College is kicking my butt :/

Please enjoy and happy reading!

I'd like to understand the ways of the heart more. These emotions…can we really feel them…are we only pretending? I'm not so sure, especially since there is scientific reasoning behind emotions, more logical than the need for a heart. Just what does it mean to be deemed 'heartless?'

Naminé felt helpless. For the past few days she had suffered watching Sora wander the mansion, sticking mainly in the White Room where he would stand and stare at the pictures she had drawn. It was unbelievable to her how off he felt, how un-Sora like he was. With Roxas, his missing piece, having been taking away from them, this newly awakened Sora was nothing she had expected, nothing like the dashing kid she had known in Castle Oblivion.

His fire was gone. Or perhaps, it wasn't gone. It was just smoldering now with the threat of burning out looming overhead like an ominous storm cloud.

She hovered in the doorway, never going in to see him. She squinted at the picture he was looking at now. He looked so set, his eyes terrifyingly intense as he studied the handiwork of her colors. She could make out the spiked, bright red pattern and the vibrant yellow, the black scribbles of two bodies standing close. The picture of Axel and Roxas she had drawn was set out before the brunette who was studying it so carefully, as though if he looked hard enough he would understand everything.

How was he suppose to help the worlds again if he was so lost?

Despite her Nobody stature, she could feel emotions. She could feel Sora's emotions. She understood perfectly, from the first time he realized the cloaked man with his enemy's voice was Riku, that Sora was confused and hurting.

More importantly, he couldn't comprehend anything that was going on.

DiZ had talked to her about Sora's condition, and it took a little while before she was able to conceive just what kind of state the young hero was in.

It was easy for Naminé to understand that Sora did not have his complete set of memories. She could see that, see into his memories and easily pick out the black holes that dotted out the coloring of his life. She could see Sora's entire memory, could see every detail of his life and experiences since she was connected to both Sora and Roxas. The problem was, though Sora and Roxas were connected through their half heart pieces, for some reason the two didn't connect and see into each other like she was able to see into them both. Meaning Sora either wasn't able to, or didn't acknowledge the half of him that was missing.

She wanted to tell him what had happened, explained that he had been turned into a Heartless and that Roxas, his Nobody, was walking around with half of his heart and half of his memories. It was a mystery, she knew, that both a Nobody and a Somebody were walking about at the same time. But then again, she was a walking mystery herself. She saw her Somebody through Sora. She didn't even know how it was possible.

Every time she attempted to understand the situation, she would end up confusing herself and more confusion would not help Sora. It was disheartening, but Naminé knew she had no choice but to trust DiZ and do as he instructed.

"Naminé? Can I ask you something?"

The girl jumped, startled. She didn't know Sora had even taken notice to her in the doorway. Lately he was in an oblivious state of mind, hardly taking notice to much with the exception of his Fighter. Naminé walked into the room, moving to stand beside Sora. She too glanced down at the picture of the two Nobodies she knew quite well. "What do you need to know, Sora?" she spoke softly.

He didn't answer right away. Naminé was patient, waiting till he spoke. "I know these two." He reached out, his index finger gently stroking the red coloring of Axel's hair. "Him," he said, "I know him. At least, I feel like I do. And him-" His words cut off as his finger trailed over the blonde scribbled hair briefly before pulling away. "He's…he is…" Words didn't seem to be coming to Sora.

How she wanted to tell him! But DiZ, thinking of what was best for Sora, had strictly forbidden her from opening her mouth and mentioning anything about Roxas. The man claimed that he wanted to wait until Roxas was in their grasp and was fused back together with Sora before explaining what had happened. He had told her that giving Sora too much information might make the Keyblade Master restless for more and more answers, and could possibly lead to him doing something reckless. Not only that, but their greatest asset as of now was Riku and his strength, and if Sora demanded something of Riku (like taking him out of the mansion and brining him to find Roxas) then Riku would have no choice but to answer his Sacrifice's wishes. What a tricky situation, yet Naminé felt as though she were betraying Sora by not telling him.

She knew she had to say something to the brunette. "He's someone very close to you," she answered rather vaguely. Unwilling to look at the picture or Sora, she turned her eyes to the curtain that veiled the large window. She turned her body away from the boy, hoping she didn't appear cold for avoiding his question but hoping at the same time that he wouldn't ask more from her.

The pain in her chest, the fogginess of her mind let her know what he was feeling. She wished nothing more recently, than to be free of these feelings. Naminé knew that someday she would regret it, but she was beginning to wish that she could be a true Nobody; unfeeling, emotionless, devoid of anything.

A prick of warmth in her chest flowed outward like a stream of hot water. Both she and Sora looked up, finding Riku standing in the doorway, hood up over his head as usual. The girl felt wildly intrusive as a surge of desire and need flowed through the boys' connection from Riku to Sora. She hurried along, knowing Sora was right at her heels. He stopped and embraced Riku, gaining strong arms loosely around his waist in return. Naminé rushed out, wanting to get as far away from the two as possible.

I felt like a child that had been sent to his room without dinner.

After questioning Axel about his ears back in the Training Hall, he'd hurriedly gotten up from being on top of me, standing rather quickly and pulling me up with him. By our strengthened connection, I could feel how suddenly on edge he had gotten, such a massive jumble of feelings that made me feel a bit dizzy.

"Let's not discuss this now, Rox," he had mumbled, pointedly avoiding my question. He then told me to head back to our room, saying that he needed to do something quickly and that he would join me soon enough. According to the clock, that was half an hour ago. He was taking too long. I was restless enough, having my curiosity eating at me, and adding in the fact that he wasn't with me had forced me to pacing around the room.

The more I thought about pestering Axel into answering my question about his ears, the more I started developing a rather foreboding feeling. I knew that I should leave the issue alone, at least for now. Or at least, I knew that I should try and quell the bitterness in my stomach and my anxiety as well. Che, of course that was easier said than done.

I found myself frustrated for what seemed like the millionth time and I was now sitting on the edge of the bed glaring at the neon glowing globe on the desk. I didn't even move in acknowledgment to Axel's portal opening.

And what's the first thing he says when he gets in and stands before me? "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

I bit my tongue, forcing the sarcastic comments to stay up in my head. He couldn't reach in and see my thoughts at least.

"Go ahead," he went on when I said nothing. "I'm waiting for your sarcasm." I looked up at him, obviously startled by what he had just said. He read my expression all too well, freakishly well in fact and his words just kept on coming. "I've known you for a while now, babe. And I know you more than you know yourself right now. And if there is anything going on in that head of yours, it's sarcastic comments that you are keeping to yourself."

What a jerk, I thought. That was quite unfair. Inside of me, I was starting to feel white hot. I hated this, hated feeling so left out, shoved into the dark corner and told not to ask questions. At least, the questions I was allowed to ask would be given vague or no answers at all. No one, Axel included, seemed to understand the frustrations, the pure irritation that being left in the dark stirred up in me. At least if anyone noticed, they did nothing to help me.

The bed shifted as Axel took a seat next to me. There was a slight tightening in my stomach as the guilt he was feeling became rather prominent, and I had no way of telling if he wanted me to feel this, or if he had forgotten to mask his feelings from me. In fact, I was having a rather difficult time sorting through this connection, this odd mesh of both his emotions and my own. I wanted to sleep. Part of me was in wonder of where I was, what I was doing. Was I dreaming, perhaps? Caught up in one of those odd dreams that had been haunting me as of late?

"Look," Axel finally spoke, more to the room it seemed than to me, "Things have been hectic. I guess I didn't expect things to go so smoothly when you first came back, but I really didn't know what to expect in the first place. Things feel rushed and I really don't think I'm helping. So tell me, please, what can I do to help you? What will make things easier for you?"

He sounded as desperate as he felt. At this moment, I understood that I didn't know one thing about Axel besides the fact that he and I were Soulmates. And even though I could feel what he was feeling, I had no idea, no inkling as to what he was thinking. I knew this entire situation was taking a toll on me, breaking me down bit by bit. But how was Axel being effected by this?

What could he do to help me?

I wasn't completely sure.

If only I could remember. Remember everything, all of it. What happened before I left? Who was I before I left? Between me and Axel…how close were we?

"Tell me…about us. What was it like for us before I went away?"

It was the only thing I could think of to ask. And as much as I wanted to be mad at him, when he joined me on the bed, I was more than eager to side up next to him, hoping to absorb his warmth. Any negativity I was forcing myself to feel towards him drained from me when he smiled down at me. "Let me start with this," he spoke. Axel reached a hand down towards my chest. I thought he was going to undress me as he zipped the zipper on my cloak down a few inches. He stopped when my upper chest was exposed and he reached for something dangling around my neck.

Before he took hold of what it was, he brought his hand to his mouth and took his glove off with his teeth. I didn't question what he was doing since I knew he desired to have skin-on-skin contact, just as I did. When he took the object that was around my neck, the back of his fingers brushed my throat and I shivered, his intense heat satisfying. I unconsciously closed my eyes and he said, "Nuh-uh, open those pretty eyes for me, Rox. Look."

I did as he asked, opening my eyes and looking down to what was resting in his open palm.

It must have been the fact that I had been wearing it for so long that I had completely forgotten I had it. In Axel's palm was a key, strung on a thin silver chain. My half heart jumped briefly, remembering the house key I had kept around my neck and guarded rather protectively. I swallowed thickly when I noticed that this key was different. Somehow my mind knew what it was. A Keyblade, that was for sure. But it was quite different from my own simple blade. After a studying it momentarily, I found the teeth of the blade to be familiar. This Keyblade…it was as though someone had combined both my own weapon with Axel's chakrams, creating quite a stunning piece of jewelry.

"Bond of Flame," Axel called it. He leaned down, placing a kiss on the necklace. "Had it specially made just for you."

I lifted my own hand, taking the pendant from his hand and holding it within my own. It was completely silver, so shiny and beautiful. This was so much better looking than my house key, and such a gift from Axel was too special. I was stunned, shocked, and at the same time, confused.

"Why?" I asked in wonder. Just yesterday it had been my way to get back home. Now, it was a gift, something for show, a symbol of something special between myself and my Fighter. But how…? How had it changed? "I don't understand. How did it change?"

Axel proved just how well he knew me. He scooped me up into his lap. How did he know I craved being so close, being held by him? "We have some things to talk about. About what you experienced in Twilight Town."

I didn't know what he meant. I was learning though, about the importance of just shutting up and letting the answers come to me. "Alright then," I spoke. "Tell me."

Demyx was tweaked, plain and simple. He was annoyed, frustrated, and angry. This was quite different from his normal carefree attitude, but he couldn't help but ball his fists and clench his jaw after storming away from returning from his partner mission.

How annoying! Just because the little creep was smart didn't mean he had to act like he was better than everyone else! All the fancy vocabulary and such, it was enough to drive anyone up a wall, especially Demyx! A simple mission, one he liked best (recon) and he wasn't even able to enjoy it. Normally he'd be able to relax, strum a few chords on his polished weapon, sit back, and observe for a while. Instead he was towed around, ordered (none too nicely) to stop the "racket" he was making on his Sitar and just let his superior take care of everything. How he wanted to rip that stupid Lexicon -which was taking neat notes on their observations all by itself- to pieces, page by page!

Demyx had taken Axel's words on Zexion to heart, but never had he realized that if your placement number was higher than a six, you just weren't granted the same sense of respect (or any at all) from the slate haired one.

Demyx huffed an agitated sigh as he navigated the dark corridor, reaching his destination and emerging from his portal in Roxas' room. At the moment he had no care if he was interrupting. He was grateful, though, to see that he had walked in during what seemed to be a 'tender' moment. Roxas was curled on Axel's lap, being held affectionately by the redhead. It seemed to be that things picked up between the pair just where they had left off before Roxas had left.

"What a day!" he cried and fell onto the bed, jostling the other occupants.

Axel sighed, burying his face in Roxas' neck, smiling as the blonde cringe, having been ticked by his hair. "Hello, Demyx. Bad day, I presume?"

"The worst!" Demyx cried. "Honestly, if you think Zexion thinks you're an idiot, you can surely imagine his opinion of me. I'm sure he wants nothing more than to slam his Lexicon into the side of my head and hope I gather some intelligence from it."

Axel turned back to his friend, forcing the eye roll to stay at bay, though Demyx's theatrics were a little over the top. He must have been hanging around Marluxia a bit too much. Axel knew for a fact that Demyx enjoyed hanging around the plant lover's greenhouse, watering the flowers and such. "Dem, it couldn't have been all that bad. It's only the first day, you have to give it some time. I'm sure-"

"You are not sure that things will get better and you know it."

Axel frowned, glaring down at the moody blonde. "What's gotten into you? You're quite dramatic today. Where's my chill-as-one-of-Vexen's-snow-cones Demyx?"

Demyx simply sighed. He knew Axel was right; there was no reason for him to be acting this way. He was just so upset with the change of partners, and the fact that he was stuck with Zexion was terrible. He was perfectly content with Axel. And since they had to change, couldn't he have been put with Xigbar? Marluxia even! Someone fun, that would have been nice. But…well Xemnas, of course, had to be a jerk. And Axel wasn't the only one who took notice to what the Superior had done.

"Why do you think Mansex paired up the True Units anyways? I thought he wanted to keep them separated. Well, except for you two. But the rest…" Demyx finally looked to Axel, lips pursed in thought. Axel looked thoughtful as well. Not to his surprise, Roxas had his brows furrowed like he was trying to figure out what was going on. He did feel a soft spot on the inside for his friend. The poor kid had no idea who any of them were, despite the fact that he hadn't been gone from the Organization for too long. Some pretty strong magic had to have been used on him to screw him up this badly.

"I really have no idea what he's up to. This really isn't like him. Xemnas isn't fond of allowing power to be distributed to us. He likes the control he has. It's pretty messed up."

Axel was right. Demyx knew, from what the Fighter had told him over time, that Xemnas kept them separated from their Mates in order to establish a sense of control over everyone. Not that his command over Darkness didn't already allow that. But being able to control the power level of each Unit gave him ultimate control. He was top dog and he made sure everyone knew.

"Wonder what us without Mates are going to do. If he's planning something, what's he going to do with us leftovers?" Demyx did feel a bit panicky having said this. He didn't have a Soulmate. Sure enough his Mate was probably one of the others here who didn't have one. There was an obvious influence within the Organization that brought Soulmates together. And Demyx knew that his was already here, or they would be at some point. Part of him was excited, already feeling whole at the thought of finding his other half. He was also nervous. Who could it be?

Axel shifted Roxas so the blonde was sitting beside him on the bed. Demyx noticed that Axel's right hand was missing his glove and also that Roxas' cloak was un-zippered strangely. He decided to ignore these small things and glanced back up to catch a glimpse of Axel's expression. It was there briefly, and Demyx didn't mistake the 'I have an idea of what may be happening but I'm going to keep it to myself' face. "What?" the water-user questioned. He didn't like the look on Axel's face. Like he knew something that Demyx didn't.

"Nothing, nothing. Just a thought, but nothing important." Demyx took the hint, figuring Axel wouldn't tell him even if he did poke and prod at him. He just turned away, staring fixedly when he noticed Axel lean towards Roxas. He couldn't help but see it out of the corner of his eye, the way the two seemed to react towards each other so well. As Axel leaned in, Roxas immediately did the same, turning his head up and slightly to the side, eyes slipping closed even before Axel pressed his lips to the blonde's temple.

Demyx had no idea, not even the smallest of insights as to what having a Soulmate entitled. Whenever he had been around Axel and Roxas before, he couldn't help but notice the insistent need the two possessed to be within contact range of each other. They seemed to always be touching, caressing, so intimate without actually being intimate. It was baffling in his own mind. Wouldn't they grow tired of each other after a while? He couldn't be the judge of that. He didn't know the feeling.

"I'm sure you two have things to discuss. I'm gonna go to the greenhouse." Things just really didn't seem to be going great for him lately. Childishly, in his head, he blamed Zexion for being such a jerk and Xemnas for being, well, Xemnas. "I'll see you guys at dinner, okay?" Admittedly, Demyx did feel a bit better when Axel turned, smiling brightly to him and nodded. "Cool," Demyx said, " Hope you feel better, Roxas."

Black shadows encased Demyx and swept him from the room, leaving behind a few bubbles that floated around for a few seconds before they popped.

Axel didn't go right into telling me anything. I waited, but he didn't say anything. Actually, I was getting a bit uncomfortable since he seemed to just be staring at me. I did, however, develop a sort of choking sensation in my throat, like a build-up of emotions or something. Axel, I thought. What was causing such a stir within him?

His arms around me tightened, pulled me so close it almost hurt. I found my nose pressed against his neck and I couldn't resist as I inhaled deeply, smelling the spicy sent that melded with the faint charcoal that I found oddly pleasing. He was so hot, in a literal sense, and I could feel a light sweat break out on my forehead.

He kissed my neck before whispering, "Please, don't ever leave me again."

Another choking sensation and this time, I knew it was coming from me. I really wish he would stop saying things like that. I felt the guilt really starting to eat at me. I knew it was my fault, and the guilt was there as proof. But in a way, I didn't know why it had been my fault. I didn't know what pushed me into leaving. Should I feel this guilt or not?

The dark portal that opened scared me, as did Demyx's voice. I jumped a bit, but with Axel holding me I didn't really go very far. Though when Demyx leaped onto the bed, we both almost toppled over. "What a day!" he cried.

I heard Axel chuckle by my ear. I didn't respond really, not exactly sure how. Should I laugh? Should I be sympathetic? I really didn't know, so I didn't do anything.

Axel then buried his face in my neck, his nose and hair tickling me. I couldn't fight down the slight cringe from the tickling sensation. "Hello Demyx," he said, his hot breath making things unbearably heated for me. "Bad day, I presume?"

I could hear Demyx then, going on about Zexion. I pictured the strict looking dark haired boy in my head. I frowned to myself. He really didn't seem to be any older than Demyx and neither of them seemed to be much older than me, three, maybe four years. How old was I anyways? A teenager, yes, but I couldn't point to an exact number. Then again, what number do I go with? Sora's exact age, or the number of months (years?) that I have been a Nobody?

I caught wind of their conversation, hearing Axel discuss something about Xemnas being up to something. He sounded concerned enough yet he felt only mildly worried. Thinking about the Superior (the name really did seem to properly match his attitude) I really wouldn't put it past the silver-haired man to try something funny. But what would he be doing anything screwy for? Well, seeing as I wasn't well informed on his goals in the first place, I couldn't exactly determine the exact reasons.

My ears perked up hearing Demyx mention the word "Mate" and I looked up, hearing him finish his sentence. "-going to do with us leftovers."

So Demyx didn't have a Mate? No, no, he didn't, I already could figure that much. There was an air around those who did have a Mate. Even I could tell. I remember this morning at breakfast, Xigbar and Luxord had a different feel, energy, presence. It was almost…foreboding. Like a warning sign, as though they were plastered with a "Do not touch" sign. Those without their Soulmates, however, didn't have the same weighed down, "I'm taken, back off," feel to them. They were open, but not like wearing their hearts on their sleeves. Instead, it was like they were exuding something…it's hard to explain.

I focused on Demyx, closing my eyes and leaning into Axel's embrace. This would be easier without the presence of my own Mate who was a bit overwhelming.

No, Demyx felt like there was a part of him that was reaching out. Like he had open arms that were hoping to find The One.

Axel was talking again, his voice magnified due to my ear being pressed against his chest. He seemed to be amused, for some reason. I hadn't really been paying attention to the conversation, so trying to join in would only result in confusion, and more confusion was really unwelcome.

Axel moved then and a rush of warmth overcame me. The corners of my mouth upturned all on their own and I leaned in towards him, turning my face up a bit as his lips descended on my temple.

"I'm sure you two have things to discuss. I'm gonna go to the greenhouse." Demyx's voice made it obvious that he felt like he was intruding. I was feeling reminiscent at the moment. Sitting in our room, Demyx flopped out on his stomach, me curled right up next to Axel. There was a difference though. We weren't laughing. I felt like we should have been. And suddenly the intimacy between me and Axel wasn't something teasing anymore. Demyx, who had always rolled his eyes at our lovey-dovey-ness was actually taking it seriously. Was he feeling…left out? This wasn't Demyx behavior. He'd never been interested in find his other half before.

I couldn't even look up or nod or anything as Demyx told me he hoped I got better. I was, once again, filled with guilt, misplaced or not. I just watched a few bubbles floated around, the last sign that Demyx had been in the room.

"Don't feel bad," Axel whispered in my ear. "He's been getting a little sensitive on the subject of one's 'other half.' He'll be alright though, trust me. Once he finds his perfect match, he'll learn how hard it is to keep them satisfied and just how difficult they can be." I squirmed in his arms, turning my head up awkwardly to glare at him. "Kidding," he laughed, seeing my glare. "You're only difficult sometimes."

Shaking my head, I slid from his lap, bouncing onto the bed. "So what do we do now?" I closed my eyes, heaving a sigh. I could take a nap right about now. I had a dull ache behind my eyes, but I was trying to ignore it as best as I could. I haven't felt one-hundred percent in a long time, and dealing with it was just coming naturally now.

"I'm supposed to show you something," Axel said to me. He stood up off the bed and I sat up, putting my hands behind me for support. I watched him walk to the desk, open the large center drawer and extract something. A book, from what I could tell. He opened it, smiling lightly and sincerely, as he looked over one of the pages. He then looked at me, eyes reflecting a sadness. "Your diary," he explained and came back to the bed.

The book was held out to me and I felt hesitant about taking it. The thing looked somewhat worn in its leather bound casing. That right there told me it was somewhat aged. How long had I been here before?

I took the book, fighting the urge to start from the back just to see how many entries were written in here. I clenched my fingers, telling myself to go to the first page. I opened the cover and flipped to the first entry.

Day 7 Entry 1

It's been a week since I got here. Saïx told me to keep a diary, but he said nobody would check it. What am I supposed to write about?

Today they told us to go to the Round Room where we met our new member, No. XIV. Was I like that when I first got here? I think I was. But I don't remember too well.

I couldn't bring myself to move. I was shocked into a frozen stupor. I shouldn't have read this. I knew I shouldn't have. But the curiosity ate at me, it made my fingers move, made them flip through the pages, one by one. I didn't stop to read any of the entries. And I didn't stop flipping through the pages until I reached the last entry. I allowed the pages to fly by until I reached one spot; an entry written on one side, the other side of the paper blank.

Day 355 I Am

I have to know who I am…

I am DONE WITH THIS

I looked up to Axel. He was avoiding my eyes. He was focusing on the glowing orb, still spurting spastic electricity in its spherical prison. My head hurt, getting worse and worse by the second. A whimper that I would have liked to keep to myself burst by my lips, my whole face twisting into a grimace. My eyes blurred, this was unlike the last time in the Round Room. This was far worse, this was unbearable. My head was splitting in half, someone was beating me, my ears were ringing. Were they bleeding?

Hot, far too hot. Pressure surrounding my body. Arms? Yes. Hot arms, hot panic, too much. Ripping from my throat came a desperate cry, my whole body tensed instinctively, preparing for something, but what?

I couldn't even bring myself to open my eyes. I was dying. I felt like I was dying at least. Weaker and weaker, I was loosing my grip on staying awake. I couldn't hold on, not now. This pain was too much. I needed sleep. Sleep would stop it.

So I slept.

To be continued…