As I study the lines on the ceiling
I find the fact you're unkind quite appealing
-Bittersweet Bundle of Misery
Emily excused herself when the sexual tension between the two younger girls became very palpable. Rachel was all over Quinn in the most subtle and seductive way, that the British woman wanted to stand up and give the diva a salute. She walked the talk. She won't be third party to anything. She knew that this won't change the entire game overnight. Quinn would still be following her like a lovesick puppy because it's the nature of the beast—a very blonde beast— and it would be in the hands of Rachel to decide when she will put on that leash and stop Quinn from straying. Emily saw several acquaintances (she does go around, she realized that night) and used that as a pretext to let these two clueless young girls a moment to take one small step.
Santana asked her tonight what her angle was. She's taking it as, if she had a hidden agenda. She's certainly not one for altruistic acts, so the older woman used this opportunity to ask herself as well why she had been very giving to Quinn without asking anything in return. It wasn't even about sex. She's had better partners; that's for sure. It took a huge amount of coaxing just to get Quinn comfortable with the idea of a strap-on, and even then, they haven't actually used it. The blonde did seem to have a thing for control that hazel eyes brightened at the sight of the British woman tied up to her bed. She wondered if there was a way for her to slip that information to Rachel.
"So, you'll be auctioned off later, huh?", Rachel whispered as she was tracing patterns over the length of Quinn's arm. "Can I try and bid for you?"
"I..I.., uhm", Quinn swallowed thickly. "Y-yeah, I guess. I mean…", she paused and breathed in then exhaled sharply, "You're free to do so. But…but you don't have to because we can always have dinner."
"Yeah, but this is for a good cause."
"Yes", Quinn nodded emphatically. "A good cause." She looked up to study Rachel's face and was reminded of why she was so outrageously attracted to the girl in the first place. The brunette had very little make-up, letting her blemish-free skin shine its natural glow. She wore her hair down and allowed its natural waves to flow, just the way Quinn had always liked it. Rachel gazed back at her from hooded eyes and the blonde's breath hitched. God, those Bambi eyes. "You look so beautiful", Quinn husked and gave her a lopsided smile.
The brunette gave her a small smile. "She's very pretty. Emily."
Quinn's face fell then pulled away from the diva. "Yeah", she murmured with the mouth of her glass right in front of her lips. "She is."
"You were right. She's so much prettier than me."
Rachel slammed the door as soon as she stepped in their apartment and threw her coat and bag on the floor. Quinn stumbled over from their bed to meet the brunette half way for a comforting embrace. "Shh.." Quinn ran her hands on the diva's back as she sobbed. The taller girl led her distraught girlfriend to their bed. "Baby", she whispered soothingly while peppering Rachel's face with light kisses.
"They said…they said my face was too…ethnic, Quinn. They chose the other girl because she was more.."
"Generic looking?", Quinn finished in between Rachel's sobs. "They're stupid. They don't deserve your talents, then."
Rachel had gotten back from an off-Broadway audition. She claimed she had no expectations since she's still studying at NYADA and if she didn't get the part, she would still be fine. Quinn knew that was a lie and prepped up herself to be the most supportive girlfriend –win or lose. She didn't expect however that the panel would zero in on Rachel's face. This was theatre for crying out loud, not America's Next Top Model. And besides, her girlfriend was beautiful. Anyone who fails to see that was a loser in the blonde's book.
Quinn cupped Rachel's face and forced the smaller girl to look at her. "Rach, please don't let that eat you up. It's just one opinion. A misguided one if you ask me. You're the most beautiful—"
Rachel scoffed then pulled away from Quinn. "You don't have to lie to me, Quinn."
The blonde stayed still, shocked at how Rachel brushed her off. "I'm not lying, Rachel", she pleaded. "You're the most beautiful woman for me."
"You know? I've always wondered how you skipped from RuPaul to that", the brunette said with derision.
Quinn felt like air was knocked out of her. "I've long apologized for that".
"Doesn't mean it wasn't true, Quinn. I don't look pretty. I'll never—"
"Your face isn't a template for some teen drama protagonist, yes. But that doesn't mean you're not beautiful, Rachel. You want to know what my eyes see?"
Rachel groaned and shook her head. "Quinn, stop that."
"No", the blonde crawled towards Rachel and settled in between the brunette's thighs and kissed the her eyebrows. "You've got the most hypnotic eyes. I could stare at them forever and be content with that." She then kissed the diva's cheekbones. "Well-defined, adds character to your face." Quinn went on to kissing Rachel's lips. "And these lips. I can go on and on worshipping them." She felt herself being pushed when she was about to kiss the smaller girl's nose. "Rachel…"
"Quinn, just. Stop. Okay? I need you to be supportive but don't lie to me. You don't even know what the other girl looks like."
"And I don't need to. I don't need to compare you to someone else for me to make a conclusion that you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. I don't care who's right in front of me. You're the only one that makes my heart skip a beat."
Rachel glared at Quinn. Well, that wasn't what the blonde expected. And it made her want to drown kittens out of frustration. "Rachel, please tell me you believe me."
"I can't", she murmured and looked down. "I don't."
"Why?"
"Look at you, Quinn. Your face. That's beautiful."
"I'm not the standard of beauty. There isn't any, Rachel. And I'd like to remind you that you're not the one who went under the knife. That's me."
"I've seen those pictures, Quinn. Your nose was still ten times better than what I have"
"We're not back to that, Rach", Quinn shook her head. "Your nose is part of who you are. I thought we agreed to never compromise and give in to social pressures, again? We made a pact, remember?"
"Quinn, I won't ever get a job if I don't compromise."
"That's just one audition, baby..", she pleaded again as she tentatively took Rachel's hand. "You told me everyone who made it big had received more rejection than acceptance in auditions. You're just like them." She held Rachel tightly. "And when you're huge and winning awards, those people will just shake their heads dumbly—"
"Quinn. Stop. Lying. To me." Rachel broke free from Quinn's arms and got off from their bed, storming out of their apartment.
"I'm tired, Rach", Quinn whispered but with force. "I'm tired of having to lie to you just so you won't accuse me of lying."
The brunette was taken aback. "W-what do you mean, Quinn?"
"I've spent almost three years telling you how beautiful you are to me. But every single time, you shot me down and accused me of lying. It hurt every time. It hurt because you can't bring yourself to accept that you aren't ugly. It hurt to know I'm one of the reasons why. And it hurt to be dismissed the way you had been dismissing me when I have been telling you the truth all along. You're beautiful. The most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on."
Rachel looked away and blinked several times. When it was clear that she had no retort, the blonde spoke again. "You never stopped accusing me of lying until I give in and say someone else is prettier than you. I never understood that. You have no idea. No idea. How that rips me apart. To say those words, to look at you and lie through my teeth."
"Quinn.."
"No, you listen to me, Rachel.", the blonde said with clenched jaws and gritted teeth.
The brunette pursed her lips and nodded. "Okay..okay.."
"If you want to continue with this masochistic habit of yours to compare yourself with other women, that's your deal. But don't involve me anymore. I'm done putting up with it. I'm done tearing up my own heart just to feed this freakish need of yours to put yourself down. I. Love. You.", she said, emphasizing every word with her finger jabbing the table. "I love looking at you. I love your face and your body. You turn me on without having to do anything. No one's ever compared to you, and no one will. Other people might have nicer features than yours, but it never meant they will be more beautiful in my eyes. But I don't know how to convince you anymore. I'm tired. I'm just. Tired." Quinn stood up and headed to the front door. Any minute more in that conversation and she would have exploded. Leaning against the wall, she rummaged in her coat pocket for her pack of cigarettes and lit one stick before closing her eyes.
"I didn't know you were back to smoking", a small voice from her right appeared.
"Rachel, not now.", Quinn groaned and rubbed her forehead.
"No..I wasn't about to chastise you" Rachel took one step forward, gauging Quinn's reaction to her closing in. "I just..I had no idea, that's all."
"Well, now you do."
Rachel stood next to Quinn and rested her back against the wall. After a few moments of silence, the brunette finally spoke up. "Quinn, I'm sorry…"
"It's fine, Rachel."
"No..no, it's not. You're right..I've been..I've been doing that all this time. I don't really know why. I guess.."
"You don't need to explain anything", Quinn sighed.
"Yes, I do. I listened to you earlier..so it's your turn to listen to me."
"Fine", the blonde huffed then exhaled smoke that formed into circles.
That momentarily distracted the brunette. "That's..that's sort of neat. How do you do that?", she asked with an amused tone and wide eyes that lingered on the series of circular patterns floating on air.
Quinn chuckled. "Magic."
Rachel quirked her eyebrows and smiled widely at the blonde, "Okay, I'll take your word for it."
An awkward silence enveloped them afterwards. "But not when I tell you..", Quinn couldn't continue. She didn't want to anymore.
"I've never understood why me, of all people, Quinn. I look at you and see this striking woman I've always wanted to be. The truth is, I compare myself to other girls because I can't bring myself to comparing with you."
"You're my..you were my partner, Rachel. We weren't supposed to compete with each other."
"We once were rivals, too, Quinn."
"And you won, didn't you?", the blonde smirked. "You got your Romeo in the end and I was left fleeting from one boy to another."
Rachel pouted. "You got me in the end, when you could have gotten so much more."
"Like what? White picket fences, an accountant husband and three blonde kids?"
"No, of course not.", the brunette frowned. "But anything you wanted."
"Well, we've come full circle, haven't we? I got what I wanted, and now I don't have her again."
Rachel opened her mouth but was interrupted by Quinn. "You know what they say. Be careful for what you wish for. I wished for you, Rachel. But somewhere along the way, I forgot to wish for you to want me back."
"Quinn, that's not true.", Rachel protested vehemently. "Let me make it up to you. Please. One chance, that's all I'm asking."Rachel took Quinn's hand and squeezed it thrice. I love you; that's what it always meant. Quinn used to do that all the time in their quiet moments. "We should go back in, huh? The program's about to start", she smiled softly at the blonde.
"Yeah", Quinn sighed then flicked the cigarette off her hand.
"You know, I would never approve of smoking. But. I do admit you make it look cool."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Stop that."
"Okay, okay", the diva laughed while ushering their way back to their assigned table. "Are you ready?"
"Uhm, no. I don't think I will be."
Santana sauntered at the middle of the stage and tapped the microphone. "Alright, lesbians and gays. And everyone else in between and undefined" She was met with laughter and applause. "Love you, Alex", she blew a kiss at a transgender seated near the bar and Alex reciprocated. Quinn looked around and smiled proudly. Santana, God, who would've thought she will become New York College Scene's poster child of LGBT rights?
"Welcome to our first—and hopefully not the last—NYU LGBT Auction Night for Trevor Project." More applause and a few "yeahs" to boot. "I'm your organizer and host—because we're so cheap to hire someone else—Santana Lopez, hottest Latina this side of the borough."
Someone screamed, "JLo, who?"
"You're doing it right sweetheart. Keep it up and you might end up having dinner with me tonight, for free."
Several voices followed suit with "So can we bid for you?"
"If the price is right, honey", she seductively winked at a redhead behind Quinn. "But ask yourself first if you can handle me"
Quinn covered her face and screamed in delight while Rachel stood up and applauded loudly in unison with the crowd. "So listen y'all. The rules are simple. We have selected some of New York's finest college students from Columbia down to our friends at Fordham", Santana paused and winked at Quinn, "one by one, we will send them off to stage and you can bid to your heart's content for a chance to dine with them right above us on the second floor of this building –no, Tyler, there aren't any beds up there—
A dramatic groan of disappointment and howls of laughter. Quinn glanced at Rachel and both smirked at each other. Santana was definitely killing it.
"—So just to clarify, if things aren't clear yet, the winning bidder gets to have dinner—sponsored by our lovely partner, Therapy— with the auctioned person. Now, anything that happens after that is no longer the liability of our organization. So, don't even think of filing a lawsuit against us later on."
A collective "awww" was up in the air. Jesus, Santana was feeding the audience right at the palm of her hands.
"Just remember, all proceeds—from your tickets to the event, to the auction— will go to Manhattan's local Trevor Project's program focusing on violence against teen LGBT. So bid high and bid bullying goodbye."
"Well, that was catchy", Emily interjected upon return to their table. Quinn saw Rachel pout at the corner of her eye that the blonde couldn't help but chuckle softly. Rachel turned to face Emily. "You know, I think I have failed to ask what exactly do you do. I mean, besides being a graduate student."
Quinn straightened up and glanced back and forth to the two brunettes on both her sides.
"I do development work.", Emily smiled and nodded.
"How impressively…vague."
Quinn's eyes widened and breathed deeply. She can't recall the number of times she had done that tonight. Emily chuckled. This woman is made of ice. Or nerves of steel. "It means I go out to developing countries and do all sorts of things, wherever I'm needed. I was a UN volunteer for a few years at East Timor. Peacekeeping missions. That kind of stuff."
"So, you're just a regular Mother Teresa, huh?"
"Well, no. I don't build orphanages and take care of people stricken with leprosy.", the older woman smirked. She's pushing Rachel's buttons, Quinn realized. Emily leaned closer to Rachel. "I'm not that kind."
The diva's smile faltered and was replaced with displeasure. "What do you get in return, then?"
"Experience, knowledge", she looked at the blonde and continued, "authority and influence." Quinn's mouth contorted and tried to look away. "You'd be surprised, Rachel, how those things can change lives, too. I plan to put up my own NGO later on."
The brunette's expression transformed to vulnerability at the exchange of looks between Emily and Quinn. "In New York?"
With this, Emily paused and made like she was contemplating. "No", was her curt answer, much to the diva's relief. "Somewhere in Asia, maybe. In one of the former British colonies. It would be easier for me. Though everything's, as you say, impressively vague for now"
Quinn cleared her throat. "Uhm, it's starting, guys."
Rachel scooted closer to Quinn and whispered. "I don't trust politicians."
"Rachel", the blonde whispered back. "She's a development worker, not a politician."
"Same difference", the diva huffed then stared at the perfectly chiseled boy on the stage while Santana was making introductions.
Time went by quickly. The closer it got to Quinn's turn, the more agitated the blonde had become, hunching over, tapping her chin with her fingers, excusing herself for a cigarette break and gobbling down her drinks like it was water. The two brunettes kept looking at each other in a silently communicated amusement at the former HBIC's anxiety. When Quinn excused herself for a bathroom break, Emily asked the younger brunette, "Has she always had a stick—"
"Yes", Rachel nodded several times. "That's an absolute yes."
"Huh", the older brunette pursed her lips and looked at Rachel with sympathy. "You're a good woman, Rachel Berry."
Rachel chuckled at the musical reference. The moment she turned her attention back to the stage, she whispered to herself, "I wish I really was."
"What did I miss?", Quinn asked upon return.
"Nothing", the two brunettes said in unison.
"Oh-kay", the blonde quirked her eyebrows and took another swig from her glass.
She knew it was her turn when Santana's smile turned into a Cheshire-cat grin. "Okay, I need all your attention to this lady because this fine specimen is very close to my heart."
Fuck. Here we go.
"Here's the thing. We've known each other since forever and ruled our high school as bitches in charge. I will personally feel insulted if she doesn't fetch a good price tonight." Quinn muttered some curses under her breath and held on to her seat. "Here's one for all of you ladies who like it virginal and smart. She's the former cheerleading head and celibacy club president of McKinley High, Lima, Ohio—I know, perfect combination, right?"
Quinn felt the blood rush through her head and tuned out the whistles and hoots. "…Class Valedictorian and currently taking up Social Anthropology—whatever the fuck that means—at Fordham University. Let's all give our love to Quinn Fabray!"
It took her a few seconds and a push from both Emily and Rachel to actually get up from her seat then walk up to the stage. Santana gave her a quick hug and muttered words of encouragement. "Alright, we'll start in a few. Let's just allow the audience to cool themselves down, shall we? Quinn, anything you want to say?"
The blonde looked at Santana, furrowed her brows and shook her head. "Aww..Quinnie is shy", Santana chided playfully. "Say something so they would know what sexy voice you have that will make them want to converse with you during dinner."
Quinn threw a bashful smile and a soft "hello"; the diva swore she heard a collective swoon from a group of women a few tables behind her. The night just got more competitive. The small brunette glanced at Emily and found the British woman unfettered by the warm response on Quinn and seemed to have been enjoying capturing the blonde's moment of glory—or humiliation—on her smartphone's camera.
"Okay, we begin. And we start with a…" Santana pointed to someone at the back. "We have fifty dollars here, ladies. Come on, you know she's much more than that"
"Seventy-five!"
"And seventy-five, do I hear a hundred? Yes!", Santana pointed to a butch with a mohawk who waggled her eyebrows. Quinn's eyes locked with Rachel's. The brunette mouthed "Puck" then motioned with her hand "2.0" and laughed. The blonde smiled, closed her eyes, and then shook her head subtly. She opened her eyes, pointed at the diva then to herself. Rachel nodded and screamed, "hundred twenty five!"
The Latina grinned at Rachel. "A hundred twenty five, do I hear a hundred fifty? One hundred fifty anyone?"
"A hundred and fifty"
Ugh. That posh British accent. Rachel stared at Emily who smirked at her in return. The bitch was waiting for her to post a bid.
Oh, crap. Quinn thought. She forgot about Emily.
Rachel sat up straight and puffed her chest. Quinn recognized that stance. It was the diva's fighting posture. Let the games begin.
"One hundred seventy five", Rachel raised her finger the glared at Emily.
The British woman chuckled then leaned back in an annoyingly relaxed manner. "Two hundred"
"Two. Twenty Five."
It became apparent to the audience that there was a battle royale happening between the two women seated on the same table. A quiet agreement came about for no one else to bid and watch how things will unfold.
Emily's smile grew wider. This was turning out to be the best night of her life. "Two hundred and fifty".
A collective "oooh."
Rachel mentally calculated her money. She had 325 in her wallet. Nothing more, nothing less. She promised Santana she will fight it out, and she loved her life. The decision was easy. "Two seventy five"
A collective "hell, yeah."
Quinn glanced at Emily with pleading eyes. She wanted Emily to stop, she needed Emily to stop. But the British woman simply grinned and shrugged. "Three hundred"
Rachel took a deep breath. This was it, her last bid. And by the looks of it, Emily has thousands to spare. "Three hundred twenty five and a free performance from New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts's top student"
A collective gasp.
The diva turned around and faced the audience "…that's me, by the way", she said quietly. "In case… you're wondering."
Quinn looked at her with adoration. Santana glanced at her co-organizer who gave her a thumbs up. "Okay..we've got three hundred twenty five and a free performance. Anyone?" And by that, she meant Emily.
The older woman laughed, shook her head, and raised her hands up. "Can't compete with that."
There was thundering applause and roars of approval. "Just to clarify", Santana chuckled. "By performance, you mean? You will sing for Quinn on stage for our entertainment?"
Rachel's mouth hung. "I—okay"
"I don't get a say on this?", Quinn protested.
"Uhm, no. You're the prize as far as this event is concerned.", Santana whispered. "Okay!", she exclaimed. "Miss Berry, please claim your prize after your performance", she said as she pushed Quinn to sit on a chair backstage. "Lucky you, we have a live band", the Latina told Rachel.
"You said for me to do everything I can to win."
Santana nodded with pride. "And that's why I'm rooting for you."
The diva stepped closer to the band and huddled up for directions. Rachel flashed a huge smile upon realizing that the band can do what she had in mind. While waiting for a few more auctions, Rachel prepped up with Quinn simply gawking quietly at her ex-girlfriend giving instructions and tapping her foot at the bass's rhythm. She nodded and Quinn saw her mouth "perfect."
When the final bid happened, Santana announced the total amount raised and was pleased at the turn out. It was Rachel's turn to please someone, and the people waited in anticipation. No one knew their story, or what they're currently going through. All they saw was a girl who fought her way to win another girl's time and attention. It was sweet and romantic. No one can say no to that.
It was time. Santana pushed Quinn back on stage and by Rachel's order, made the blonde take a seat on the black stool. Rachel surveyed the stage and nodded. God bless the people who ran this as a whorehouse. She had everything she needed.
There was no need for further introductions. The band started playing the first chords of Paolo Nutini's Ten out of Ten but tweaked it into a jazzy cabaret style perfect for the stage set up and Rachel's intentions. Quinn recognized the song right away. It was always in her playlist. Rachel listened after all. She started in a slow, husky way "All the people wanna try you girl. And I hope you tell them where to go". Rachel flicked her hand with the last words and slowly descended from the upper part of the stage. "Cos I've got so much here to offer girl, Oh I love you more than you can know." She held on to the pole found on the left side. "Some people wanna speed it up, in fact I want to slow it down, I wanna get myself dressed up yeah, and take you out on the town" The brunette walked around the pole as she held on to it while singing "I'll be a model pupil tonight, babe, I wanna get ten out of ten. I'll be a model pupil tonight babe, I wanna get ten out of ten."
She stared at Quinn with predatory eyes that made the blonde feel shivers down her spine. "Everybody's got opinions girl, their own versions of a good idea". She stepped closer, "But the best one I can think of now, is to make sure that I keep you near" Perfect timing. Her hand gripped Quinn's shoulder then rubbed it as she sang, "And I know I've got to keep it up, cos I can see you're feeling down". With that she ran her hand down through the valley between Quinn's chest and rested at her torso. Rachel could see clearly the audience's gaped mouths and she could feel Quinn's breath rising and falling erratically. She immediately removed her hand like a tease and continued with, "And I wanna get myself get dressed up, yeah, and take you out on the town" They edited the song to make it shorter, skipped the chorus and went straight to "And get an A in the taxi,A in a restaurant, Get ten out of ten". Rachel stepped around and sat on Quinn's lap. "And an A in the kitchen." There was a pause from the band. "And an A in the bedroom", Rachel sang acapella to the phrase and smiled smugly at Emily. The band resumed with, "I get ten out of ten"
She finally faced Quinn and cupped her cheek as she breathed the final verse "You make it out of nothing, and turn it into something. And give it to you all for free. I'll be a model pupil tonight, babe. I wanna get ten out of ten"
While the crowd was rowdy downstairs, the ambiance at the second floor was made to be intimate. Rachel was riding high on her performance (and the fact that the audience was gay gave Rachel potential fans in Broadway, did boost the diva's ego) she ignored the food and Quinn's half-hearted protests. There was nothing the blonde could have done to stop Rachel from practically straddling the other girl and play tonsil hockey. There was fire in Rachel's eyes and the blonde was putty in the diva's hands. It was the story of her life. It would be written on her epitaph. Rachel could have dragged her back home, make love to her all night, and she would not have been able to resist it. But there was a lot to fix and sex would not have changed anything. Rachel slowly retreated and promised this was just the beginning to a half-dazed Quinn leaning against the door of Santana's apartment.
It was a mixture of hope and dread that Rachel left Quinn to deal with. She was going to give Rachel one more chance, however, this time, the blonde won't be going off without some form of armor. It shouldn't be like this, but Rachel had left Quinn feeling like a wounded soldier who went home to nothing after years of battle. This is going to be a long, protracted war.
A/N: Fabathroom. That's all I can say and all I care about. Oh, and yes, reviews and comments.