==Hi, everyone! It's Tessa again! I was having the hardest time with this chapter, but I finally found what I was needing to make it as interesting as possible. I mean, we know Zane had a life with Dr. Julien, but we don't know what kind of life he had before Sensei Wu found him at the bottom of the frozen lake. So I took the opportunity to tell the tale of Zane's first memories after his memory switch got flipped. Just to make things clear, I'm not erasing anything with Dr. Julien. I just didn't write about it because, you know, at this stage in his life, he has no idea any of it happened! I hope my version of his alternate life is well accepted, because I thought about it a lot before typing it out. Here's a tip: When you find the weird name, think about the pronunciation of "Siberia" and you'll know what you're reading :) Please give me any kind of feedback! I will gladly take it into consideration for the future.==

AVELLA - "Her"

Haunted: Collapse into Caliginosity

Chapter 52:

Daughter

His life hung in the balance with my fingers around his throat. I wanted to crush his trachea. I could've crushed his trachea. If I only applied more pressure, it would've been done, but watching him struggle to stay alive plucked mysterious chords in my mind. It was satisfying after witnessing him assault Macca.

"Zane, stop!" Macca desperately pleaded, tugging my arm as hard as she could. Her cries filled my ears, and I realized it was because of me.

Releasing him was more difficult than I thought, because a part of me felt as if justice was left unfinished. Gazing down at her showed the true extent of her fright towards my off-the-charts aggression.

Monster, her expression said.

The thought deeply bothered me; I was supposed to help her situation, but I completely ruined it instead. So before I did something I would regret, I left the building with heat boiling in my skull like a crucible. I had to get away. Staying would lead to an uncontrollable incident.

In that moment, I truly wanted him to die. The hero I was supposed to be switched sides because of sweltering anger.

Getting out of the chaos of the city and finding the Bounty tucked away within the darkness many miles away happened too slowly. I couldn't get Macca's expression out of my mind, and it began to haunt me with regret. She alone has caused me to experience many new and foreign emotions. Anger was something that rarely crossed paths with me, but what I felt tonight got out of my control. Trying to protect her shouldn't have become a dire situation.

Monster. You almost killed an innocent man.

A ripple effect could play out and hurt the people who surrounded me every day. It'll immediately hit Macca and then the rest of us at a later time. We weren't safe anymore.

Everybody was laughing at the dinner table as Cole told a story. I kept my gaze lowered out of shame, but nobody was paying attention to me. I just gathered a plate of food very casually and listened.

"How old were you?" Nya asked, using chopsticks to place a dumpling in her mouth.

"Oh, I don't know...Maybe five," Cole replied. "I was the most annoying squirt back then."

"What was the most embarrassing thing you got caught doing?" Kai wondered.

"That's an easy one. The time my mom videoed me dancing naked in front of the bathroom mirror."

An explosion of laughter rang out among everyone. Sensei Wu shook his head at the end of the table with a smile hidden underneath his beard. Jay choked on his food, causing Nya to pat his back to make sure he was okay. "And I thought kissing my pillow was bad!" he exclaimed.

"I haven't seen the video to this day, but she swears she still has it," Cole finished.

"What about you, Zane?" Kai asked.

I paused in the middle of chewing and saw how they were looking at me, desiring another good laugh. Stress filtered through my body from being put on the spot and thinking about what I did just half an hour ago. I quickly swallowed. "I don't have any stories," I stated.

"Aw, c'mon," Jay protested with silliness in mind. "You've never seen what shouldn't have been seen?"

"No."

He narrowed his stare mischievously. "Have you kissed Macca yet?"

Someone stomped on his foot under the table. I could feel heat radiate from my face from embarrassment. Without responding, I left to go to bed early. I've had too much happen in one day. It was time to call it a night.

"Zane, wait," Kai said as soon as I made it to the hallway. "Jay was just being a jerk."

"He says things like that while he doesn't even have the guts to do the same with Nya."

His footsteps stopped behind me. "Did I just hear Zane throw out a clapback?"

"I suppose so. It's pretty obvious he's trying to get her attention indirectly."

He caught up to me. "You okay? You seem on-edge about something."

I hesitated. "You wouldn't understand."

"Did something happen with Macca?"

I halted outside our bedroom. "I hate it when you do this to me."

"Did you strike out?"

"What? No, I didn't try anything with her. I just caused her to lose her job and then I almost killed her boss."

"Whoa, slow down. Give me some details."

"He was aggressive and grabbing at her as if she were his property. I lost control of myself."

"Did you beat him up?"

"All I did was nearly suffocate him, but I scared Macca."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, and I can't stop thinking about it." I tightly held my fists beside me. "I ruined her life."

"No, you didn't. I'm sure it'll all get figured out. You just lost your temper. Talk to Sensei about it."

"But what do I say to Macca?"

"Uh...I'm not sure. How about we sneak off after everyone hits the hay and go see her? You can say you're sorry in the most sincere way: in person."

"But why would you go with me?"

"Because I know where she lives. I memorized her address a long time ago. Besides, you could use a wingman."

I went inside the room. "Your extensive knowledge about her can be weird sometimes."

"I like to think about it as trivia. Did you know her bra size is a C-cup? Or that she wears a size nine in shoes?"

My hands covered my ears. "I'm not listening anymore!"

He laughed. "You gotta admit, though. You can't go wrong with a body like hers. You hit the jackpot!"

I changed out of my ninja suit. "I don't understand why her body shape is so important. Everything about her makes her beautiful."

"You're not wrong about that. I just can't help but wonder how she manages to have a lot down low and high up but also pull off a small waist. And she's so little! How are you gonna kiss her without working too hard?"

"Ugh." I crawled into bed and pulled the blanket over my head. "Wake me up when it's time to leave. I'm tired of you making this a crisis."

In the middle of my dead sleep, something hit the side of my head. I lifted my head, hearing snoring around me, and found a pillow that didn't belong to me. Kai was looking at me upside down from his bunk. I suddenly remembered the plan and got up. Cole and Jay remained in a deep slumber as I went into the adjoining room to change.

Kai was waiting for me outside, already dressed and ready to head out.

"What time is it?" I whispered as we created distance between us and the Bounty.

"Nearly midnight. She's probably still up doing something. We just don't wanna scare her too bad."

"How unhappy do you think she is with me?"

He shrugged and made his Blade Cycle appear. "My only suggestion is to be one hundred percent honest with her, or else she'll open up a can of whoop-ass on you. And I'm only saying that based off of videos I've seen of her in school fights back in the good ole days."

"She's violent?"

"Only when she's mad."

I hesitated, but brought forth my Ice Speeder. Both of us drove across the Sea of Sand for Ninjago City. As the cool desert breeze crossed my face, I thought about what I was going to say to her. Would she be upset? Angry? Would she even listen to me? My worst fear was losing her as a friend. Surely something like this wouldn't end it all between us. Hopefully she meant every word she's ever spoken to me.

The continuous illumination of the grand city came into our view from a long distance away. I wondered how Kai could find his way even though he's never been inside the city before. Even with my doubts, I slowed down a bit to follow him. By now, I could find the Orb of Glass Dance Club without difficulty, but I've never been to Macca's home. I didn't know what to expect. Considering her lavish lifestyle, it might be something expensive and big.

Kai and I joined the road that went straight into traffic. I watched people notice us because of our masked faces and peculiar, bulky bikes. Kai gazed around at the bright lights and expansive buildings that seemed to touch the starless night sky.

"Are you sure you know the way?" I questioned him at a traffic light.

"Yeah." He pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I studied the directions while you were getting your beauty sleep. Make a left up here."

The light turned green and we pulled forward while embedded in a swarm of cars. Never once did he look back at the piece of paper as we made turns into a quieter part of town. The assortment of colored lights from advertisements and moving screens didn't come to this road. It was just full of plain streetlights and dark alleyways. Kai slowed down enough for his engine to remain as a low hum. There weren't many windows with lights on. People were asleep.

"This is it," he shared, bringing his golden sword back with a flash of white light. "She has an apartment on the fifth floor."

I scanned the specified row of identical windows. Only two were them had lights on, and they were beside each other.

Avoiding the glass front doors, I grabbed hold of the side of the building and began to climb.

"I'll be down here keeping watch," Kai informed me.

"You're welcome to join."

"Thanks, but I think you should do it alone. Just be honest with her."

I left him at the bottom and carefully peered through one of the windows to find nothing in particular. The given view I had showed white walls with a small kitchen that had tile flooring transition into carpet. There was a small table set up near a door and a green sofa right next to the window.

The other window presented something better. A colorful bed was directly in front me. Various stuffed animals took up space around the pillows. An empty bathroom was off to the side. The wall had golden records framed along it and boxes packed with items set along the floor trimming...and a dancing shadow having a private party against it.

Craning my neck, I saw her enjoying herself with headphones over her ears and her lips mouthing words to a song. Her blue tank top and tiny shorts indicated that she had settled in for the night. She would play along and then bend over to turn knobs, spin a disc, or flip switches. Her long hair swished around her shoulders with every movement. It was clear her focus was on music, but I needed to get her attention somehow. Knocking against the glass didn't get me anywhere. I resorted to getting my whole body into the full view. She may not be able to hear me, but she should be able to see me.

Noticing me made her stop completely with a jump in surprise. I couldn't tell what she was thinking as she took off the headphones and came to me to open the window. "How do you know where I live?" she asked, allowing me inside.

"I didn't. Kai did."

She gave me a confused look and peered over the side to see him at the bottom, who wasn't paying attention. "Is this about earlier?" she asked me.

"Yes. I wanted to apologize. I-I...lost control of myself."

She crossed her arms as I struggled to meet her eye. "Yeah, you kind of scared me. I've never seen you get angry. I wouldn't have even imagined you being that way."

Pity filled into a hot flash through my shoulders. I knelt down so I could be at her level with tears brimming. "I'm sorry I ruined your life."

"No, no, no," she said, slipping my mask off my face. "You didn't ruin my life, Zane. I don't need a paycheck to survive. I can make my own money. I just didn't want to get fired because that place has been a part of my life for years. It's the reason I got famous to begin with." She lifted my face with fingers under my chin. "This is a new phase for me. I can stay at home and make music on my own time for the first time ever."

The liquid pooling under my eyelids found the edge to spill over.

Her face softened, and she embraced me. "You're gonna make me cry," she moaned in my ear. "This whole thing had good come out of it. It wasn't a total loss. I don't want you to kick yourself and think that you ruined everything because you screwed up."

"But did screw up. I almost killed him."

"That doesn't mean you do that out of cold blood on a daily basis. You were trying to protect me. You're always trying to protect me. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you, because you're a hero."

She had to take a moment to collect herself. Although the burden still felt heavy on my heart, I knew time would be the only medicine to lighten the weight. It was up to me to forgive myself; Macca already did. Wallowing by myself wouldn't help anything if I didn't move on from my mistakes.

"Aw man," a new voice interrupted. "I was looking forward to that open can of whoop-ass."

We both glanced at the open window to see Kai crouched in the sill. "You thought I was gonna hit Zane?" Macca speculated.

"I figured there was a possibility. So, what are the consequences of all this?"

"There won't be any. My...former boss is a little bit scared of Zane now, and he's not willing to press charges as a result."

"Hear that, Zane? You're a free man!"

"But the deed has still been done," I reminded him. "Free doesn't mean innocent."

Macca pressed a finger to my lips. "Sweetie, how about you sleep on it? Tomorrow's a big day, and you're stressed out. Start fresh. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded, standing up. Kai let me pass by to climb down. "Goodnight, boys," she said.

"Do I not get a goodnight kiss for being Zane's moral support?" Kai joked.

Macca rolled her eyes with a small giggle, and then planted her lips right against Kai's forehead. "That's all you get. Now get out of my house, you good noodle."

I didn't know what happened to me. The only thing I remembered was being awakened by the old woman. It felt as if my eyes opened for the first time ever. The landscape was barren, frozen. It was unfamiliar. My consciousness felt empty from confusion and lack of a memory.

The old woman, who wore rags to keep warm, kept asking me questions, but I had no answers for them. "Where are you from?" her tired vocal cords exhaled.

"...I don't know."

"Do you have a family?"

I shook my head.

"What is your name?"

"I don't know."

Her wrinkled face became perturbed. She was merely a passerby who happened to find me unconscious on the side of a dirt road. It wasn't something that should be left alone, especially when amnesia was involved. I kept trying to remember something...anything, but there was absolutely nothing to pull from. Finally, the old woman picked up a leather book that was on the ground next to me. She read the front of it before opening it, and seemed hurt by the title. When she lifted the leather, she found a name etched into the first page.

"Zane," she read aloud. "Is your name Zane?"

"I don't know."

She took a moment to think to herself. "Will you let me help you?"

I nodded, hearing a rumbling coming from my abdomen.

"My village is nearby. I was returning. Come with me, and I will feed you, but we must hurry. Winter's first blizzard arrives this evening."

...

I followed the old woman for many miles, holding the book against my chest. Her name was Cytherea. Her rags prevented me from seeing how frail her bony body was, but despite her age, she was strong enough for the on-foot trek. Her limp gait spoke of a difficult past, and her thin white hair showed how malnourishment can affect health. Words were barely shared between us, but she made sure I was there the whole time.

The people of her village stared at my unfamiliar presence. I was very physically different from them. Cytherea didn't try to explain anything to anyone, even as they degraded her with looks that could kill. She whisked me inside her rickety wooden dwelling and began to prepare a meal. I remained silent, treading lightly in my new environment.

The mysterious book screamed to be opened. Its edges were worn and yellowing pages struggling to stay tied to the spine. The title read "The Lost City of Kitezh" in majestic golden letters. Cytherea sat down next to me before I could open it. "Write 'Zane,'" she patiently requested, holding out a writing utensil for me.

I took it, somehow knowing how to use it. The book was opened to the first page with the name already etched in. Writing the name next to it in black ink showed identical handwriting.

"Your name is Zane," she concluded. "I do not know if it can be done, but I will help you find your family, Zane."

I nodded, accepting the offer. The old woman stretched the wrinkles around her lips to form a smile. From that moment on, I knew everything would be okay for me.

...

That blizzards brought a great amount of snow to the village. Cytherea showed me the alternative way of getting outside if the door was unusable. We appeared on the roof like other villagers. Labor still had to be done for the day. I was sent out to assist people who were physically unable to perform tasks until the sun set for the day. Cytherea fed me again and explained how life in Mase Village was.

Surviving meant that everyone had to work together toward the same goal. There were some farmers who had a unique way of producing crops, and some hunters who left and didn't return unless they had a kill. Strangers who happened upon this place bartered for supplies or food, but it was an uncommon practice in a place this remote and cold. I was allowed to help in the labor if I wanted to settle down here, but if I didn't, I had to leave. Cytherea said I could stay with her until my family was found.

When labor was done for the day, Cytherea would go to sleep. I was left to myself, so I investigated her collection of books. The knowledge I obtained showed throughout many weeks of studying. From creating helpful contraptions to sharing information with children, Cytherea witnessed how intelligent I was. To her, I was a teacher to the uneducated.

One night, I read the book that had been with me since the day I first opened my eyes. It was an ancient legend about a Prophet and his dedicated followers spreading testimonies about the one God they worshiped.

The Prophet spoke about how God gifted him with an artifact that made him immortal in order to spread God's word to all of Ninjago. He gained followers through all walks of life, but there were still those who rejected his teachings and his account about God's gift, the Divine Source. Those people banded together to form the Order of Trinity, and they embarked on a mission to kill the Prophet for misleading hundreds of people with lies.

One day, Trinity ambushed the Prophet and his followers, piercing his heart with a spear. They witnessed the holy man bleed to death in the midst of the followers trying to save him. Their mission complete, Trinity dispersed.

In the years that passed, the followers continued to do the Prophet's deed, but they soon gained a new leader who looked identical to the original Prophet. Trinity's new chapter began, and they set out to kill, who they named, the False Prophet and his people to stop the madness once and for all.

The False Prophet and the followers learned of Trinity's plans, and they fled. They traveled across Ninjago until they found the Mountains of Impossible Height. In the treacherous mountaintops, they built the city of Kitezh in honor of God and to protect the Divine Source from evil. God rewarded them through nature's mysterious ways.

But after years of tranquility, Kitezh was attacked by an army and was lost forever. To this day, nobody knows what happened or where the city's skeleton lays. Explorers have tried to locate it, but to no avail. No artifacts have been recovered, nor any evidence of Kitezh's existence.

...

Cytherea woke up the next morning and found me focused in the book. I hadn't slept, because the legend consumed my curiosity.

"You do not remember where that book came from?" the old woman asked me.

"No, but it's a brilliant story. Do you know anything about Kitezh?"

She didn't answer me. Instead, she carefully took the book from me and examined the title once more. "Kitezh is my birthplace, Zane," she revealed. "I know everything about it."

I sat, speechless about the new information. I was so desperate to know its secrets that I knelt before her. "What was it like?"

"It's the most beautiful place in the world. My people were beyond their time. They were intelligent, like you. The things they could invent to improve life were nothing like the things out here in Ninjago. We were happy and lived in peace...until we were ambushed by soldiers made of stone. The Divine Source's guardians collapsed a glacier onto the city to keep the army from taking it, and we were driven out to survive."

Her recollection astonished me. She lived through what was written in the legend. "So the legend is not a myth! Tell me, what was the Prophet like?"

A pang of sadness hit her, causing her to drop the book. "...I did not know the Prophet. I was forced to leave at a young age because I sinned, and people blamed my mistake for the stone soldiers attacking us." She turned her back to me, but I already saw the tears streaming down to her sharp chin. "We were attacked as punishment by God for my doing."

I listened to her weep and wondered what happened that was so terrible. "Was there no room for sin in Kitezh?"

"We had to remain as pure as humanly possible. It was our way of life," she croaked.

"Cytherea...what did you do that caused your exile?"

"I cannot tell you. I'm too ashamed. I let my people down, and I can never return. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm an outsider here. That's why I am unwanted...unloved...all alone."

"That's not true. I want you, I love you, and you're not alone."

She gazed at me with sullen gray eyes.

"You're my only family, Cytherea. There's nothing you can do that'll drive me away. Let me take you back to Kitezh. Let me take you home."

"No, Zane. I would never make the journey at this age. I almost died getting here all those years ago, and my illness has already taken too much out of me."

There was a pause. "What illness?"

She approached me, took my hand, and placed it on her chest. I could feel a firm lump. "I'm getting weaker every day. My time is nearly up."

I absorbed the news in silence, not saying another word.

...

In the following months, I watched Cytherea deteriorate like a frail leaf. The woman who took me in, cooked for me, and became my mother figure became too weak to do anything anymore. I took care of her and made her comfortable, all while feeling the pain of her soul slowly withering away.

"Cytherea, what's going to happen to you after you die?" I asked.

"I'll go be with God," she softly answered, closing her eyes. "And if I have been wrong about God for my whole life, and find there to be nothing in the afterlife, then I have lost nothing."

My lip quivered as I tried to hold back tears. "What will happen to me?"

Her eyes opened again, and her arms extended toward me. My body shook as I let her embrace me. "You are going to find a nice, pretty girl to marry and you are going to have the family I was never meant to have."

"But you're my family. You're the only family I know."

Her cold fingers brushed against my cheek. "You are the son I never had. Your family is still out in Ninjago somewhere. I know they are, and you will find them. God has a plan for us all. He will show you the way."

"Did He show you the way when you were exiled?"

"Yes. He let me live, and He gave me you, after all these years."

"Did He not let you have children?"

"He punished me for having one out of wedlock."

I paused, looking deep into her gray eyes. "Is that why you were exiled?"

She looked away, tears welling in her eyes. "They took her away from me the moment she was born. I named her Sofia, and she was the most beautiful baby."

"What about the father?"

"I concealed his identity so he would be safe from my fate. He stopped loving me a long time ago."

"I will find Sofia, Cytherea. I will find her for you."

She kissed my cheek. "Tell her I love her, and I never regretted having her."

...

My slumber was interrupted by the sound of lungs struggling to draw in breaths. I immediately went to Cytherea's bedside, cradling her. Her eyes were open halfway and she shook and she tried to take deep breaths without coughing.

"I-I'm here, Cytherea," I helplessly whimpered.

She relaxed her hands against my arms, wanting to hold on and not leave me. "Zane...I...love...y-you."

"I love you, too, mother." I watched as every breath and beat of her heart brought more pain to her. My tears spilled over onto her paper-thin skin. She was fighting to stay for just a few more minutes. "If it hurts too much, just let go!" I pleaded. "I can't watch you be in pain anymore!"

Her fingers gripped my clothes.

"Cytherea, please! Just let go! You don't have to hold on any longer!"

She never took her eyes off me, not even when she stared into nothingness beyond my existence. Her grip loosened, and the final breath left her lungs. Her heart ceased beating. Her entire body became still and limp.

My mother passed away.

I buried my face into her neck, grieving for the old woman who adopted me as her own son.

...

My mission was clear after Cytherea's death. I had to trek across Ninjago to the Mountains of Impossible Height and discover Kitezh. Many explorers have failed to do it, but I was determined. Cytherea's daughter was out there, more than likely never knowing who her mother was or why she left. I wanted to make contact with her and her people to prove to the rest of the world that the legend was true .

I became a lone wanderer for many weeks, passing through many villages in terrible conditions just to get directions to where I was headed. My first mountain had Jamanakai Village at the top, and passing through it led me to God's gift to the Prophet's people, like the legend spoke of. From that point on, the journey changed for the worst. It was almost as if I was fighting God Himself. The numerous blizzards pelted me with snow until it hurt, my climbing equipment failed during ascension, and my insanity was tested to the limits.

One of the last things I remember was hearing thunder crack and ice shatter off the rock all around me. I used the last of my strength to hoist myself over a cliff...and see the top of an ancient building many miles away.

"Kitezh," I exhaled. The mountainous terrain formed a valley full of thriving nature. Pine trees surrounded the stone structure as it majestically stood alone.

Ka-boom!

Thunder exploded after lightning struck right above my head. The mountain began to tremble below me. A billow of white powder fell over me, tearing my appendages away from their holds. I entered a free fall, watching the mountain shrink and vanish.

The avalanche tossed me around and choked me until everything went black.

...

"Zane?" the old woman's voice echoed around me.

"Cytherea?" I responded, breaking into a run in the endless white realm. I frantically searched for her, wanting to lay eyes on her one last time. "Where are you?"

"I'm right behind you, son."

I reverted around to find a stocky young woman standing still. She had uncontrolled strawberry-blonde hair woven tightly in two long braids and gray eyes that were full of life and wonder. The attire on her body was from a variety of animal skins and armor, complete with a large quiver strapped to her back for hunting.

Cytherea was restored to her peak of youth, and she was beautiful.

"Do not be afraid," her thick accent soothed. "I will never leave you. I will always be here for you." She held out her scarred hand for me. The instant we touched, everything went away.

This time, I was sitting on the comfortable ground with a young girl in my lap. She had her back to me, and I saw her sketching a picture of a bird when I glanced over her shoulder. Her tan skin reflected light perfectly. My gentle hands stroked her brown hair.

"Dad, why can't my name just be Cytherea by itself?" she inquired. "I hate my name."

"Little bird, your mother and I came up with it ourselves. It's beautiful, just like you are." I pressed my lips against the back of her head and lovingly embraced her.

"You're gonna make me mess up!" she laughed, squirming to protect her picture.

"No I'm not." I brushed through a different section of her hair and found it to be blonde like mine. It was very wavy and silky, a delight to feel.

She relaxed against my shoulder. "I love you, Dad," she shared.

"I love you, too." I tried reaching around to kiss her cheek, but I was unable to see her face before everything went away again.

This time, I was outside during the night. The stars brightly shined down as God's gift performed in front of me. I looked over to see the most beautiful woman to ever walk Ninjago sitting next to me. Macca met my eye. "You're going to meet a nice, pretty girl to marry and you are going to have the family I was never meant to have," she quoted.

I remembered the dream I had of the young girl drawing the bird, and how she had features very similar to Macca's. Since the day I met Macca, I knew my dream would one day become a reality. I was going to spend the rest of my life with the Ninjago City native, and we were going to someday have a daughter together, a daughter I would name after Cytherea.

"Zane, wake up," Kai urged, prodding me. "You're gonna be late for training."

I jolted awake, feeling rays of sunlight on my back.

"Tonight will be here quicker once you get training over with."

He left the room to go to the upper deck, leaving me to make the decision to get out of bed with all these thoughts and memories making my head spin.