Carla
Fear. Darkness.
I will fight.
Crushed. Ripped.
The shock, the insurmountable pain she could neither battle nor surrender to, one final moment of distilled fear, darkness.
"Where am I?" On her hands and knees, Carla gasped at the vast humanity milling before her. The light cradled and sustained her, but she resented it.
"I wanted to stay with Eren and Mikasa. My husband, Grisha. Why was I taken?" Tears pooled in her eyes, down her face, as she faced a Person she couldn't fathom.
She oughtn't cry in heaven. Perhaps she was marked for hell. But how could anyone lie in this golden light?
"You should have been able to stay," said the Person, voice trembling as tears poured down their face. Carla looked into Their eyes and saw the world, a world she couldn't understand but could only love. And They experienced her pain, too, in the purest sense.
"I'm sorry," whispered the Person, the Person of Persons Carla now realized she had always longed to know. "It's not right."
They began to sob, and Carla found herself crying in Their arms, alongside children who gradually became adults, alongside the elderly who butterflied into youths, the crippled who healed and the man bit in half who became wholer than before.
Gradually the Shinagashina martyrs began to disperse, seeking friends and family and heroes of old, but Carla found herself staying besides the Person.
"More people will die." She gazed back to humanity, to a Beast Titan and the luxurious people across an endless lake… "Why did I never see? Eren!"
"God, Eren wants to venture outside. Could he…could he see the truth?"
"He could," the Person replied, eyes bright.
"Then I will wait here." She stepped closer to the entrance. "To greet those who come from the walls. I love them – I love everyone here, I think." She opened her arms, as if she could embrace all who had ever lived, and in a sense she could. "But the walls are my home. No one should come here alone."
Did the Person think she discounted Them? Oh dear.
"You have a beautiful soul," said the Person instead. "You see people as they are, and you love them even in their earthly misery. That's rare among humans."
"I suppose you made me so?"
"Yes and no. Every human helps form themselves." The Person extended a hand. "Let me show you your son forming his."
"Where is Grisha? He'll be so worried." If only she'd been able to embrace him one more time. His tender heart would be broken. "Will he be strong enough?"
Eren had never seen his father's nightmares, the ones he wouldn't even speak of to Carla. The nights the gentle doctor woke up shrieking, sobbing, begging for forgiveness.
"We can hope," said the Person.
Her eyes focused on Wall Sina, an underground chapel. "Who are they?" Children, led by a girl with black hair and tortured eyes.
And then Grisha burst in.
Carla gasped at his scream. No, no, no – this was everything she'd feared.
And then the children shouted back at him.
"The true rulers behind the walls. The Reiss family. The eldest is Frieda."
"Frieda," Carla murmured as the cavern exploded. "No! Eren needs Grisha."
A titan, bulky and preposterously built, remained. "What?"
Carla grabbed the Person's hands, as ravenhaired Frieda shoved her siblings back, transformed into a titan herself. "What is he doing? What's going on? Stop them; we can't be fighting now. People are dying!"
The Person moaned, their face as anguished as hers.
"Do something!" Carla screamed as Grisha – her Grisha, in titan form – ripped out the neck of the child's titan.
"I let people decide."
"And they decide this? To hurt people?" Carla sat stunned as Grisha, her Grisha, stomped and slaughtered children. She was too shocked to cry.
When Grisha left, praying – ha, praying – that she and Eren were okay, Carla crumpled onto the floor. Nothing hurt more than seeing him become a monster. "Who the hell did I marry?"
"You married Grisha, right?" A pretty child hurried up to her side.
"Huh?" Carla turned a tear-stained face to the girl. "What are you asking for?"
"I'm his little sis. My name is Faye." The girl held out her hand with a sweet smile.
"Faye." Carla grasped the child's hands. Grisha had never remembered his apst, or if he had, he'd never mentioned Faye. "What is going on? Why did I marry a monster?"
"He's not a monster…just very sad. He feels guilty over me," Faye whispered. She nodded behind Carla, at the train of Reiss children filing through heaven's gate.
"Come with me, Faye." Carla scrambled to her feet and ran towards Frieda, Dirk, Florian, Abel, and Urklyn and their mother.
She stopped a few paces away, staring at them.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Frieda sobbed to her family.
"It wasn't your fault," Urklyn said, embracing Frieda.
"I'm sorry," Carla cried.
"Who are you?" asked Lady Reiss.
"A mother. The mother of Grisha's child. I'm from Shinagashina." Carla shook her head. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know."
Frieda stepped forward. The conflict in her eyes was vanquished; only hope and kindness and wonder remained. "If you are so kind, I think, for the first time in a while, there is still reason to hope."
"I'm Faye. Grisha's little sister. I've been here a while. They killed me for going outside the walls of Olympia," said Faye importantly. Grisha was hurting, bad but also good. Everyone should know that.
Frieda took in the pretty, apologetic mother and the sweet child. What had happened to Grisha? If only she had listened…but the First King had possessed her. He had stopped her, and she had been too weak. Anger burned within her, but also joy.
"I'm free. Mom!" She swirled around. "I don't have his voice here anymore! I'm free!"
Lady Reiss choked back a sob of relief.
"Let's talk. I want to know about Grisha. I want to know if there's hope, real hope." Frieda nodded at the Person, as if she'd seen Them a billion times before, and maybe she had, in every person she'd ever met.
"I don't know if there is," Carla said miserably.
"How can there not be? There's so much more to the world than we knew!" Frieda sat on the grass by the gate and motioned for Faye and Carla to follow.
"I died a long time ago," Faye began. "Can I begin? Sorry."
"Please do," Frieda said.
"We lived in the ghettos in Marley. The people across the ocean – it's that huge salt lake you see," Faye added for Carla's benefit. "One day he helped me escape because I wanted to see the blimp they were flying."
"Flying?" Carla frowned.
"Look." Faye pointed below heaven's floor.
"Oh – oh!" Carla gasped with delight as a large, white balloon took off from the ground. "Magical. Humans – they're so special."
"Aren't they?" Frieda smiled at Carla.
"But the guards caught us. We're Eldian, see, the people of the walls." Faye looked to Frieda.
"We used to own the titans, ever sine our great Queen Ymir obtained their power from the devil to save her people. But when she gave her power to nine different people, we oppressed the Marleyans for almost two thousand years. When they rebelled and took most of the titans, they punished us and forced us to live in ghettos as an evil race," said Frieda.
"Then the First King of the walls ran away like a coward," said Abel.
"Well, he wanted peace. But to do that, he wiped all the walled people's memories," Frieda said. "I'm so sorry. When I became owner of the most powerful titan, the Coordinate, I wanted to restore memories and end the titans. I really did. But the First King – possesses you."
"Grisha is possessed?" Carla asked in alarm.
"No. He doesn't have the right blood," Lady Reiss assured her.
"Go on," Carla said tightly.
"The First King wanted to forget war. Not a bad goal, but it becomes bad when everyone around you is dying," Frieda said. "Faye."
"The guards caught me and Grisha that day. They beat him up and held him back. They said they'd walk me home." Faye shivered, and her voice quivered. "They made dogs eat me alive."
Carla gasped. "No!"
Faye nodded. "And our parents were too scared to object. Grisha had no choice but to agree, and he hated Marley for my sake. I liked that, I think."
"I don't blame you." Carla hugged the girl. No child should be killed, no matter what they were born as.
"Grisha joined a rebellion. He wanted to save us, yes, but also restore Eldia, believed we'd done nothing wrong in history," Faye said sadly. "So he married the last Fritz on the continent – the big land where Marley is – and they trained their son Zeke to infiltrate the Marleyan plan to eliminate the People of the Walls."
"He…married?" Carla wasn't surprised, just disappointed.
"Her name was Dina. They put too much pressure on Zeke, and Zeke was just a kid. He turned them in, and Marley made the conspirators the titans," Faye finished.
"The titans are people." Carla gagged.
"Grisha escaped when he ate another Warrior with the power to shift back into a human. He became a shifter and went to the walls to live differently. He met you, and you – you changed him. I saw his heart turn soft and loving with you." Faye grabbed Carla by the hand yet again. "He loves you. But now…he's recessing…"
"He lied to me. He said he didn't remember, and I believed him." Carla's eyes stung.
"I'm sorry." Frieda put a hand on Carla's shoulder.
"He betrayed all of us in the walls!" Frantically, Carla searched for Eren below. "What is he – "
"He's injecting Eren with titan serum," said Florian.
"He's betraying Eren!" Carla shrieked, leaping to her feet.
"That means he'll be here soon." Dirk scrambled upright. "He'll have to make Eren eat him."
"But then Eren won't have anyone," sobbed Carla. "Only Mikasa. They're just children!" She looked at the Reisses, at Faye. "You're all just children."
Her eyes flew to the Person. "How could you allow this?!"
Bam! Eren was curled up in a ball below, peacefully asleep, unaware of his father's curse.
And Grisha was at the door.
Frieda, Lady Reiss, Urklyn, Dirk, Florian, Abel, and Faye just stared at his haggard form.
"Carla," he rasped.
"Don't 'Carla' me!" spat Carla, storming outside the gate. One slap sent Grisha sprawling backwards.
Erwin's eyes glistened. "So the basement is your memories, sir?"
Grisha nodded. "Yes, Commander."
"And world history?"
"With a personal take, yes," Grisha clarified.
"You were right, Father." Erwin turned to his Father and embraced him, shaking with relief and wonder.
"And you believe in me all those years." His father smiled down at him. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help you."
His father may have been dead before his time, but Erwin had never, ever been manipulated by or hurt by him. "You…were the greatest father there could be."
"If that was a passive insult to me, I do deserve it," admitted Grisha.
"Not everything's about you," scolded a woman who looked to be Grisha's mother.
"No, but I made it to be, didn't I?" Grisha's eyes remained haunted by heaven. "Apologies will not suffice."
"That is okay. Understanding the weight of your crimes will," said Erwin's father.
Erwin was silent. He recalled the weight of his crimes, even if he'd been forgiven, even if the ghosts of heaven didn't charge him. He remembered the weight before their final charge.
Guilt was hell.
"I think they're all curious what happened next," said the blonde woman, whom Erwin could only assume to be Dina.
"Would you like me to continue?" asked Carla.
"Please, Carla." Erwin nodded.