Chapter Fourteen: You Don't Get It
(Saturday)
We pull into the bar's parking lot, at exactly nine o'clock, leaving us plenty of time to get through the line and get inside before The Flock performs.
Tonight it's just my mom and I; Angel and Nudge decided not to come because they have a history paper due on Monday and I insisted that Ella go hang out with Caden, since she spent all yesterday with us. But I'm actually glad that it's just the two of us.
I really wanted to spend some alone time with my mom before she leaves tomorrow.
It doesn't take long for us to get inside, so we actually have time to watch the artist on stage before them. I recognize the pretty tall girl with bright green eyes and jet black hair as Kylie.
She goes to TA as well; I think I had a few classes with her last year. She was really cool, always singing during class at random moments but I can't blame her, she's really good.
(Breathe Today by Flyleaf)
You can only move
As fast as
Those in front of you
And if you assume
Just like them
What good will it do?
So find out for yourself
so your ignorance will stop bleeding through
*Music*
Only one thing
Big enough to fill the void
That's inside of you
It's just a breath away
you can breathe today
breath today
*Music*
So many lies swirling around you
you're suffocating
The empty space is you
Steal your breath
You're suffocating
*Music*
Logic forces me to believe
in this and I've learned to see
I can only say what I've seen and heard
And only you can choose
And every choice you make will affect you
Search your own self
*Music*
So many lies swirling around you
you're suffocating
The empty space is you
Steal your breath
You're suffocating
*Music*
Big enough to fill
The void inside of you
It's just a breath away
*Music*
So many lies swirling around you
you're suffocating
The empty space is you
Steal your breath
You're suffocating
*Music*
So many lies swirling around you
you're suffocating
The empty space is you
Steal your breath
You're suffocating
*Music*
So many lies swirling around you
you're suffocating
The empty space is you
Steal your breath
You're suffocating
*Music
So many lies swirling around you
you're suffocating
The empty space is you
Steal your breath
You're suffocating
*Music*
You can breath today
Breath today
She finishes and everyone cheer.
"Maximum," my mother calls after the sound has died down. "Is there a bathroom here?"
"Right over there," I answer, jabbing my thumb towards the direction.
"I'll be right back."
While she's gone, I take the opportunity to go to the bar and get my mom and I something to drink.
"Two sprites," I order, once at the counter.
The guy working nods and begins putting ice into two plastic red cups.
"I'll take a Vodka," I raspy, female voice says, taking a seat next to me. "Max?"
I glance over. "Hey Kiley...You were amazing up there."
"Awe, thank you," She smiles. "You totally couldn't tell that I messed up?"
I shake my head. "Not at all.
The guy slides the two red cups across the counter towards me.
"Good. So… what's that you got there?"
"Sprite," I shrug.
She gives me a questioning look. "Max, honey, you're drinking sprite on a friday night? At a bar that doesn't ID?"
"My mom's here with me," I explain.
"Ah, okay. Hey, you don't happen to, by chance know where Fang is, do you?"
I glance up from my drink. "Fang?"
"Yeah. You guys are friends right?"
Are we?
I honestly don't know anymore. First we weren't, and then after the Riley thing we were and then we weren't again after yesterday on the beach but right now I don't know.
He's very bipolar.
"I don't know where he is," I finally say.
"Ugh, okay," she sighs. "We were suppose to meet here after my performance, and he's obviously not here -But I guess it's my fault, I should've known he wouldn't show on time."
"I'm sorry," I try. What does she expect me to say? "So you two are..."
"We're not anything," She insists. "Just.. keeping each other company. Fang doesn't date."
"Right."
Well this is awkward.
"Anyways, it was nice talking to you, Max. If you see Fang, tell him I'll be in the lounge."
I watch as she grabs her drink and struts away, catching the attention of a few guys as she does. I admire her boldness and confidence, I wish I had just a sliver of that but even telling someone little things like my full name makes me feel vulnerable.
"Hey, honey," My mom says, taking a seat next to me. I slide her one of the sprites.
"Thank you," she smiles. "So, how much long until The Flock goes on?"
I glance at my phone. "Actually anytime now."
As if on cue the main lights shut off and the stage lights come on, revealing The Flock. This time they jump right into the song with no introductions; not like they needed one anyone.
I'm pretty sure everyone here comes for them.
(Heathens, Twenty One Pilots)
Iggy:
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don't make any sudden moves
You don't know the half of the abuse
Gazzy:
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don't make any sudden moves
You don't know the half of the abuse
Fang:
Welcome to the room of people
Who have rooms of people that they loved one day
Docked away
Just because we check the guns at the door
Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades
You're lovin' on the psychopath sitting next to you
You're lovin' on the murderer sitting next to you
You'll think, how'd I get here, sitting next to you?
But after all I've said, please don't forget
Iggy:
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don't make any sudden moves
You don't know the half of the abuse
Fang:
We don't deal with outsiders very well
They say newcomers have a certain smell
Yeah, trust issues, not to mention
They say they can smell your intentions
You're lovin' on the freakshow sitting next to you
You'll have some weird people sitting next to you
You'll think "how did I get here, sitting next to you?"
But after all I've said, please don't forget
(Watch it, watch it)
(Watch it)
Gazzy:
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don't make any sudden moves
You don't know the half of the abuse
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
(Watch it)
Wait for them to ask you who you know
(Watch it)
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
(Watch it)
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Fang:
Why'd you come, you knew you should have stayed
I tried to warn you just to stay away
And now they're outside ready to bust
It looks like you might be one of us
The song ends and the crowd once again burst into applause and chants. I don't know how but Iggy, who's at the back of the stage, somehow manages to spot my mother and I in the crowd of hundreds of people.
He frantically waves and yells. "Hi, mom," into the microphone.
My mom smiles and calls back, "Hi, Iggy."
I know for a fact he could not hear her over the loud audience but she does it anyways, knowing that Iggy can still see us.
I see Iggy before I see the rest of the guys. He runs toward us but instead of stopping, brushes past me and goes right towards my mother who he pulls into a big hug.
"Did you see me up there? How'd I do? Did you like it?"
My mom laughs and embraces him, too. "You did amazing, honey. I loved it."
God what a Mom stealer.
"Max." I turn to see Fang standing beside me. "Can I talk to you?"
"Are you going to yell at me again?" I tilt my head, crossing my arms over my chest.
He chuckles a little and shakes his head. "No, I promise I won't yell at you."
I should probably tell my mom that I'm heading off with Fang but she's too wrapped up with talking to Iggy so I decide to just follow Fang backstage and hope she figures it out on her own.
He leads me to a little room, away from everyone else and sits me down onto a couch.
"What is it?" I question.
He keeps his eyes on the ground. "I'm sorry for getting all pissed at you before."
"Okay."
I get that he might not want to talk about his family -I know If someone was questioning me about my family I'd want them to drop it, too.
I had an alcoholic father, who I haven't seen in ages but feels like I see everyday because of the recurring nightmares about him that still to this day scare the shit out of me, a mother who works her ass off to provide for us and three imaginary siblings my brain made up to deal with trauma. I had to go to therapy for years because of countless mental disorders; depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, PTSD and the list goes on. I'm not exactly the type of person who likes to get into to detail about my past or my family either but I don't blow up at people over it.
"Why did you get so mad?"
He's quiet for a while, thinking. "It's... complicated."
Silence lingers in the air for what feels like centuries. I don't know what else to do besides sit here and wait for him to speak when he's ready.
"So, have you considered my offer?"
That's not what I expected him to say at all.
"What offer?"
"About joining our band. We really do need a new female addition to our band," He explains. "I mean, we're good but I think we'll be even better if we have a girl."
I shrug. "I don't know. I'm not really good and I don't do well in front of large crowds. Really, you don't want me in your band."
"You don't know that. I wanna hear you sing...Right now."
"No."
I don't sing in front of people who aren't family; and by family I mean my mom and Sam.
"Come on, why not? Don't be a pussy."
"Because someone might hear."
"Fine," he throws his head back with a groan.
"How about tomorrow afternoon, my room. The dorms are sound-proof."
"Are we still talking about singing?" I joke, trying to get him off the topic.
He laughs but I can tell that he's completely serious about the suggestion. He's not gonna let it go. "Come on".
"I'll… consider it," I settle on.
"Well that was... interesting," My mother says, once we've exited the bar.
The first half of the show, which included Kylie and The Flock, she enjoyed, but towards the end of the second half, the open mic consistent of some not very good singers or drunks with some very bad jokes.
"Well, it was a pleasure meeting all of you," my mother says to the boys once we've reached the car.
She's leaving tomorrow afternoon so she has to get her goodbyes in now because this is the last time they're gonna see her before her flight.
"Fang, I wanted to say I'm sorry again for before and I hope I didn't scare you off with all those questions."
Fang smiles, a genuine smile and shakes his head. "Nah, if I were scared off that easily, I wouldn't be friends with your daughter... She is kind of crazy if you weren't aware."
"Oh I am very much aware," she laughs.
"You know what I'm just gonna leave and let you guys have fun bashing me" I scoff, only causing everyone to laugh harder.
"Well I'm glad you're sticking around because you seem like a nice young man and a good friend to Max. You all seem like good friends to my daughter and I thank you for that."
My mom pulls Fang into a quick hug; it's pretty clear he doesn't do that often but my mom's a very affectionate person and he allows the hug for her. Next she exchanges a long goodbye with Iggy, who refuses to let go until Fang and I pull him off of my mother. And lastly with Gazzy, her goodbyes are short and sweet.
She turn back to me. "I'll be in the car waiting honey."
I nod. "I'll be there in a minute."
She heads off to the van, which is only a few spots away from the entrance of the bar. I hear the van door slam shut but I can still see her through the windshield of the car, watching us.
"God she's hot," Iggy sighs.
Gazzy, Fang and I all look at him with the same expression -filled with disgust, confusion and curiosity of the boy's mental state.
"That's gross, Iggy. She's my mom!"
"Yeah, dude, she's like thirty something," Gazzy backs me up. "Old enough to be your mom."
"So, age is just a number," he testifies. "Besides, she totally wants me. Right? Tell them, Fang."
Fang looks at me, trying to hide a smile as he says, "Maximum Martinez I really don't think you should be using that tone with your new stepdaddy."
Are they being serious right now? That's my mom! That's gross!
"Fang?" An angry looking Kylie stomps towards us from the parking lot. "That is you! What the hell? I've been looking for you everywhere."
His smile drops. "Oh… Sorry."
Shit, was I still suppose to tell him to meet her in the lounge? I completely forgot.
"It's whatever, come on, we have to go." She grabs his hand and pulls him towards the direction of what I'm assuming is her car.
Iggy, Gazzy and I exchange quick goodbyes before parting ways. I make my way over to the van and hop into the passenger's seat, throwing my head back onto the headrest and sighing.
I'm exhausted.
"Is Fang seeing anyone?"
I turn towards my mom slowly. "What?"
"Is Fang seeing anyone?"
No. Yes. Well he talks to and hooks up with lots of people but he's not actually dating anyone.
"He's seeing a lot of people."
"Oh that's a shame."
"Mom are you trying to get with my friend?"
"Ew no Maximum. Get your mind out of the gutter! I was asking because he's a cute boy and I thought you two would make a cute couple."
I shake my head. "Mom we are are not like that. We're just friends."
"I know that, I just think he'd be good for you. He seems to make you happy and it's clear you guys both care about the other."
As much as it kills me to admit it, I do care about Fang as far as his happiness. Otherwise I wouldn't have ran after him at the beach to see if he was okay and I think he cares about me. At least my physical safety or he wouldn't have done what he did to Riley or anything like that. It can be slightly annoying sometimes, him not thinking I'm capable enough to take care of myself or always trying to give me his jacket when it's cold, but I see that that's how he shows affection. But we are both just friends, only care about each other as friends and will stay that way.
"Mom you read way too far into things. We're only friends. And besides you know I don't like dating."
"Maximum," She sighs. "I know it's hard for you to trust people, after your father left but you can't go through life never letting anyone in. You're a beautiful seventeen year old girl, who I've seen first hand has dozens of guys crushing over you. You should be out getting to know people and going on dates, no matter who the person is."
"Funny coming from someone who has been divorced for half my life and has never even looked at another man."
"I know I'm guilty of doing it too and that's why I'm telling you this because I don't want you to end up being like me.… After your father and I divorced, I never dated any other men -never took the time to even consider dating, again, because I saw all the stuff you were going through -the depression and hopelessness and overall lack of wanting to live- and I felt like it was my fault. That you were like that because you thought the separation was your fault and that killed me. So I vowed to myself never to take the chance of another man possibly disappointing you like that again."
"Mom-"
"Let me finish," She stops me. "But after some time I realised anyone could hurt you -me, your friends, your teachers, a boyfriend. We're all just human and no matter how hard we try to be perfect, everyone will end up disappointing you and me one time or another and being closed off from the world isn't going to save you. And that's why I agreed to let u go on your own to a different state to attend TA even though I hate you not being with me. I don't know what to do with myself when you're not around. The house seems too quiet. Time seems to pass so slowly and I don't want u living like me because of your father."
"You don't know what you're talking about, Mom. Stop."
"I do.-"
"No you don't so just shut up!" I snap. "I'm happy that asshole is gone, I hope he dies."
She really thinks I'm upset that he's gone? After all the shit he put us through -the cheating, abusing the both of us for years, being a pathetic drunk, then just up and moved one day when he decided he was done with us. Leaving my mother and I on our own, with nothing. That's when my mom and I moved to Arizona to live with her college friend (Sam's mom) until my mom finished getting her degree to become a veterinarian and then we ended up moving into the same neighborhood and starting a new life for ourselves.
I sigh, "I'm sorry, mom."
I didn't mean to go off.
She smiles but I can see the hurt in her eyes. "So am I."