I want to trip inside your head

Spend the day there...

To hear the things you haven't said

And see what you might see

Miracle Drug

Academic Year 2012-2013

She felt her body burning and her throat closing in. With one final attempt, she mustered all the strength left in her and tried to break free by smashing the window. She climbed out of the driver's seat and toppled over.

"R-rachel", she gasped as she struggled to get up. "Rachel!"

She saw the brunette unconscious in her seat. She crawled her way to the passenger side then tried to pry the door open. "Rachel! Rachel! Wake up!", she screamed as she pulled the car door handle with everything she had.

She felt someone drag her out of the car's vicinity. "No, no", she kicked and pulled her weight down. "No, I've got to get Rachel out! No!"

Rachel scrambled to turn on the night lamp then kneeled beside her girlfriend. "Quinn…Quinn..", Rachel gently tapped her girlfriend's cheek. "Quinn..honey. Wake up. You're having a nightmare."

Quinn thrashed her body then flinched. "No, please…no..Rachel."

The brunette felt her hand getting wet and saw tears coming out of Quinn's still closed eyes. Out of panic, she started shaking the blonde's body. "Baby. Please. Wake up. Wake up."

Quinn jolted up and clutched her chest as she gasped for air. Rachel immediately cradled her girlfriend with a bone crushing hug. "I'm here. It's okay. It was just a dream."

"Rachel", Quinn whispered as she shakily clutched the brunette's arm. "You're safe. You're okay."

Rachel hummed then gently wiped the sweat that covered the trembling girl's forehead. "I'm safe", she whispered back. "We're both safe."

Burying her head against Rachel's chest, Quinn tightened her grip on her girlfriend's arm. "It was so real. It was so real."

The brunette responded by rubbing the blonde's back for comfort. "I'm going to get you water, okay?", she said after noticing Quinn's labored breathing.

"No." Quinn clung onto her like life depended on it. "Don't go"

"Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere". Rachel kissed the top of the blonde's head and held her until she visibly relaxed. She then felt Quinn untangle herself and curl up on her side of the bed. "Quinn?" She didn't hear any response except a stifled sob. "Quinn, honey", she murmured and spooned the crying girl. "I'm here. I'm not letting go."

As promised, Rachel didn't let go the whole night. She fought off the urge to cry as well as she couldn't bear seeing Quinn so vulnerable and pained. She propped herself a bit and observed the former HBIC sleep in a fetal position. The crash had left very minimal visible blemish on the girl's body (at least from what she had been allowed to see, so far), but the tiny diva knew that the scars ran deep and there's very little she can do except to be there for Quinn.

Morning wasn't any easier for the young couple. Rachel woke up to the smell of something being fried and instinctively reached out for Quinn's side of the bed for confirmation. She quickly stood up and rushed to the kitchen, then leaned against the door frame. She knows they would, once again, ignore the issue, or she would have to force a conversation which normally did not end up in a civil manner.

For a fleeting moment, she allowed herself to enjoy looking at Quinn's tousled hair, wife-beater and Darth Vader jammie bottom.

"Enjoying the view?", Quinn smirked while scrambling the tofu.

"Yes. There's nothing sexier than staring at Darth Vader on my girlfriend's rear", the brunette responded dryly, dragging her words slowly with each forward step until she was right behind Quinn. "Smells good", she mumbled while pressing herself against the blonde's back and sneaking her arms around.

"Scrambled tofu, just the way you like it"

"With lots of Shiitake mushrooms?"

"Mhm"

"And green peppers?"

"Yup"

"Aaaand Tabasco sauce?"

"Definitely"

Rachel kissed Quinn's shoulder then mumbled against her skin, "Best. Girlfriend. Ever."

"Yes, because you sure had a lot to compare me with", the blonde chuckled.

Rachel rolled her eyes and let go of Quinn so she can pour a cup of coffee. "I'm not the only one with a girlfriend, Quinn. I don't hear my friends or classmates talk about their girlfriends change their eating habits – without being told to, mind you – or better yet, make a huge effort to prepare meals 24/7 for their high maintenance partner. "

"Okay, one", Quinn turned around to face the brunette while holding up the spatula. "you're not high maintenance. And two, it's just a matter of respect. I'm the more flexible one so it makes sense that I'm the one to adjust."

"You do know you can eat meat, right? You can fry some bacon if you want some. I just won't eat it."

"I don't want to offend your religious beliefs."

"I belong to reform Judaism, Quinn. Some members – and I'm one of those – don't really follow keeping things Kosher. I don't eat meat out of ideological and health reasons, not religious."

Quinn frowned and stared at her pan. "Well, thank God, because I don't know if my kitchen ware is Kosher"

Rachel laughed then shook her head in amusement. "It's sweet, but you don't have to worry about that."

"Reform Judaism…", Quinn mumbled as she nodded to herself.

"Pretty much like Progressive Christians?", Rachel offered. "They're very inclusive and liberal in their interpretation of the Scripture, right?"

The blonde nodded in understanding but remained pensive.

"Have you…found a church yet?", the diva asked hesitantly then took a sip from her cup. Religion is a sensitive issue. While they never talked about it, Rachel had an idea of how hard it must have been for Quinn to first reconcile her beliefs with her best friend's sexuality, and then now, hers. Lutheran churches had been divided – just like most Christian denominations – on LGBT rights and issues, and the brunette was aware that Quinn's church was one of those who left the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America in favor of a more conservative stance on gay pastors and gay marriages.

Quinn shook her head while plating their breakfast. "I haven't the time.", she explained tersely.

"I can look for you, if you want?"

"Uhm, no. Thank you but I'd rather look for one on my own."

Rachel pursed her lips. "I understand. It is a very personal thing. But Quinn, do know that even in our Temple, you'll be welcomed."

"I.. yeah, thank you. That's good to know", the blonde smiled slightly before kissing Rachel's cheek. "Breakfast's ready, darling.", she whispered sweetly before bringing the food on their dinky dining table.

"So, any plans today?", Rachel looked at Quinn expectantly before scooping some of the scrambled tofu.

"I have a schedule with my acupuncturist after lunch.", Quinn said nonchalantly.

Rachel squinted. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Acupuncturist. In Chinatown."

"You… have an acupuncturist."

"Yes. Dr. Yaoshen Cai."

"For your knee?"

Quinn nodded. "Don't look at me like I've grown a second head, Rachel. It's an acceptable form of alternative medicine. And it actually makes me feel good."

"Since when? I mean, since when did you start poking needles in your body? And why am I just being made aware of this now?"

"I just started last week", Quinn protested.

Rachel glared at the blonde then rambled with her arms flailing. "Okay, but I'm sure you've thought about it prior to last week and you've done a lot of research and consultations. So, again. Why am I just being informed now?"

"It's just. Acupuncture, Rachel", Quinn muttered, genuinely confused at Rachel's reaction.

"It's not about that per se. You're making decisions on your own and leaving me as a footnote."

Quinn opened her mouth to object but she was cut off by the seething diva.

"And more importantly, why are you so open to alternative medicine, yet you've been completely rejecting my suggestion to see a psychiatrist?"

Quinn glowered and balled up her hand. "Why the hell do I need a psychiatrist?"

"Because you've never addressed your PTSD, Quinn! Last night wasn't the first time, and surely won't be the last!"

The blonde gritted her teeth and banged her hand on the table as she stood up. "I'm okay. I don't need to pay someone to make me feel horrible about myself. You're doing a fine job at it."

"What..What do you mean? No –", Rachel stood up as well. "Don't you turn your back on me, Quinn." She tried to follow the blonde in the bathroom but her girlfriend slammed then locked the door before she could get in. She twisted the knob several times then knocked. "Quinn. Open the door. We need to talk about this."

"What do you mean I'm doing a fine job making you feel horrible? Quinn. Come on.", the brunette pleaded as she stayed in front of the door. "What did I do?"

Rachel heard the shower and a muffled, "Nothing. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Quinn..", she sighed then leaned against the door. "You wouldn't have said that if you didn't mean anything by it."

It took another 30 minutes of nothing except the sound of water splashing. Rachel knew Quinn was lingering in the shower in hopes that the she will give up and walk away. But the stubborn girl in her also knew that any minute longer and Quinn will turn into a pink raisin and so she had no choice but to step out of the shower. She smiled despite the situation when she heard the blonde twist the shower knob and heard the sliding door open. She stepped away from the door when she felt the knob unlocked from the inside. "I know you're still there", Quinn whined.

Rachel slowly opened the door and poked her head inside. "Can we now talk?"

"Yeah, okay", the blonde mumbled.

Rachel put down the toilet cover and sat on it as Quinn went about drying her hair with a towel. Rachel's eyes raked over her girlfriend's towel-clad body before forcing herself to look down. "I'm sorry for reacting the way I did", she said quietly while wringing her hands together. "Quinn, last night was particularly alarming."

The blonde stopped combing her hair then sighed. "It's not an everyday occurrence, Rach."

"But—"

"Look, I promise if it gets worse, we'll look for a doctor." The blonde knelt in front of Rachel and kissed her knuckles. "I'm sorry. I know my temper can be..I'm trying to be less volatile. And most of the time, I don't mean what I say."

"Okay", Rachel nodded. "Were you always this..snappy? I mean..I know I can be very annoying – "

Quinn placed a finger on Rachel's lips and shook her head. "It's me, it's something I have to work on." She then cupped the brunette's face and kissed her softly. "You're not annoying. I promise."

Rachel let out a shaky breath and nodded again. "You promise to tell me if I'm doing something wrong? Because Quinn, I'm worried and I want to help and be there for you."

"You have nothing to worry about", the blonde smiled reassuringly.

Rachel pouted. "I'm still worried about needles poking you. Are you sure it's sanitary? They don't recycle those needles, do they?"

Quinn chuckled. "Oh God, Rachel. I don't go to some seedy backdoor establishment. My physical therapist recommended him."

"Do you go through session wearing something like that?"

The blonde looked down. "Wearing a towel? Well, yeah. Why?"

"Then I want to accompany you later."

"You're kidding, right?"

Rachel shook her head emphatically. "Do I look like I'm not serious?"

Quinn shrugged. "Well, okay. Don't get to queasy though. I don't want you ruining his Chi or whatever by making comments and squealing the whole time."

Raising her right hand, the diva swore, "I promise to behave. I just want to make sure he's not going to do anything funny."

"Funny, like what?"

"Like leer at you."

"You're jealous of my acupuncturist."

"I'm not jealous, I'm being concerned."

"Right. Of course.", Quinn nodded and smirked. "I appreciate that."

Rachel played with Quinn's towel end that was neatly tucked to hold the cloth around her body. "If I catch his eyes linger on your body unnecessarily, we're out of that clinic right away. Deal?"

"Deal", Quinn promised.

"And if you get another nightmare, we'll go to a psychiatrist. Deal?"

The blonde closed her eyes and pursed her lips. "Rachel.."

"…please?"

"Okay", Quinn swallowed. "I promise." She wasn't sure if she was nervous of the huge promise she just gave or the fact that her girlfriend has yet to stop playing with her towel. So she hurriedly stood up then kissed Rachel's forehead before making her way to their walk-in closet.

Rachel lived on four facts relating to Quinn since she moved to New York.

Fact number 1: Quinn can be the sweetest person in the world whenever she decided to be.

Fact number 2: Quinn is the one person in her life right how who can hurt her so bad.

Fact number 3: Quinn had done number 2 several times already.

Fact number 4: Number 2 and 3 don't matter much because of number 1.

She sighed while she silently watched Quinn get dressed through the corner of her eyes.

New facts.

Number 5: Issues are beginning to pile up. But Number 1 once again gets in the way.

Finally, Number 6 (and by no means connected to the others): She's increasingly becoming sexually frustrated and it looks like it's going to be a fact for a very long time.