Forgiveness

He had screwed up, once again. The first time had been different because they were not together, didn't make it easier though but it was one hundred percent different this time. He had fucked up big time. She had all the right to be mad, hanging up the phone each time he called her, screaming 'fuck you' when she walked out of his office. This was not just another love fight, he couldn't just call her on the phone and tell her 'baby I love you' so she could forgive him (though he really meant those words). He had made her cry and he hated himself for it.

God he was such a dick.

He was watching her, stalking her outside her house at the wee hours of the morning. He had watched her walk in a couple of hours earlier and had been hesitating about knocking on her door, afraid she might close the door in his face. So he sat there, inside his car, watching her like a hawk. He was more afraid of losing her than her being mad. Truth be told he couldn't live without her anymore, she had become a very important part of his life and he just didn't picture her out of it. He was so completely madly in love his heart ached. This time it ached because she was away.

'that's because you're an ass' Danny had told him. 'you're an ass because you walked away, left her crying her heart out without saying a word. You're lucky if she ever looks at you again. Asshole'

Fuck he was right.

But he needed this. He had to do it. He had to walk away and get everything worked out if he wanted to move forward (with her) and being there wondering about his next move would get him nowhere. So he left, for a few days, to figure things out, work on his inner battles and solve things that he had left behind. When he came back he was received by a killer slap on his face, a crying Kono and an angry Danny.

Yeah, he deserved that all right.

He thought about letting everything cool off for a couple of days, give her time to clear her head and let the anger slide. That was a week ago. She had barely spoken to him, only case related stuff and nothing more. She had even rejected him when he invited her for lunch, refused to let him take her home and even pulled her hand away when he tried to hold her. He missed it more than anything; he missed her touch, her kisses. He missed everything about her and it was killing him inside.

His phone rang all of a sudden and he hurried with answering it, thinking it was her. Nope. Danny.

"what?"

"Did you do it?" Danny asked

"No…"

"Are you still outside?"

"Yes"

"My God Steven just do it. Say you're sorry and stop being miserable with yourself, and her."

He hangs up before he could respond. Yes he was feeling miserable, yes he was sure she was feeling miserable as well but not because she had made a mistake. She was feeling miserable because he had screwed up and now he wondered if she would ever want to take him back.

He really prayed she did.

His phone rang again and he grabbed quickly. Pretty sure Danny forgot to remind him how much of a dick he was.

"I'm going to do it now Danny. Would you please cut the crap?" he spoke.

"For how long are you gonna stalk me?" Kono spoke on the other line, making Steve's heart clinch inside his chest. God he had missed her voice so bad.

"Hey…I'm…"

"Just come inside, will you?"

She hangs up and he sat there watching the phone for what seemed to be hours. Well, she was inviting him in, that wasn't so bad. It meant she wanted to talk. Or maybe slap him again.

If he was going to beg for her forgiveness he might as well do it now.

The door of her house was wide open, he did not hesitate and walked in, closing it behind him. She was sitting on her couch, a cup of coffee in her hand, staring blankly at a random spot in front of her. He took a seat beside her and since she didn't move or kick him out he thought it wasn't a bad idea.

He had been thinking about the proper way to apologize for days, he even thought about buying her flowers, but now he was speechless. He could tell her how much he had missed her, how much he had missed her warmth, her hugs in the middle of the night, her kisses, but all of that was just not enough. She was hurt and sad and probably a little heartbroken because of him.

"Kono…"

"don't" She stopped him, whispering.

"I know what I did was wrong" he continued because if he didn't say whatever he had to say he was going to freak. He suddenly forgot about the flowers, the words, the plan he had before.

"You walked away"

"I know. I'm sorry…"

"Do you have any idea how scared I was?" she spoke, tears forming in her beautiful chocolate eyes "You left me. You walked away with no explanation, no notes, no phone calls. Nothing"

She got up and he followed her with his eyes, not even daring to get closer. She had changed her demeanor from sadness to anger; she wiped the fresh tears with the back of her hand angrily leaving small read spots on her pretty cheeks.

"You didn't care about me…" she stated and he finally got up, walking towards her because her words had really gotten into him.

"Of course I care about you" he spoke, looking straight at her eyes "I did this, all of this, because I need to leave everything bad behind so we can start a life together"

"Was it worth it?" she asked "Was walking away from me to do whatever crap you had to do worth it, Steve?"

"I don't know…" he answered with honesty. Yes he had cleared his head; yes he was sure nothing could go wrong because he had decided to leave his father's issue, Shelburne and everything surrounding that matter behind so he could be happy at least. He wasn't sure though, that pushing Kono away had been the best choice.

"tell me what you know then"

He moved closer, his hands coming to cradle her wet cheeks, wiping the remaining tears from her face. Her breath caught in her throat, she hadn't realized how much she had missed him until he touched her, and she had been too busy with being angry at him.

"I know that I shouldn't have left you, that being away from you has been the worst thing I've ever done. I know that I need you in my life like the air that I breathe. I know that I love you so much my heart aches from missing you so much and if you don't forgive me you might as well shoot me because I'm not sure I can live without you" he whispered "That's what I know Kono"

The sincerity in his voice touched her deep inside. He loved her and he had missed her as much as she did, he had made a mistake and was destroying himself for it. She couldn't just say not, she couldn't just let him go when she felt the same way, when being away from him killed her inside and she wasn't sure she could survive another day without him.

"Don't do this to me again, you hear me?" she told him, caressing his face tenderly.

"Never"

"Whatever battles you have to fight, you have me. We're one now."

He rested his forehead with her own, breathing her scent.

"I know" he spoke softly, bending to kiss her sweetly on the lips. It was supposed to be just a peck but the missing days had finally caught up with them and they got lost in each other's arms in a matter of seconds.

The way to her forgiveness had been a long road, but sure had been worth it.

THE END!