I've been gone too long. I got caught up with…a lot of stuff, which is no excuse. But hey, I'm back, I SHOULD be able to get some updates in, and it feels good to be writing again!

Please enjoy and happy reading!

Smile, smile, smile for me. It's gone, it's gone. Where have you gone?

"Wonder who they are."

I didn't expect an answer.

"Just some kids from this World, most likely."

I couldn't help but look back at them. They seemed to be around my age. Similar in height and facial features. Far unlike my colleagues who were all much older than myself. Or at least appeared to be.

They were fascinating in the way they moved and the way they acted. The blonde boy had a huge grin on his face that I couldn't understand and the sound that came from his mouth wasn't something I'd heard before. The other boy was making a similar yet different sound. Like it was unique to each of them much like one's own voice. And there was a single girl that completed the group. I recognized a smile on her lips and she did something with her eyes, moved them in a circle, which I didn't understand. They all had their tails and ears, just like me and Axel.

"What are they doing?" I asked, having stopped walking and was now staring back at the group that was walking away. They hadn't even taken notice to us, like we were everyday citizens not worth attention. Each held a blue square on a stick and one of the boys bit into it.

"Hanging out. Having fun. Being kids."

I looked up at my Fighter, confused. He gave me a look; I could feel his sadness creeping through the Bond. His hand found his way to my shoulder and squeezed tightly, reassuringly. "Don't worry your pretty head over it, okay? Let's focus on the mission."

That memory that hit me felt as though it had happened so recently. It felt so tangible, which I could only guess it should being it is a memory.

My head had a dull ache and I didn't want to open my eyes. There was hardly any light trying to reach through my eyelids and I could only believe it was nighttime. The ground beneath me was hard and cool but the air was warm and comforting. As I started to wake and become more conscious, I noticed my head was in someone's lap.

My senses must have been dulled down because it took me a moment to feel Axel's energy swirling around me like a protecting shield. I realized then that the warm air was from him and the urge to curl into his body and sleep was overwhelming.

"No sleeping, babe," Axel said above me and chuckled. "You've been out for almost an hour already. Saïx will have both our hides if we stay overnight." His fingers carded though my hair and I couldn't help but purr when he reached one of my cat ears and affectionately stroked it. "Did you remember anything good?" he asked.

I finally worked up the energy to open my eyes. The reason I mistook it for night became obvious. We were in the woods, a place I immediately recognized. I was here only days earlier, running to the mansion, following that pull. Axel was sitting up against a tree with my head in his lap. He smiled down at me and when I looked up, bent to kiss my forehead.

"I remembered being in Twilight Town." Hayner, Pence, and Olette, I thought. I had known them before when I was in the Organization. At least, I had seen them. Maybe they had been my friends when I was a member before?

"Was I there?" he questioned. I looked up at him, expecting a smug smile as though implying something but only found a serious face. I nodded and he nodded as well, though I could tell it wasn't directed toward me. Brief flashes of images zoomed through my mind, similar to what I had just dreamed yet from a different view point. I saw myself, watching Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and realized Axel was relaying his memory of that moment.

"Mm," I hummed, acknowledging what he was showing me. His lips pressed against the crown of my head before he pushed my shoulder.

"Up," Axel spoke and the warm blanket was seeping away from me. I bit my tongue, forcing a whine to inch back down my throat. Now suddenly feeling how cold it was under the canopy of trees, I wasn't as tired. "The sooner we kill some Heartless, the sooner we get to go home."

I sat up off his lap and took a moment to regain a sense of what was really happening and what we were supposed to do. "What about you?" I asked, suddenly remembering. "What is it Saïx wants you to do?"

There was a moment where Axel just looked at me before he sighed and stood. He stretched his hand down for me and I accepted the help to stand. My legs felt a bit unbalanced and suddenly standing increased the dull ache in my head to a forthright sting. I cringed and hoped Axel didn't notice.

"Don't worry too much about what I have to do. I was just starting to get used to you finally accepting my side missions without a fuss. Don't start up again, 'kay?" I frowned at him, not exactly understanding what he was saying but he laughed it all off. "I'm just special and get to run special errands." With a wink, he started off, the grass crunching beneath his boots. Unsatisfied, I followed.

We exited through the hole in the wall and the sudden onslaught of sunlight hurt my eyes and my head even more. I squinted against the light. Though the sunlight in Twilight Town wasn't particularly strong, after being in the dark forest it was a bit of a killer. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"Sandlot," he remarked and lead the way.

On our walk through the town, it suddenly dawned on me just where I was. Who I was so close to. My friends, people I knew, Seifer and his gang, my mother. Mom.

"Can I see people?" I asked. I suddenly felt odd, being led through a town I knew so well. The tram rolled on by us, and Axel continued on, down the path and under the arch that signified the Sandlot was ahead. Even from this distance, the cheering was loud and something like a huge lead ball dropped into my stomach. That cheering…it was for-!

Had I truly been gone from Twilight Town this long? Today was the tournament! I was supposed to compete, side-by-side with Hayner and one of us was supposed to get that Champion Belt! Argh, how could I have forgotten so easily?

"I don't think seeing everyone is a good idea. Keep the mission in mind, okay? Heartless, that's our priority."

We approached the Sandlot, the entrance crowded with spectators of the Struggle. This had always been the annual event everyone looked forward to. The town would pretty much shut everything down for the day just so everyone could come and join in the tournament, whether competing or simply watching. I had been with this crowd of people at one point, feeling excited as the day of the tournament approached, practicing furiously with Hayner, hanging posters in anticipation. Where had those days gone?

The crowd parted before us and we easily sliped to the front of the crowd. "Seems they're just practicing at the moment. It is still early," Axel spoke. He crossed his arms, his jade eyes suddenly looking so calculating. "This is good," he said. "Everyone will be here, distracted, so taking out the Heartless in town should be less messy than if there were people milling about everywhere." I understood what he was saying, but to be honest, hunting Heartless was the last thing on my mind. I stood on my tip-toes, hoping to catch a glimpse of my friends, of my mother. She had always enjoyed coming to the tournament. "We should get started, yeah? While everyone is distracted."

Axel reached for my hand, grabbing it whilst I wasn't paying much attention and, unprepared, I was snatched up by the Darkness, being swept about in a way that made my aching head spin. When the Darkness disappeared, I carefully opened my eyes, hoping the world wasn't spinning. I'm not sure I'd have been able to hold my breakfast if the sun was swirling. Luckily my vision was perfectly normal. I took a deep breath, looked up to Axel with an unmasked frown, then turned my eyes away. We were standing before the Station. "Normally we'd hunt the Heartless at the Sandlot, but I have a feeling they'll be starting here, picking off anyone who is wandering the empty streets. Heartless aren't as dumb as everyone thinks. They'd rather search for easy targets, rather than rushing into a huge crowd which can be potentially dangerous to them. More people to fight back, got it memorized?"

I didn't say anything. After a moment of feeling his heated eyes on me, I was forced to deal with feeling his sympathy which I would never admit I wanted. He sighed. "I hate that your visit has to be strictly business, but that's how the dice rolls, Rox. I'll bring you back another time, okay?" His words didn't make me feel better and I knew he didn't expect them to.

Suddenly he was kneeling before me, hands gripping my shoulders. The way he positioned himself, he was eye level with me. I felt short. Far younger than him, like a child. "Will you be okay on your own for a while?" Over his shoulder I noticed a Heartless appear, popping out from its own Dark Portal. Axel stiffened slightly; he sensed it as well. I nodded my head, eyes briefly leaving my target, Keyblade easily coming to my hand.

"'Atta boy," he grinned. "If you need me, call for me." He kissed my forehead. "Up hear. I'll hear you, promise." He kissed my lips, long and slow. I sensed the Heartless creeping closer, sensed others joining the soon-to-be-started slaying party. I couldn't care less at the moment. I didn't want him to stop kissing me, wrapped my arms around his neck in hopes that he would stay. He pulled back, electric tingles still coursing through me and gave me a beautiful smile. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go back to the Castle, back to our room and, ah, have some fun." And with a wink, he was gone.

Slaying the Heartless was easy enough. This may have only been my second time out in the field since my return, but it seemed so effortless, like I'd been doing it for years. All the while, I could hear the spokesperson for the Struggle shouting out commentary and results for the past half hour. Two Struggle battles had already been completed. There seemed to be a lot of competitors this year. I had hoped to be one of them and I couldn't shake the disappointment that was threatening to distract me. I'd much rather shrug out of this leather cloak, put my normal clothes on and Struggle against Seifer or Hayner. My Struggle bat was now a Keyblade.

What was this blade anyway? How had I come into possession of such a weapon? A flashback of my time at the Crystal Fissure with Xigbar made me think. He said I was special. The hearts that were released from the Heartless when I slayed them were pink, instead of the silver heart that was released when Xigbar slayed them. And come to think of it, from watching the moon -Kingdom Hearts Axel called it- no silver hearts ever ascended to that moon. Only pink ones.

Was that why I was special? Because the hearts I released went to Kingdom Hearts?

Hm, I'd rather not think about it. Instead, two things plagued my mind. The ongoing tournament and Axel's promise of 'fun' after the mission. As much as I was excited to spend time with Axel, the whole concept of doing anything sexual together made me nervous. Sure, we'd brought each other to completion the morning before in the shower. But I felt like there was something particular about yesterday. Axel had seemed more fired up, and I had found my head to be a bit foggy when around him yesterday morning. Like the energy was buzzing. The hype seemed to wear off when the training session had ended.

During my inner ranting, my feet had seemed to carry me down to Market Street. The shops were all closed, several with taped signs explaining that they were closed due to the Struggle and that they were sorry for the inconvenience. The empty streets made me feel somewhat hollow and I couldn't help but gravitate toward the sounds of the cheering crowd and the excited banter of the spokesperson. Just a peek, that couldn't hurt, right? I'd been fighting Heartless practically since we arrived here and by the look of the sky, it was early noon. I've put in a fair amount of effort that deserved a short break.

So I headed down the familiar alleyway, past the usual spot (I resisted sticking my head in, wanting to visit my favorite hangout) and down the stairs to the Sandlot.

There seemed to be more people and up close, the cheering was near deafening. The crowd jostled me as I pushed through and for a moment, I wondered what people would think when they saw me. I was dressed rather peculiarly, so unlike everyone else who donned light t-shirts, shorts, tank-tops or dresses in the summer heat. I was feeling rather warm, but a gut instinct told me that taking my cloak off wasn't the best of ideas.

I stood amongst a sea of people, trying to see around others to locate people I knew. Namely my mother and friends. Hayner, of course, was competing so seeing him wouldn't be a problem. As far as I could tell, the next match would be starting in a few minutes. I edged my way around the center stage and toward the board that posted the current standings. It seemed Seifer had been up first to Struggle and had unsurprisingly advanced to the next round. The second battle had been won by some girl whose name I didn't recognize. And the next battle hadn't started yet, but Hayner's name was written down. A spark of excitement short through me and I was suddenly pumped to watch my best friend fight. I fought with the crowd once more, hoping to see Olette (Pence was still visiting his relatives, right?) but was unlucky. The spokesperson called the next participants to the stage.

At the font of the crowd I had the best view of the fight. The crowd roared when Hayner stepped onto the stage, followed by some girl who was a big as Seifer. How in the world did Hayner get pinned against someone like her already? No matter, I thought, Hayner was quick on his feet and his stealth would no doubt lead him to victory. Strength wasn't everything.

Hayner wore his cocky smirk as usual. His ears were pinned back as they always were when he fought and that long tail of his was swishing with eagerness. My own tail followed his movements, my legs itching to be up there with him. The adrenaline, the rush!

The bell sounded and the two began circling each other. Hayner's eyes were zeroed in on every move the girl made, taking in her broad frame and oddly toned arms. I could understand what he was thinking; that no girl should have more muscle than him. Being around soft Olette everyday must not have prepared him for this brute. And the girl was, as I expected, the first to charge in, most likely hoping to get a solid first hit on Hayner while he was studying her.

But Hayner was paying attention and exhibited excellent footwork as he dodged to the right, slipping his foot out and effectively tripping her. She went down hard, face hitting the ground a bit too harshly and when she picked her head up, her eyes seemed a bit dazed. The crowd let out appropriate "oooh's" and "aaah's" and Hayner bounced on his feet, waiting for the girl to pick herself up. Ever the gentleman.

The fight went on from there, with Hayner dashing around the stage and striking when able. The girl was able to get a hit on him, right in his back at his kidneys. His grimace said enough. He may have speed and stealth, but she had the real power. Hayner also excelled in stamina it seemed, and he was able to dash about for longer, finally driving the poor girl to shuffle about in circles. Finally tired out, the call was made and Hayner was crowned victor of his first round.

I applauded and cheered far louder than those around me. "YES! HAYNER!" I received a few looks, but I was too overjoyed for my friend to care. I pushed my way toward him as he left the stage. The accessory shop owner was ready at the foot of the stairs, handing him a bottle of water which he began to chug in a way that would make Olette frown.

"Awesome job, Hayner!" I panted as I approached him. That crowd was tough to get through. He lowered his bottle, giving me an odd look, like I was the girl he just battled and he was studying me, trying to figure me out.

Too much time passed and it made me a bit unsure. "Thanks, ah…" He trailed off and continued to gaze at me. Was confusion on his face? His eyes were searching me.

I just grinned. He must be playing a joke. That's so like him. I'm gone for a few days and he plays the part of not recognizing me. Or maybe it's the clothes. Man, have I got a lot of explaining to do. "Can't accept my congratulations like a true pal, huh? But man, do I have a lot to tell you." I was waiting for him to grin, to punch my arm and lead me to the Usual Spot where we could talk before his next round. Instead, he said, "I was kind of hoping you'd give me your name. You already know mine."

There was that lead ball dropping into my stomach again. Ice started from my chest to my arms, hands, face, legs. I gave a nervous laugh. "You can drop the act, man." He was joking, right?

Seifer walks up, stands beside Hayner. "Now, now, chicken-wuss, you can't possibly be thinking of showing me up." The older boy doesn't sneer, but smirks in a genuinely buddy-buddy kind of way. Hayner simply scowls, his attention momentarily turned from me. His cheeks were a bit red. "Who's this blondie?" he asks, looking straight at me. My throat closes. Surely Seifer couldn't be acting along with Hayner, right?

"I was trying to figure that you before you rudely interrupted," Hayner growled. He turned back to me, his smile looking a bit fake, like he wasn't all that interested in talking to me. I couldn't seem to make a sound, couldn't utter the two syllables that make up my name. He should know them already, but his eyes are the eyes of someone meeting a stranger. "You do seem a bit familiar. Have we met before?"

His words do nothing to comfort me. The lead ball grows colder, turns my stomach sour. My head hurts and all I can do is shake it.

"Hayner, awesome job! And you too, Seifer." That sweet voice suddenly made me warm. "I just know one of my two favorite boys will win." And there she was, her blonde hair looking bright, his small arms being slung over both Hayner's and Seifer's shoulders. She was much shorter than them both, far shorter than Seifer. She stretched to give Hayner and kiss on the cheek and Seifer was nice enough to lean down towards her, reluctantly accepting the affection. "Oh, you're a new face. I'm Amara, the proud mother of this soon-to-be champion," she said, bumping her head with Hayner's lightly. She stuck her hand out.

I was going to throw up. I was sure of it. I just looked at her hand as though it would burn me. My head spun, my legs didn't want to work. "Sorry," I mumbled and was quick to flee. I stumbled through the crowd, unable to navigate it well. My eyes stung. When did I start crying? Everything was blurry. The mantra in my head shouted louder. Don't throw up, don't throw up! I was definitely going to throw up.

"Whoa there!" I had somehow made it to the entrance of the Sandlot. The entrance that Axel and I had come in through. It wasn't Axel standing before me, reaching a hand out to steady me. That hand stopped quite suddenly, was quick to withdraw. He felt it too. "Ah…" He was unsure. His eyes didn't recognize me either. Twin eyes. He looked confused, probably didn't understand what this sudden magnetic attraction was. Didn't know who I was. This was dangerous.

Axel…

It was a weak cry, more like a whisper. "Who are you?" I called his name, and it seemed that half of me was hoping he wouldn't come. "I feel like we've met before." You're not the only one… "Um, promise not to tell anyone I'm here? I mean, if anyone asks…" He still sounds unsure. I hope he doesn't come. I know he should but I hope he doesn't. This is it! I can figure everything out-! "-ot like I can't take care of myself…"

Whoosh!

And just like that, I was swept away, blinded by Darkness. Axel had come. Was shouting. I think. Someone was shouting. Did he take-? No. "No!" I was shouting. Didn't recognize my own voice. "No! Let me go!" I just want to talk to him…

"I'm sorry." It was the first thing he said and I wanted nothing of it. His sympathy mean nothing to me. Not now.

Perhaps I looked like a helpless child but I didn't care. Sitting in the fetal position, curled in on myself, sobbing. Pathetic. But just how I wanted to be. I suddenly didn't know anything. At this moment I wanted to feel sorry for myself.

Axel had taken me up to the top of the station tower. This was a familiar place for both him and me. I know we spent a lot of time together up here. I didn't care to try and remember at the moment. I just sobbed harder, frustrated at my confusion, torn apart that my memories didn't seem like mine anymore. They were just someone's twisted game. Like this was all done so someone could have a right good laugh at me. Axel wasn't laughing. But he wasn't crying either. And for some reason, I wanted him to be hurting as much as me.

"I can let you near him. It isn't safe." I didn't understand and didn't ask for clarity. I just rubbed the tears from my cheeks angrily. Bit the sleeve of my cloak. Screamed a bit. Axel's chest hurting hurt my own. Fuck you, I thought. He winced as though he could hear it like I'd spoken it out loud. Good.

I don't know why I was suddenly so angry with him. I can only guess that I was just angry at everyone, everything. Myself included. He approached with caution. I didn't care anymore, just buried my face between my knees. Cried a bit more. His hand came down to rest on my head and as much as I didn't want it, the second I felt his heat I was a goner. I pounced, leap straight into his arms and burrowed myself into his warmth. My tears ran over his neck but he didn't seem to mind. Only held me impossibly close to him, stroked my back and made soft noises, trying to calm me. He did nothing to manipulate my emotions, nothing to calm me like he had done before.

"You need to let this all out on your own," he said. Was he really reading my thoughts? "You're in pain, and that's nothing I can let you keep inside. Take it out on me if that'll make you feel better." I knew I couldn't. I'd only end up feeling worse. And right now, it seemed that Axel was truly all I had. "We won't talk about it now. There's too much to explain. We need to report back to Saïx soon, so getting you better is what I'm focusing on."

Apparently Axel's definition of "getting better" is peppering my neck and face with gentle kisses and caresses. I didn't mind, rolled my head this way and that to allow him access. It felt good, and his heat clouded my mind pleasantly. The smell of fire filled me, comforted me. I relaxed against him, said nothing as he went to work on leaving a hicky just below my right ear. "Did you do what you needed to?" I breathed. He mumbled something against my neck, something that sounded like "Kinda." I didn't ask for any details, knew that would be treading into territory that I didn't belong to.

Even with the haze Axel put me in, I couldn't erase Hayner, Seifer and mo- Amara, from my head. That stinging pain began to return again and my eyes welled with tears once more. Axel seemed to notice, decided that his distraction wouldn't work and opened a portal for us. He carried me most of the way but finally set me on my feet when we reached that pin of light that was our destination.

We stepped into the Gray Room. Demyx's Sitar was the first thing to reach my ears, along with his humming. I looked for him, saw him through misty eyes as he sat in one of the cushy chairs, legs pulled up under him and he played his weapon. Beside him, Zexion looked far less than amused. Luxord shuffled his deck across from the pair before handing out cards between himself and Zexion. Demyx caught my eye, then shifted his look to Axel before returning to me. He was quick to get up, waltz to my side and touch my arm.

"He's tired," Axel explained to Saïx who merely raised one brow. He simply flicked his wrist, effecting dismissing me and turned to Axel where he started questioning for mission details. Demyx led me back to my room where he sat me on the bed, took the chair at the desk for himself and resumed playing his Sitar as though nothing had happened.

It seemed like forever before Axel entered the room, but a glance at the clock told me it had only been half an hour. Still, that seemed like a lengthy amount of time for going over mission details.

I stayed curled on my side when he came in and he was quick to sit beside me on the bed, brushing my hair back, kissing my forehead. Just as usual. When had this started to become a familiar routine? "Thanks, Dem," he said, eyes locked on my face.

Demyx seemed to think he was being dismissed and with a frown he exited the room. Axel did nothing to stop him which made me wonder if Axel's refusal to say anymore to the musician really had been a dismissal. "You okay?" he asked. I could tell even he thought that was a stupid question and he didn't urge me for an answer.

"Just tell me. Band-aids are better ripped off, right? Hiding the truth won't make me feel any better. Might as well make it worse."

My words were bitter and they left a bitter taste in my mouth. My very dry mouth. I was still in disbelief about what happened. My confusion was like a blindfold and there were voices echoing in my head, voices that had once been orderly and clear but were now scattered and hard to recognize. I was reaching blindly for people I didn't know anymore.

He sighed loudly and stood before sitting at the desk. He took out his journal, grabbed a pen and began to write. I couldn't even work up the annoyance I knew I should feel when he blatantly ignored my request. I was just tired. He spoke as he wrote.

"So, you left the Organization. I'm certain you remember this."

I had had that memory crash back into place in my mind, yes. I had lied to him about it. Knew he didn't believe me.

"Well, it seems that when you blacked out after you severed our Bond, someone came and took you away."

He turned to face me, swallowed noisily, and crossed his arms. "They took you to a nice little witch who played puzzle with your memories."

Axel refused to tell me everything, convincing me that the current moment hadn't been the right time. Instead he soothed me to sleep, all the while writing in his journal. When I came to, I was feeling an odd sense of peace and he was urging me up for dinner.

It was my first time eating dinner with the rest of the Organization members. It was still odd, thinking of them sitting down together, having a "family" meal. Nothing family about it. But as Demyx had said before, we were still humans; we still needed food for energy, so eating was a must. Not a surprise that there was a designated eating place in the castle. But the nightly meals together made no sense to me.

"Xemnas orders for use to eat together to keep civil communication flowing. Honestly, he just wants any opportunity to be watching us."

That's what Axel said as he led me through the castle. Marluxia and Larxene had joined us as we neared the dining hall, though neither said a word. Marluxia looked as though he hadn't slept and would rather be back in his room. Larxene walked close to Marluxia, not conversing and not looking at any of us, but acting as though her presence alone was enough comfort for Marluxia.

Upon entering the dining hall, all of the seats were filled besides our own. It seemed that Units sat together and Marluxia sneered before reluctantly taking his seat beside the stony Vexen. They said nothing to each other and Marluxia's hands fell into his lap. His tense face made me believe his fingers were harshly digging into his legs.

As we sat, Axel leaned over and whispered in my ear quietly, "Believe it or not, it's not just their hatred making them act that way. When two souls finally recognize each other, the Soulmates go a little crazy." With the conversation going on around the table already, I knew no one could hear Axel's whispers. "The first two weeks or so after Soulmates are brought together are a bit…chaotic. It's nothing but ravenous sexual desire for each other and I'm thinking those two aren't exactly eager to jump each other's bones." My face flushed drastically and I couldn't help but look at the frustrated new Soulmates across the table. Marluxia was staring straight at us, glare deadly and if he had noticed my blush, I was certain he knew what Axel was saying. Sure enough, he was kind enough to flip us off.

At the sound of a Dark Portal opening, everyone ceased their talking immediately and looked up. I did as well, expecting Xemnas and Saïx seeing as they were the only two absent from the table. What I wasn't expecting to see was a third party, someone I recognized and my stomach jumped into my throat.

"Please," Xemnas spoke in that sultry voice as he tugged on the other person's arm. She stumbled forward. "don't be rude to our dinner guest. Let's welcome her and make her feel," he smirked with hidden intentions, "right at home."

She looked up, catching my eyes. "Naminé."

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