"It's all my fault," Percy whispers into the darkness. He's sitting up in the armchair facing the bed, watching Audrey stare at the ceiling, pretending to be sleeping. He's not even sure why he admits it to her; because nobody really knows how guilty he really feels about Fred's death. He really doesn't admit it because it just seems to make the guilt feel heavier on his heart.
Audrey sits up slowly and rests her back against the headboard. Staring at him, she doesn't even have to question what he is talking about because she's heard his screams at night. And she's woken him up from nightmares too many times to count.
"No, it wasn't," she says firmly because there's nothing else she can say. There's nothing she can do but try to assure him that he isn't the cause of his brother's death, that he shouldn't feel guilty. But she knows he'll never believe her, that he could never believe her.
His blue eyes flash dangerously. "For once, I wish people would stop lying to me and tell me the truth," he growls in frustration. Because that's all people can do, tell Percy it isn't his fault. But he knows it is. He's the one that distracted Fred in the middle of the fight. He's the reason that Fred's dead!
Audrey looks at him, her face completely neutral. "It was your fault, Percy. If you wouldn't have distracted him, Fred would still be alive," she tells him, her voice void of emotions. Reading his expression, Audrey knows he wasn't expecting her to tell him that. She lets her words sink in before saying anything else. "Was that what you wanted?"
He nods. "Yes," he answers. His voice cracks as he tries to contain his emotions. But he doesn't try to hide the lone tear that makes a path down his cheek. "It was."
"But it doesn't make you feel any better, does it?" she asks. When Percy shakes his head, she gives him a half-smile.
Audrey crosses the room and crouches in front of him, taking his hands in hers. "Just because you think people should blame you for his death, doesn't mean they do. Because there's nothing either of you could've of done differently that would've saved his life. Everyone knows that," she whispers reassuringly. "But you know, Percy, the guilt you feel, that will never go away. You just have to learn to live with it."
Finally, Percy looks up, meeting her green eyes with his own blue. And Audrey sees the pain and sorrow in his eyes. There's so much self-destruction written in his eyes that they appear to be lifeless and it hurts her heart. "I don't think I can. It's overwhelming and painful. And I don't think I could ever forgive myself."
Audrey doesn't let her eyes stray from his. "Guilt is irrational. I can't even begin to understand why you feel guilty, and I sure as hell can't tell you how you could even start to forgive yourself. That's something you need to figure out on your own. Nobody can help you with that."
"I know," Percy says softly, shifting his gaze away.
"But I can tell you that it'll get better. It gets easier every day," Audrey murmurs. "And, given enough time, it won't hurt anymore. There will be a day where you can think about him and not feel overwhelmingly guilty. But it'll take time, a lot of time."
Percy just nods in agreement. And he really hopes she is right, because this guilt is slowly killing him.
Audrey senses his hesitancy. So she bends down and kisses his hands that she still holds in her own before pulling him toward the bed. Wrapping her arms around his chest, Audrey can only hope that she can chase away Percy's nightmares tonight. Before she can drift off to sleep, she hears, "Thank you." It's then that she realizes just how much Percy needed to hear what she had to say.
A/n – Prompt used: wrapping.
Thanks so much to kci47 who beta'd this for me.
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