I don't need to feel this way for you
But I do and I feel satisfied
–-Satisfied
Quinn turned around when a familiar voice called her name on the way to NYU's Washington Square Campus. "Kurt! Oh wow. What…what are you doing here?"
"I can ask you the same thing", Kurt said smiling as he sprinted towards the blonde. "I have acquaintances in Tisch and I'm meeting some of them today. How about you?"
Quinn cleared here throat and smiled back nervously. "I…well, I'm meeting a friend here, too."
"Oh", the boy said with a knowing nod and a grin. The hot older woman, he thought.
"Quinn, there you are."
And she's British.
Kurt and Quinn both turned around to where the soft voice was coming from.
And she is hot.
Kurt was absorbing every piece of information he can get about this mystery woman. His eyes measured the girl from head to foot.
This woman is pure perfection, he noted as the British woman pranced to their direction.
Someone's going to get a huge bout of insecurity.
She then proceeded to kiss Quinn's cheek. "I'm sorry I'm late. You know how some professors can be."
A freaking huge bout of insecurity.
Kurt's eyes were as huge as saucer plates and had a smirk plastered in his face as he observed the interaction between his former teammate and this classy-as-Kate-Middleton woman in front of him.
Quinn ran her fingers in her newly styled hair – a throwback to senior year, Kurt realized. "That's alright. I haven't been waiting long."
Emily glanced at the gawking boy in front of them and smiled nervously. "Hi?"
Kurt gave a little wave then extended his hand. "I'm Kurt Hummel. Quinn and I went to the same high school."
The brunette took his hand and shook it. "Ah, in Hicksville, Oh-ha-yo", she chuckled then gave a meaningful glance at Quinn. "Emily, Emily Carr. Pleasure to meet you."
The blonde's face burned at the memory of her drunken antics while Kurt gave her a questioning look. "It's nothing", Quinn waved off then scratched the back of her head nervously. She cleared her throat again in an effort to avoid any further awkwardness. "So uh, I'm ready to go if you are."
"Yes, actually.", Emily smiled.
Even her teeth are perfect. Not human.
Much to Quinn's aggravation however, Emily turned to Kurt and smiled. "Would you like to join us? We're just going to grab a bite and afters."
"Uh, no. Kurt's meeting a friend", Quinn interjected then glared at the boy.
"Oh, well, let's see." Kurt took out his phone and saw three missed calls from his friend. "Nope, she just texted and said she had something very important to do. I'd be happy to join you." he grinned then rocked back on his heels.
Obviously ignored, Quinn sighed and offered a silent prayer before followed Emily towards the school parking lot with Kurt beside her.
Emily turned around and walked backwards. "Is Spanish okay with everyone?"
"Si, senorita", Quinn mumbled, still lost in her thoughts.
"Usted habla el espanol?"
The blonde looked up and smiled shyly. "Un poco."
Emily raised her eyebrow and smirked. "Ah, then. Desde que te conoci no hago nada mas que pensar en ti."
The blonde's face flushed with red and looked down, tucked her hands in her coat pockets and nervously flapped the material. Kurt's mouth resembled a Venus flytrap as he watched in amazement the interaction between the two girls. He had little knowledge of Spanish but he was willing to bet his best pair of shoes that whatever Emily said was a full-on Spanish flirting phrase.
The blonde subtly glanced at Kurt, hoping to catch his eye and give him a warning glare. Quinn had no time to talk with Emily about Kurt's position in her life and had no way to stop the British woman from playing with her. She supposed that the best thing to do is just talk to Kurt later on but had no idea what good that will do. If she knew the boy at all, in just a few minutes, Rachel would already be aware of what's happening. She was pretty sure that Kurt will be "live texting" as the dinner happened.
A surge of defiance suddenly came over Quinn as she gazed at Emily. She had nothing to worry about. Rachel and she have broken up and she's free to see whoever she wanted to see. It's not even a date, she reasoned out to herself. Stop worrying. Breathing deeply, she slightly puffed her chest and exhaled the guilt out of her.
They drove quietly to Pipa Tapas Bar at 38 East & 19th with Kurt busying himself with exploring the interiors of Emily's Jaguar. "You like cars, Kurt?", Emily asked while smiling from the rear-view mirror.
Quinn turned around and sneered at Kurt who looked like he was caught red-handed. "My dad was a mechanic, so I was just thinking how he would love to see this car.", he responded, raising his brow at the blonde in a smug manner.
"Was? Is he..", Emily asked carefully.
Kurt straightened up. "Oh, no", he chuckled. "He ended up in politics. He ran and won for a congress seat when Quinn and I were still in high school. Now he's busy with his foundation that helps gay teenagers in Ohio."
"Impressive", the British woman said. "He sounds like a very interesting man."
"Yes, he is. Unfortunately, he's married to Carole.", he giggled. Kurt was obviously testing Emily without being blatant and got what he wanted when she laughed softly and shook her head, "I'm sure Carole is very lucky to have him. But no offense, Kurt, I will never be interested in your father."
"Oh, I was just teasing. He's way too old for you."
"Well, there's that. And I'm not interested in men in general."
Kurt threw a Cheshire cat-like grin first to Emily, then to Quinn who tried to keep a poker face. "Ooh. How nice.", he hummed while lacing his hands together on his lap.
As soon as Emily found parking Kurt was inseparable from the woman, leaving Quinn behind sulking and muttering curses under her breath. "Quinn? You alright?" Emily asked with concerned eyes. "You've been very quiet. Are you sick?"
The blonde shook her head and forced a smile. "I'm alright. I'm just…hungry", she reasoned out. Pathetic, but plausible excuse, she thought.
"Well, I made reservations so we shouldn't have any problems", Emily nodded reassuringly.
Kurt briefly wondered what the age gap is between the two ladies when the British girl gingerly pressed the back of her hand over Quinn's forehead to check for fever. The former certainly didn't look old but carried an air of maturity and seniority next to the blonde. Information began pouring in—much to Kurt's delight—as Emily spoke casually about her life in Newcastle during dinner.
Her family was deeply rooted in the North east region and gained prominence –and without having to say it, wealth—through the coal industry that once flourished in that area. Her father was an executive in a multinational company based in the city and her mother was a professor at the University of Newcastle. She had two older brothers and a younger sister. They lived in India when she was a child, received first class honors at the School of African and Oriental Studies or SOAS at the University of London, and before she decided to take her second Master's degree –the first one being in SOAS as well— Emily was a United Nations volunteer in East Timor. She was a woman of the world.
Though her family was not initially happy when they found out about her sexuality, they have come to a level of acceptance and is at the point of pressuring her to settle down. But Emily waved it off. "I can't see myself settling down right now. I have so much to do with my life.", she said softly while pouring sangria on Kurt's glass. "Besides, no one gets married at 30 these days."
Quinn's eyes flashed with annoyance for a second. "That's not true", she said quietly. "Age has nothing to do with commitment."
"And you know about commitment?", the other girl looked at her with interest. "You're 21, Quinn. No offense, but you've barely seen anything outside your hometown and Manhattan."
Quinn frowned and sipped from her glass. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Everything", the older girl said.
Kurt's eyes darted back and forth from the two women in front of him. The tapas was good and it certainly was meant for a spectator.
"I don't believe in having to collect then select", the blonde countered.
Emily chuckled. "I didn't have that in mind, Quinn.", she said patiently. "I simply meant that you need to know yourself first. You can't do that when you keep a tunnel vision. You need to broaden your horizon." She opened her bag and took out a ring-bound set of papers. "You asked me to critique your paper, the one you plan to submit for publication."
"Yeah?", the blonde asked in an unusually uncertain and anxious tone.
"Very well-written, amazing research, sound arguments"
"But?"
Emily nodded. "But it lacks originality…ingenuity. It's good, but it simply parrots the things every other scholar had talked about. McDonaldization of society? Come on, Quinn. I don't know you that well yet, but I can say with confidence that you can do so much better than this cliché topic."
"I- I..yeah", the blonde sighed and nodded in agreement. "you're right."
"I'd still submit this for publication", Emily assured Quinn. "Like I said, the writing and research are both brilliant. But the next work you show me, it has to be Quinn Fabray written all over it. Open your mind, Quinn", she said as she stared into hazel eyes, "what's one of the characteristics of postmodernism?"
"Deconstructing the grand narrative", Quinn stared back. "…remove the power from one authority, or structure that imposes meaning on how we're supposed to interpret things or behave", she nodded in understanding then breathed deeply. "I need to take more risks. Go beyond the things I've read and formulate my own thoughts. And the only way I can do that is to explore outside my created set of boundaries."
Forget about her looks, Kurt realized. This woman challenged Quinn – pushed her – like Rachel never did, and he couldn't decide whether that was good or not for the blonde. It was disconcerting to see Quinn treat Emily with much reverence and authority, but he couldn't entirely blame the younger girl. Thinking about the past, Quinn had always depended on authority to get through life. From religion, to her parents, to Sue Sylvester, Quinn had clung on to their words like they held the absolute truth. It was rather paradoxical that her epiphany of breaking free from authority had to be pushed by someone that seemed to be the new person Quinn looked up to with esteem.
And Kurt would have been okay with it if not for the fact that there was a very palpable sexual tension between the two women. He wasn't in the position to comment. He didn't even know if Quinn would be open to talking to him about her relationship with Emily – whatever it is right now and whatever it might be. There was something very imposing about the woman that seemed benign at the moment—at face value, Kurt perceived that the woman was genuinely concerned about Quinn's well-being—, but somehow, he wasn't comfortable with the way the former HBIC bowed down immediately to her critique when he knew how much the blonde can get passionate about her work.
He had very little to contribute in the conversation and so he had all the time in the world to analyze the interaction until his attention was forced back to reality when Emily inquired about their high school life. This made Kurt extremely uncomfortable. Talking about high school is talking about Rachel Berry. The girl was practically the glue that bound everyone together and he wasn't sure if Quinn had been forthright about her recent break up with his best friend. He knew he had to tread carefully. "Well, high school was…high school. You had the jocks, the cheerleaders, the geeks, and the gleeks."
"Gleeks?"
"Glee club. Quinn and I were in Glee club."
Emily turned to face Quinn. "Glee club? You never told me you could sing. How about Santana?"
"Santana and Kurt are the singers. Not me.", Quinn clarified. "I just…you know, most of the time provided a warm body to meet the minimum required members."
"Ahem. Really? Who won us Sectionals?", Kurt asked with a raised eyebrow.
Emily tilted her head and smirked at Kurt. "I'm guessing, Quinn?"
Kurt bowed and extended his hand towards the blonde's direction. "It was a rather poignant duet with another member, Sam Evans."
It was Emily's turn to raise her eyebrow. "Sam Evans. Is that a Sam as in Samuel or Samantha?"
"Definitely not a Samantha", Quinn said in a rather rushed manner. "I mean, it was Sectionals. I don't think Ohio would have been ready for two girls singing a love song or whatever to each other."
"Ah", Emily nodded, clearly impressed at this new found information. "Maybe you can sing to me one of these days?"
Quinn blushed. "I..I don't know. I haven't really sung in front of anyone in years."
Kurt furrowed his brows in reaction to what Quinn said. "Not even to Rachel?", he blurted out.
"Great, a new name. We're making progress", Emily teased as she smiled coyly at Quinn.
The blonde's jaw stiffened and forced a smile. "She was the leader of the pack."
"She's also based in New York? That's remarkable.", Emily noted.
"We both go to NYADA", Kurt smiled proudly.
The woman raised her glass and smiled affably. "Wonderful"
Quinn quirked her eyebrows and took a huge amount of Sangria. "Really wonderful."
The rest of the night was like a pendulum swinging back and forth from comfortable topics to one that obviously stressed Quinn out. Emily was genuinely fascinated with American small town life. Quinn seemed to have stuck out like sore thumb there in the sense that from what she had gathered that evening, Lima wasn't the picturesque suburbia of Hollywood portrayal. It ranked high on crime rate with less than 10% that acquire college degrees and a median income 50% lower than the national average. The young girl had the etiquette and manners better than a lot of what the British woman had encountered among the upper crust of England and had the quiet grace and dignity that can only be described as exceptional. She realized it must have been pure torture for the blonde girl to have lived in such a community.
She understood Quinn better that night. They had confined themselves to texting most of the time and a couple of coffee sessions that revolved around scholarly discussions. It was the first time names from her past—and present, besides Santana—had been mentioned. Rachel—the one name that elicited subtle forms of tensed reactions from Quinn. She must have meant something to the blonde yet there was no indication of how deep it had been.
Emily realized that Quinn was an enigma and that made her even more attracted to the girl. She knew she was in trouble the moment she decided to sit next to the her that night at the mixer. She internally laughed at herself; of the dozens of women she had encountered, cunning and sophisticated, she never imagined she would be drawn towards an impressionable girl—nine years her junior— from a small town in Midwest, America.
But there she was, letting Quinn explore her body in a rather domineering way –the first time she had ever let any sexual partner top her – and enjoying it. It was surprising, to say the least, that Quinn became flirtatious after they dropped Kurt off. She thought she had ruined the night when she extended an invitation to Kurt to join them, out of politeness. The last minute decision turned out to be her golden ticket. For some reason, the blonde became adamant to not talk about her past when they eventually drove alone and shut her up with a kiss on her jaw and a whisper asking her to go back to her apartment. She was ridiculously infatuated with the blonde –physically and mentally—that she had broken her two golden rules; never sleep with someone younger than her, and never sleep with anyone who had less experience than her.
Quinn fumbled a lot and was too concerned with catching the signals from Emily if she's doing it right. It was endearing; the way she combined eagerness, curiosity and uncertainty. Emily cupped the blonde's face. "Quinn, breathe. You're doing fine." The younger girl bit her lip and blushed. "Okay..okay", she breathed out before kissing the other's neck as she tried to calm her nerves.
Emily was very different from Rachel, especially in bed. And she liked it just the way it is. She experimented; did things she and Rachel weren't comfortable doing for so many reasons. She had bruises and scratches and left reddish marks on the older woman's wrists. And that was just their first night together.
Quinn had managed to slip back in Santana's apartment early morning avoiding the inevitable inquisition and gave her a few hours of respite in order to clear her head. She expected guilt to eat her up but so far she was feeling the effects of an all-nighter. She had no answers to her own questions, specifically the ones that are concerned with Rachel finding out about Emily. They had just started to re-establish their friendship – something that she initiated—and had no idea how this would affect their efforts. She knew that Emily wasn't a replacement or a meantime girl. She made it very clear that she won't settle down but was also very transparent in allowing Quinn to park in her life indefinitely.
She still loved Rachel. She would always love Rachel.
But she needed to break free.
At least that's what Emily said.