"Harder."

"Fuck, Maura. I'm not sure that's possible. Shit."

"I need it harder. I need you closer. Please, God, please! I'm right there."

"Yeah, come for me, baby. You're so hot."

"Another finger, God, Jane!"

"Yes. Yes. Fuck, you are so-"

"No. Put your mouth back. Less talking and more- oh!"

Maura doesn't let Jane up for almost a full minute, and when Jane crawls up to lie beside her, Maura rolls her eyes at her grin.

"Honestly." She says, giving her wife a little push. "You're grinning like a teenager after his first time." It's true, though, there are also the unmistakable looks of affection and adoration in Jane's expression as well. It makes her want to hide her face and cry.

It makes her want another round.

"Jane, seriously!" she says, because her hormones are tipping her reaction towards the former reaction.

Jane chuckles. "You're gorgeous," she says.

Maura scoffs, ignoring the pulse of heat this comment elicits.

"I'm a whale," Maura says, watching as Jane runs a hand over the round curve of her belly.

"Why, Dr. Isles," Jane gasps playfully. "That is a lie!"

"You're right," Maura admits with a pout. "I'm bigger than even a whale." There are unexpected tears in her eyes, that threaten to spill over when Jane laughs.

"It's not funny!" She cries as Jane pulls her closer, "I'm huge!"

"And sexy as hell," Jane says, kissing the spot just below Maura's ear.

"God," Maura's hips flex against her will. "Stop. You are going to work me up again."

Jane growls. "Good," she says. Kissing the spot again. "Round three."

Maura pushes lightly at Jane's shoulders "four," she corrects.

"Even better," Jane grins cheekily. "Make it five on the day, and then maybe you can keep your mitts off of me during Thanksgiving dinner?"

Maura rolls her eyes good naturedly, sitting up and wrapping the bed sheet around herself.

"I don't hear you complaining."

"And you won't," Jane says, half joking half earnest. "Sex with pregnant you is like normal sex, but, turned up all the way. You are amazing."

As usual, this compliment makes Maura want to laugh and cry.

…

Jane sits on the couch, cross legged, and she thinks about word origins.

Progress and regress both have the same latin root. "Gress" from the latin "gradi" which means "to walk."

Then there is "pro"which means forward and "re" which means "back."

"Jane," Maura's hand is one her knee, and she looks up, blinking.

"Hmm?"

Maura raises an eyebrow. "Did you not hear what I said?"

Jane shakes her head slowly. "Sorry hon, I was…" She trails off, as the raised voices of her brother and sister in law reach her.

"For Christ's sake!" She growls.

Maura squeezes her knee. "T.J. and Sofia are still in there. I think we should maybe-"

Jane stands, holding in her swear and heads for the kitchen.

"...Tell me I'm going to be a father again, Lydia," Tommy is saying loudly.

Lydia is sitting between T.J. and Sofia at the breakfast bar, and Jane sees that Sofia is holding her aunt's hand under the lip of the counter.

"I was concerned," Lydia says evenly, "about your response."

Jane sees Sofia squeeze Lydia's hand.

Protect, on the other hand, uses a different meaning of "pro." In protect, it means "in front" and with the latin root "teqere" which means "to cover."

"It's my fucking kid!" Tommy yells.

"Don't swear at her." Sofia growls.

"Stay out of it!" Tommy snaps.

"Hey," Jane says, but Lydia overpowers her.

"Don't speak to any of us like that Tommy, God! You think I'm gonna tell you anything when you're like this? When your father's got you all backwards?"

"Don't talk about him like you know him!" Tommy yells.

Lydia closes her eyes. She looks tired.

"I do know him," she says softly, and everyone falls quiet so they hear her. "I do know him, because I know you."

She looks up at her husband with her clear blue eyes, which Jane realizes, are lined around the corners, like Maura's.

How old is she? Jane can't remember exactly. Mid-thirties? Late? This pregnancy was almost certainly a mistake.

"How far along are you?" She asks quietly.

"13 weeks," Lydia answers, looking surprised at the question.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" T.J. asks tentatively.

Lydia smiles at him. "I don't know yet," she says. "But I want you there when I find out, yeah?"

T.J. smiles widely at his mother. "Yeah," he says. "I really want to."

Lydia puts her hand on his head, and she giggles like a child. T.J. knocks his shoulder against hers.

Maybe Jane has not been pro or re. Maybe she hasn't changed at all.

"Am I still in the room?" Tommy asks angrily.

Lydia looks around at him. "You can't come if you're going to keep seeing your father."

Tommy looks at her, dumbfounded."Lyd."

"It's time to prove that you're better."

"What are you talking about?" Tommy aks, though his voice is trembling now. "Are you talking about drinking?" He waits for an answer, but Lydia just continues to look at him.

"I haven't had a drink in a decade!"

"But you're not better!" Lydia rises from her seat.

Almost in sync, Jane and Maura step forward for the children.

"You're not better." Lydia says, louder now. "You're just standing still."

…

…

Maura finds that if she does not see Jane, then the overwhelming need to feel her skin abates a little. When the rest of the family arrives, she settles next to Frankie on the couch, rather than joining Angela and Jane in the kitchen.

Frankie glances at her nervously. "Can I get you anything? A… pillow or something?" he asks, not quite making eye contact.

"No," she says, smiling. "but thank you, Frankie." She chuckles as he glances at her stomach, and then away, blushing.

"Here," she says, taking his hand and pressing it to the swell of her belly. "Feel."

He is the only person in Jane's immediate family who has not yet felt the babies kick. But her twins are extremely active today, and she wants him to have the experience.

"Oh, no," he begins to protest, looking terrified. "Doctor, I… woah," his eyes widen at the feeling of the kicking. " Woah, is that a foot?"

"Maybe," Maura laughs.

"Wow," Frankie says, awed. "That is wild."

Maura is about to respond when a voice from the front hall makes her look around.

"God, you're pregnant and you can't keep your hands off other guys even then, can you?"

Tommy stands in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and even if the smell of alcohol wasn't overwhelming, Maura would still be able to tell that her brother-in-law is drunk.

Frankie notices too. He pulls his hand from Maura's stomach slowly. "Jesus Christ, Tommy," he says quietly.

Tommy stumbles forward into the living room, eyes on the doctor's stomach. "How about you let me have a turn?" he says suggestively.

Maura tries to smile. "They're active tonight," she says. "You are certainly welcome to-"

But Frankie stands, facing his brother, looking furious.

"No," he says, stepping in front of Maura protectively. "You're drunk."

"C'mon Frankie, sharing is caring. It's Thanksgiving," he drawls. "What is Thanksgiving for, if not to get drunk and watch football?" he looks around Frankie at Maura. "And get stuffed, of course. Though it seems the good doctor has us covered there."

Maura looks down into her lap, trying to keep herself from welling up.

¨You gotta get the hell out of here before Jane and Ma come in from the other room,¨ Frankie says harshly. ¨Go somewhere and sober up. I can cover for you, but for fucks sake, Tommy...¨ But Frankie trails off as Tommy advances on him.

¨Don't tell me what to do!¨ he cries, his voice rising.¨You´re not my dad.¨

¨Tommy, shh,¨ Frankie sounds desperate now, trying to keep Tommy quiet so that his mother and sister don´t hear.

It is too late.

Jane appears in the doorway of the kitchen, Angela right behind her, and Maura sees their faces fall in exactly the same way, at exactly the same time.

¨What´s going on?¨ Angela asks over her daughter's shoulder. "Tommy? Why are you yelling?"

Tommy wipes the back of his hand across his upper lip. "I wasn't," he says sourly. "And in case you were wondering," he says to Jane, "your brother had her hands all over your wife."

Jane's face is set. She doesn't look upset or angry or even surprised. Her jaw looks like it's been carved from granite. "This again," she says evenly. "You're late because you were somewhere getting tanked."

Angela makes a noise that Maura cannot decipher.

"I'm not drunk," Tommy says too loudly. "And fuck you. It's not like you've never been plastered."

"I don't have a drinking problem that requires me to stay sober," Jane says in the same calm, even voice. Maura realizes suddenly that Jane is scared. She has judged the distance between the three of them, and she has concluded that were a fight to break out, Maura would be caught in the crosshairs.

Jane is scared, and she is doing everything within her power to deescalate the situation.

"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!" Tommy yells. "I'M FINE."

Maura feels tears well up in her eyes. This relapse undoes almost two years of sobriety. It is a devastating blow not just for Tommy, but for his entire family.

Angela has not said anything since entering the living room. She looks at Tommy as though she is seeing him for this first time.

"Tommy," Frankie says, reaching out his hands. "You need to leave. You can't be here like this."

Tommy sneers. "Because of the precious doctor," he says. "Because of Jane's dyke babies all safe and sound in there?" He takes a shaky step toward the couch where Maura is sitting. Jane steps forward too, unwilling to just stand there when he advances. He raises his eyes to his sisters, and the drunk, wicked smile on his face does not disappear.

"I bet those kids she's got in there aren't even yours, Jane."

…

…

"What step are you on?" Lydia asks.

Jane glances at Maura, glad to see that she is not the only one who is surprised by the question. She tries to think of the last time she asked her brother that question, or the last time she heard anyone ask him.

It was before T.J. could walk, she thinks.

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Tommy says.
Lydia doesn't back down. "You're still on step ten," she says. "That's where you've stalled out. Ten. You made amends to everyone. You atoned for the past. But the present slips by you like it doesn't matter. You refuse to take responsibility for your actions. You refuse to see that they are your actions, Tommy, and not anyone else's."

Jane stares at Lydia's profile. How long has she been thinking about this? It must have been longer than thirteen weeks.

"How fast the steps are completed doesn't make a difference on the-"

"I know the line," Lydia cuts him off. "And I know that you are sidestepping the problem."

"Lydia-"

"Tommy!" She looks up at him, truly angry now. "Look around! This is your family. This is the mother that loved you while you chased a man incapable of showing the emotion in return. This is the sister that protected you even when it meant she got hurt."

Lydia runs her hand through T.J.'s hair again. "This is your family."

She turns to look at Jane. She smiles, but her voice remains deadly serious when she says her last words.

"For now."

…

…

Jane tries very hard to stay calm.

Maura struggles to her feet at Tommy's accusation, holding out her hands, though she doesn't have even the beginning of a retort.

"Of course they aren't mine, you ass," Jane is speaking through gritted teeth. Her jaw is so tight that it looks painful. "We used a sperm donor. I'm a woman, remember."

Tommy looks up at his sister with eyes just like hers. Maura thinks Jane looks startled by what she sees reflected back at her.

"How do you know?" He asks. "How do you know their not just the bastard kids of some fuck-fucking indiscretion."

He has been moving forward steadily while talking, but he stumbles and knocks over an end table.

Frankie lunges forward to catch him, and Tommy shoves out at him. Almost knocking him over.

Maura moves forward without thinking, to help him, and Tommy reacts to her sudden presence in his personal space.

He hits her. Hard. She hears him yell "Fucking slut."

And then she hits the ground.

Hands.

Elbows.

Knees.

Stomach.

The sharp pain of it robs Maura of her consciousness immediately.

...

She wakes up in the hospital. She is flat on her back, and she panics for one white, frozen, moment, until she feels a hand tighten in hers.

"Hey, beautiful," Jane's voice, right by her ear. "You're okay, I'm here."

She turns her head to see her wife, long brown hair in a messy bun, eyes still just slightly bloodshot from crying.

There is one neat line of stitches under her left eye.

The night rushes back to her like a tidal wave. "Tommy!" she says. "I fell."

"No you didn't. Our babies are fine," Jane says firmly, bringing Maura's hand to her lips. "But I know you'll want to see for yourself, so the ultrasound tech promised to come back when you woke up."

"What happened to your eye?" Maura asks. "She reaches her other hand around to put it against Jane's face, and finds it encased in plaster up to her elbow.

"Your wrist and forearm took most of the impact," Jane continues as though Maura hasn't spoken. "Dr. Vellis says you'll only have to wear that cast for two weeks, and then he can switch you to a softer one for comfort."

"Jane," Maura says softly, because the worried brown eyes have not looked directly at her since she woke up.

"And you'll have to be on bed rest for a couple days. But it can be at home. You can get out of here tomorrow. And you don't have to go back - uh - home, either. Not if you don't want to. We can-"

"Jane!" Maura says more firmly. "Look at me."

Finally, hesitantly, brown eyes find hers.

"When I am discharged, I am going home. With you."

Jane's eyes fill up with tears. "I'm so-" she begins, but Maura shakes her head.

"Our babies are okay," she says.

Jane nods vigorously. "Yes. And we all agree that he can't come near any of us until he has things under control, Maura. We all-"

"Hush, darling," Maura says softly. "This was not your fault."

"I should have moved faster," Jane puts Maura's hand against her forehead. "I should-"

"Jane," Maura interrupts again. "Get the tech. I want to see our girls."

Jane can't help smiling. "Yeah? You still love me?"

Maura nods. "Of course I do."

"Promise?"

Maura puts their hands on her stomach. Somebody kicks.

"You will always have us."

….

….

Maura and Jane get dressed for bed silently. Jane is still trying to work out in her head when Lydia stepped up and became a serious mother, and a decent person. Maura appears content to wait for Jane to say something, though she glances at Jane every once in awhile, a little smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"Do you remember when I went to see my father after we got married?" Jane asks her finally.

This effectively wipes the smile off of Maura's face. "Yes," she answers. "I do."

"I wanted to know if I could be like him. I wanted to know if there was something ugly in me that would make me abuse you, or our kids."

"Even though it was abundantly clear already that you were not ever going to be anything like him." Maura replies, frowning as though even the idea of this does not sit well with her.

Jane nods. "I think I knew that deep down. But I needed to see him. I needed to…" She pauses, not sure how to continue in a way that Maura will understand.

"You needed something from him," Maura says.

Jane looks around at her, to see that the little smile is back.

"What?"

"Nothing," Maura shakes her head. "I am just very in love with you."

Jane raises an eyebrow, and Maura makes a gesture, asking her to continue. She tries to remember where she left off.

"Anyway, I just...I don't think Tommy ever got that. From Pop I mean. He never got the chance to-"

"But what is that you needed, Jane?" Maura asks, stepping out of their walk-in closet dressed in just a tank top and underwear. "What did you need from him that day?"

She's never asked this question explicitly. Jane realizes that although they've spoken about her last real interaction with her father, she's never told her wife what happened the day she went to his office to ask him if he thought she could ever be like him.

"You! You- I fucking - I never laid a hand on your mother."

"I KNOW! I MADE GOD DAMN SURE OF IT"

"AND YOU THINK I'M NOT GRATEFUL FOR THAT EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE? I love your mother so much I almost killed you."

"He...told me he was grateful," Jane says, remembering. "I yelled at him because I thought he didn't understand that the reason he never really hurt Ma was because I tried hard to keep her…" Jane trails off, and Maura comes up to put her arms around her. She kisses her shoulder.

"And he said he was grateful for it. He said he loved her so much that he almost killed me." Jane blinks, but there aren't any tears in her eyes. This memory is like a story she's told over and over. It is worn around the edges and it cannot hurt her.

"He said if he'd hurt her, he would have killed himself. It was like he was...thanking me. And he said, right at the end. He said I wasn't his daughter."

Maura squeezes Jane's waist, but she doesn't answer.

"And at the time, I was really hurt by it, you know? I thought he was disowning me. But I think now...I think now that he meant that there was nothing about me that I learned from him. He knew that from the second I started defending Ma."

She feels Maura smile into her shoulder, and she turns her head to kiss her hair. "I love you," she says.

"Tommy deserves the chance to have that kind of closure," Maura says, still pressed against her.

Jane sighs. She has come to the same conclusion. "Yeah. I just hope that my Dad can say the things he needs to hear. I hope he can man up enough to give that to his kid. For his grandsons at least."

"Let's go to bed," Maura says, stepping back and pulling Jane after her. She smirks up into Jane's face, and then lets herself fall back on the bed.

Jane grins. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that was an invitation," she growls, crawling up the bed after the doctor.

"Open ended," Maura replies, sliding her hands up under Jane's shirt to rub her back idly. "You know...Lydia was right," she continues a little breathlessly as Jane kisses her throat.

"Mmm," Jane says noncommittally. She doesn't want to think about Lydia anymore. She doesn't want to think about Tommy or T.J. or even any of her own children.

"She has come a long way," Maura muses, and Jane pulls away with a long sigh.

"I wasn't looking," she admits, as Maura settles in against her chest. "She's…"

"Grown," Maura supplies. "Yes. It's good."

"Yeah," Jane agrees, though she knows that she doesn't sound fully convinced.

Maura pinches a piece of skin on her low back, making her yelp.

"Ow. Maura. I'm serious. I just...I wasn't looking. And I feel like," she pulls in a breath, but can't find the words to express what she wants.

Maura, all knowing, does not need her too. "We all grew Jane," she says softly. "You are not just standing still. You are not like him. You are not stagnant."

Jane wiggles until Maura tips her head back for a kiss. "Am I just an open book to you?" she murmurs against the doctor's lips.

Maura smiles. Kisses her again.

"Most times, pretty girl," she answers, reaching to turn the light off by the bed, "Most times."

Jane smiles as she closes her eyes. "Good."

It is the first time in months that Jane sleeps without dreaming.