Hours later at just before sunset I was back on the beach with Reverend Burns's wife, Natalie, Leroy and Lula. We were waiting for our musical cues. Natalie looked beautiful. Lula…Lula was breathtaking. She was the epitome of a bride. Maybe she didn't fit everyone's perfect image, but the glow from inside her made her so beautiful. She was happy. She was marrying Tank for all the right reasons. This was going to be a wonderful thing.
The music cued and slowly Natalie went down the well worn wooden stairs and stepped onto the carpet below. I smiled back at Lula and moments later I started down the stairs myself. I could feel the sand beneath the rug and a memory tugged at my brain. This was familiar. But the music was different. For some reason I could hear Journey in my head. I'm forever yours…faithfully. It was so familiar.
I walked through the crowd of friends and family past the chairs of people who beamed with joy for Tank and Lula. Then I raised my head and saw Ranger and my breath caught. This was going to be hard. It was going to be very, very hard.
I took my spot and the music changed to the wedding march from the violin concerto I'd walked in to and moments later Lula appeared and my breath caught again. She had no idea just how beautiful she truly was. I caught Tank's face out of the corner of my eye and saw his emotion laid out bare. He loved her. She was so lucky.
Lula made her way to the altar on Leroy's arm. She was radiant. Her eyes were on Tanks. That's the way it should be.
Reverend Burns smiled, "Will everyone please be seated." He waited for everyone to sit down. "May the Grace and Peace of God the Father and of our Brother Jesus Christ, and the all-embracing Love of the Holy Spirit be with you all!"
There were some scattered amens throughout the crowd.
"Welcome, all of you," he smiled. "We are gathered here today for one of the happiest occasions in all human life, to celebrate before God the marriage of a man and woman who love each other. Marriage is a most honorable estate, created and Instituted by God, signifying unto us the mystical union, which also exists between Christ and the Church; so too may this marriage be adorned by true and abiding love." He turned to Leroy. "Who is it that gives this woman to this man?"
Leroy straightened, "her mother and I do." He kissed Lula's cheek and went to sit by Odetta.
The reverend smiled, "Pierre and Lula, although life is a gift given to each of us as individuals, we also learn to live together in harmony. Love is a gift to us from our family and friends. Through these gifts of love we learn to ourselves to gift it back. Learning to love and live together is one of life's greatest challenges and is the shared goal of a married life." He paused and looked at the crowd. "Mankind did not create love; love is created by God. Therefore, a husband and wife should not confuse love of worldly things with that of Godly love of one another, for even if worldly success is found, only love for one another will maintain a marriage. The measure of true love is a love both freely given and freely accepted, just as God's love is unconditional and free." He grinned, "Today is truly a glorious day which the Lord hath made - as today both of you are blessed with God's greatest of all gifts - the gift of abiding love and devotion between a man and a woman. All present here today - and those here in heart - wish both of you all the joy, happiness and success and the world has to offer."
He smiled at Tank and Lula, "In this sacred and joyful moment, we call upon the highest in you, Pierre and Lula, the divine inner presence that brought you to love and has chosen for you the sweet commitment of marriage. For you we ask every blessing of this moment; a confirmation of the wisdom of your choice; great happiness on the path that is set before you; discretion, kindness and care as you walk upon it, strength to live out your purpose, grace and peace through each step of your journey, and beloved family and friends to support you."
He paused and turned to Lula, "Lula, are you here to ask Pierre to be your partner, your lover, your friend and your husband? Do you intend to give him your deepest friendship and love, not only when you are feeling bright and alive, but also when you are feeling down? Not only when you remember clearly that you are a manifestation of God, but even in those times when you forget? Do you announce before God and those here present that you will seek always to see the Light of Divinity within Pierre, and seek always to share the Light of Divinity within yourself?"
Lula swallowed, "I will."
The reverend turned to Tank next, "Pierre, are you here to ask Lula to be your partner, your lover, your friend and your wife? Do you intend to give her your deepest friendship and love, not only when you are feeling bright and alive, but also when you are feeling down? Not only when you remember clearly that you are a manifestation of God, but even in those times when you forget? Do you announce before God and those here present that you will seek always to see the Light of Divinity within Lula, and seek always to share the Light of Divinity within you?"
Tank blinked, "I will."
He smiled, "As you travel through life together, I caution you to remember that the true measure of success, the true avenue to joy and peace, is to be found within the love you hold in your hearts. I would ask that you hold the key to your heart very tightly." He turned to the crowd, "Within the Bible, nothing holds greater importance than Love. We are told the crystalline and beautiful truth is that God is Love. We are assured that Love conquers all. It is love which brings you here today, the union of two hearts and two spirits. As your lives continue to interweave as one pattern, remember that it was love that brought you here today, it is love that will make this a glorious union, and it is love which will cause this union to endure."
He turned to Ranger, "Who holds the rings?"
Ranger leaned forward, "I do." He held the rings up to show them to the reverend.
The reverend grinned, "Let us bless these rings! O God, these rings are circles, symbols that remind us of the Sun, and the Earth, and the universe. They are symbols of holiness, of perfection and peace ... that which has no beginning and no end. And so, in this moment, bring your blessing to these rings to also be symbols of unity, of joining and of commitment. Grant that the love which Lula and Pierre have for each other now may always be just this way. These are the rings that Lula and Pierre will wear for the rest of their lives that express the love that they have for one another. Let us take a moment and send our prayers, our thoughts and our love to these rings, so that as they wear them, they will carry our love with them as well."
Ranger looked over at me and his face was filled with curiosity and something else. He looked confused. He looked confused and somewhat regretful. I admit I felt pretty much the same way. Maybe I wasn't quite as confused. Oh who are we kidding, I was confused.
He smiled at Tank and Lula, "Lula and Pierre, as you dedicate yourselves to one another, we are mindful of the presence of God around us. Pierre put the ring on Lula's finger and repeat after me. I, Pierre, take you, Lula, to be my wife,"
"I, Pierre take you, Lula, to be my wife," he said softly in his deep rich voice.
The reverend continued, "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, or for poorer."
"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, or for poorer," Tank repeated keeping his eyes on Lula's.
Reverend Burns continued, "In sickness, and in health, to love and to honor and to cherish unconditionally."
"Tank smiled, "in sickness, and in health, to love and to honor and to cherish unconditionally."
The reverend's face broke into a grin, "Forsaking all others, I will be faithful to you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
"Forsaking all other," Tank grinned, "I will be faithful to you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
Lula laughed.
The reverend laughed with her, "with this ring, I thee wed."
"With this ring, I thee wed," Tank said and slid the ring on Lula's hand.
He smiled Lula, "Lula put the ring on Pierre's finger and repeat after me. I, Lula, take you, Pierre, to be my husband,"
"I, Lula take you, Pierre, to be my husband," she said and she almost sang the words with her joy.
The reverend continued, "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, or for poorer."
"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, or for poorer," she grinned at Tank.
Reverend Burns continued, "In sickness, and in health, to love and to honor and to cherish unconditionally."
She sighed, "In sickness, and in health, to love and to honor and to cherish unconditionally."
The reverend's face broke into a grin, "Forsaking all others, I will be faithful to you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
"Forsaking all other," Lula laughed, "I will be faithful to you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
The reverend smiled, "with this ring, I thee wed."
"With this ring, I thee wed," Lula said and slid the ring on Tank's hand.
Throughout their vows my eyes had continually strayed to Rangers and every time they did, his eyes were on mine. It was nerve racking and yet it was somehow so very comforting. It was familiar but yet there was something so different about the memories that swam just beneath the surface of my conscious being. I'd been here before. It had been different.
"This is a favorite poem of Pierre and Lula's and we're sharing it with you today. "It is
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,
when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need,
by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use In my old grief's,
and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,
-I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!-
and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
The reverend turned back to Tank and Lula, "Lula and Pierreas the two of you have joined this marriage uniting as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals, that you respect the thoughts, ideas and suggestions of one another. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together - as from this day forward you shall be each other's home, comfort and refuge, your marriage strengthened by your love and respect."
He paused, "let us pray. Oh Lord, our hearts are filled with great happiness on this wedding day. They come before You pledging their hearts and lives to one another. Grant that they may be ever true and loving; living together is such a way as to bring happiness to the marriage. Temper their hearts with kindness and understanding; rid them of all pretense of jealousy. Help them to remember to be each other's sweetheart, helpmate, friend and guide, so that together they may meet the cares and problems of life more bravely. And with the passage of time, may the home they are creating today, truly be a place of love and harmony, where your spirit is ever present. Bless this union we pray, and walk beside Pierre and Lula throughout all their lives together. AMEN"
A hearty Amen echoed over the sand.
The reverend grinned happily, "Pierre and Lula, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, the giving of these rings and the joining of your hands, I now declare you to be husband and wife."
He smiled, "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance unto you, and give you peace. Congratulations, Pierre you may kiss your bride!"
Tank leaned in and kissed Lula heartily and they laughed together holding onto each other for dear life. It had been some adventure getting to this day. They realized it and celebrated it.
"The reverend grinned, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Pierre Jean Luc Thibodaux."
Lula and Tank went up the aisle stopping to get their parents on the way. Ranger walked to me and offered his arm. I slipped my hand into the crook and we followed behind them giving them plenty of space. I forced myself to smile at everyone as we went by. Only Natalie…and probably Cal by now knew how much this had hurt. I would do my level best to make sure it stayed that way.
I was pulled into Tank's arms the moment we got to the top of the steps. "Oh baby girl, this could have never happened without you. Thank you for everything."
"The pleasure was mine," I assured him. "I love you. Be happy."
"We will," he said and kissed my cheek before wrapping Ranger in a bear hug.
Moments of happiness passed as I moved from person to person hugging and being hugged, sharing their joy and sharing my own with them. Then I was back to Ranger and we were walking up the path to the hotel and the reception far behind everyone else.
"Are you all right," he said softly.
"It's just hard."
"I think…I think I remember some of it."
"Me too," I sighed.
"It wasn't like this."
"No," I said tiredly, "it wasn't."
"Let's try not to think about it tonight. We have a long time to figure out what to do next."
"I know," I smiled. "I'm doing my best."
"I know," he said and bent to kiss my head. "It will be okay Babe. It may take a while, but it will be okay."
"Sure," I said and managed somehow to smile and swallow over the lump in my throat. We entered the reception hall and the noise and laughter pulled us in and in the joy I felt for Tank and Lula, I did put my own troubles in the back of my mind. I did do it. I had to.