and Fang could be here."
"…It would certainly be livelier." She looked down at his head. " Are you tired?" She gave him a little nudge and he nodded. She lowered her legs a bit and placed her hand against his shirtless back, guiding him to her lap; he complied readily. Unsure of where to place her arms, she draped one over his waist, keeping the other close to his shoulder. His eyes closed and she took to running her fingers through his messy hair, twirling and smoothing down the ends. She stroked his cheek and rubbed his arm, tightening her hold whenever a shadow passed over his face. The sun sank a little lower.
"Are you happy?" she asked softly, some quiet, unacknowledged part of her weary of the answer.
"The happiest," he replied sleepily, eyes still closed. "…And you? Are you happy, Light?"
She opened her mouth slightly, unsure of whether her voice would tremble. She caressed his cheek again. Could she tell him she wasn't? Would it change anything? "I am." She slid her arm under him and cradled him more firmly against her, resting her forehead on his shoulder. "Call me Light again," she whispered. There were the gentle sounds of a ball being caught and thrown and every so often, a faraway laugh from Dajh.
"Light…"
She sniffled quietly and raised her head, cupping his face, stroking his cheekbone until he opened his eyes weakly; opalescent greens beneath long lashes. She smiled tearfully. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "Light's so sorry. I let you down and I promised I wouldn't. Hope, I'm so sorry."
She rocked him back and forth, tears dripping from her nose. "I couldn't protect you like I promised…I'm so sorry." She tried to quiet her heaving sobs, holding him tighter. "Were you dead when I woke up this morning? Were you dead when I was thinking about you?" Pressing her cheek to his damp hair, she closed his eyes carefully, rocking him ever still.
"I'm so sorry!"
"Light!"
Her eyes shot open in the darkness, her body stiffening after its initial startled jolt. It was quiet, but a subtle sense not clouded by sleep told her something had stirred the silence the way shadows move through the gloom. She stared calmly at the ceiling, swallowing, her lower lip giving a slight tremble. And she tried to forget. Tears slid from the corner of her eyes and she refused to believe they were there. She wasn't crying. Because she had no reason to.
The cold water splashed onto her face did nothing to ease the swollen redness framing her eyes like a bandit's mask, contrasting harshly with the anemic tone the rest of her skin had taken. She flicked the remaining water droplets from her hands and severed herself from the mirror's reflection, trailing back into her room.
Clad in black, she zipped her skirt, closed her vest and buckled the red leather straps around her hips and thigh. Sweeping her hair back behind her ear, she glanced at the desk, red digital numbers glowing '4:02' in the pre-dawn dimness. She pulled her gloves on over her sleeves, dispassionately overlooking the yellow bandanna tied around her left wrist.
Stumbling sleepy-eyed from the hallway bathroom, Serah became wide-eyed as her sister descended the stairs. "Sis?" She quickened her pace, skipping down the steps after her. "You really shouldn't. Claire, it's four in the morning, c'mon we can go in the living room a-and," her voice quavered and she rubbed her eyes, "we can talk about it," she finished timidly. Her heart was sickened with guilt; the foundation of the well-intentioned resolve she had for keeping the secret from her was beginning to crumble and because explanations never went well in the past, she didn't know how to go about telling her about this one. "Or w-we can just sit."
Lightning remained silent, adjusting the straps on her boots. Straightening up, her peripheral vision spotted Serah's hand close to her arm and narrowing her eyes, she side-stepped sharply to avoid the contact.
Her mouth opened in a soundless gasp and stung, Serah let her arm hang in mid-air, but it wasn't the rejection that stung her so horridly—it was the wounded look in her sister's eyes, the unspoken how could you do this to me? like daggers in her expression. There was a hushed anger that shined from within the dullness of her hurt, melancholic gaze. Serah could almost imagine what she was thinking. We've been growing so close these past days and I withheld something that had she known about it…could've saved Hope. It's like I stabbed her in the back. But if I told her…what made me so certain that we couldn't save her too? What right did I have to decide the risks for her? Was Hope all alone? Alone in the wilderness with no hope that he would make it or be found…but if he had heard that someone was searching for him, would that have given him the strength to hold on? Serah looked away, seething in a moment of self-hatred. Did my actions kill Hope?
Lightning only hardened her gaze and walked away.
When the door closed, the younger Farron began to cry.
The hour approaching six, the halls were filled sparsely with early-risers and those who had nothing better to do with their time than work excessively hard. Heading for the breakroom, Lightning stayed close to the taupe wall. She tried to spend as little time there as possible; it was unheard of for someone as young as her to become a lieutenant and on top of that, she was the only female. The older men were eager to initiate her, and while she didn't have a problem proving herself to a certain degree, the awkward conversations she could do without—she would not be patronized, however sweetly. She placed her hand against the blue panel beside the electronic doors and waited the three seconds it took for it to scan her hand.
Once inside, she went straight for the mailboxes on the back wall, ignoring the few other lieutenants lounging in the chairs around the table in the middle of room. Nothing was said, but an uncomfortable silence suddenly weighed on the usual lax atmosphere. The general 'good mornings' were forgone and it was too evident they had all watched the news.
Entering the four-digit code, she collected her list of specific tasks, aware of the sympathetic glances at her back.
"Farron…we're, ahem, we're sorry for your loss."
She stood still. My loss? So that's… She closed her eyes. So that's what Hope amounts to—a loss. She opened her mouth to reply, but she had nothing to say, so she just turned around and left.
Head on her desk, she stared at the face-down picture frame. It seemed ages ago that they had rescued him from Asnida, but at times she still felt herself seized with the aftereffects of the life-or-death adrenaline that had surged through her veins during the collapse of the caves. Her heart would start pounding and breathing became difficult as if the oxygen was too thin. Moreover, she could clearly recall the fervent emotions rampaging through her once reunited with Hope.
But this reality…this reality she couldn't come to terms with, she couldn't accept it. She couldn't dwell on the realization of what her feelings actually were because now…they had nowhere to go. Her fingers edged closer to the picture. She didn't want to feel betrayed; truth be told, she didn't want to feel anything. She was afraid because deep down, she knew she wasn't the same Lightning. Her shell had been softened to the point where she almost enjoyed being able to count on others. So is this it? It all ends here and everyone can pick up the pieces and go back to their lives. Everyone but me. I'm not entitled to happiness. She frowned slightly. "And what about Hope?" she questioned softly. Her mind provided the answer too quickly. He's with his mother, Farron. She closed her eyes and pushed the frame away. "Right," she murmured weakly, turning her face into the crook of her elbow. Don't think, don't think, don't think...
Had she been undisturbed long enough, there was a possibility she would've started sobbing. But those emotions were once more dragged under when the phone gave an annoying ring.
Muttering beneath her breath, she turned her head back and stared at the phone. She cleared her throat and picked up when it was obvious the caller wasn't going to give up. "Lt. Farron," she answered tonelessly.
"Sis—"
She promptly set the receiver down, going back to covering her face. It was reasonably quiet; the halls were still empty of passing voices and with a well-insulated room, any sounds were automatically subdued anyway. Pressed against her arm, the darkness provided an adequate way of gaining a few moments' rest and she inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly. However, a sudden intrusive vibration against her breast caused her to jolt up, banging her knee on the desk. A spike in her heart rate, she snatched the cell phone from her pocket.
"What Snow?" she gritted angrily, rubbing her knee. "You better have a damn good reason for calling me."
"Lightning, I'm sorry if I interrupted something…I know I'm not your most favorite person, but please just listen and don't hang up. It's about Serah."
"Don't meddle in our business; there's no need for a referee, got it?"
"Wait—"
She gripped the phone tighter. "And I will have your head if you think about defending her by haranguing me."
"Maker Light, I don't even know what that means… I just need you to listen, alright? Just listen. Serah is upstairs balling her eyes out—wait a minute, don't hang up, it's not what you think. I know how you must be feeling; your own sister didn't tell you that Hope was out there, trying to find his way back home," his voice cracked, but he kept going, "She didn't tell me either, she kept it from all of us. So there had to have been a reason for it because otherwise, she wouldn't have done something like that. Maker knows she loves you more than anything, she wouldn't keep a secret like that—"
"The point," she interrupted, pressing her palm to her forehead. She didn't need someone else to tell her her sister loved her.
"Lightning please, I gotta say it like this. A couple days ago, she got this really strange phone call and I was sitting right next to her. Just hearing what she was responding with, I knew it was something weird and afterward, she begged me to forget it ever happened—"
"So you knew something was going on and not even you thought to let me know—"
"Lightning! I trusted my wife! She was terrified—"
"Great combination."
"Etro, you're hopeless." An icy silence developed on both ends.
She stiffened, grating her teeth. "You really just said that," she stated, her voice deathly quiet. She moved the phone away as there was considerable crackling interference and after some deducing, she came to the solid conclusion that he smacked the phone against his head. She rolled her eyes, knowing him it undoubtedly was an honest mistake. "You're an idiot. Make sure to put some ice on that."
"How'd you—"
"The phone's plastic and the only thing you can smack it against to make that kind of sound is your hollow head."
"Yeah… Serah was forced to keep silent; she was told penalties would occur if she broke any of the rules. She knew Hope had escaped, that's true, but if she so much as wrote you a note and left it lying around, they'd 'take' you."
"Who's they?"
"I… She wasn't sure. We're guessing PSICOM forces…we know that this Lisle Blanney was the guy in charge, so it could've been someone under him. And it's not like she's been keeping it secret for weeks; she only got the call the day before yesterday. Light?"
"Yeah I'm still here."
"Ok…I just needed to do this for her. She was probably too scared to tell you this morning."
If you're a l'cie, then remember, it's my job to deal with you!
Lightning let the phone slip a little, huffing softly. Can't it ever not be my fault?
"What time do you get off?"
She frowned, detecting a faint knock on the door. "What's it to you?" she asked, getting up. After the words left her mouth, she sighed. "Sorry. I..." Out of nowhere, her eyes started smarting and it had nothing to do with Snow. "I'm leaving right now."
"…I love you, Sis."
She blinked, opening her mouth to retort something, anything to get his words to backfire, but the line was dead. "Bastard," she muttered bitterly, rubbing her eyes. She opened the door, staring blandly at Paxton.
He looked down briefly, shuffling his feet.
"I don't have anything for you," she said. "In fact, I think it's best if you found someone else to babysit you. I can't help you anymore."
His eyes dulled with brief disappointment. "Are you…are you serious?" He bowed. "Please, I know this must be a tough time for you, but don't dismiss me. I can wait however long it'll take."
She gave a disapproving 'hmph'. She didn't sign up to be a role model and it didn't fit well with her if someone was going to halt their career just to make sure they could study under her. "And if I resign?"
He looked up, bewildered. "…Then I'll get out of the program and make it on my own," he said quietly, lowering his head again. He stole a peek at her, but her face was impossible to read. "But…that's not why I came here. You should go outside to the side gate," he added solemnly. He straightened up and after hesitating as if he was still going to say something, left.
She stepped out, closing the door behind her and went after him, though making no effort to catch up. What now?
I know, I know, stupid cut-off point for a chapter . Just wait a couple hours (maybe half a day if I decide to add to it) and I'll have the second half posted. While nothing TOO major happened (oh really?), I think it was ok, right? Leave some love if you're so inclined!