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Chapter 12

Natasha contacted every of her Russian contacts offering them favors in exchange for intel on the Winter Soldier. Her old friend Yuri who now lived in Kiev could give her something on Barnes that proved that he had been put in cryo-freeze when he wasn't needed. She didn't really know yet who he worked for. Was he working for the Russians? Or freelancing? No, she didn't think that was the case. Had he gone through something similar to the Red Room? Too bad Karpov was dead. He would have definitely known something if the Russians were behind it. If they knew who Barnes or rather the Winter Soldier worked for finding him would be much easier.

They barely talked to each other. They only spoke if she had new information or discussed if they should follow a trail. Steve had been staying at a hotel in London and she told Fury that she was using all her vacation days to deal with something from her past. It wasn't a complete lie, she did run into the Winter Soldier before. She didn't want to get SHIELD involved. She developed a program searching for Barnes' face on every traffic and surveillance cam around the world and went through the databases of intelligence agencies for sightings of him. She would find him for Steve. She wouldn't stop until she did.

Clint texted her asking if her and Steve made up because apparently he went to Clint to find out where she lived and he assumed it was to get back together. She just told him that she would help him with something and that she couldn't say more. Only she and Steve knew about the Winter Soldier's real identity. Well, maybe he had told Sam about it. Not that they talked about anything besides Barnes.

She heard from a contact that old KGB officials were meeting for some kind of gala in Warsaw and she decided to join them. Not that they would be thrilled to see her but maybe she could get them to talk. She texted Steve to tell him about it and he insisted to come with her. She'd rather had him stay in London but she could use Captain America as back up in case things would go sideways. She hadn't seen him since the day he had showed up at her door asking her for help and that was five days ago and now they would sit in a plane next to each other. She didn't know how she would be able to go through that but she had to. She had to handle the fact that he would be close to her but that she wasn't allowed to touch him or even really talk to him. They hadn't even talked about Yelena and what she did to him. She hadn't even apologized for what they had done to him.

She met Steve at Heathrow and walked with him in silence to their plane. She didn't realize how hard it would be to be with the man she loved in a small pace without really talking and paying extra attention that their hands or arms didn't accidentally touched. She didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable, she knew that he thought she was disgusting. He was only enduring this to save his best friend. God, he was such a good man. He really loved Barnes. She once knew how that felt, even though that love was meant for Natalie.

She booked two rooms for them at a hotel near the mansion where the gala would be and got ready for the event. Steve would stay close by in case things escalated and she needed back up. He had taken his new Captain America suit made by Stark (she could only imagine the hateful talks these two had after finding out they both knew Natalie Rushman) and his shield with him. She'd never seen him suited up and he really looked good in it. Who knew she had an uniform kink? She quickly pushed all thoughts about how sexy Steve looked in his uniform away when he showed up at her door to ask her if she was ready.

"Yeah. I'll let you know if the situation calls for you. But it's better if no one knows that you're here."

He nodded. "Okay." His eyes briefly wandered over her. She had dolled herself up to fit right into the gala. She had put her red hair into a chignon, wore eyeliner and maroon lipstick and was wearing a black full length gown with a slit in case she needed to fight. No one could see it but she was armed to the teeth. It was like he caught himself looking at her and quickly looked into her eyes. "I'll be hiding in the shadows."

He hadn't said her name once since he showed up. Not one version of her name. "Copy that." They checked their channel and she left in a cab to get to the mansion of some oligarch. She really hoped that the gala would go smoothly and she wouldn't need Steve as back up.

A murmur went through the crowd when she entered the ballroom. People were probably surprised that the Black Widow showed up here after switching sides years ago. They considered her a traitor and she probably was one but she didn't feel bad about that betrayal. She only felt bad about betraying Steve. Would she ever stop loving him? Probably not.

A former high ranking General of the KGB was walking towards her with a clenched jaw. "Romanova, what the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

She gave him a sweet smile. "This is an event for former KGB members, isn't it? Last time I checked I fit into that category."

"You cunt betrayed your motherland. Russia gave you everything and you thank her by working for that one-eyed American."

"Russia took everything away from me. My parents, my innocence and humanity. Get your facts straight. But we're here to celebrate, not to dwell on the past." She left him with that and scanned the crowd for people who might be willing to share some intel with her. That fucker definitely wouldn't tell her a thing. She took a glass of champagne and wandered through the hall. Most people threw death glares at her but that didn't bother her. It actually made her feel proud. It just proved that she had done the right thing when Clint offered her to join him and SHIELD.

She spotted Irina Grishina who had hated Madam B and wanted her position and maybe she would talk to Natasha since she was the one who killed Madam B. She went straight for her and Irina greeted her with a grin.

"Irina."

"Natalia. Or Natasha?" Irina looked amused. "They have so many names for you. The Widow. The Russian Traitor. The Slavic Shadow. The Red Death. Even after the Red Room your name is still feared. Well done."

Natasha was aware that Steve could hear every word. "Thank you."

"So what brings you here? It's not the oysters, I take it."

"No, I'm here for intel."

"Of course you are."

"What do you want to know, my child? Maybe I can help you and then you'll owe me."

She didn't want to owe Irina anything. She was just as evil as Madam B had been but maybe she knew something about the Winter Soldier. And she could kill Irina when she wanted to call in that favor. "The Winter Soldier. I have unfinished business with him. He put a bullet in me, I'd like to return the favor."

"Your parents never told you it's not good to hold on grudges."

"You know they didn't."

Irina smirked. "You're sure you can take the Asset on? He might be a number to big for you."

She never heard anyone refer to the Winter Soldier as the Asset. Irina clearly knew something. "Let me be the judge of that."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Irina said but not with much conviction. "I'll tell you what I know. Maybe you actually find him and he kills you. But you probably won't find him and you'll owe me. And I intend to collect."

"Deal."

"I don't know much. Was above my pay grade but I know that he wasn't KGB. He belongs to another agency but we could borrow him from time to time. He's put in cryo, I heard. He's supposed to be really old."

"What agency?"

"Never heard a name. They're in hiding but supposedly everywhere. They have people everywhere."

Could that be true? A secret organization that infiltrated every agency around the globe? Wasn't entirely impossible. Could explain why no one knew really something about the Winter Soldier. Everyone knew the Black Widows had been with the Red Room. "You know anything else?"

"Njet. Told you everything." Irina could be telling the truth or be lying. "Remember that you owe me."

"I'm sure you'll do that for me." She would kill Irina the next time she would see her. She made a few rounds but no one was here that outranked Irina who could have provided more information about Barnes. So now they had to look for an organization that no one knew about. She had check the SHIELD database for any clues. She was about to leave when the drunk General decided to shoot at her and the bullet grazed her arm. She grabbed a silver tray and threw it at him knocking him out. Asshole! People stared at her but didn't decided to shoot at her. She snatched a napkin from a table and pressed it on her wound and left the room.

"I heard a shot. Are you okay? Do you need back up?" Steve was suddenly in her ear.

"No, everything's under control. I meet you at the hotel." She took a cab and Steve was already in front of her hotel room when she arrived.

His gaze fell to her arm. "You're hurt!"

"It's fine." She unlocked her door and after a moment Steve followed her in. "I take it you heard everything."

He nodded. "Yeah. You have any idea what organization she was talking about?"

"No. I'll check the SHIELD servers for it later."

"Okay." He was looking at her arm again and then suddenly grabbing it gently. She felt a jolt of electricity running through her body. It had been so long since he had touched her. "You need me...You need help with that wound?"

That would be a bad idea. She couldn't accept his help when she was secretly lusting after him. He didn't deserve that."No, I got it. Thanks. I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Okay." He looked at her arm again but then turned to leave. "Night."

"Yeah." She nodded and watched him leave. She wanted him to take care of her wound, to feel more of hands on her but it wouldn't have been right to ask for his help. She had no right to do that. She took a shower, patched herself up and sat down with her laptop and searched the SHIELD files on anything that could be about secret organizations.

Natasha had been tempted to contact Fury to ask him if he knew anything about a secret organization since he always claimed to have eyes everywhere but she didn't want to betray Steve again. She found the location of an abandoned base in Austria that SHIELD couldn't assign to any agency. They took the next flight to Vienna and the plane got into turbulence and she unconsciously grabbed Steve's hand when the plane was jolting up and down. She only realized what she was doing after they were out of the storm clouds.

She immediately withdrew her hand. "Oh God, I'm sorry!" What had she been thinking? She couldn't just take his hand!

"Huh?" Steve looked perplexed for a moment. "Right. It's fine. It's okay."

She nodded and kept her hands to herself until they arrived in Vienna. They rented a car and she drove them as close to the base in the Alps as possible. They had the radio on and didn't talk.

"You think there's still someone?" Steve asked when she parked the car because she couldn't drive any further. They had to walk the rest.

"Don't think so. Reclaiming it after SHIELD found it would be stupid. Who knows how long it's abandoned but maybe we'll find clues that get us closer to Barnes."

Steve nodded and they climbed up the mountain until they arrived at the entrance of the base. The base had to be abandoned for years now, it was covered in spider webs, dust and even bats were nesting inside. They flipped their flashlights on and searched every corner. They found a destroyed cyro chamber and some tools that could have been used to fixed Barnes' metal arm.

"They kept him here." Steve concluded after he saw the cryo chamber.

"Yeah." She agreed. "But that could have been years ago. We need to keep looking, maybe we find more."

Steve stared at the chamber but then nodded and they went through the rest of the base and looked outside the base. Even the smallest clue could lead them to Barnes. But they didn't find anything else and made their way down the mountain. Two things happened at the same time, a goat jumped out of a bush and Natasha got startled by it and missed her step and fell down. She would have rolled down the rest of the mountain if Steve hadn't grabbed her wrist and saved her.

"Thank you." She got back on her feet.

"It's fine."

She put weight on her right foot and winched. That hurt a lot. She must have sprained her ankle or something, great. Steve must have seen her pained look. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Let's go." She gritted her teeth and continued to walk down the mountain but she clearly wasn't hiding her limping very well because Steve noticed.

"You're obviously in pain."

"It's fine. Come on, we have to be back at the car before the sun's down." She said and walked away from Steve.

Steve was suddenly right behind her. "It's not fine." His hands were suddenly on the small of her back and under her legs. "You can barely walk. This way we're faster." He swept her off her feet and began to walk. No, no! What was he doing?!

"Let me down!"

"You're in pain."

"Let me down!" She practically yelled in his face. He couldn't carry her. He couldn't be nice to her. It was wrong, he hated her. He shouldn't feel obligated to help her. "Let me down!"

"Jesus!" He put her down and looked angry. "Fine, have it your way!" He stalked away from her and he was already waiting at the car when she arrived. Her ankle was throbbing and she was sweating. Steve snatched the car keys out of her hands and drove them back to the cheap hotel they were staying at. He barked at her to see a doctor and then shut his down behind him. She fought back her tears and injected herself with the pain medication SHIELD provided its agents with and put an ice pack on her ankle.

Irina contacted her with a name she was positive had been working for the organization when they all had been KGB. She barely remembered Ludlow but she knew that the others had been viewing him with distrusts. Maybe because he was a double agent. Ludlow was last seen in Prague and they left immediately for it after Natasha got the intel. After the mountain incident they were barely speaking to each other. She almost preferred it that way.

She tracked down Ludlow's house in a suburb of Prague and they took the subway to get there. They agreed to pay him a visit when it was dark outside in case things would escalate. They both left their suits at the hotel room and her stomach was already knotted in twists just thinking about the fact that they had to share a room because all hotels were booked due to some festival in the city. She tried everything but she couldn't find a hotel with two available rooms. Poor Steve being forced to stay with her in one room. He was probably happy about every second he didn't have to see her face.

Ludlow was protected by his own security team but they managed to take them out. This was the first time she saw Steve in action and Clint had been right. He really was amazing in the field. She was so taken by his fighting that she was distracted and one goon managed to get her with his knife. He gave her a long and deep cut on her thigh before she killed him. She was thankful that she was wearing black jeans and Steve couldn't see her blood. She didn't want him to yell at her again. Ludlow was hiding in his bedroom when they came for him. He tried to look brave but she could see the fear in his eyes.

"What are you doing here, Romanova?"

"Looking for answers!" She grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the wall. "Tell us everything about the Winter Soldier!"

"Why's he here?" Ludlow's gaze fell on Steve behind her. "You figured out who he is? You wanna save him? It won't work! He's ours!"

Steve pushed her out of the way to get to Ludlow. "What did you do to him?" He snarled and put his arm on Ludlow's throat. "Where is he?"

"I'll never tell you! Maybe they'll send him after you to kill you. You've always been our greatest enemy."

What did Ludlow have to do with Captain America? She saw a letter opener, grabbed it and rammed it into Ludlow's waist. "Answer him!"

"He's been with us all this time!" He yelled out in pain. "He doesn't remember you. He never will. He's loyal to us. We are the reason he even survived that fall! He would have dropped dead to the ground without us!"

"What?" Steve sounded confused. "What are you talking about? Dropped dead without you?"

Steve wanted to ask more but Ludlow suddenly had a gun in his hand that he must have hidden on his body and was about to shoot Steve. She was still standing next to them and rammed her letter opener through Ludlow's ear killing him before he could pull the trigger.

"Hail HYDRA." He whispered before he sank dead to the ground. What? Had she heard right? HYDRA was gone. Steve gave his life to stop them.

Steve was staring at Ludlow's body and then looked at her. "You just saved my life."

She just nodded at him unsure what to respond to that. "Did you hear what he said?"

"Yeah. HYDRA experimented on Bucky after they captured his unit. They must have done something to him..." He looked at her with wide eyes. "Is HYDRA still around? After all this time?"

"I don't know. We can't rule it out. Would fit the whole secret organization thing."

"I thought I stopped them-" His gaze fell from Ludlow to her feet. Why was he staring at her feet? Didn't he like her boots? "Why are you standing in a puddle of blood?"

"Huh?" She looked down completely forgetting that she was hurt. "Some guy cut me with his butter knife when we made our way in. It's fine. I'll stitch it up at the hotel."

He clenched his jar but didn't say anything. She grabbed a sheet, ripped it apart and used some of it as a bandage for her thigh. With some stitches and the serum in her veins the wound should be gone in a few days. They took the subway back to their hotel and Natasha immediately got the first aid kit out and walked into the small bathroom when they got back.

She only noticed that Steve had followed her when he was suddenly lifting her on the sink cabinet and cut her jeans open. She was so perplexed by it that she forgot to push him away. He was already cleaning the cut when she found her voice again.

"Don't. I can patch myself up. I've done it plenty of times." She hissed when the alcohol ran into her wound. "You don't have to do this. Get some sleep."

"You saved my life." He looked up at her and she lost herself in his beautiful eyes. "You saved my life. Again. Let me do this."

"Again?"

He was piercing the needle through her skin. "New York. You came and got me out of there." He said softly and stitched her up.

"It was my fault they took you. Of course I came."

Steve gave her the ghost of a smile and her heart was hammering in her chest. It was all suddenly too much for her. His hands on her skin, his small smile, him being so close to her. She had to get out of here before she did something stupid. Something he definitely didn't want her to do. Steve was done stitching her up but his fingers were still on her thigh and brushing around the wound. That and the smell of him made her ache between her legs. She wanted him. God, this was so wrong of her! His fingers moved to the inside of her thigh and she closed her eyes. It felt so good to be touched by him. He was looking at her through half-lidded eyes when she opened her own. His gaze fell on her lips and she wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to rip the rest of her pants apart and take her right here on that sink cabinet. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and that she always would. But he didn't love her, he hated her. He was just patching her up because he was a nice person and the adrenaline in his body made him think that he wanted her. She pushed him away and jumped of the cabinet ignoring the pain in her thigh and the throb between her legs.

"Thank you for patching me up." She walked into the hotel room and was reminded that there was only one bed. The universe was really fucking her over! She grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the bed and put it on the floor. She used Steve's absence to change into a tank top and leggings and laid down on the floor and pulled the blanket over her. Steve came out of the bathroom but she didn't see him because she had her back to him.

"What are you doing?"

"What?"

"Why are you sleeping on the floor? You can take the bed."

She shook her head. "No, you should have it."

"Natasha." He sighed and a shiver ran down her spine. He'd never said her real name before. Hell, he hadn't even used her last name since he showed up in London."You can sleep in the bed." He paused. "With me. It's big enough."

"No. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Steve. It's already worse enough for you that have to do this with me. I know that." She whispered and pulled her blanket over her shoulder.

"Natasha." He pulled her blanket away and made her sit up. She was confused, what was he doing? "I read your file. And your letter. More than once. God, I think I can quote it by now. You came for me, Natasha." He pushed the strap of her tank top down and stroked the scar that Rumlow's bullet left on her. "You got this to save me. I got a visit from Fury's wife." He chuckled lightly. "Didn't even know he had a wife. Nice lady, a bit bossy." He met LaTanya? But what was he doing? "Sleep in the bed with me." He pushed the other strap of her tank top down and her chest was exposed. "Sleep with me, Natasha."

Her whole body was on fire and she was sure that she would combust any minute now. "Are you sure? We should talk-"

"We can talk later. I need you right now." He whispered and kissed her and she melted in his arms. Everything was a blur from that moment on. Clothes were thrown across the room, he lifted her from the floor onto the bed and kissed her deeply and sucked his way to her breasts. She was confused, she didn't know what it all meant. She should stay away from him, she had to to keep him safe. Didn't he hate her? But the way he was kissing and touching her felt so good. No, they couldn't do this. But every doubt was forgotten the moment he pushed into her causing her to arch her back off the mattress. She couldn't think about anything else except Steve and how perfect he felt inside her.

"Natasha." He whispered against her lips and began to thrust into her and she was completely gone moaning his name overwhelmed with her feelings for him.