It was after midnight by the time we boarded the ship. We were due to leave port at about 5AM and we were expected aboard ship by 2AM at the latest. We made it with time to spare. I stood in the shower exhausted and let the water run over me. I had last been in the shower almost 20 hours ago and it seemed like forever. It was an eleven night cruise. That's all it was, eleven nights and a lot had changed in so little time. And many parts of it were almost unbearable to think about. I'd been married for more than 24 hours and there had been no congratulations…that I could remember. There had certainly been no feelings of eternal love and commitment. The whole thing was the complete opposite of what Tank and Lula had experienced and what I'd experienced wit them. It was soul destroying.

I had to give it to him though; Ranger had been sweet about it. I mean once he woke up and acknowledged it he'd been great. Well, once he'd confirmed it with whomever he'd confirmed it with. He handled it pretty well. I suppose I must have looked pretty hysterical standing there dripping over him. He really had to maintain. One of us had to. In any case he had to know that it took both of us to get married and therefore it wasn't me railroading him, it was a mutual if misguided decision. Inside of me I knew it wasn't a good idea. We hadn't gone into the marriage committed to making it work. We hadn't gotten marriage counseling and we had both been married before. And we'd both been divorced, even if my marriage hadn't existed in the eyes of the church it was still a legal divorce in the state of New Jersey.

No, we hadn't gone into it for the right reasons. I'm not even sure either of us knew what the right reasons were at the time we got married. I'm not sure either of us knew we were getting married. All I had was snippets of drunken memory. No, it wasn't for the right reason. I don't think drunk does now or has ever qualified as the right reason. Therefore we weren't going to make it work no matter how much I wanted that to happen. I wanted marriage and kids and he wanted freedom and an occasionally conscience free roll in the hay. He couldn't give me the former and I couldn't give him the latter…at least without being drunk apparently. And even then there were repercussions, weren't there. It wasn't going to work.

I turned the water off and reached for a towel blindly to have it placed in my hand. "Ranger," I blinked.

"Yea," he said quietly.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to talk to you."

"Now," I blinked as I dried my face. "It's after two am and I'm pretty tired, aren't you?"

"Yea, but we need to get some of this said."

"Now," I sighed.

"Now is as good a time as any."

"Okay," I said quickly drying off and wrapping the towel around me before stepping out of the shower, "talk."

"Have you told anyone?"

"Natalie," I whispered. "She could tell something was wrong and…"

"That's fine. She probably told Cal."

"Yea," I agreed.

"And is that it?"

I nodded.

"Not Tank or Lula," he asked.

"No way," I shook my head adamantly. "They needed to be happy today and only happy about their wedding and not worried about us or what…well, you know."

"All right, are you going to tell them?"

"I don't know," I sighed and headed for the closet to get my pajamas. I closed the door and changed and exited with a towel around my head. "It feels dishonest not to, but there's no point in getting everyone involved in our drama."

"Right," he frowned thoughtfully, "but its Tank and Lula. He's my best friend and my business partner and I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep this information from him. I mean, you know from a business point of view."

"Why does it matter from a business point of view?"

"You know…you're my wife, you are entitled to a share of my assets."

"I'm not interested in your assets Ranger," I said tiredly.

"I just don't feel right not telling him, especially if it comes out later and…"

"Right," I sighed. "Then it would be…"

"Wrong," he nodded.

"Wrong," I agreed.

"I don't think it will be easy for us to be extracted from this. We can't do annulment and quite frankly I'm not excited about having another divorce on my resume."

"Oh I'm just thrilled about that part," I rolled my eyes. "My mother will be so proud."

"Yea…and there's that," he sighed. "We have to keep this quiet Stephanie."

"I wasn't planning on putting an ad in the paper," I said shaking my head.

"Yea…well, there are other things like your name."

"I wasn't planning on changing my name," I raised a brow.

"I'm looking at our marriage certificate and it appears that you already did. You signed the second part as Stephanie P. Manoso."

"Oh Jesus," I groaned. "I knew all those years of etiquette classes my mother forced on me would come to no good."

He smiled, "we just…we have time to figure this out."

"Do we," I raised a brow.

"Sure…there's no hurry. You're not dating anyone."

"Thanks for the reminder," I sighed.

"I'm not dating anyone."

"This whole being married thing could put a damper on your social life," I pointed out.

"Babe," he shook his head.

"I'm just saying," I climbed into the bed and sighed. "Most women…aside from Joyce 'the whore from Babylon' Barnhardt wouldn't go for a married man. Well…they might go for you anyway. You're hot."

"Thanks," he sighed. "But I don't really have a social life. I have work."

"I've noticed that business and pleasure seem to mix for you," I reminded him.

"Only when you're involved," he said.

"Right, that's convenient since I'm the one you married and all," I sank down tiredly. "What about this cruise?"

"This cruise was social," he agreed, "mostly."

"Mostly," I nodded. "I mean except for the whole murder thing."

"And the unexpected marriage," he said gently.

"Yea…there's that," I said sadly. I rolled away from him.

"Babe," he sighed.

"Look," I rolled to face him. "It's fine. We'll keep it under wraps and get the…er…you know, the divorce and then we'll just pretend it never happened. I can do that," I blinked back the tears. "I can. You'll see."

He climbed into bed with me and pulled me into his arms. "Just…don't think about it."

"Right," I sniffed.

"Babe…it's not the end of the world you know. There are some women who wouldn't mind being married to me."

I turned to glare at him, "you don't really think that's the problem, do you?"

He stared at me for a second, "no."

"Just…let it go Ranger," I turned away and nestled down in the covers. "We have an agreement. We'll get the divorce. Nobody will have to know. Nothing will change. It'll all be honky dory. We'll go back to what we were…whatever the hell that was and things will be just fine."

"Yea…they'll be fine," he sighed and reached for the remote and flicked the lights off. "I feel better already," he said tightly.

"Yea me too," I whispered and closed my eyes to the tears.

When I woke up the next day I could feel the movement of the ship and I could feel Ranger's body against my back. His arm was over mine and his hand held mine. His breath was warm on my neck.

I sighed. If only! If only! This could be the rest of my life. I wanted to stay there, but quickly decided that the only person I'd be torturing was me so I gently slid out from under him and got dressed and left the cabin.

To my surprise, even though it was almost noon, the ship was quiet. There was almost nobody on deck and those that were had found quiet corners to have a cuddly conversation with their special someone. Tank and Lula's nuptials had a very romantic effect on the passengers of the ship.

I climbed higher and higher until I got to the top level of the ship. From there all I could see was endless sea and blue sky. The appeal of the view, I admit, was lost on me. There were people who lived for such things, but to me it was a bit boring. It was the same old thing and actually far less interesting than any street in Trenton including Roosevelt where I'd grown up and where my parents lived for at least a little while longer. I suppose though, it was peaceful and that held a certain attraction especially on a day like today when I needed to be alone and peaceful more than most. So there I stood gazing at the endless expanse trying to come to terms with all that the great dealer in the sky had dealt me of late and again, I had that urge to just escape from all of it. But I knew…I wouldn't go. If I went I'd risk the few moments in time that I had being Stephanie Manoso. I wouldn't do that. Even though it would be short lived, for a few moments in time I would be able to live that dream, at least a small part of it.

Again, I felt him before I saw him and it aggravated me. It bothered me that Tank knew Lula was 'the one' because of such a feeling and Ranger wouldn't admit it even though I knew he got the same feeling when I was near that I got when he was there. Moments later, he was there beside me at the rail leaning over and intently studying that same eternal expanse of blue water.

"You're not thinking of throwing yourself overboard are you," he said with a slight smile.

"Umm," I said thoughtfully, "and miss a few months of being able to nag you like a wife? I don't think so pal."

"I didn't think so. Did you throw some rare diamond overboard that you've had since Titanic?"

"How old do you think I am?"

"Younger than me," he said seriously.

''Right answer," I nodded. "But the answer to that is no as well."

"So you're not suicidal, are you homicidal?"

I grinned, "I didn't kill you last night, so you're probably safe."

"Whew," he sighed.

"What about you? Were you up here feeling all helpless and hopeless planning to fling yourself into the waters below?"

"Nope" he shook his head.

"Dispose of some priceless jewel you've had since the Inquisition," I raised a brow.

"Nope," he again shook his head.

"So you're not suicidal," I said thoughtfully. "Are you homicidal?"

"If I wanted you dead, I'd have killed you long ago…with either my action or my inaction," he said quietly.

"Wow," I shook my head, "that's reassuring."

"I'd never deliberately hurt you Stephanie," he said softly.

"Yea…I know that."

"So I have to wonder how I got us to this place."

"Yea…well, it takes two to tango and two to get married."

"I know but…"

"There's no but," I said quietly.

"Right," he nodded.

"So…we won't cast any blame."

"We're being amazingly calm about this, don't you think?"

"Yea," I grinned. "I figured you'd stay calm until I told you that since we were married you might as well go on and knock me up. I believe you're aware of the fact that my biological clock is screaming at me hysterically."

He turned and studied me, "I think I already made you that offer."

I blinked, "you know I meant having babies, right?"

"I know. I already offered to get you pregnant. I'm surprised you've forgotten."

"I haven't forgotten," I said quietly. "That was before we were married Ranger. If you get me pregnant now, people will have expectations. Besides…I don't need a baby daddy. I want my kids to have a father."

"I'd be their father. And you'd be well cared for."

"Oh jeez," I groaned. "I don't want your money Ranger."

"The kids might," he said with a smile.

"You know…just forget we had this conversation."

"You don't want me to father your children," he raised a brow.

"It doesn't work like that," I hissed and straightened and strode away. "And I'm really tired of discussing your assets."

"I didn't mean it like that," he growled.

"Well, I'm fragile and that's how it sounds to me," I called back as I marched.

He grabbed my arm, "Babe, I know this is hard on you and I know why. Please be patient with me. I'm confused. I'm going to screw things up."

"We already screwed it up," I said quietly.

"You know nobody said life was easy. There just aren't that many happy ever afters. People get married. They have kids. They get divorced. The kids are shuffled from one house to the other and life isn't easy. I'm sorry. But this is the real world."

"Believe me Ranger; I am more than a little bit aware of what the real world is. I get it. I know that life isn't easy or fair. Give me just a little bit of credit. Yea…it's hard. Yea…you know why. And guess what, that doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. So excuse me if I don't live by your quiet code of cleaning up the mess and ignoring it till it goes completely away. I'll be busy with my therapist working on my feelings. You, of course, will ignore yours." I pulled my arm from his grasp and strode away.

I knew things had gone too easily. I knew it. Things couldn't stay as they were. I needed to think about my options.