For the One Character comp – "People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on" – Bill Cosby, prompts: old, run, mirror.

For the Family Boot Camp with the prompt grasp.

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With every stroke of comfort to his younger brother's hair, Charlie aches more than he ever has before. He aches with guilt and regret and the things that he cannot change. There's nothing he can do that can wash away those feeling, and Merlin knows he's tried. Merlin knows he has spent the last two months trying to make amends, trying to make the fact that he wasn't there right.

Carrying the weight of his family's grief on his shoulders is exhausting him – mentally, physically and emotionally. He hasn't slept properly in the past two months causing dark circles to form under his pained blue eyes. His clothes aren't fitting him anymore, either, because he doesn't have an appetite.

He can't even stand to look into the mirror anymore because he doesn't like what he sees. He sees a fool; he sees a deserter; but most of all, he sees a coward. He hid behind dragons while people – his family – were fighting a war he didn't want to think was real. He wasn't there when they needed him, and he can't find it in himself to even find an ounce of forgiveness for himself.

He gives out forgiveness to others easily. He doesn't blame Percy for distracting Fred even though he knows Percy blames himself. He doesn't blame the Hogwarts student who let the Death Eaters in school, the same Death Eaters who nearly killed Bill. He doesn't blame Ron for standing up for what he thought was right, causing his family to go into hiding. And he certainly doesn't blame Ginny for sneaking back into Hogwarts to fight in the final battle.

Because they all knew what was worth fighting for. But him? He was a coward. And cowards don't deserve forgiveness.

He sighs, and looks down at Percy's sleeping form. Shifting Percy gently, he gets up and walks down the stairs as quietly as possible, avoiding the creaky steps. Once downstairs, he exits the house. The night is cool, and the stars are shining. He breathes a sigh of relief. Outside the house, he doesn't feel like he's about to be crushed under the grief. It's the closest he ever comes to forgiveness.

The door shutting behind him brings him out of his self-destructive thoughts. "Merlin, Char," his sister says as she approaches him. "It's awfully late for you to be out here."

He turns to look at her. Her red hair is pulled back in a braid and her shirt is oversized, but she reminds him the child that used to cling to his leg when he left for Hogwarts all those years ago. He gives her a smile. "I could say the same to you, Gin," he replies. "What are you doing out here?"

"Following you," she answers. Before he can say anything to her, she hugs him. It's an awkward hug as she's nearly a head shorter than him, but it causes him to give her an honest-to-God smile, not one of his forced ones, because he's been comforting everyone else; it's nice to have someone else initiate the comfort. "I've heard you go downstairs every night for the past two months. I wanted to know why you were going outside."

He hugs her a little tighter. "I'm just looking at the stars," he murmurs against her hair.

She breaks the embrace, moving backward so that she can look him in the eyes. As much as he wants to avoid her eyes, he doesn't. She tilts her head ever so slightly, considering his answer. She obviously doesn't believe him because she questions, "All night long?"

"No," he lies. "Just for a little bit," he adds on.

"Don't lie to me, Char. I hear you come out here once everyone is in bed, and I don't hear you come back in until it's nearly morning," she tells him sternly, putting her hands on her hips. In that position, he can't help but see the similarities between Ginny and his Mum. When he doesn't refute her comment, she gives him a sigh. "Do you even sleep?"

He nods. But she doesn't buy it. "In the past two months, how much have you actually slept?"

He rubs the back of his neck, considering lying to her. But he knows that she'll be angry at him if he does. So he adds up the hours and finally comes to a conclusion. "Less than a week," he replies. Even to his own ears, it sounds bad.

"Charlie!" she gasps, as if he doesn't realize how insalubrious his sleeping habits are. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

"I'm fine," he assures her, his voice full of promise. "I don't need to worry anyone."

Realization dawns on Ginny's face. "You feel guilty," she accuses him. She furrows her eyebrows as if she knows it but can't grasp the understanding. "Listen here, Charlie," she says sternly. "You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. There was nothing you could do, that any of us could do, to save Fred. Isn't that what you've been telling us?"

He nearly laughs at her antics of turning his own words against him. He ruffles her hair. "That is what I've been saying," he agrees. But he doesn't reveal how hard it is to actually follow his own advice, to forgive himself.

"Then why don't you practice what you preach?" she asks, genuinely curious.

He wants to tell her that it isn't as easy as he makes it sound. He wants to tell her that he doubts that he'll ever find peace with his regrets. He wants to tell her that doesn't believe his own words. There was something that he could've done, that he should've been there. And maybe if he was there, his brother wouldn't be six feet under. But he doesn't say any of it.

Instead, he says, "I'm working on it." And it's the truth. He's trying to work on it; he's trying to believe the words he whispers to his family when he dries their tears.

Ginny hugs him again. "You know, Charlie. You may blame yourself for not being around, but I don't. When it mattered, when everything was on the line, you came. You fought. You were there. And that's all we could ask for."

He looks down at the ground as tears sting the back of his eyes. "I wasn't there when Bill was attacked. I wasn't there when Percy and Dad got into that fight. I wasn't there when Ron embarked on a dangerous quest with Harry." His eyes snap up to meet Ginny's warm brown eyes. "I wasn't there, Gin. How can I ever make that alright?"

It's the first time he's ever voice that aloud, and it hurts him. He feels a tear streak down his face, no matter how hard he tries to prevent it. He's not supposed to be breaking down. He's supposed to be strong because he doesn't have a right to break.

"Oh, Charlie," Ginny whispers. "I can tell you all day long that I forgive you. But you won't ever believe it until you forgive yourself."

Though his tears, he gives her a smile. "When did you get so smart?"

She laughs but doesn't answer him. Instead, she takes his hand. "Come on. Let's go inside," she says, tugging him along.

She leads him into the house and to his bedroom that he shared with Bill. She silently strokes his hair, just like he had done with Percy's. And it soothes him.

Before he slips into the world of dreams, he mumbles, "Thank you."

A/n – so many thanks to my beautiful wife, Paula, for beta-ing this for me. You're awesome, love!