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Chapter 4

Her plan was originally to ice Steve out to show him that she had no interest in him like that but it would be mean and that way she couldn't look after him and she had to put something into the weekly reports for Fury (she was already leaving so much out). She still could tell him that she had bad experiences with guys ( that was unfortunately not a complete lie) and asked him just to be friends. Maybe he would be hurt but she knew that he would understand it. But the truth was that she didn't want to do any of that. She had liked the date very much and she wanted to repeat it. It felt so great to go out with a good guy like him even though his affection was for Natalie and not her. She knew it was selfish and wrong but Fury never specifically told her not to date him and Natalie apparently made Steve happy so she kinda had to do it, right? She knew she was just fooling herself but her desire to date a nice boy like him got stronger and stronger. She wanted the real relationship experience and Natasha was too fucked up for that but Natalie wasn't. Natalie could be everything Natasha could never be. And besides wasn't it better if Steve went out with her and not some crazy fan who'd sell their relationship to the tabloids? She looked in the mirror and shook her head. She couldn't go on dates with him, it wasn't fair to him and she didn't want to hurt him.

Steve called her to ask if she was free tonight to go to an outdoor-cinema. She wanted to say yes but she told him that she already had plans with a co-worker. Of course Steve understood and wished her a nice evening. Ugh, why did he have to be like this? To make sure that she didn't completely lie to him she dropped by Clint's place to play Mario Kart. She almost told him about her dilemma but decided against it. She didn't want to bring him into an awkward position with Fury. And Steve. She saw how Clint noticed that something was off with her but he didn't ask because she knew that she didn't want to talk about it.

She looked for the nearest shooting range and went there the next day to keep her mind of Steve. It worked for about thirty minutes until a guy with a Captain America shirt walked in. Did they seriously sell this stuff? Did Steve know about this? Did SHIELD? She glared at the guy when she walked passed by him and drove home. Steve's apartment door was open and her body tensed. Did someone break in? She didn't have time to get to her weapon arsenal but she had a few Widow bites in her purse. She got one out and walked closer. She could hear Jazz music coming from his place which confused her but it could still mean that Steve was in danger. She stepped into the apartment and saw Steve through the hallway in his living room standing in front of an easel. And now she could smell paint, he had opened the door to let some air in. She quickly put the Widow bite back in her purse.

"You got an open day?"

He looked up and smiled. "Ha, no. The fumes are a bit too much, even for my lungs." He put the brush down. "Hi. It's good to see you."

"You too." And she meant it. He cleaned his hands and walked over to her. He looked like wanted to kiss her but his courage left him. She smiled and leaned up to kiss him. In her sneakers, she was so much smaller than him and she was thankful that she was a trained ballerina and could stand on the tip of her toes. There was still a height difference but he leaned down to close the space between them. It was a short and sweet kiss and she liked it so much that she pulled him back against her lips when he tried to break the kiss. He chuckled lightly and kissed her longer this time.

"Hi." He said again with a smile.

"Hi." She smiled back. "What are you painting?" She walked around him so she could take a look at his canvas. It was her looking at the river from the day of their bike tour. "Wow!"

"You like it?"

"Yes, it's amazing. You really are great at this." She complimented him and he blushed a little bit. And then she remembered something. "And thank you for the drawing you did. You know the one from your birthday..."

He slid his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her temple. "You're welcome. And I really enjoy drawing you. You are so beautiful."

She wondered if he would still think that if he found out the truth. She was not only lying to him but she was also a murderer and seductress. "Thank you."

"Do you wanna try it?" He let go of her and changed the canvas. "C'mon, try it."

"I can't draw. Like at all." She really couldn't and even Steve had to admit it after her pathetic attempt at painting him. She may would have been embarrassed if Steve hadn't kissed her until her knees got weak and then let her take him to a small Cambodian restaurant. She wondered if this what being in a normal relationship felt like. Kissing, teasing each other and laughing together. If it was then she had clearly missed out in the last years. Her "relationships" had been mostly physical and with guys who were as messed up as she was. But not Steve. Yes, he had his problems and PTSD but he was such a positive guy. The way he saw the world and the people in it was one of the things she liked most about him. She drove them home and they went to Steve's apartment to watch the Breakfast Club but ended up making out on his couch. Kissing Steve was her new favorite thing and she wanted to do it all day.

He was nibbling along her neck. "I could do this all day." He whispered against her skin.

She chuckled. "I was just thinking the same thing."

He looked up at her and pressed his lips against the corner of her mouth. "I have to leave for a job tomorrow. I don't know how long I will be gone. I'm sorry."

"Oh." She tried to ignore how much she disliked not seeing (and kissing) him for an unknown amount of time. And she was worried that something could happen to him. "Okay."

He sat up and pulled her with him. "I'd rather stay here with you though."

She hadn't thought about something happening to him before when he left for a mission but now there was this nagging feeling. "Be careful."

He ran his fingers down her arms. "I will, I promise."

She stayed in his arms while they watched a few episodes of FRIENDS and he walked her to her door even though it was only ten feet away from his own. "I'll miss you, Nat."

"I...I'll miss you, too." She wasn't so sure if she only said it because she thought it was something that he wanted to her. "Be safe."

He kissed her softly. "You, too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "See you soon."

She nodded and walked into her apartment. Barton better watched out for Steve or she would kick his ass from her to China!

She realized that she got sloppy when Clint sent her a text asking her if she knew who left the hickey on Steve's collarbone that he spotted in the changing room. Why wasn't it gone yet? She only left it there because she thought it would vanish in a few hours because of his serum. She answered that she had no idea and cursed herself. She clearly couldn't be held responsible for her actions when Steve was around.

Natasha emailed Fury her report (with lots of gaps since she obviously left the painting and kissing part out) and three hours later came his reply complaining that she didn't spend enough time with him to find out if he had contact to people who could be hostile. She rolled her eyes and closed her laptop.

Steve came back four days later and immediately came to her when he got home. She had already heard his bike through her open window and was waiting for him in the hallway. She had missed his presence and it surprised her. She never missed Clint when they didn't see each other, she was glad when she saw him again but she never truly missed him. She was confused by it and stopped thinking about it when Steve walked up the stairs with a big smile on his face when he saw her.

"I could get used to this welcoming committee." He grinned and dropped his duffel bag and shield to the floor.

She rolled her eyes at him but jumped in his waiting arms. "Welcome home." She whispered and kissed him. He lifted her up and kissed her eagerly back. She couldn't stop the sigh that left her lips between kisses. Kissing him was truly her favorite thing in the world now.

He gently set her back on the floor. "I missed you."

She ignored the lump in her throat. "I'm glad you're back."

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "Have you eaten lunch yet?"

She shook her head and they ordered pizza and ate it on her couch. Steve was tired from his mission and they continued their FRIENDS watch and traded lazy kisses. She didn't know it before but she really liked this whole dating thing. Just sitting on a couch and kissing a handsome guy was really nice. She never thought it was something she wanted but now that she had it, she had to make sure that her mission lasted as long as possible. They fell asleep on the couch and she later told him that she had a night shift at the hospital because she couldn't stay at home all day without him wondering why she wasn't working. Since he had the next day off he offered to drive her to the hospital and to pick her up after her shift and she slightly panicked but then came up with the excuse that she didn't want her colleagues to know that she knew Captain America. He seemed a bit disappointed but of course he understood her. She spent the night at her real apartment going through the mail from her PO box. When she returned the next morning, she ran into Steve when he was about to leave for his morning run.

"Hey!" He smiled fondly at her and gave her a short kiss. "How was work?"

"Good, I'm a bit tired." She didn't sleep much last night going through her mail and webs online.

He pointed at her bag. "Want me to carry that for you?"

She shook her head. "No, thanks. It's not heavy, don't worry" She kissed him and this time the kiss lasted longer. Did he had to go on his morning run? Steve's tongue was already licking over her lips when someone coughed behind them. They pulled apart and one of the old tenants was standing in the hallway and they were blocking her way.

"Um, sorry. Mrs. Carlson." Steve blushed and she was a bit embarrassed as well and slightly alarmed. Mrs. Carlson was their first witness.

She laughed. "Never apologize for a kiss like that. I'm sorry I interrupted you but I have to get to my swimming class." They moved to the side so she could pass them. "Nice boy you caught there, Natalie!" She winked and walked outside.

Steve was looking at her lips. "Um, Sam's waiting and you should get some sleep."

"Right." But that didn't stop them from making out for another few minutes this time without any neighbors walking in.

She just changed into a top and sleeping shorts and was about to slip into her bed when her phone rang. She checked the screen and it was Clint.

"I was just about to go to bed." She sighed when she answered her phone. "Can't you bother Morse?"

"She's got a hate thing going with that Hunter guy at the moment. And besides I need to talk to you."

That got her attention. "Everything okay?"

"You tell me." Clint sighed. "Natasha, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly, okay?"

"Yes, I think Bobbi can do better than you." She joked.

"Haha, very funny!" He replied dryly. "Did you leave that hickey on Cap's collarbone?"

"What? No! What makes you even think that?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it and I know no one at SHIELD gave him that hickey and you said yourself that there's no one else so that only leaves you."

"It wasn't me. I don't know where he is when he's not at his place. Do you really think he would tell his neighbor if he's seeing someone?"

"I guess, you're right. Sorry. I know you're smarter than that. Okay, get some sleep. Bye, Tasha!"

She stared at the phone in her hands. This was the first time since she and Clint were friends that she actively lied to him. I know you're smarter than that. She really wasn't. All she could think about when she was with Steve was how great kissing him was and how his fingers lightly brushing over her skin sent shivers down her spine. That she couldn't get enough of the way he looked at her. She felt like she could be the person with him that she would have been if the Red Room never happened. Natalie could be the woman Natalia always wanted to be.

She was still thinking about her phone call with Clint when she woke up and got ready for the day. Like every day she checked if her roots were visible but she didn't have to dye them yet. She changed into a simple shirt and jeans shorts and put her hair in a bun. She was typing her weekly report to Fury when Steve came over. She quickly closed her laptop and let him in.

"Hey." He gave her a short kiss as a greeting. "I got us hamburgers and fries, you hungry?"

"Yes."

She asked him after lunch to move her palm tree from her bedroom to her living room so it could get more sun. He had a funny look on his face when he carried it into her living room.

"Nat? Why do you have the drawing for your dad in your bedroom? Wasn't his birthday like two months ago? Did he not like it?"

"Um..." Should she say that she wanted to keep it for herself? No, she would tell him as much as possible without blowing her cover. She had lied enough to him already. "I don't have a dad."

He almost dropped the palm tree. "What?"

"I lied, I'm sorry. I wanted you to draw me but I thought it would be weird so I made that up. I don't have a father. Or a mother. I grew up in the system." That was as close to the truth as possible. "I should have told you that sooner. I'm sorry."

He put the tree down and joined her on the couch. "You could have told me the truth, I would have drawn you." He gave her a sheepish smile. "You're my favorite thing to draw. Even back then."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Did you live in a foster family?"

She shook her head. "No, not really. And I don't like to talk about it. My childhood was pretty...rough." That had to be the understatement of the century.

He wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her against his chest. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you're not alone anymore. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

Until you find out the truth. Her heart jumped a little at the pet name. No one had never called her that before. It was really nice. Steve kissed the top of her head and just held her. He was so good and kind to her and she was lying to him the whole time. She was such an asshole.

Two days later she had to give him another half-truth when he discovered the scar on her stomach. A thunderstorm ruined their plans for a picnic but Steve just put the blanket in his living room and lit up some candles and they had their date at his place. Pretty soon they forgot about the food and made out on the blanket. Steve the gentleman even placed a pillow under her head before crawling on top of her. She had been wondering for some time now when or if they would have sex. She knew that she shouldn't sleep with him because then she would cross the final line but she really, really wanted to. So far he made no sign that he wanted to take things further than furiously making out even though she could feel against her thigh how turned on he was. But this time he slipped his hand under her shirt and she thought that maybe today was the day they would have sex but he stopped kissing and biting her neck when his fingers brushed over her scar. It was such a part of her now that she completely forgot about it.

He sat up and she leaned on her elbows to watch him. He was heavy breathing and the blue of his eyes was almost gone but he also looked really worried. "What is this?" He pushed her shirt up to look at her scar. "Who did this to you?" He growled. Of course he would know it was from a bullet and she could forget the idea to say it was from an appendix surgery.

Fuck, what was she supposed to say? I was protecting an engineer and the Winter Soldier got to us in Odessa and shot me? Yeah, she didn't think that would go very well. "I told you my past is bad."

"Oh, Natalie!" He pulled her shirt back down and laid down besides her. "I had no idea!" He stroked the side of her face with his warm hand. "Is the person who did this to you in jail?"

She had no doubt that Steve would look for the shooter if she said that he wasn't. "Yes, he is. Don't worry." She pressed a kiss to his nose.

"Was he...Is he your ex?"

"No. Nothing like that. Is it okay if we stop talking about it?"

"Of course" He kissed her softly. "I want you to know that you don't have to worry anymore. I will look out for you. I will protect you, Natalie. I will make sure no one will ever hurt you again."

She didn't know if she wanted to laugh or to cry.