"WaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
Not this shit again.
I groaned, moving to bury my head under the pillow. It was only partly effective, as the soundwaves from my demon brother(and he wasn't even the literal one) seemed to go straight through most objects.
Now, if I had thought the nights with Temari had been bad, I had no words for the satanic creature that was Kankuro at night. He didn't just do baby wails to get his needs met, oh no, he fucking screamed at the top of his goddamn lungs, every. Single. Night. Even after Kaa-san changes him. Even after she feeds him. Even after she holds him for hours, patting his back comfortingly. The kid just didn't stop.
"Nee-chan?" I looked up blearily, making out the small form of Temari in my room, features lit by the wash of the pale moon as she stood above my futon. Her hair, an untamable mass of spiky blonde, was already set in her standard 4 ponytails. She was wearing a pink nightgown, and the stuffed giraffe I bought(well...Kaa-san bought, but I picked it out) her for her first birthday was clutched nervously in her arms, to the point where I almost felt bad for the thing if that wasn't its purpose in the first place.
I hadn't even heard the door open amongst the ruckus Kankuro was making.
"Tem-tem?" I replied, the rasping end lilting in curiosity after making sure it really was her I saw. Setting the pillow down and sitting up straighter, I let her take her time to muster up her courage as she idly squeezed her toy.
"I can't sleep,"
Ah, so,
"Can I sleep with you, Nee-chan?"
'I don't wanna be alone in the dark', basically?
Features softening, I opened up my covers with a smile and wordlessly invite her in. With a soft 'thank you', Temari made herself comfortable before I let the blanket fall back down, shivering slightly at her cold feet pressed against my knees. Tucking her securely in my arms, I sighed and resigned myself to getting used to disrupted nights again.
Temari, now having to deal with the same toils I faced at her birth, as well as being granted a smaller section of Kaa-san's time, had taken to crawling into my futon at bedtime, demanding her usual bedtime story(a responsibility Kaa-san gratefully handed over to me through bloodshot eyes). I had no problem with it, although she usually ends up falling asleep next to me instead of going back to her own room.
Ahhh, what a cutie.
As quiet settled down again in the room, I realized it was storming, which was rare since we lived in the middle of the desert.
It reminded me of how much I missed thunderstorms. In my previous life, we had lived near the ocean, and rains were a frequent appearance. It had been the lullaby to many of my dreams as a child, and now I found myself reveling in the familiar calm. Too bad it was night, so I couldn't go out and feel the cool water on my skin.
Lulled by the pittering of the rain, the low rumble of the thunder, and the soft, warm body next to me, I quickly fell into pleasant dreams.
Only to be woken up a few hours later by Temari whimpering and turning next to me. Still half in the realm of sleep, I held still and absentmindedly waited for her to settle, slowly unsticking my eyes when she didn't, confused and tired.
"Temari?"
I watched wearily as she immediately stiffened in my arms. Another moment passed in which I realized she wasn't going to say anything.
I sighed and glanced at the clock. Although it was only barely illuminated by the occasional lightning, as the clouds had blocked the moon, I was able to make out the hour hand on the two.
Goddammit.
Laying back on my pillow, I listened to the soft taps of the rain before trying again to talk to the creature that had taken to stuffing her face into my neck.
"Are you scared?"
The thunder rolled again, as if to enunciate my point, and I felt Temari quake a little.
"N-no..."
Bringing a hand up to rub my eyes, I yawned before curling up around her tighter. Gosh, I was tired.
"There's nothing to be scared of, Tem-tem," I murmured sleepily,
"Nee-san will protect you, see?"
It was a little soon to be making promises I didn't know if I could keep, but as Temari softened in my hold and her breathing evened out, I couldn't bring myself to wish I hadn't said it.
This time, I silently swore to the pressing dark of my room, I would keep every single one of my promises.
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Kaa-san and I were sitting in a small cafe, having a nice mother-daughter bonding time for what felt like the first time in forever.
Earlier that day, she had approached me and lamented about how she hadn't been spending much time with me as she'd been busy with my other siblings, so she wanted to know if I wanted to have a little day off with her as she'd hired a genin team to watch Temari and Kankuro.
I snickered a little at that and asked if she warned them that Temtem liked drinking perfectly lukewarm orange juice at 3 in the afternoon and got hissy if she didn't(Kankuro was a whole 'nother can of worms, even worse than Temari at times. Honestly, it was only a relief that he wasn't fast enough to toddle much out of sight before one of us caught him).
Kaa-san just smiled at me, a mischievous twinkle in her eye and a giggle on her lips.
I smirked back, sadistic glee running through me at the chaos that was sure to ensure.
So now we were in a nice sweets shop, Kaa-san with a slice of mango mousse cake and me with a tiny and delicious fruit parfait. The cream they used was delicious, and I kept licking my lips in hopes of catching any that might've lingered.
We were having a brief interlude of silence to enjoy our desserts, and I thought this would be as good of a time as any to bring up what I had been considering the past few weeks.
"Kaa-san...I think I wanna be a ninja."
The statement hung in the air for a brief second, and while I knew that the chance she would reject it was miniscule, as her husband was a shinobi, I still felt myself squirming in my seat.
Her smile became a little strained, but she looked silently defeated, as if this was something she had already come to terms with.
"Mou, there's no problem with that. I just want to ask, Kori-chan..." She trailed off and looked at me with a newfound seriousness,
"Why do you want to be a ninja?"
I blinked at the sudden question. Why? There were a lot of reasons why. Things that I couldn't tell her, things I couldn't tell anybody- but there was one thing I knew for sure...
"Because...I want to protect Kaa-san and Temari and Kankuro-" and Gaara and Naruto and a million other sobbing children-, "and be strong like Tou-san!"
It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't all of the truth, either. However, my mother seemed to accept it wearily, a small smile peeking from her lips.
"Well then, I guess I can't stop you. I guess it's good we've already started on your training then, ne?"
She paused and looked out the window, considering something I couldn't see in her head.
"You're still a little young to enter the academy. The usual age is eight, but I think they've lowered it quite a bit since the war started…" She turned to me, almost sadly, the smile on her face lacking it's usual cheer. "Maybe next year, then. If you're ready."
I started, quickly covering up my shock by taking another big spoonful of my dessert. The war...had already began? How long ago? When will it end? Oh god, no wonder her books were so insistent on loyalty and strong ninjas, they weren't remnants from conflicted times, they were designed for the children that were currently in war now.
Does this mean her Tou-san has been taking missions for the war? It would make sense as to why he was gone so often and so frequently.
Team Minato...Rin would die, Obito turn insane, Kakashi haunted for the rest of his days. Thousands of children thrown into battle as the need to cannon fodder shot up. I was only thankful my siblings were too young to fight, safe in the village for now.
Suddenly, the icecream didn't seem so sweet.
"Hai, Kaa-san! I'll work hard, I promise!" I said brightly, forcing as much enthusiasm into the phase as it could. She simply flashed me another bittersweet smile before smoothly changing the subject.
"Now... how about we go shopping after this?"
I hummed in excitement at the thought of seeing the...interesting...things found in Suna's markets, and we kept pleasant conversation until our desserts were all finished and Kaa-san payed the bill.
We spent the rest of the day wandering around various shops, Kaa-san having to pull me away from the alley shops where strange machines and powders glistened. In the end, all we got a doll for Temari, a bell toy for Kankuro to shake around, sa few books on common jutsus, and some nice new clay for Kaa-san's pottery.
It turns out Kaa-san made pottery. It was a hobby and she hadn't found much time for it lately, so she was a little worried about her skills going rusty. She mainly made things like vases and bowls, sometimes even selling them.
To my pleasure, she said that she'd let me have a try at it the next time she was free.
With a new skip in my steps, I looked forward to the next break she had.
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"Look Kannnkuro! Do you like my new vase-"
Smack. SMASH.
I stare at the remnants of my first creation, now in pieces on the floor, a single tear springing to my eye. Kankuro...why….
The perpetrator just giggled innocently, before holding up his arms for me to carry him.
Damn devil…
But oh, I just couldn't resist those puppy eyes!
"Did you hear? The Third Kazekage is missing." "What? How?" "Nobody knows...he just...disappeared!"
For two weeks, the village searches after the man considered the strongest Sunagakure shinobi in history. While ANBU and other shinobi teams were not recalled, they were instructed to watch for signs of their Kazekage on the field.
They never do find him.
At Sunagakure's sudden unstable foundation, lacking its leader and commander, forces on the frontlines are being overwhelmed. The search for the Kazekage is drawn back as the council declares him dead, desperately needing someone to step into his place for the duration of the war.
Rasa is chosen.
(It so happens, the first time they see their Tou-san that year, is when he's being crowned Kazekage.)
(Hokari tries to avoid glancing at the haunted old woman near the edges of a crowd, now missing a grandson.)
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It's an almost surreal experience, packing up everything to move into the Kazekage tower. Temari keeps chattering excitedly, but I can't return her enthusiasm in full.
The walls of my new room are not green, but the same color as the rest of the buildings now. Tou-san won't let me paint it since it's still supposed to be an 'official' building as well as a temporary residence, so it's stuck that way.
Slowly, I get used to a life where there's an ANBU watching at every corner. I really can't tell if what I'm feeling is embarrassment or pity for them.
(At least the view from the roof is nice.)
"Recite Rule #47 of the Shinobi Code of Conduct."
Despite having to keep a hold on Kankuro and Temari(the latter was usually content to simply sit and read while the former kept trying to run off after anything that caught his interest), Kaa-san's voice was still serious.
"A shinobi must follow their commander's instructions." I replied, a dedicated and serious student.
She nodded, "List the three main jutsu types."
"Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Genjutsu."
"And what must you always remember?"
"Victory at all costs." The motto of the village.
"Now go do your stretches, I have a surprise for you!" She chirped, the harshness of her features suddenly fading away.
Obediently, I sat down on the flat, thicker sand of our 'backyard' and started with my basic toe reaches.
Victory at all costs.
Sunagakure, above friends, above family, above life, valued the completion of the mission before all. It was one of the first things drilled into me when I told Kaa-san I wanted to be a ninja, and though the cold sentiment had already settled into my throat like melting ice, it still made me want to turn tail and flee.
This was what it meant to be a Sunagakure shinobi. To churn out thousands like my Tou-san, putting the value of the village beyond any single individual, regardless of who you lose or how. Accepting that at any moment, everything you've ever held close could slip away like oil through your hands, even your life.
"Hello, Kori-chan!"
I snapped out of my melancholy thoughts at the new voice, looking up from doing the splits to see a man that looked uncanningly similar to Kaa-san, just with darker eyes and lighter hair. This was...her brother?
"It's your uncle, Yashamaru! Say hi to him, Hokori-chan." Feeling my throat constrict, I bowed and said my hellos.
We had met before. He was there at my birth(apparently), visited us a month after Temari's birth, and a week after Kankuro's just because of shinobi schedules. He tried to make as many birthdays as he could, but would always leave gifts for us even if he wasn't there to physically attend. He was a familiar face.
Yet, this was the man that shoved Gaara off the edge(even though he touched his heart with such tenderness, even though affection gleamed in his eyes, loyalty to the village came first-and she began to understand-).
"Since he finally got a break from ANBU duties, I thought it would be a good chance for him to spar with you, since I haven't been able to."
I had to do a double take.
An ANBU? Sparring me? Four years old, can only do basic taijutsu, and doesn't have the capacity to really use chakra yet me?
I sent a bewildered look to my mother that expressed exactly what the fuck I thought of that idea.
Unfortunately, Yashamaru caught it too(of course he did) and laughed, rubbing the top of my head but luckily not pulling any stands from it's ponytail.
"No worries, Kori-chan! I'll go easy on you! I'm a medic-nin anyway, so taijutsu isn't my forte."
Yeah, like that makes it any better I grumbled in my head, but I straightened into the beginning pose of the first kata Kaa-san taught me, spreading my feet out and holding my arms loosely in front of me. I was armed only with some basic forms and now, apparently, the ability to apply them.
"Alright, you ready?"
I nodded, eyes wide open and alert, already prepared for his first strike.
He came at me first, going in easy with a slow punch that I deflected. I returned the favor, only to find my fist in his palm. He directed my force to the left, and I quickly willed my leg to strike out into his side.
It wasn't fast enough, and I found my face in the dirt.
My face flushed pink. That was...even more embarrassing than I thought it would be. The spar had barely lasted a few seconds, and I was already down.
While I got up, trying to push the red from my face, my uncle gave a thoughtful hum.
"How about we try that again, Kori-chan?"
I really, really would rather not repeat it, but I nodded anyway. All in the goal of improvement, right?
It went down the same way, my right leg barely brushing his side this time, but it was still too late to save me from my fate.
Face, meet ground for date number two. At this rate, you'll be married soon.
"Alright, I think I know what's wrong."
I looked up, miffed, as Yashamaru extended a hand to me. After pulling me up, he turned towards my mother, "Did you start her on chakra exercises yet?"
Kaa-san looked faintly surprised. "No...not yet. I was waiting for her coils to develop further."
Yashamaru closed his eyes, thinking.
"She's almost three now, right? Her coils should be almost complete by now, some slight training shouldn't affect them, especially with Rasa's genes." He looked me over, brushing some dirt off my shoulder as he spoke.
"Usually, shinobi children learn at a very young age how to use chakra to enhance their abilities. It's how they manage clan training, and how other ninjas are able to perform faster strikes."
He smiled at me kindly, eyes closed in arches.
"Kori-chan, you were trying to hit me with your leg, right?" I nodded, and he continued regardless if he saw it or not.
"Well, you would've made it if you had put a little more chakra behind that kick. For some reason, you don't seem to be using any of your chakra unconsciously. I guess that's where we'll start."
I stared at him, in awe at how he figured out my problem so fast.
Then, Yashmaru's eyes opened, a bloodthirsty glint sharpening his eyes.
Oh shit-
(Well, at least I know the tendency to revel in the suffering of others runs in the family now)
ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ
Yashamaru...that sadistic bastard of an uncle…
I groaned, laying in the beaten dirt, feeling an ache down to my very bones. I felt completely and utterly depleted, pretty sure I had some mild form of chakra exhaustion, and if not, I wouldn't be able to walk for at least a week. Kaa-san ended up having to carry me home, still sending Yashamaru off with a smile, thankful to her brother for beating her daughter into the ground.
God, how the fuck did this guy become the domestic shit that he was with Gaara?
I practically had to crawl into my room that night after barely surviving standing in the shower, falling asleep before my head even hit the pillow(Temari pouted all through breakfast next day that I fell asleep before reading her a story, despite my apologies).
Much to my disbelief and horror, Yashamaru shows up the next day, smiling that secretly vicious smile and mentioning how since he injured his arm on his last mission, he had the entire week off to wait for it to heal.
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Madara Uchiha abruptly starts out of his peaceful nap, confused at finding nothing after flaring out his chakra. Perhaps it had been his imagination, then. He had sworn he heard a scream.
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Hokari stopped being surprised when she saw the positive pregnancy test(again), resigned to her fate.
She got the old blender out from the new cabinet(some things just never change, she supposes. Like pregnancies).
Alright hormones. You vs me. Round three.
(She notices how a few months later, when the bump just started showing, Kaa-san had taken to covering her stomach, refusing to let her children see her skin. And she notices that there's a strange edge in her mother's chakra now, as if trying to cover-up something malicious, and how she seems more tired than usual, and how she sometimes grimaces when she passes a hand over her stomach, and how-)
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It hadn't been particularly hard to stick a rock to her hand. It had taken her about twenty tries of apply and reapplying chakra to find the correct balance, but by the end of day, she had succeeded. It helped that she'd been thinly layering chakra over her leg in her mock fights with Yashamaru(who was currently gone on another mission that would take months, but he promised to train her more when he got back) in a quite astonishing display of chakra control.
Her gaze shifted to the beaten kunai her uncle had left for her, deeming it useless since it had been chipped on it's left blade. He had told her to try that, after the rock, and then keep sticking things to her if she managed to complete that task too.
Sighing, she quickly judged her chakra to be at half her reserves, and grabbed the kunai.
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Before she knew it, another year had almost passed. It was her birthday, October 25th. She was now three years old.
That was strange, everything had happened so fast. Had it really only been three years? It felt like so much longer.
She had gotten a variety of presents, including but not limited to three sets of dull kunai, two sets of shuriken, a nice pair of training weights, two storage scrolls, and seven sebon. She had been elatated at having her own weaponry and at the fact that everyone seemed to be encouraging in the face of her dreams(she didn't know what she was going to do with so much mesh, though).
Her mother stroked her hair as she rested her head in her lap, pressing her face against the warm bulge of her stomach in the aftermath of the party. Her siblings were scattered around her, Kankuro's back tucked against her front, facing Temari, who had an arm draped over him, both their legs tangling with her own.
The only light came from a candle her mother had lit on the table next to the couch where they all lay.
Despite the affection she already felt to the precious child growing in her Kaa-san, with it came a deep sense of loss.
It would only be a few more months, now. Until Gaara was born.
Until she would...inevitably...lose her mother.
She placed a hand on the bump, pushing her face closer and her emotions deeper within her. Instead, she forced the words into her whisper, hating the fact that it trembled in the middle.
"Don't worry, Gaara. I promise to be there for you too."
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It's November.
She feels the fear creeping closer with every passing day. It's a never ending dread, and the worst part, is that she can do nothing about it.
She smiles serenely at the sight of her younger sister and brother happily eating meat buns as they sat on the bench together, swinging their legs childishly as she practices her kata, all waiting for her mother to finish checking out at the grocery store. Kaa-san's been spoiling them more and more. She spends as much time with her children as she can nowadays.
Hokari feels the weights dangle from her wrists and ankles like a physical reminder.
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It's December.
The night is beautiful. The temperature is nice for once, and the cool brush of the wind is soothing. At the top of the Kazekage Tower, two figures sit in silence, content to watch the twinkle of the stars.
Under the cloak of the darkness, Karura looks at her daughter, lit pale by the light of the stars. The first child she's ever had, the quietest too.
She thinks about how her hair is the same shade as her father's, if not even darker. A sort of red like reminds her of blood in dirt. Tears and pain.
And she thinks about how it curls a little at the ends, unlike Rasa's. No, that was from her. That and her eyes, the same indigo that she sees in the mirror every morning.
She thinks of how she keeps Temari sated, of how she makes sure Kankuro doesn't get in trouble. She's grown from the little child waddling around their apartment and begging her Kaa-san for more stories. The small body tucked against her side, one that Karura had to protect from too-curious gazes. She's grown from the wide-eyed toddler that stumbled over every word and depended on her mother for everything.
Hokari's improving quickly in her ninja studies, even Yashamaru tells her that her child's progress is extraordinary. Karura's sure that she'll be an extraordinary kunoichi one day.
Wrapping her arms around her firstborn, Karura hugs her close.
"Ne, Hokori...take care of your siblings, alright?"
She pretends she can't feel the way her daughter trembles or the burning trail that her tears roll down Karura's skin.