Chapter Four

Ian and Mitabi

Dita and Luke

Gunther, Eld, Petra, and Oluo

"You're Eren Jaeger's father, am I correct?" Two Garrison members hurried forward.

"And his mother," said Grisha, nodding at Carla, who bit back a smile.

"I'm Ian Dietrich. This is Mitabi." Ian saluted the Jaegers. "Your son saved our town."

"I'm sorry all of you had to offer your lives," Carla said, noting Grisha's discomfort.

"We're happy they're safe for now," Mitabi said. "It was worth it. I mean, I'd love to live again, but I'd die a hundred times to ensure Trost's safety."

"You will live again. And you already are," said the Person with a gentle smile.

Mitabi flushed. "If only it felt like that. You understand."

"I do," agreed the Person.

"Now," said Ian. "What is this master plan of Pixis's? Oh, and Erwin, now, should he prevail."

"They won't kill my son," Carla said angrily.

"I hope not," Ian said, glancing down at the trial.

"Eren, shut up," Grisha muttered as his son screamed out his feelings. Feelins he had no right to condemn, for how often had he wished to vent as Eren was?

"They're kicking him." Carla covered her eyes.

"They need to," Ian said uncomfortably. "Unfortunately." He had to admire Rico's restraint.

"I know," Grisha said. "Give us a moment, would you? Until we can divulge my secrets."

"Understood." Ian held his breath.

"I mean…" Faye shrugged.

"They'll let him go. They have to," Frieda insisted.

"You still have faith in the government?" Thomas asked.

"No, but I have faith in men and women such as these." She pointed below.

"They're letting him go," Marco said eagerly.

"In custody," Carla said, her heart aching.

Faye saw the relief glistening in Grisha's eyes. "You're happy he let it out, aren't you?"

"I wonder – if I'd been allowed to –"

"Don't think like that." She slipped an arm around him. "Although, brother, do you know how often I longed to beat you while you yammered on about Ymir's children?"

Despite himself, Grisha chuckled. "I let you win when we were children, as I recall."

"You let me?" Faye socked his shoulder. "Bastard."

"Are you okay?" Frieda crouched next to Marco.

"Not really." He swallowed hard as the new Survey Corps swore their vows. As Jean pledged his soul on Marco's memory.

I'm with you.

"You wish to join them." Frieda watched her sister quaking, crying, yet swearing regardless. I'd be there for you, Historia, if only I could. Even if it broke every rule.

"How can they swear an oath like they mean it, when they're murderers?" Marco watched Reiner's face shimmer with righteousness, Bertolt's with desperation.

He glanced back to where Sonny and Bean – he hadn't met them yet – were being embraced by Grisha Jaeger. At least Annie hadn't been hypocritical after killing them.

"Because in some sense, this sort of sacrifice and bravery and – nobility, I suppose – is what they really want. They'll chase after any chance for it, however fleeting." Frieda recalled the rage of peasants she'd condemned as sinners who deserved to die in filth. She recalled the weight of the three walls upon her shoulders, her teenage shoulders, that prevented all apologies. Not because she didn't regret, but because she didn't deserve forgiveness while she confined humanity to a pacifist gone too far.

She would fetch water and milk and bread for the peasants later, but with the full knowledge that her kindness could never absolve her words. She'd chased that purity anyway.

Maybe these poor titan children, these poor Eldians, were the same.

"I'm not mad they killed me. Well, not much." Marco chuckled. "I just wish they could change."

"Me too, Marco." Frieda nodded with a lump in her throat. "Me too."

"I have a bad feeling about this mission," muttered Kruger to Ian. "The Commander's gambling."

"It's all Smith knows, and I'd do the same," admitted Ian. Memories of fighting without 3D gear, of being shoved into a titan's mouth, surfaced. "I have done the same."

"So would I. Doesn't mean it won't end badly," said Kruger, shoving his hands in his pockets.

More soldiers filed back. The 104th casualties, from Marco to Ruth to Franz and Hanna, to Mina, Thomas, Nac, and Mylius, watched their comrades with bated breath.

"I regret wanting the Garrison," Ruth said quietly.

"I don't," Hanna admitted. "But I'm glad you do."

Ruth smiled.

Grisha paced nervously by the gate.

"Kid, please," muttered Kruger.

"Don't tell him to quell his emotions anymore," said Mr. Jaeger.

"Dear, I know you think you're helping, speaking up after all these years, but I don't think you are," piped up Mrs. Jaeger, earning a smirk from Kruger.

"Look." Marco was on his knees next to Faye and Frieda, crying and praying as Annie in titan form decimated the right flank.

"Fuck! Fuck!" screamed Grisha. He glanced back.

"You're allowed to express," said the Person. "Or did you think transformation stopped after death?"

"I – I guess not," said Grisha, recalling his reconciliation with Carla.

Men and women gathered outside, and two people shoved past the crowd to greet the newcomers. One was an older man with a striking resemblance to Commander Smith, another a young woman with a face like Levi's. Grisha had never seen them before.

He felt frozen, but Carla joined them, though she spared a sweet smile for him.

"It takes time," Kruger said behind him. "Time, and practice."

And so the Night Owl himself went forward, but Grisha still couldn't.

"No." Marco wiped his eyes and nose as Dita Ness and Luke Siss took on Annie. He knew the outcome, he knew her – and they didn't. "Do I have to watch?"

"No," said Faye sadly.

He covered his eyes.

"Sometimes," said Frieda, "I think closing your eyes can be brave."

"Let's meet them." Faye tugged him forward.

"You helped my friends!" Marco launched himself into Dita's arms.

"Uh – heyyyyy." Dita nodded at Marco. "Um, Luke, where are we?"

"We're in heaven. And it's never felt less so," said Siss with a frown. "What good has dying accomplished? I just – I just let her squish me, Dita, like a gnat, and now the operation's in danger –"

"The operation," said Marco, pulling away from a slightly relieved Dita, "we can watch."

"Watch more die?" Siss shook his fist at the Person. "Damn you! I'll – I'll stay outside – wherever you aren't."

And then he looked at the Person, and even in his wrath he knew he'd badly misjudged. And he fell to his knees and sobbed.

Dita had finished straightening his bandana. He knelt besides Luke. "Don't give up, Luke. We may yet to some good. Here. Even dead."

"We still exist, don't we?" Marco sat before them.

Another soldier stumbled over Marco. "Oh! I'm sorry! What –"

"Is it possible to get trampled to death and re-enter heaven?" grumbled Dita.

"Thankfully," said Marco with a grin, "No."

Siss turned his tear-stained soul towards Marco. "You're part of the 104th, aren't you?"

"You wear it well," said Dita, and nothing could have honored Marco more.

"Look out!" Grisha's heart ached for his son. Choose to trust your comrades. Obey. But choose. Eren had to choose for himself.

"Breathe." Carla entwined their fingers.

"Carla, I'm dead either way."

"Still. You'll feel better."

"I know," Grisha confessed. "But I can't watch this."

"You don't have to."

"It's my punishment. My hell in heaven."

"Stop it," said his mother. "Please. You don't – if you do, so do we –"

"No, I mean –"

"We abandoned Faye for safety," said his father. His voice broke. "You have no idea how much I regret that – and how much I regret silencing you – I keep wondering if I had been different – "

"You feared for me, too," said Grisha, himself in tears. "It's not your fault."

"She's been caught!" Faye clapped a hand over her mouth.

"I don't like this. They don't know enough," Grisha said to Kruger, who merely nodded with his irritating brand of calm.

Meanwhile, Marco had prodded Luke Siss and Dita Ness into heaven.

Heaven, real enough that no one was surprised when Annie screamed, where they cried both for the lives about to be lost and for her pain, where they found that mourning together was all they needed right then.

No, thought Grisha. I won't give in to groupthink. I need this to stop.

The Person's eyes were sad. They would not approve groupthink.

But can humans help it? We're hopeless, even here. Grisha clapped his hands against his forehead as Gunther Shultz's throat burst open. "Eren!"

The pain his son was feeling – Grisha collapsed.

As Squad Levi desperately cut ito the titan, Grisha knew what would happen. He was not surprised when Eld was bit in two, when Petra was thrown into a tree, when Oluo was extinguished.

But then he saw Gunther first, and Eld, hesitating, waiting for their comrades to materialize.

They hugged each other and cried.

"I lasted longest." Oluo shoved Petra playfully.

"Oh, someone's talking like himself for once," Petra exclaimed. "Guess this heaven works miracles after all."

Then she pressed her lips against his.

Siss had to grab Dita's hands to keep him from clapping.

"Did you know about this?" Gunther hissed to Eld, who nodded with a grin. "I saw no signs!"

"It's about knowing people, not signs," Eld whispered back. Then he wrapped one arms around the couple, another around Gunther, and steered them towards their final journey.

When Squad Levi turned around to face the gate together, friends in life and life after life, they saw a cloud of myriad witnesses admiring them.

A bespectacled man raced forward. "You loved my son!"

And much like Carla had regained hope with Marco's help, Grisha found himself regaining hope with Squad Levi, a Squad so powerful they didn't even need to speak to him for hope to be restored.

In this moment, he knew every sob in his heart, every scream of rage, every mutilation and tender moment with Carla and Dina, every time his sons snuggled in his arms – these moments made humanity worthwhile.