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Warning for strong sexual content

Chapter 8

She was still staring at the open door Steve stormed out a minute ago. What was she supposed to do? God, what had she done? She should have told him right from the start who she truly was. She should have told him the truth when she realized that she was falling in love with him. How could she lie to the man she loved for so long? What was wrong with her? How could she enjoy every kiss and every touch from him when he didn't even know her real name? He didn't know he had shared the bed with a killer.

Fury seemed to collect himself and told her that he would still send her and STRIKE to Europe to track down Karpov and to take him out before he could revive the Red Room and gain power in Russia. Putin didn't want a rival to his power and would ignore the assassination of his fellow countryman. Fury appeared to have decided to ignore for now what he just witnessed but judging by the way he looked at her he would have a word with her later. Would he fire her? Would she get thrown into the Fridge? Did it even matter what happened to her after the mission? Steve wouldn't be part of her life no matter what Fury decided to do to her.

STRIKE was already in the quinjet when she arrived at the hangar after getting her new catsuit and gear from the armory. Karpov was rumored to be in Paris to visit the ballet and she was supposed to go there looking for him. STRIKE would be there as back up. To her surprise Steve was also in the jet but didn't look or talk to her. He was in the cockpit and had apparently already given his team their orders. Clint gave her a sympathetic look while checking his bow.

"Romanoff!" Rumlow greeted her with a big smile. "So good to have you back. Looking hot with that blonde hair! Is it true that blondes have more fun?"

"Fuck off!" She glared at him and considered to go to Steve but this was not the right time. She didn't want STRIKE to witness this. She said down in her seat and counted the minutes until they would land in Paris. Was she single now? The scene in Fury's office could probably count as a break up. She didn't want to be single again, she wanted to be his girlfriend!

A Dior gown was already waiting for her in her hotel room and she got ready to for the ballet. STRIKE would be hiding in the shadows and Clint would be at the opera as well. Steve never directly talked to her when he gave orders over the comms and she wasn't really surprised. The Ballet de l'Opéra de Paris performed Swan Lake and she was reminded how Steve had promised to take her to see the Nutcracker on Christmas. It was only November but they had already been planning their first Christmas together. She had been searching for the perfect gift for him and she wanted to cook for him. Not that any of that would happen now. She searched the audience with her opera glasses and spotted Karpov with a group of wealthy people in one of the boxes. She figured that he was looking for investors and promised them power in return. They couldn't kill him tonight, they needed to find out how far his plans already got and who was involved. If memory served right she recognized some of Karpov's friends as terrorists who wanted to overthrow the government of their countries.

"He already made some new friends." She whispered into the comms.

"Yeah." Clint's reply came immediately. "I can see them, too. Cap? I'll plant the bug on him since he'll probably recognize Tasha."

"Copy that." Steve growled and the line went dead again. After the performance Clint bugged Karpov and she went after his friends to do the same. They had to assume that he already built a circle and they had to make sure to get everyone. They would stay in Paris until Karpov made a move and would follow him.

She went to the hotel bar after they got back and drowned her sorrow in martinis. She didn't get drunk since she was on the clock and had to be ready at any moment. Rumlow, Rollins and Clint went to the Moulin Rogue and she had no idea where Steve was. She had to find him and talk to him. She would beg him on her knees if necessary. She had to make him believe that she really loved him. With all her heart. And that she was so terribly sorry.

She walked to the elevators to go to his room to see if he was there. Two floors later the elevator doors opened and someone walked in. Steve. He had to have been at the gym judging by his outfit and the sweat on his forehead. He slightly growled when he looked up and saw who was with him in the elevator.

"Steve-"

"Save it." He snapped and stared at the ceiling. "I don't wanna hear anymore lies! Everything that leaves your mouth is a fucking lie!"

"Please, just...just listen to me!" She didn't care how pathetic her voice sounded right now.

"What did I just say?" He growled and suddenly she was pushed against the elevator wall. "Stop lying!" His jaw was tight and he looked at her with rage in his eyes. And with...with desire?

"Steve, I lo-"

"Stop talking!" He pressed his lips on hers in a hard and punishing kiss. He bit and groped her and she realized that he was letting his anger out on her. She didn't care and let him have this. This could be the last time she would ever have him like this and she wanted him. She would always want him. They stumbled to her room and he practically ripped her out of her clothes and left bite marks all over her body and it turned her more on than it should. He fucked her hard and ruthless that night and she let him. She knew that it was wrong and was just making things even more complicated between them but he needed this. She could feel it in the way he was pounding into her and biting her shoulder. He never took her like this before and she was ashamed to admit that she loved it. She screamed and the headboard was banging against the wall because of his hard thrusts. Steve was grunting and biting into her neck when he came. She didn't climax yet but he didn't get soft and just kept fucking her until she came and took him with her over the edge again. She could see it in his eyes when he realized what they had done and quickly pulled out of her and jumped out of bed. He searched for his clothes.

"Steve, please-"

"Shut the fuck up!" He found his briefs and put them on. Next were his pants and shirt.

"Let me explain-" She ran after him when he left the bedroom to look for his sneakers.

"Explain?!" He looked furious. "There's nothing to explain! You fucking lied to me for months! Made me fall for a girl that doesn't even exist! I bet you were laughing behind my back about how stupid I am. When this mission is over I don't ever wanna see you again, you fucking liar! I hate you! You disgust me!"

God, that hurt more than anything the Red Room had ever done to her. "Please, we need to talk about what just happened."

"We fucked, that's what happened. Guess you ended your job with a bang! But don't worry you'll never have to fuck me again!"" He snarled with venom in his voice and left.

She sank to her knees and for the first time in over 20 years she cried until no more tears were left. He hated her. She loved him and he hated her.

Karpov's body was found the next day in the Seine. As it turned out one of the investors was the older brother of a girl that Karpov had kidnapped to turn her into a Black Widow. The girl had died in the first five months and her family was out for his blood. This had to be some bad joke, her relationship with Steve was ruined for good because of this mission and then some guy got to kill Karpov and not her? She was furious but she understood why that man did what he had done. She knew from experience how horrible the Red Room was. She couldn't blame him for killing Karpov when she wanted to do the same. Sitwell called her to pass on Fury's order for her to stay in Paris until she would get contacted again. STRIKE returned to the States and Clint texted her that Steve quit SHIELD right after they landed. She disobeyed Fury's orders and took a regular flight back to DC and got to her actual apartment. A box was in front of her door and she only opened it when she recognized Clint's handwriting.

I got this stuff before SHIELD could swipe your apartment

She looked inside and found Steve's drawings of her and photos of the two of them. She fought back her tears and sent her best friend a thank you. She got the thing she came here for out of her safe and drove to Steve's apartment. She still had his keys and unlocked the door. He wasn't here but the Polaroids of her were ripped apart and scattered over the bedroom floor and it looked like Steve had thrown the Polaroid camera against a wall. This time she did cry. She dropped her file on his coffee table (the real one without any blacked out parts, the one Fury gave her after she proofed her loyalty to SHIELD) and put the letter she had written during her flight to DC and his keys on top of it. She looked around remembering how happy she was in this apartment and then drove back to the airport to return to Paris where Fury was already waiting in her hotel room. Fuck.