Yaaaay! I don't think the wait was too unbearable, right? Something like a week? Well know that I'd been working every day on it *nods* Thanks to my awesome reviewers: H-thar, Revan Farron, Saccharo, Madeline Cullen, madapocket, Zapper90 and Lightarcana!
xAltaria: you kept me alive with cookies, encouragement and distractions-without you, this chapter would've undoubtedly taken me twice as long to write. *hearts* Noel shall forever bow down to Lightning because she is BOSS.
One more bit of advice: I did place a warning a few chapters back and said that I wouldn't do one for the chapter in question, but because it still caught some peeps off guard, I shall disregard my previous statement. This is a LightxHope fic.
I apologize beforehand for any errors; I tried to comb them all out, but lately my internet connection's been pretty shoddy and for three hours I've been battling the 'changes to document' weren't 'successfully saved' thing.
So without further ado, I present to you-this! Enjoy and leave a review if you're so inclined :)
As quiet as the morning was, by early afternoon the house was gearing towards a state of calm chaos. Numerous times, Snow tramped down the stairs in search of food or attention only to be sent back by a pleading look from his wife. Serah confided to him a plan where she hoped that if it worked, Lightning could be persuaded to have her guards low enough that she would be easily reachable for comforting. And it was simply to keep calling her Claire. Slightly apprehensive, Snow didn't put it past the soldier to view it as a breach of intimacy if he called her by her real name. Though with the way things are going, I might be up here all day.
Rolling her eyes, Lightning knocked Serah's hand away from her face. She could count the things that could make her weep for hours on end on three fingers, and after doing such a thing, she hated to admit she was easy to overwhelm—and instead of being fussed over making her feel loved and cared for, it stressed her out. "Serah, I'm fine." She snatched the damp paper towel from her sister's fingertips, quickly wiped away the remnants of blood and tossed it into the little trashcan, making her way back to the couch where she plopped down heavily.
"Are you sure—"
"Maker no, I'm lying. Have you ever had a nosebleed that hurt?"
Serah blushed, ducking her head. "Well I suppose not, but yours was so sudden…"
"Could be anything. Dry air. Look, just leave me alone. Please." The younger Farron's face fell. Lightning sighed, closing her eyes. Perhaps if I rephrase it. "I need to be alone. Ok?" She couldn't stand it anymore. Her sister's wide and saddened eyes, a particular subdued fear swimming in them—the fear that she would be left by her, abandoned. They reminded her too much of Hope's eyes. It was always there…even when he smiled. Whether it was a subconscious thing or not, she could relate.
It was a certain unworthiness one felt—not quite a complex, but a lack of understanding of one's own feelings and accepting another's. For the longest, she couldn't understand why anyone would want to be around her as much as Hope was. Besides the fact that she could keep him alive, she saw nothing in herself that would inspire such a boy to want to etch out any kind of relationship with her. Just like Hope must've felt he was never worth my time; he clung to every bit of attention I gave him as if it would be the last. Not even my words could soothe him. He trusted me, but he would instantly hold himself to blame if I never came back.
She still hadn't fully understood just what the teenager meant to her, but she had come to accept that wherever she went, he would be there—she wanted him there. And not only as a soldier wanting to watch out for her own, but as a companion, though not just any…holding him had made her feel the most complete. And Serah was throwing words like 'love' around and Lightning was too terrified that it was true because it would give a name to what she was currently feeling. Heartbroken.
"Claire?" came the gentle voice. "Don't hide in your room. I'll get a nice fire going and just stay here, ok? I'll keep Snow with me so he can't bother you."
Her brain took its time gleaning the information from her words and she gave the barest of nods. She didn't think she had the energy to move anyway and as long as no one disturbed her, she could sink into the consuming emptiness within her. It would be quiet there. She wouldn't have to feel anything. I wouldn't even feel alone.
She didn't hear the front door open and Dajh abruptly appeared, throwing his arms around Serah who was still sitting on the coffee table. The aura of rambunctiousness she knew usually surrounded him didn't reach her and she contemplated the growing paleness of Serah's face. A question formed on her lips, but Serah pulled away slowly—or maybe her eyes weren't registering the motion fast enough—and kissed the boy's cheek, her slim hands tickling his sides; the words died silently.
With the couch blanket tucked around her shoulders, a soft kiss was pressed to her cheek. "I'm going to look at Dajh's snowman."
The fact didn't frighten him, but in all honesty, Sazh had a hard time keeping Hope pinned down to the cold ground; the boy withered and squirmed with growing inhuman strength and the man knew it was only a matter of time before he broke loose in a rage. He grunted as an elbow accidentally shoved into his chest. This kid's gone rabid! First starts lookin' like a cie'th and ready to die, turns back and now he's got the strength of a full-grown behemoth on his side!
"Let me go! Let me GO! You HAVE to let me go!" his voice was hoarse and he began panting breathlessly, tears of frustration running down his cheeks.
The boy was now weakly pushing against his arm, trying to free his chest and Sazh worried he had trouble breathing. He didn't want to risk loosening his grip because the next fit would only be stronger. The last few intervals had taught him that. "Hope, just bear with me. We're trying to get this figured out—do you have any idea of the amount of craziness that's been going on?"
"Lightning! You don't know what I'm putting her through—"
"I know exactly what you're putting her through—you're putting her through a serrated Hell! She thinks you're DEAD!" He didn't grasp how much force he was using in restraining the teenager until Hope went limp in a flash and he couldn't stop himself in time from practically crushing the boy, but the silveret didn't seem to notice.
W-what? Light…thinks I'm dead? The meaning of his words sunk in, giving a greater potency to the way his guilt carved at his devastated heart. She thinks I'm gone… He went cold with feverish shivers; all too well he remembered the instant panic-stricken turmoil when he thought she'd been killed in the helicopter crash. And to think that Lightning was feeling the same thing. He grabbed Sazh's arm and brought it to his mouth, chomping as hard as he could.
"Damn! Punched by Lightning and now I got to get bitten by you too? Give me a break!"
She's not as strong as she leads everyone to believe; I have to let her know! He thrashed against Sazh's unrelenting hold. I have to…I have to give her hope. The pilot had more strength than he let on, so he had only one other option; Hope arched back, opening his mouth.
"LIIIIIIIGHTNIIIIIIIING!"
A cloud of rust particles and flurries of snow flew up as a shocked Serah squirmed frantically through the doors, choking before she even saw Hope on the floor. "You're supposed to be dead!" she cried.
"An' he almost was! Look at him now!"
Wavy pink hair and clear blue eyes—it wasn't Lightning, but seeing Serah was a start. Hope tried to sit up and this time, Sazh helped him. "Serah!"
A hesitancy shadowed her eyes, but she quickly got over it, running over to him. She embraced him, shaking his shoulders. "You better hold her! You better hold her and never let her go! You have to save her this time!" She yanked him back suddenly, eyes widening as if witnessing some kind of prophecy. "Oh no…I'm…I'm not even sure you can see her…"
Putting one foot in front of the other, Snow tried his hardest to creep down the stairs, but the steps decided to wholeheartedly announce his blatant fail and proceeded to creak and moan under his weight. He glanced over at Lightning, knitting his brows at the way she was resting her head on the armrest, one hand firmly covering her ear.
"Hey Li-Claire, you ok?" he asked, ambling down at his normal pace. The name felt fuzzy and foreign on his tongue. Let's see if Serah's plan works. "Got a headache?" Once close enough, he bent down, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. Hauntingly troubled, her eyes were void of any passionate emotion.
My mind's already playing tricks on me. She stared into the flames. Was it the guilt warping reality around her? Manipulating the wintry wind, distorting it into a clever delusion just to pry effortlessly into her conscious under its guise of piteous sincerity? Hope, why call my name? His young life had been cruelly ripped from him and she shuddered at the thought of his anguished soul wandering the steppes in search of relief. I'm not ready for that.
In her peripheral vision, Snow hovered worriedly—his hand stuck to her shoulder. I see Serah didn't take you. "I heard something," she supplied, her voice a quiet sigh.
A shamefaced grin made its way onto his face. Aw and Serah told me to be quiet too. "Yeah sorry…I was…singing in the shower."
She gave no comment.
His confused whimpers were breaking her heart—more so because it appeared he couldn't stop them. Distressed eyes darted from left to right like he was trying to see around her and she finally clutched his face. "Hope, listen to me, you can't just go barging in there," she explained tearfully for the sixth time. "Claire's a mess—"
"The last time she saw me was when that doctor put her in a coma! And since then no one has told her a word about me!"
"Shhh! Please lower your voice, I'm not saying you can't see her—Hope, I want you to see her, but it's going to be such a shock for her…I don't want her to go through any more pain. Do you?" she asked gently, stroking his cheek when he stopped struggling against Sazh's grip. "I'm scared of what'll happen…we were told we couldn't let you into the house, but everyone thinks you're dead so…"
Hope averted her gaze. "Not for long," he said softly. If they hadn't already, they'd find out sooner or later. Blood samples don't lie.
"What do you mean? Hope…how much do you know?"
"That I could kill her…I could kill all of you. I'm a monster."
"You're not a monster," she soothed, stamping out the tiny flame of fear. Everything the officials had been saying about him could've been true—or a bunch of lies to scare them off, but regardless, he was family. And families don't shut each other out. She forced an assuring smile. "Nothing's scary about a guardian." She patted his cheek. "I'm going to talk to Light—I'll bring her out," she laughed shakily, "convince her you're not a ghost." She glanced at Sazh before she stood up, uneasy at the gravity his eyes had taken. Am I doing the right thing?
Outside, she ran with wobbly legs, each lunge feeling like she was going to sink into the earth. Reaching the stone steps, her nerves jittered up to her throat and breathlessly, she hung onto the cold doorknob, using her weight to turn it. "Claaaaaaire!"
Unfolding her long legs from their tucked-in position, she pushed herself from the couch, making her weary way to the front of the room. Unease loitered in the back of her mind and while she wanted to follow her instincts on a very present sixth sense, a foggy wave of caution was the only thing she could gather from it. Her panting sister stood in the doorway, anxious as ever with a flushed face—her eyes almost seemed to rattle with hysterical nervousness. Clearly something's amiss. And like she had done with Snow yesterday, she took a step back. "Serah, I'm not…"
"Claire, you have to trust me on this. Come with me."
Lightning didn't budge.
Barging in here, yelling her name like a banshee probably didn't help. She inhaled deeply and released a calm smile, holding out a hand. "I know something you don't," she coaxed gently. "So trust your sister."
She gave herself no room to argue; never again would she jump the chance to prove to her sister she trusted her unreservedly. "Do you know what you're doing?" she asked, accepting her sister's hand. Serah beamed and gave it a squeeze.
"That's not what matters. … As long as I succeed here, the rest is up to fate," she replied honestly.
Lightning swallowed. Those weren't light words. They stepped out into the sunlight, squinting from the snow's blinding brightness. Her black spandex tights did nothing to combat the subtle chill and she ignored the urge to shudder. She followed the pull on her arm, gazing around. Footsteps had been stomped through the knee-high frozen snow and she tried to step in them absentmindedly, every now and then stumbling when she didn't step high enough or use enough force. With the sky a striking blue and no cloud in sight, it was crisp and cold with odd patches of the sun's warmth when one stood just right. Gray plumes of smoke rose in the distance from the chimneys in town. She didn't see anything out of the ordinary, nothing that would explain the eerie stillness that gave the impression all of Gran Pulse was holding its breath. Yet her heart started to pound and her breathing got shallower when her sister tenderly let go of her hand.
Serah furthered the distance between them, opting to move to the side and lag a little. "I'm here," she said reassuringly when she noticed Lightning slow down as well. For a brief second their eyes connected and in that moment Serah knew her sister had already figured it out—she knew why she was out here before the warehouse doors screeched open, instantly dispelling the silence. And never had she seen her expression fall so quickly. You blew it Serah; you made the wrong choice for her. I'm horrible.
So this is it. She wanted to find something to explain the delusion that was taking place, but tears weren't blurring her vision, there was no blizzard, no exotic mirage. There was nothing to blame—except the strength of her imagination and the shattered pieces of her heart. Despite her reluctance, she found herself moving forward to greet this running hallucination.
A slight frown crossed her features. She never liked seeing Hope injured, why would her brain carelessly create such one? Her eyes missed the teal blue around his neck and without the bright orange around his shoulders, she kept wanting to overlook him. A sour spike stuck her in the stomach and she quickened her pace. It can't be… A familiar burn pricked the back of her eyes and a pathetic gasp escaped her as she slipped on hidden ice. Throwing out her arms, her palms broke through the hardened top layer of snow and she sunk to her elbows, rapid shivers spiraling down her back.
"Claire!" her sister's voice rang out.
She had barely begun to straighten up, staring at the bits of ice that were skating past her when slender arms were thrown around her neck.
"Forgive me!" He was practically hanging onto her and she had no choice but to kneel back down where he tightened his clasp.
Paralyzed by his voice and overwhelmed by the undeniably solid body against hers, autopilot kicked in and she eased into his hold, her chin over his shoulder. The smell of cold firewood laced with forestry, charred pine invaded her nostrils and she focused on the black fibers of his shirt and the locks of silver that tickled her cheek.
"I'm so sorry… I should've tried harder. So many times you were ready to lay down your life for me and I-I I can't even protect you from being hurt." Choking down a sob, he continuously smoothed down her hair. "Do you remember that night? I made a promise. I promised I'd keep you safe, but I didn't, did I? I swore I'd always stay by your side…I'm so sorry Light, I never meant to hurt you, please forgive me."
"Hope…" She hooked her arm over his, stifling her heaving cries with the back of her hand while grasping his side weakly. Just minutes ago, she'd been making up the sound of his voice and now he was suddenly here. "I'm not ready…I'm not ready, I just lost you and now you're going to leave me again."
"I never wanted to leave you."
Her hands were light on his back as if afraid to really touch him. "Are you really here?"
Hope pulled back; cradling her face in his hands, he searched her porcelain aquamarine eyes surrounded with red rims, swollen lids and glistening lashes. There was no trace of the battle-hardened soldier; just a young woman surprised by own fragility. "I'm really here," he whispered. Her lips gave a delicate tremble and he boldly leaned closer, pressing his lips to hers, feeling them quiver even more. Lightning… He kissed her again, this time keeping the contact longer, hoping that with his touch, he could melt away her sorrow. "I'm here." He grabbed her hand from his side and held it to his cheek, nuzzling her when she caressed him.
Tearing her gaze away from the green eyes she'd missed so much, she looked down noting the yellowing bruise along his jawline as if he'd fallen against a sharp edge… Or been kicked. Fighting her tears, she stared at the thin diagonal red slash across his neck; she lowered her hand to touch it.
"So it left a scar," she said softly. He pressed her hand closer.
"It's not too bad," he replied and instantly her eyes zeroed in on his wrist. The pink ridged lacerations were stark against his pale skin. He averted his gaze. "Those couldn't be helped," he mumbled.
Lightning blinked a couple times, pulling him forward and kissing his forehead, tilting his head back and capturing his lips. "Right."
Plodding around the empty living room, Snow caught the muted sound of voices. Sticking his head out the front door, he grinned at the figures kneeling in the snow. Here's everyone. "Hey babe, isn't it kinda cold out to be sitting like that—you don't even have a coat on, you're gonna catch a chill," he chuckled. It died down awkwardly; hunched over, Serah had her mouth covered and as he looked to the left, Lightning was also hunched over and through locks of pink being blown in the ever-present breeze, he saw a glimpse of unmistakable platinum. Fearing for his family's well-being, he let out a growl, pounding towards them, kicking up clumps of ice in his wake.
A quick glimpse of his wife told him she was ok and he veered to the left, eyes bulging at the side-view of Lightning.
Release. Her mind needed some kind of release; her limbs were shaking—it literally felt like she'd been dropped at 800mph and was now being bungeed up at the same speed. She had soul-emptying grief clutched to her chest and now she had to accept elation with a personal touch of disbelief. It wasn't doable in her current situation and falling back on soldier ways, she shut everything out and pulled the unconscious Hope onto her lap, shielding him as the great mass that was Snow slipped violently next to them.
Shivering from the ice melting down her back, she didn't protest when Snow suddenly wordlessly wrenched Hope from her, cradling him to his chest with an arm. He could get Hope to the house faster and that was fine by her—however, she didn't expect Snow's other arm to wrap around her.
Serah let out a worried gasp as her husband hoisted her sister over his shoulder. Oh Snow, so you really can run at full speed while carrying two people—but that other person should never be Lightning!
Sazh quickly scooped his son up from behind and jogged after Snow. "Adrenaline rush or not, trench-coat's right, being clueless and out in the open does not make for a good combination."
Last one in, Serah bolted the door frantically and turned around, prepared to plead for Snow's pardon. She unclasped her hands, seeing that Snow wasn't going to the black eye of his life. Of course, he's the farthest thing from her mind.
Ripping the bandanna off his head, he roughly mussed through his blond hair, pacing back and forth agitatedly. Lightning watched jadedly from the couch, a slowly coming-to Hope in her lap. Snow felt his heart leap and in a surge of determined protectiveness, he stormed over to the door, punching his fist into his hand.
"Think they're gonna destroy us? I can handle anything that comes through the door!" Snow's voice shook with unrestraint. He never recovered well from being blind-sighted and fighting proved an efficient way of dealing with the shock.
Wide-eyed and calmly accepting as only a young child who understood very little about death and danger could, Dajh stayed silent in his father's arms, eyes flickering from Hope to Snow, who was moving around the most.
Mentally staggered, Lightning leaned her head back, fighting off exhaustion by taking a deep breath. She was prolonging the calm, hoping to stall the tempest long enough that it would dissipate on its own. "I need an explanation," she said quietly, staring at the ceiling. He nodded, his head moving against her hand. "Now."
Eyeing his movements, Serah pounced on his arm, sliding forward. Snow stopped with his punch when he realized his wife was dangling from his forearm.
"You need to relax. No one's going to come barging through the door."
"You're right, you're right, I'm just…" Snow grinned, dabbing her nose. "Excited." He went back and plopped on the couch, next to Hope's legs.
Sazh set Dajh down, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "A'ight folks, time is of the essence and let's pretend we don't have it. We got to be ten steps ahead of these bastards and it starts with you Hope."
Snow looked up. "Whoa there, hold up Sazh, kid's been dead—he needs some warm food in his belly, a nice shower and a lil' extra lovin'," he said, rubbing the boy's stomach. Lightning clucked her tongue disgustedly and batted his hand away.
"Sis, you had your hand on him," he said defensively, looking wounded.
"Yeah and did you see me frisking him like he's some puppy?" she spat back. Maker, this guy's an idiot.
Snow gave an embarrassed grin, nudging a blushing Hope. "Point taken, I'll ask next time." He made a weak fist, prodding him again with a soft smile. "Hey buddy, you had us all real worried."
"Hope, can you walk?" Serah asked. "I'll get you cleaned up."
"Here, I'll carry him up the stairs," Snow offered.
"I-I'm fine," Hope said quietly, struggling to sit up, staring at Lightning in fright once she drew in her breath as if in pain. Oh no… His heart thumped faster. "You ok?" She regarded him with clouded eyes and panicking, he wrapped his arms around her neck. "Light!" The traumatized sobs came shortly after.
A stunned silence set in and the men awkwardly averted their gaze: Sazh rubbed the back of his neck, Snow suddenly preoccupied with the little sparklies in Serah's hair tie.
Gradually embracing the thin body to her, Lightning took another deep breath, partially to persuade Hope to also breathe and to settle the bubbling emotions in her chest. Only present around him, the irresistible warmth spread through her limbs, urging tenderness and affection. She could now recognize those feelings for what they were and while that was a relief for her, she wasn't sure if she was ready to handle them. One thing was for certain—she wasn't going to hide them. One step at a time. "Shhhh," she soothed, rocking him back and forth. "I'm fine."
"I killed someone," he cried, his voice muffled by the arms he had tightly around her. "That's why they thought I was dead."
Dajh hid behind his daddy's legs.
"I didn't mean to, I really didn't mean to—it was an accident. I don't want that to happen again!"
I've got to calm him down. Keeping a firm hand on his back, she slid her arm under his legs, scooping him close as she stood shakily to her feet. I'm so lightheaded. Snow stepped forward, arms outstretched and the soldier shook her head. She wasn't about to give him up for anything, especially with the way he was latched onto her.
Making her slow way up the stairs, she adjusted her arms, starting to feel the strain. "Nothing's going to happen Hope," she assured. She could feel his fingers running down the length of her hair; a repetitive, self-soothing motion. "Hope," she said a little more aggressively. "Listen to me, you're going to be alright." She gave the bathroom door a nudge with her knee, a slight smile on her face when Hope, who was peeking over her shoulder, flipped on the switch.
"I'm worried about you," came his muffled voice.
She set him down, guiding him to the toilet while snagging a hand towel from the sink cabinet and running it under warm water. "You don't have to worry about me. Don't worry about me." She bent down in front of him, stroking his cheek. "Not unless I'm doing something stupid. I trust your judgment." She tried to ignore the way he was staring at her as she wiped the dirt from his face.
"You're doing something stupid," he said softly. Her hand stilled. A tear soaked into the towel.
"Don't say that again," she said quietly. "That's not funny." She huffed softly when he leaned forward, reaching up to once more clasp his arms around her neck. She let go of the towel and patted his back. After squeezing him lightly, she pried him off, grabbing his shoulders. "Listen Hope," she said, her tone soft and serious. "I know you're scared…" her hands slid to his arms and she looked down briefly, "I am too…but not for the reasons you think. Don't distance yourself from us because of this. We'll get this figured out together." A telltale heat had crept into her cheeks and she could only hope that his vision was blurred enough that he couldn't tell. Clearing her throat, she gave his hip a few pats. "Come on, out of your shirt. Step into the shower. I'll grab you some clean clothes."
His own reddening cheeks didn't match his terrified look. "Hope, I'll be right back," she added.
"I love you Lightning."
"Good," she said straightening up, swiping the towel from the floor. "Now just—" she stopped and swiftly turned around slowly, tilting her head suspiciously. "What'd you say?"
Her arm loosely around Snow's neck as she sat on his lap in the recliner, she tried to see their current gathering as a step forward in re-building the walls of their little misfit family and not like they were co-existing on three separate little islands; Lightning was at one end of the couch with Hope sitting criss-cross right next to her, Sazh was at the other, looking rather troubled. Serah sighed inaudibly and soothed herself by turning her attention back to Hope, who at the moment was the epitome of being snuggable. Dressed in black sweats and another matching shirt, the teal fringed scarf—which Sazh had found outside—once more around his neck, he looked adorable; especially with the tufts of silver hair sticking out, which had not properly dried. He swayed with drowsiness; the bowl of golden soup lying a few feet away on the coffee table with only a few spoonfuls missing. If what we were talking about wasn't so grave, I'd go over there and hug him. Though I'd rather it be Claire hugging him!
"What are you thinking about?" Snow asked with a quiet chuckle, one she could feel through his chest. "Bouncing all over the place."
Was she? Oops. "I was thinking how cute Hope looked," she giggled honestly. The silveret blinked at her before burying half his face into his scarf and her sister shot her an annoyed glance.
"Serah, stay focused," she said tiredly.
"Sorry."
Exhaustion had taken hold of him long before he'd finally made it home; a different kind of force—drawn from what he could only imagine was the despicable monster in him—had sustained him enough to keep walking and once Sazh shook him out of his daze, an adrenaline spike had kicked in. The rush long since faded and nestled against Light's shoulder, his body saw no reason to exert anymore backup plans. Except for what was necessary to digest the food in his belly. He gave a big yawn and for a while, the peaceful tendrils of a nap edged closer as everyone finished mulling over what he'd just said. His weight shifted and he nuzzled around, trying to find a position where he would be supported again—until a slightly disgruntled sigh reached his ears. It was then he heard the distinct sound of her heartbeat. Oh sweet Maker, I'm on her—
"No matter what you did, it doesn't make you a monster," Snow decided.
The tranquil drowsiness instantly evaporated and he straightened up, processing too late that Light had had her arms around him. Mouth falling in an 'o', he twisted back to look at her, but she had already turned her attention away from him, staring coolly at the dark fireplace, arms folded in front of her chest. Hope lowered his gaze.
"Say what you want, it won't make a difference," he said dejectedly. He felt Lightning tense up beside him. "I didn't keep my cool. I freaked out. Even though we had already gotten so far, it just…seemed hopeless. One minute he was standing right next to me and the next, I thought a bomb had landed on us. Until I realized I should've been dead too."
"And you…didn't feel anything?" Lightning asked quietly. So that explains the burnt smell.
Agitated fingers scratched at the circling scars around his right wrist. "No, it's not like magic. Sometimes I can tell it's there, but as to what happens next…"
"It's anybody's game," Sazh finished.
"Sure, if your way of thinking is naturally sadistic," Hope said sourly.
The older man let out a rough sigh. "Snow's right. Whatever this is, it doesn't make you a monster. The way I see it, you're just a little more potent than before and with that comes the responsibility of learning to control yourself. Nah-ah-ah," he raised a finger as Hope opened his mouth, "now that's not say you aren't dangerous—that is something you—we—also have to accept. Accept it, not run from it. And not blow it out of proportion or get in the mindset that it can't be worked with. Believe it or not, you're already improving. You said their researchers gave you daily trials and tests, right?"
Hope continued staring at his lap. "Yeah and I failed every one of them."
Sazh gave an encouraging grin, though it faded quickly. "That's where you're wrong, kid. I'm sure they didn't take it kindly when you refused to show them any of that power. They couldn't get to it against your will. Ok, so you can't control what happens—but you can exercise the when."
Get a nasty shock and it's straight to Cie'th City.
Lightning widened her eyes. "It's like being l'cie again. Stay calm and you can slow the rate at which your brand spreads. Except now it's stay calm or we die."
Serah gasped and Snow gave a surprised guffaw. "Kinda blunt Sis, don't ya think?"
"Tough love isn't meant to make you feel warm and fuzzy," she retorted without malice. Hope shifted beside her and from the corner of her eye, she spotted a shy smile.
The ring of a cell phone had everyone frozen.
"So you think you can ride that chocobo—" Snow pulled his phone out discreetly and Serah looked at him with blue googly eyes.
"You actually kept the ringtone I chose? I just did it to be silly…"
"It's what my baby girl picked, whether she was being silly or not. I'm proud to have this guy screaming about chocobos."
Despite the tension that had suddenly blossomed, Lightning felt confident enough to roll her eyes. No one with a message to get across would call Snow…
"Hello?" His automatic grin set everyone at ease. "Hey Lynn, haven't heard from you in awhile."
Serah removed her arm from his neck and idly swung her legs back and forth over the armrest. Stealing a pick at her sister, sympathy filled her heart. Poor Light, today's taking so much out of her. I'm sure she's still wound up from this morning. No time to piece things together.
"Listen, I'm not having that guy—why doesn't Wright just come?" Snow paused, his face falling. "Oh." A cheerless grin flitted across his face. "Sure, see you tomorrow." He snapped the phone shut, blinking at all the expectant stares. He sighed heavily. Hope's not gonna like this. "That William douchebag is coming over tomorrow…along with Lynn. Wright got detained by PSICOM."
Serah swallowed. Because of what he told me?
Lightning closed her eyes. Ian. "Is that all she said?"
"Pretty much. She's still working at the store. Apparently her and the doctor having been trying to help us from the sidelines…sweet people. Oddly enough she didn't mention you, Hope, at all. Isn't that why he's coming over? If you're not ok with that, I'd gladly take him out."
"Wasn't he with you?" Lightning asked quietly. Hope nodded.
"I'd rather never see his face again. But he'll have the answers we're looking for."
"Hope, how much of this morning do you remember?" Sazh asked. He ignored the piercing glare from the soldier. "I'm not tryin' to start anything, Light. But I need to get something straight."
This morning? Maker, I kissed Lightning. "Uhm…I-I'm not really…" He bowed his head, scooting back, wanting to nestle against something. Light moved closer, her arm snaking around his waist where no one could see. He instantly felt a little braver. "To be honest, the last thing I remember clearly is still being in the forest. I have these…semi-conscious, hazy moments where I knew…I wasn't myself. It was like sleepwalking."
Sazh hesitated. Does the boy know? He was convinced that had he not gotten to him in time, Hope's current form would be quite different. He was going through enough; as long as Hope knew, no one had to know how close he'd been to becoming cie'th. "When I found you…you were surrounded by transparent warriors."
Hope gave a tiny nod. Lightning narrowed her eyes, picking up on his reluctance.
"They brought you home!" Serah cried happily.
Sazh furrowed his brow. Come to think of it, those monsters disappeared when I mentioned he was home.
This meeting's over. Lightning tightened her grip before pulling her arm back; Hope looked at her questioningly. He had grasped the bottom of her sweater and she allowed herself to lean closer, close enough to press her forehead to his; he tilted his head up, their noses touching and she fought the urge to not suddenly meet his lips. Etro, there has already been too much of that. He's fourteen. "I need some time alone. Will you be ok?" she asked gently. She opened her eyes, staring directly into his; it made her slightly dizzy. A soft, curious smile was her answer.
Standing up, she moved around the low table, meeting her sister's eye.
Understood! Serah wiggled from her husband's lap and bounced over to the couch. "Are you hungry for anything else? You hardly touched the soup."
Sazh stood up, beckoning Snow with a slight wave of his hand. Snow hauled his weight out of the soft recliner, stretching his arms over his head, slowly trailing after him to the far end of the dinner table. "What's up?"
Sazh sucked in his breath, rubbing his face. "You know I care for Hope, he's a good kid and Dajh's really taken a liking to him. If it were just me, there'd be not a doubt in my mind, but I've got my son to take care of. And as a father who loves his child, I can't knowingly put him in danger like this. Hope's stronger than he thinks, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. But when you got something to lose, you can never be too careful, you know?"
Snow let the words sink in, nodding. "I get it—and it's probably good for the little one get away from," he waved vaguely in the air, "all this. It's been awhile seen I've seen him real happy."
"Feels like I'm running out."
"Don't worry about it, we just won't say anything for now so he doesn't feel bad and if he notices, you're our ears in town." Snow grinned. "Not a problem."
I made it. I'm home. I'm not going to be scared anymore. I can't be. Hope felt a smile tugging on the corners as he shied away from the spoonful the younger sister was trying to feed him. "Serah, it's really good, but I'm full."
"Aw come on, just one bite." Her hand wobbled dangerously closer, the little amount of golden liquid sloshing. She giggled. "Your shirt might just want it instead!"
"Hope." Snow suddenly stood beside them. "Stand up for a second." His ice-blue eyes were deep in seriousness and nothing hinted that he'd grin or smile in the next minutes.
He's going to tell me I have to leave. He's going to say he has to do what's best for Serah and Lightning. He stood shakily, finding himself unable to look him in the eye. He wanted to be angry, to yell that he shouldn't hurt him like that… Tears soaked into his scarf and it didn't even occur to him that he was being lifted until his chest came into contact with Snow's—which he wasn't tall enough to do.
"Ahhh, we definitely have to fatten you up some, huh? Missed you buddy, didn't feel right without you lounging around." Snow patted him heartily on the back. "We're all here for you. You get scared during the night, just come get me—I'll beat those nightmares to a pulp for you." He smiled warmly when arms were wrapped around his neck.
Serah tugged lovingly on her husband's coat. "Let's put a movie on. Maybe Light'll join us."
Her tears mixed with the hot water raining down her face; if they were from sorrow or happiness, she wasn't sure. Perhaps it was from the confusion of not knowing which. A thirty minute nap stretched into three hours and when she woke, her head hadn't cleared at all. She swayed, lightheaded, and leaned against frosted glass door, which had somehow miraculously stayed cool despite being surrounded with thick whorls of steam. She pressed against it gratefully. I love you Lightning. Those four words had completely caught her off guard, so foolishly so, her brain filed the words away before stopping to realize the weight of that phrase. What it meant. In her heart, she wanted to say it back; she knew that much about her feelings. Instead, she blushed like a stupid schoolgirl, left and said nothing. At such a loss, she wanted the assurance, the discipline of being a cold-hearted soldier; to grasp onto that hardened exterior and know what to do. But it was slipping through her fingers. She knew nothing about love and neither did the soldier in her. Why is this so difficult? She caressed the smooth glass, which was starting to lose its appeal, and wondered vaguely if Serah had trouble figuring these things out. Instant answer: no. The only obstacle in her way was me. Because Snow is Snow. And Hope is not. Her hand slid down and she stumbled back, now seeking comfort and support from the tiled wall.
Her skin matched her hair, each inhale too warm and moist, but she didn't edge closer to shut off the source. Hope being Hope brought up another problem; one she didn't want to have to deal with. One that, if she could just get her head together, would no doubt disappear. He's a kid. I have no business kissing one. But deep inside, she wanted to and it baffled her. That was where the feelings changed, where the nurturing warmth turned into something else…something darker and more akin to a hot-blooded desire. A quiet moan escaped her lips and ashamed, she turned the handle, the shower drizzling to a stop. The remnants of water swirled around the grated drain and with it, she imagined her dilemmas following suit.
Dripping water onto the floor, she wrapped a towel around herself, using her hand to wipe the fog from the mirror. It crept right back. Sighing, she shook out her hair; pink tangles and gentle waves falling around her face. Grabbing the bottle of leave-in conditioner, she pumped some into her hand, raking it through her hair; the strawberry scent enough to soothe her a little. Feeling indulgent, she rubbed lavender lotion apologetically onto her red skin.
The steam had dissipated enough to clear the mirror and before she could even look at her reflection, a sudden ripple went up her body, invading her mouth with a liquid she would've rather kept down. The previously-white sink exploded with a burst of ruby red. Without thinking, she shoved the faucet on, disregarding how horribly her arm was shaking. Quickly rinsing out her mouth, she made sure there wasn't a trace of blood left in the sink. Placing a trembling hand to her chest, she realized there hadn't been any pain. Not even the urge to throw up—it was too fluid. Like a reaction. "Just get it together," she murmured softly, closing her eyes. She couldn't let herself think that it had something to do with Hope.
Shedding the towel, she donned the pearl-pink bathrobe, opening the door. Cool air from her dark room met her skin and she flipped off the bathroom light. Maybe I'll just go to bed again. Padding quietly across the carpet, she detected the faint sound of her doorknob turning and she stopped. Serah didn't have to pick my lock this time. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably when it wasn't her sister who timidly came in.
Hope closed the door behind him, looking slightly scared and flustered. He bit down gently on the teal fabric, hands clasped behind his back. "Sorry," he said, his voice muffled for he didn't let go of the scarf he had in his mouth.
A faint smile twitched her lips; she could admit he looked a little cute. And then she remembered she was in a bathrobe. That's why he's nervous. "Something the matter?" she asked coolly. I guess I can't ask Serah or Snow to babysit him during the night. "Can you give me five minutes?" Her eyes widened at the speed in which he crossed the room and was in her arms, trembling. Hope… "It's ok," she said softly, a hand on his head. "You don't have to leave." An arm around his shoulders, the other firmly grasping her robe, she led him to sit on the bed. I'll just change in the bathroom. Before she could take more than two steps away from him, he'd grabbed ahold of her wrist.
"Hope, listen, did something happen? I'm sorry…I didn't mean to be gone so long." In the moonlight, his eyes were as silver as his hair, with only a sheen of emerald green. She swallowed, tugging gently. Why am I allowing this to happen? Just break his hold. But she had no idea what he went through and was experiencing; calming him would calm her. "Hope, talk to me."
"Lightning," fear made his voice small. He tugged back.
Maker… She sighed and sat down, pressing a hand to his cheek; he leaned into her touch and she stroked his cheekbone. "Tell me what's the matter," she encouraged. He looked down.
"Promise you won't get mad?"
The first thing that went through her mind was Serah's state and an icicle pierced her heart; however, she quickly pushed it from her mind. That she would've known about. "Would I normally be?"
He looked up, moving closer; her hand tangled in silver locks. "I don't want you to be." He removed her hand from his hair and intertwined their fingers.
She wanted to ease the forlornness from his voice. Hope, I won't be mad. She glanced at their hands and the second she took her gaze off him, his lips were upon hers. Trying to remain in control, she scooted back, but to do that she had to use both arms. Hope followed her movement, his chest against hers, softly forceful. Much to her dismay, her body reacted without her permission and when she arched to meet him, the robe slipped slightly and at the contact, a wave of balmy pleasure seeped through her and that was when she stopped fighting it. Pulling him down, she couldn't resist a smile as he straddled her, almost shyly. She slipped her arms from inside the robe, giving an encouraging hum as his hands traveled up her sides. Her hands quickly found the bottom of his shirt and lifted; once it was high enough, he moved lower and wiggled out of it, unraveling the scarf along with it. His pale chest gleamed in the moonlight and she traced her fingers down his sides, trailing along unblemished skin. There had been gouge marks earlier.
As if reading her mind, he ducked his head—it was then he seemed to realize she was naked beneath him. Slowly he met her eyes. "Come here," she said soothingly. He leaned down willingly, his mouth finding hers; she wrapped a leg gently around him and he grew a little bolder, especially when she tugged at the waistband of his sweats. His narrow hips dug between her legs and a groaned whimper escaped his lips; he leaned down to nuzzle her, hiding his face and she stroked the back of his neck, crooning softly. "It's ok." She pulled him up, understanding the hesitance in his eyes. "It's ok," she murmured again, sucking in her breath, raising her hips. "Go slow."
Panicked, he shook his head. "It feels too small," he said timidly. Her arms wrapped around him comfortingly, pulling him closer; her warm breath was a slight giggle.
"Just push," she whispered.
Washing her hands in the sink, Serah gave herself a sleepy smile in the reflection; her hair in a messy bun, a couple of pink strands were sticking up and when she swayed side to side, it looked like it was waving. "Hi hair…" Drying her hands, she flicked off the light and crossed the dark hallway to her bedroom; something made her stop, like a sound she didn't quite catch. But after a moment's pause, nothing more was heard and she tiptoed into the threshold of Snow's snores.
Feeling restless and make sure her sleeping hero was snuggled well beneath the covers, she opened the window enough to stick her hand out. As cold as it is, the air here is so much fresher than back on Cocoon. Sighing, she rested her chin in her hand, watching the night clouds' shadows sweep across their backyard tundra. It's so peaceful.
Eyes closed, her dark lashes cast fringed shadows onto her cheeks. Lying on her side, both hands were tucked under her head, silver moonlight illuminating her naked body. Running his hand over her shoulder, he traced her curves, feeling the lean, relaxed muscle beneath soft skin, fingers following the gentle slope of her waist and the subtle rise up to her hip. He repeated the gesture, taking a detour, brushing down her collarbone to the creamy supple swell of her breasts. She opened an eye, watching him and closing it again when she was used to the touch, allowing it to travel further where he inspected her naval piercing.
"You're beautiful," his quiet voice full of boyish wonder. "You know that, right?" She didn't say anything, though she didn't rebuke him when he continued his little exploration. "Hey Light?" he asked after a couple minutes.
"Mhm?"
He balked slightly at the awkwardness of his curiosity. I shouldn't. "You didn't…well I mean…" Both eyes were open and she watched him amusedly as he stumbled over his words. "I did…" She smiled coyly into the crook of her arm; Hope's heart fluttered.
"Mhmmm…it's different for women, it's harder," she explained gently. She reached out to finger a silver lock, tucking it back behind his ear. "Even if I didn't—or never do—doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it any less."
He frowned. "That's not fair."
This is not something I can have him get caught up on. "Don't worry about it," she said dismissively. "It's not that—" she fought the urge to turn her head away, smiling at the soft kisses being dotted all over her face. "Hope."
"I'm going to make you."
She snorted at his determined tone, loosely wrapping her arms around him as he propped himself over her. "Hope, that can take a while," she mused honestly. A spasm of unexpected pleasure shot through her and she forgot about wanting to dissuade him, tightening around him.
Wide-eyed, Serah sat up in bed, partially thankful for Snow's loud snoring; he being asleep meant he couldn't hear what she thought she was hearing. It also meant she couldn't be sure of what she was hearing. A short cry sounded and she stilled at Hope's voice. A bad dream? She didn't believe it for a second; she'd heard him enough times to know when fear was involved. This was more…sensual…it was more like a groan… Another factor presented itself quickly: Hope's room was next door to theirs. He didn't sound that close. She covered her cheeks when she picked up a moan whose owner she knew all too well. Lightning, that sounded really erotic! "Oh my goodness," she said, still clutching her cheeks and plopping forward onto her pillow.
Snow gave a grunt and turned around, slinging an inescapable arm around her. "Serah, you're my baby girl," he murmured, dragging her closer. "I'm…your snuggly bear."
"Actually, you're my boo," she corrected, giggling. She blinked and embarrassed, mewed into her pillow.
She arched her back slowly to meet his thrust, taking a deep breath, a serene smile when his lips pressed to her collarbone. She wrapped her arms around him, fingers coming into contact with damp skin. Poor boy's working himself… She was touched, she really was and that was certainly enough for her. Grabbing the back of his head, she pulled him down, feeling a weak resistance, which he couldn't hold for long, arms buckling. "Hope."
He avoided her gaze, pressing his cheek to hers before deciding to bury his face in her neck. A sympathetic smile touched her lips and she affectionately kissed his shoulder, hoping those weren't tears sliding down her skin. He wasn't giving up yet; she sighed, sensing his frustration, but her intake of breath quickly turned into a sharp gasp. She didn't know what started it—the despairing bite delivered to her waist, or the sudden change in position. "Don't stop," she urged, blue eyes widening.
He perked up, staring at her and seeing her panting—he froze, at an abrupt loss of what to do. The whimper that came from her lips was one word: move. His heart leapt into his throat. He leaned up and to his faint alarm, there was a growing sharp ache in his side and chest, a weird stabbing stitch that intensified with each labored breath. A rasp beginning to form, he hastily cleared his throat, turning away to hide his wince. He pressed his chest to hers, nuzzling her when she dug her fingers into his back. The pleasure of her touch and her soft carnal moans were enough to push the pain from his mind.
"Don't stop," she pleaded. Blushing, he nipped at her throat; admittedly he had the occasional dream where she'd gasp out the word 'harder', but to actually hear her say it, it spread a crazy heat through him.
She arched against him, tightening around him; a shudder, a breathy gasp and suddenly he was wet and bewildered, he looked down. That…wasn't me. He blinked, it was too dark, the moon had long since taken its light from her window. His limbs were zapped and he collapsed on top of her, earning a soft sigh…it was so wet though, her lithe body warm and damp beneath him. Never had he felt so close to her. He tilted his head up, closing his eyes reflexively when she kissed him. "Good job," she murmured teasingly and he gave her a weak smile. His chest swelled.
"I did that to you… I made you…"
She snorted. "I'm proud," she said, tousling his sweat-drenched hair. For a while, she let him stay on top of her, smoothing down platinum layers, caressing his back, waiting for his heart to stop beating so wildly against her. Maker…I love him. And she wrapped her arms tighter, squeezing him, laughing softly and wiping her eyes when she received a couple kisses in return. He nestled back onto the softness of her breasts; she took calm, exaggerated breathes, giving him something to fixate on and imitate.
Humming, she shook his shoulder, rousing the sleepy boy. "There's one more thing you have to do," she mused, rubbing his head. With an audible whine, he propped himself up with such a pitiful look as if asking how she could possibly ask any more of him when he'd already given her all he had.
She traced a heart onto his cheek. "Shower."
He dropped his head, groaning quietly.
"Yes, come on."
Under the steady streams of water, he suddenly seemed awkward and shy, emerald eyes locked onto the floor. Well, we have to fix that. Lightning lifted his chin, leaning down to capture his lips before pressing a loving one to his cheek and forehead, conscious of his eyes on her. She had scarcely pulled away when he stepped forward, clinging to her. He needs me…he still needs a nurturing figure.
A soothing scent of lavender enveloped him and he closed drooping eyes as gentle hands tousled through his wet hair. He stood there while she smoothed conditioner from his hair, never once prying his arms from around her or pushing him away. He remembered his mother's words. She'll love you just as much. And he was torn between his conflicting needs for her. She was moving away and he followed her blindly until a fluffy towel rubbed some awareness into him and he looked up at a heart-shaped face, staring into aqua eyes of a calm ocean.
"Falling asleep on me, are you?" Light teased gently. She swept his hair back. "Almost finished." He finally understood the reasons for Serah's attempts at drawing out this fragility her older sister housed; Claire held the lighthearted happiness Lightning wanted to express—to be able to feel. Hope reached out to touch her cheek and she smiled. This wasn't Lightning where a glimpse of Claire had managed to wedge herself through; it was the other way around—Claire with an undertone of her inner Lightning. The conviction of his Light; a balance between the two personas.
She drew him closer in a cuddle and as his body readily drifted to sleep, he didn't see the brief remorseful shadow that burdened her loving gaze.
I'm almost scared to ask-as Sazh put it, "-I just might die of fright." Anyways, I tried to make it more of a love scene than a sex scene and even then, well, I'm not too skilled at writing stuff like that. It sets the stage for the next chapter, which will also focus on just what poor Hope went through as he trekked through the wilderness. Leave a review, let me know what you think! In the meantime, I shall comfort myself with the thought that I'm sure I could've done worse.