Chapter Eleven
Bertolt, Moblit, Marlowe, and 197 Humans
One second, at the most inconvenient of times, he'd been dreaming of Hitch's smirk, and the next he'd realized that despite all his grandeur, despite all his hopes and sacrifice and fifteen years full of life, despite his ton ten placement, he was still the nameless soldier who'd never return from his first mission.
He'd done nothing.
But when Marlowe Freudenberg felt himself materialize outside of heaven – for this surely was – confusion stopped him for the first time in his life.
Relief. He was relieved. He hadn't had to bear the burden of change.
Shame. As if all he'd ever done meant nothing.
Hundreds of soldiers – Squad Leaders Marlene and Dirk among them – tumbled besides Marlowe.
"Hey kid," said a familiar face.
"Um – hi." Marlowe frowned at the smiling, brown-haired veteran. He'd often seen him hovering around Squad Leader Hange, but couldn't recall his name.
"I'm Moblit Berner, Second in Command of Squad Hange." He gazed back to the land they'd come from, where his leader crouched with a crushed eye and blood pouring from her bruises. But she was alive. He'd succeeded: humanity's smartest was alive. "You're one of the new recruits, aren't you?"
And, he thought with a chuckle, if Levi ever got here, Moblit wouldn't have to fear his wrath. He'd kept his promise.
"I'm Marlowe Freudenberg," Marlowe said.
"Ah, yes, you helped with the uprising!" Moblit snapped his fingers, then peered closer at Marlowe. "I'm sorry it worked out this way."
"Me too." Marlowe glanced behind him. No commander.
"So the old man survived after all," spat a girl.
Moblit inhaled sharply.
"No," Marlowe said. "No, it's not his fault."
"What do you mean? We died for nothing!" cried the girl.
"It's not for nothing if the mission succeeds," Marlowe said shakily. "I have to believe that."
"I do believe that," said Moblit.
"Well, of course you do," she snapped.
"We all believe that," said a tall, scruffy blond man, striding towards them.
"Mike!" Moblit gasped.
"All of us." Nifa giggled and hurried forward from a crowd of hundreds dressed in military gear.
Nanaba stretched out her hand towards the angry girl. "None of us are ever ready to die. But I promise you, what the Commander said is true: none of our deaths will be in vain."
The girl's eyes were red. "My parents will be devastated."
"They're alive. There's always hope if you're alive," said a redhead. "I'm Petra Ral, by the way. Look – there they are."
"You can see everyone from here?" Marlowe searched for Hitch beyond the clouds. There she was, waking up, muttering – a prayer for him? It was too late, he thought with a sad laugh.
"Was it too late?" asked a freckled boy. "She remembers you, and you heard her."
"Who are you, and how do you know my thoughts?" demanded Marlowe.
"Marco Bodt, casualty of Trost," he said casually. "Well, Trost and my titan comrades who betrayed me. And I know your thoughts because – remember Jean?"
"Do I? He's great." Marlowe smiled.
"He started as one of those cozy ladder-climbing asses you hated," Marco said. "I died, and he changed."
"Hitch was already more than that," Marlowe said defensively.
"So was Jean. This will just…catalyze more." Marco narrowed his eyes, concentrating on Bertolt lying limbless besides Eren, on Reiner blindfolded and bound before Hange.
"Are you coming?" asked Frieda, as they rest of the soldiers began escorted the new arrivals inside.
"Um, yes." Marco turned away.
"Help me," Grisha whispered as Zeke, his Zeke, his slaughtering, dying Zeke he'd cursed into this life, bartered with an enraged Eren.
And Eren knew, even if he couldn't face it. In his eyes, Eren recognized Zeke.
And Zeke…Zeke cared about Eren.
"There's compassion in him yet," Dina said through choked tears.
"What?" Faye turned to her big brother.
"Help me," he said shakily.
"I don't think he can watch this," Carla said to Dina.
She nodded and grabbed Grisha's arm. "Let's go."
"What did I do?"
"You made mistakes, same as me. I've been just as bad as you," Dina said, glaring into his eyes. "Get over yourself. We love you. I found you. You found Carla. We found each other, and no matter what happens, good will win out. I know it. Believe it."
"You can't command belief," Grisha said with a weak smile.
"But you can inspire it. Look at her." Dina nodded toward Carla. "Someone who had injustice done to her, who inspires your son's hope even now. Someone who knew the real meaning of 'special.'"
Carla blinked. "I don't know –"
"And this woman is exactly who you and I needed," Dina finished.
Grisha smiled at Carla. "She always was." He paused. "Well, you too, Dina."
Dina rolled her eyes and shoved him. "I knew what you meant. I'm not as smart as you, but I'm not stupid, Grisha."
As they reached the table where Grisha's parents sat, Carla eyed the brawl below. "Dina: I'll be back. Watch over Grisha."
"Always." Dina hugged her husband.
Kuchel gripped Kenny's arm. "Levi shouldn't have to bear this serum."
"Are you blaming me?"
Kuchel glared at him, her face a feminine mirror of her sons. "No!"
"Sorry," Kenny muttered. "I guess, well, I guess I'm on edge myself."
"We all are," said Uri.
"Mom loves you, Levi," murmured Kuchel. "I'll always be with you."
She'd told him that before she died, and she'd tell him that again everyday of his life. Even if he couldn't hear her, maybe he could feel her.
"Help me!" Bertolt was helpless before the titan grabbing him. They'd turned Armin of all people – Armin didn't deserve this.
Maybe Armin would enjoy it. His traitor friend dead.
Jean. Connie, holding a crippled Sasha. Mikasa holding Eren back, as if Eren might want to save him. Where was Krista?
"Help!" He deserved this, inside a titan's mouth, its teeth grinding down on him, fuck –
A scream ripped from his heart, the scream of desperation and loneliness and self-hate and Marco –
Bertolt crumpled onto soft, sweet grass, and wherever he was, he had to scream again, and again, and again.
His hands were back, but Bertolt didn't move. He didn't deserve to. Let the flames of hell consume him.
"Hey." A woman's voice. Something brushed his arm. "Hey, you."
Bertolt didn't move. Maybe if he lay here, he could stop existing. Why did he exist after death when he should never have been born?
"You know, you killed me," said the woman, amusement in her lilting voice. "You and a titan named Dina Fritz. She's now my closest friend. I forgave her, and I forgave you. I love you, and you deserved better, Bertolt Hoover."
She knew his name? Bertolt opened his eyes.
"I'm Carla Jaeger. Eren's mom, and your friend." Carla smiled sweetly.
"My – friend?"
"You were kind to my boy. You taught him the 3D maneuver gear, didn't you? You and Reiner. I – I'm sorry for what you had to suffer." Carla shrugged. "We see everything here, you know."
"I'm a murderer." Bertolt whimpered.
"You're a child. I blame Marley Leaders more than you. Even my stepson, Zeke, more than you." Carla rubbed Bertolt's back, the way his mother used to.
"You can stay and cry as long as you'd like. I'll be here with you."
"Does – I mean – is everyone here as kind as you?"
"No. But everyone is glorious humanity. We exist. We deserve heaven." Carla stood and offered her hand. "I'll introduce you, if you wish."
I have no will of my own. He nodded slowly and followed her into the gate.
"Aw, Bertolt. Good to see you." Nanaba pulled Mike Zacharius closer to him.
"We know about Marley," Petra said. "We care about you."
"I wish," said a small man who looked suspiciously like Krista, "that they hadn't killed you. The murder of innocents must stop somewhere."
"I concur," said a bespectacled man resembling Erwin.
Bertolt gasped as Eld clapped him on the shoulder. "You did your duty, same as us."
"Well, not quite, since our goal wasn't mass extermination," pointed out Oluo.
"But that's not your fault," he added quickly.
"You know what I think?" A black haired version of Krista approached, squinting at Bertolt. "I think you've one of the good guys who got imprisioned on the bad side."
"I could have chosen different," he burst out.
"Obviously, but people are weak. All of us," said a gangly man who had his arm wrapped around the older, male Krista.
"We love you as you are," Carla said.
Bertolt didn't respond. He couldn't.
Because Marco was there, at the edge of the crowd, his innocent eyes watching him without blinking.
And then – and then – Marco ran forward and threw his arms around him. "Bertl!"
"M – Marco," he stammered.
"I've forgiven you," Marco said eagerly. "I've got you. I've got your back, Bertolt." He chortled. "Or should I say your neck?"
"I – uh – shouldn't we talk?"
"Of course. And especially about how we left our beloveds behind," Marco said with a wink.
"Marco!" Sweat beads appeared on Bertolt's forehead.
"Oh, your feelings for Reiner are obvious," assured Marco. "You're adorable."
"So that's it, then?" Erwin blinked.
"Oh there's a trillion and one facets left," Grisha said, eyes lighting up. "We should discuss them."
"Definitely," Erwin agreed. "Um, for the record, I don't blame you. Or anyone. I suppose…I blame humanity."
"I'd say that's the most logical," agreed his father.
"But I love humanity, too," Erwin insisted.
"We all do." A tall man approached them.
"Eren Kruger, meet Erwin Smith," said Faye.
The two officers shook hands.
"You're who I wish I had been," Kruger said. "I hope you never doubt what you've accomplished. Though I'm sure you do."
"Because you do, too. And here you started all of this." Erwin gestured around the gathering.
"I like to think humanity started this," Kruger said.
"And humanity will finish it." Erwin agreed.
"Sacrifice isn't always necessary, but when it is, it will never be in vain. I have to believe that," Kruger said, and Marlowe's heart warmed towards this spy, this spy who echoed his own thoughts.
And Grisha, Erwin, and Kruger, haunted souls surrounded by humanity who loved them – felt for one moment, as Eren had when he'd touched Dina, that everything was connected.
Thank you all so much for reading! I do plan on writing more, but alas! Or is it yay? We have no more deaths to cover. But, since this is Snk we're talking about, this story shall continue for as long as we have characters sent to heaven.
I do have actual arcs planned out for all of them, too, so fear not. I promise to complete this story. But if you have any heaven interactions you'd particularly like to see, I could consider making that an intermission chapter, so let me know. J
Love to you all.