All my time is froze in motion

Can't I stay an hour or two or more

Don't let me let you go

-Here's to the Night

"Santana, I swear to god, I will find out what you're up to."

Damn. The HBIC is back. Quinn stood in front of a lounging Santana and blocked the television.

The Latina stared back defiantly. "I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Get your thunder thighs away from my line of vision."

Quinn placed her hands on her hips. "You're really playing that game with me? What are you doing with Rachel?"

Free for some mid-morning delight?

Is that an indecent proposal?

If you're open to it. But otherwise, it's just me inviting you for coffee.

Har har. Nice save. I can't though.

Emily?

You're violating your own rule. And no, I'm not seeing her.

Okay, sorry. What's keeping you busy, then?

I have anger management class.

Rachel furrowed her brows and read the message twice. Texting won't do so she speed dialed Quinn. "Anger management?"

"Hello to you, too, Miss Berry."

"Yes, hello", Rachel laughed. "Sorry, I just, really? Since when?"

She could hear Quinn breathing and contemplating on her response. "A week after I moved out."

"That's…that's great, Quinn. How is it for you?"

"I don't know", Quinn chuckled. "You tell me."

Rachel smiled. "There had been changes, now that I think about it."

"Or maybe that's just power of suggestion."

"No, no. It's not. You really have been more in control of your temper."

"Yeah? Well, that's good. My money's not going down the drain, then."

"Do you still see your shrink?"

"Yeah, twice a month. "

"Great..that's really great."

"Sessions normally take two hours. Are you free for lunch?"

"Oh, I'm meeting Santana about that time."

Quinn stopped on her tracks. "Santana?"

"Yes, Lopez."

"Well, duh. But why?"

"Because we're friends?"

"She never mentioned meeting up with you."

"Does she need to?", Rachel smiled and shook her head.

"No..", Quinn frowned. "I guess not. But you're ditching me for Santana."

"I'm not ditching you for Santana. You're welcome to join us. Our date was scheduled way ahead of your invitation."

"Date?"

"Do you know in some cultures, it's perfectly normal to use the term date –or their equivalent word—for two girls who are friends when they go out or meet up?"

"Oh. Okay. It's fine, I might as well just finish some lag work."

"Okay", Rachel chuckled.

"Hey, you're mocking me, aren't you?"

"Of course not."

"Why are you hanging out with her?"

"Why do you make it sound like it's a bad thing?"

"It's not. Just…unusual."

"You're just naturally suspicious. That's all."

"Well, you and Santana…that's a volatile combination."

"Please, don't tell me you're jealous of your best friend."

"Me?", Quinn scoffed. "I don't see Santana as a threat."

Rachel held back her tongue. Quinn's voice gave it away. "Okay"

"I really don't."

"I said, okay", Rachel laughed.

"I'm not doing anything with Rachel" Santana narrowed her eyes on Quinn then burst into a mocking laugh. "As I live and breathe, you're jealous. You're actually jealous!"

"I'm not!"

Santana sat up and patted the space next to her. Quinn kicked an invisible stone then plopped beside the Latina. "What?"

"I should be throwing that question back at you, Quinn. What are you up to? What're you doing with Rachel?"

Quinn looked down and picked the ends of her fingernails. "I don't know."

"That's not a good answer, Q. Try again."

"That's all you're getting from me. I really don't know."

"You guys fool around. What's up with that?"

"You talk about me!" Quinn looked absolutely mortified.

"No, we talk about Artie because he's our greatest common factor" Santana rolled her eyes. "Of course, we talk about you"

"We don't…we don't really fool around."

"I suppose. With the lack of real action, yeah."

"Why? Was she complaining to you?"

"Well…", Santana bit her inner cheek and tried to stifle a laugh. "Considering you're applying the same rules you used on your ex-boyfriends…you're being one hell of a bitch by teasing her that way. I mean, Q, seriously? Under the shirt, over the bra? What are you? Fifteen?"

"She told you that?" Quinn slumped back with her face reddening. "I can't believe she told you that. I'm honestly disturbed by this sudden bond you have with her."

"Stop deflecting", the Latina cackled. "I am so amused by the two of you."

The blonde twisted her lips and furrowed her brows deeply. "I have to create boundaries somewhere, S. She's been…", Quinn looked up and blew air through her bangs, " very aggressive lately."

"I'm pretty sure, you would know how to handle something like that by now" Santana waggled her eyebrows and smirked.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Because of Emily?"

"Uh huh"

"That's different."

"So it's okay to be someone else's bitch but not Rachel's?"

"I'm not Emily's bitch."

"Was"

"Never"

"Sure"

"Anyway, you're also deflecting. Why are you and Rachel suddenly BFFs?"

"She wants to be more active in the LGBT community, so we're brainstorming for possible projects." Santana mentally patted her own back. Damn, she's quick and good.

"Oh, that's really great."

"Yeah, because my best friend hardly does anything to help me."

"Hey, I sold myself for charity."

"To Rachel. And you brought Emily as a safety net. That's hardly sacrifice. And please, your make out session that night had become legendary. Some of my friends still talk about it. It's disgusting."

"This..I don't know, new side of her is driving me insane."

"Good or bad insane?"

Quinn pursed her lips, smiled impishly then tucked her leg under her other thigh.

"I'll take that as good."

The blonde's smile grew wider.

"Oh my god, you're thinking about her right now!" The Latina grimaced then snapped her fingers. "Stop that!"

Quinn glared then pouted. "I don't know what to make of it, actually. She was never touchy-feely with me in public. While she initiated a lot behind closed doors before, it was never…she practically jumps at me. I told her that we shouldn't be like that. But whenever she crosses the line, I can't resist her."

"So, you resort to Virgin Quinn methods"

"Yeah"

"I really wanna laugh at you right now if not for the fact that you and Rachel are way in too deep."

Sighing, Quinn took out her phone and scrolled down for her messages. She clicked one and then showed it to Santana.

"Quinn, I'm going back to England for the holidays. You're welcome to join me. I'm seeing some of my old peers from SOAS and I'd like you to be able to meet them. Let me know if you can make it and I'll make necessary arrangements.", Santana read out loud then looked at Quinn. "Well, are you?"

"I don't know. I feel like if I join her, I would hurt Rachel so much, and I don't want that. I already hurt her in the past, and I'm not stupid to think she's not hurting right now."

"Then, talk to her about this. That should, at least, let her know you're considering her feelings."

"She asked me not to talk about Emily"

"She asked you not to fangirl. Face it, Rachel will never convert to the Church of Emily Carr. This issue is different."

The blonde exhaled then nodded her head several times. "There's no other way to go about this?"

"There are. But you're already bordering on being a first class asshole by swinging back and forth from Rachel to Emily. Don't let me give you a badge and a card by lying about this England trip."

"When did you become so smart?", Quinn asked playfully while rubbing Santana's head.

"Fuck you", Santana laughed. "I've always been smart."

Here's the thing. Quinn always knew she can be an asshole. She was after all, a Fabray. It's in her DNA and upbringing. Rachel had tempered that when it came down to dealing with other people. Being able to assuage her from being contemptible in their relationship is another story altogether. Santana wasn't really being accurate in describing her relationship with Rachel and Emily. Rachel loved her, while Emily, well, god knows what it is that woman feels—or if she's even capable of feeling—but whatever it was, Quinn was certain it wasn't romantic and they both have no pretention about it. At best, Quinn's feelings for Emily can be described as a schoolgirl crush. At worst, she is using the older woman in all aspects. Except sex. Well, not anymore. Because despite her loathsome ways, Quinn still had a conscience hidden somewhere and occasionally peeped out to knock some sense in her. Not to say she didn't miss it. It was good. Though if she was being honest with herself, sex with Rachel was definitely better. Because Quinn loved the way the diva makes those little sounds of approval or mumbles her name (99% of the time, Rachel got it right, okay?), or when—Quinn shook her head violently, casting off her thoughts. She's not comparing the two women again. It's unfair to Rachel. The old man directly facing her on the bus gave her a curious look. She smiled then looked down and busied herself with her mp3 player. Pushing the shuffle button, London Rain played. Oh god, really?

It was odd to be back in her old apartment building. It felt familiar and foreign at the same time. Rachel asked for her help to wrap holiday gifts. It was late November and Quinn had to make a decision as soon as possible regarding her trip to England. This was the perfect opportunity. Or the worst possible time. Either way, she can't prolong this anymore.

The doorman didn't even use the intercom. Diego was on duty and he was always Quinn's favorite. The burly Peruvian held the door and simply asked "back for good, Miss Fabray?" with optimism written all over his face. The blonde smiled though shook her head and mumbled, "Not for now, my good huachiman. But who knows?"

"Well, don't take too long.", he leaned closer and whispered, "there's a gangly boy that always visits Miss Berry."

"Kurt?"

"Oh, no. I know Mister Hummel very well, mi hija. This one's different. Taller than you. About this high?", the man raised his hand a few inches above Quinn's head. "Kieran"

"Kieran Murphy", Quinn nodded. "Thanks for the intelligence report, Jiggy-man"

"Anytime, mi hija", he said with a salute.

Well, hell. This is the moment when her decisions came back to bite her behind, Quinn thought. If something is going on between Rachel and Kieran, she can't exactly get mad at the brunette. All the more she can't get pissed if Rachel chose not to tell her. Most maddening part is she can't demand Rachel not to see him again. Ever. Imitating a piranha gasping for air in a drying Amazon River, Quinn thought of ways on how to bring up Kieran in their conversation later as the elevator went up. She can't think of any. Because Quinn Fabray can write and deliver a paper on Social Exclusion and State-led Policy on Social Justice in Harlem, but would never be able to adequately verbalize her feelings.

Rachel was in holiday mode if one bases it on the smile tattooed on her face. "Quinn", she breathed out then pushed herself to hug the other girl. "Come in."

That was weird. Rachel welcoming her inside their apartment. It was technically Quinn's. At least as far as the Coop is concerned. She was the one that signed the lease, and they have not gotten around to updating the contract. Or maybe they refused to. Changing the lessee's name forces them to face reality. Maybe some other time. Or until the Coop realizes they're violating rules.

Nothing much has changed, the blonde noted. Quinn cursed her muscle memory because without any prompt, she went inside their walk in closet, hung her coat and removed her boots. "I..", she pointed to the room when she stepped out and joined Rachel in the kitchen. The brunette smiled and nodded. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Holiday cookies?"

Rachel slapped the blonde's hand that was ready to swipe some of the dough and eat it. "You're a salmonella victim waiting to happen"

Rubbing the back of her palm, Quinn pouted, "You know, I have yet to hear anyone die by eating cookie dough."

"Do you really want to be in Wikipedia as the first case?"

"Well, we all aim for some form of notoriety…"

"Don't.", Rachel grabbed Quinn's finger that was once again threatening to dip inside the bowl. "You. Are. Incorrigible. Out. Shoo. Go watch some tv", Rachel ordered then pushed Quinn out of the kitchen.

"Grinch", Quinn shot back mid-way to the living room. She scratched her head while surveying several boxes and wrapping paper spread out on the floor. From the corner of her eyes, she noticed an unfinished book on the couch and picked it up. She chuckled. "Ender's Game?"

Rachel stuck out her head from the kitchen. "That's yours."

"Yeah, I know. You're reading it?"

"I couldn't sleep one night. It sounded interesting. I thought it had something to do with Hunger Games."

The blonde laughed loudly. "This is a lot older than Hunger Games."

"I realized", the brunette grinned.

"How do you like it?"

"Cookies should be done in an hour." Rachel smiled widely then sat down on the couch. "I thought I'd have to navigate my way through sci-fi jargon. I mean, when you tried to make me read Isaac Asimov…", she shook her head. "I like the fact that it's about human behavior set in a high tech universe. I can actually understand and relate to it."

"You're Bean."

"Yes, well—HEY! Just because I'm small.", Rachel frowned deeply.

"No, well, yeah, that too. But also because Ender was the hot stuff in Battle School and brushed off Bean. Then Bean challenged that without compromising himself until Ender saw what he's worth."

"So, you're saying…you're Ender?"

The blonde chuckled then sat next to Rachel. "Maybe."

"So you're saying you're the hot stuff."

"I am. It's futile to deny that."

"Oh god", the diva pushed Quinn playfully. "You are so conceited!"

"Do I need to remind someone that she spent three hundred dollars to have dinner with yours truly?."

"You'll never make me forget that, hmm?"

"Never", Quinn emphasized with an emphatic nod.

"So anyway, oh hot one, help me wrap my gifts?"

Quinn turned around and stared boxes again. "I can see you do need help."

"Yes, I figured since we didn't come home last Thanksgiving…", Rachel eyed Quinn tentatively but when Quinn only nodded in agreement, she continued, "I thought I'd make it up by celebrating the true meaning of Hanukkah—lots and lots of gifts", she giggled.

Okay. Here it goes. Quinn can feel it.

"We can…", Rachel nervously tucked her hair, "we can still share? I mean…no one back home really knows we..you know, and, anyway, we'd basically be giving gifts to the same group of people, so, we can distribute them together..I don't know…" She exhaled then looked at Quinn expectantly. "What do you think?"

How did she rehearse this? Fuck.

"Rach…", she said softly then took the brunette's hand.

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable with that", Rachel said in one breath.

"No..it's not that part." The blonde worried her lip and ran her thumb over Rachel's hand in a soothing manner. "I…I might not be home for the holidays. I mean, I wanted to discuss that with you."

"Why not?"

"I've…I have an invitation to spend the holidays in England."

"Oh", Rachel nodded knowingly then withdrew her hand from Quinn's. "Emily."

"It's not because of her, Rach. She's going to introduce me to some of her colleagues from SOAS and—"

"SOAS?"

"School of Oriental and African Studies"

Rachel furrowed her brows. "You're not even in that field."

"Actually, it's not a field…it's a multidisciplinary—"

"Okay", Rachel interjected harshly. She's not in the mood to be educated right now. "So, you're going to England, then."

"No, I wanted to talk to you about that first". Quinn took a deep breath. The diva could see the other girl was struggling to keep her temper in check. "I've not made a decision."

"You sound like you already have"

"No, I haven't, Rachel. I want to talk to you about—"

"You should go", the diva nodded. "To England. You should go to England."

"Rachel, there's something you need—"

Rachel forced a smile and placed her hand on top of Quinn's. "This is a wonderful opportunity for you to—", Rachel stopped herself then stood up and took a box on the floor. "Here"

Quinn looked up and reached for it. "What's this?"

"It's my Christmas gift for you. But since you won't be home, you should have it now."

"It's still November, Rachel" Quinn stared into Rachel's eyes sadly and filled with disappointment. "So… that's it?"

"Why don't you open it?", Rachel sat down again, ignoring Quinn's question. "Santana helped me out on this one, because I wanted to make sure it's something you'll really appreciate."

Quinn's mouth hung opened in disbelief. "Thanks", she said quietly. She slowly opened the box and twitched her mouth into a smile at the sight of a framed Haruna Kawanishi photo re-reprint. "So..this is what you've been up to with S?"

The brunette nodded. "Do you like it?"

"I love it", Quinn smiled sadly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad."

Quinn felt her throat closing in. A part of her wanted Rachel to stop her from going, and the blonde most likely would have acquiesced. Sure, she would want to see England and meet all those people, but what she wanted the most was for Rachel to tell her not to go with Emily. That if she wanted to meet those people, the brunette would go with her. Quinn was ready to say those things. She didn't expect Rachel to act the way she did.

"This is a good thing, I guess", Quinn finally blurted out. "I'll have some time with myself. Figure what I want. And you'll have time to figure out what you want."

Rachel tilted her head and furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

"If you really want me or Finn."

"Quinn", Rachel's posture straightened up. "I know you find it hard to believe, but it's you I love."

"You said that before. Didn't turn out to be true."

"Look, I know I messed up—"

"Why are you still with me, anyway? Why are you trying to fix this?"

Rachel's mouth opened then closed. "Quinn, again, because I love you"

"You said. You loved me." Quinn drawled out. "But then you also said you were only with me out of guilt. So what should I believe now?"

"That I love you", Rachel placed her hand over her chest. "I know, okay? I know you're finding this hard to believe but I realized that when I lost you."

"You spent three years deceiving me, Rachel. I know I'm not a saint. I know I've done a lot of awful things. But my feelings for you were not built on lies."

"I'm sorry…", Rachel shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Quinn."

"I would appreciate it if you'd come clean now", the blonde said softly.

"Quinn..", Rachel gasped. "I love you. That's the reason. That's the only reason."

"How do I know that you're not pursuing me because you feel guilty again? Because you know I'm devastated by the truth?"

"The truth.." Rachel scooted closer and took the other girl's hands and held it close to her chest. "The truth is that I felt guilty about the accident. Finn broke up with me because I was spending too much time with you. I didn't want us to break up. I know I've been such an idiot, Quinn, for being too caught up in my failed relationship with Finn. When you left, I realized I've been in love with you all this time. Please. Please, trust me. This isn't guilt-driven."

The blonde looked down and frowned. "I think…I was wrong in not asking for distance. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—I think we need it. I need to make up my mind."

"I thought you said you don't have romantic feelings for her?"

"This isn't about choosing between you and Emily, Rachel. I don't have to make that choice, because if it's between her and you, it's you. It will always be you. What I need…What I need is for you to decide if Finn—"

"I don't love Finn."

"You say that now, Rach..", Quinn offered her a small sympathetic smile. "But you've not seen him since his visit here. And back then we were still together. I want you to..I want you to weigh things. If you…", the blond squeezed the other girl's hand for comfort. "If you come back here and still fully convinced that it's me and not Finn, then we can start figuring out if we're good for each other."

"Quinn.."

"Let's be honest here for a second, Rach", the blonde chuckled sadly, "this relationship brought out the worst in us."

"It also brought out the best in us", Rachel frowned.

"Yes, but, we can't live in extremes. No relationship ever lasted that way."

The diva nodded. She can't argue with that. "You'd choose me over Emily?"

Quinn sighed. Out of all the things she said. "Yes. It's not about her. This is about us."

Rachel leaned closer but Quinn pulled away. "I…don't think that's a good idea, Rach", the blonde chuckled. "This really won't work if you constantly do things that make me want to do ungodly things to you."

Rachel's eyebrows arched. "Like?"

"Like…things that I will not talk to you about right now."

The brunette sighed then pouted. "Just one thing. We never talked about that. So since this is honest hour…"

"No", Quinn laughed. "We're not talking about those things."

"Okay, fine." Rachel complied.

"Good."

"…Would it involve whips and chains?"

If it was possible for Quinn's eyes to fall out of their sockets, that would have happened already. "N-no, shut up, Rachel!"

"I'm kidding!", Rachel giggled. "Just kidding."

"Whatever", Quinn mumbled then stood up.

"Hey", the brunette reached for the other girl's hand. "Where are you going?"

"To the floor."

Rachel gave her a knowing smile.

"To help you wrap gifts, Rachel."

"Oh", the diva jutted her lower lip and nodded several times. "That's right."

Quinn left the apartment feeling good about things. She thought she handled it pretty well. They handled it well. The two spent the remaining hours wrapping gifts and talking about Quinn's anger management classes. Rachel still can't believe that the blonde had taken that step together with counseling on her own. She never had the illusion that Quinn was naturally kind-hearted; but the blonde's innate intelligence curbed her slight malevolence most of the time. The problem lies when her judgment is clouded by anger or jealousy, and that's exactly what Quinn said her therapist and classes were trying to address. It felt so good for them to be this open with each other.

Quinn gave Diego a salute then left the building. She suddenly stopped on her tracks as soon as she recognized Kieran walking towards her. Kieran grinned, "Quinn! I haven't seen—OW! My shirt! What the—"

He grimaced then recoiled after the blonde collared him. "Listen here, buddy. I don't know what your intentions are with Rachel—"

"Woah, woah, Quinn!" the boy raised his hands in surrender. "Unless Rachel has the hardware I like, there's no reason to release your inner Buffy on me."

The blonde stepped back and loosened her grip. "You..you're gay?"

"As spandex."

"Huh"

"We have a play for one of our classes. Rachel and I are the leads. We rehearse. That's all, I swear."

Quinn finally released him then straightened his shirt. "Well, good luck with that play." She patted his shoulder and took another step back which gave him space to run away from her.

Quinn quirked her eyebrows at a chuckling Peruvian who simply stood there and watched the scene unfold. Yeah, she handled it pretty well.

A/N: gaah, I don't know what Emily has done to deserve your love, but I'm not complaining. There would be more of her, so don't worry. THANK YOU once again for your time and input.