Thank you so much for reading the first chapter! I am so glad so many of you are interested in this story. I hope you like this chapter as well. Please let me know what you think at the end of it!

If he was really gone, her last words to him had been about how she hated him.

She couldn't get that out of her head as she ran to the pile of rubble. Frantically she threw some of the stones aside, pulled back by Brett then, whom pulled her in arms.

She burrowed her face in Brett's neck and started to sob.

Looking over her shoulder she saw how the others started digging where Matt had disappeared. She barely dared to look, so scared she would lose her husband.

''I got him, he has got a pulse!'' Hermann said then, and the rest of the men helped them get Casey out. Gabby finally got up and she wanted to run his way when Brett grabbed her arm.

''Come on, to the ambo. You should go with him.''

Gabby ran to the back of the ambo and barely a minute later, Matt was loaded in, Gabby wanting to grab his hand, but letting Brett do her work. As much of a talented EMT she had always been, she had no clue what to do now and her hands were shaking so bad she didn't think she would even be able to do anything.

He opened his eyes a little bit and Brett moved aside a bit, Gabby coming closer.

''Matt?'' Gabby pinched his hand, worried, but he was not responding.

''We are almost there.'' Brett assured her and in the hospital, she wanted to follow him, but was pushed back. In the waiting room, a nurse was helping her fill out the forms.

One of the nurses came to bring his stuff as they told her he was going into surgery and she took his wedding band and watch. The watch had a crack in the glass.

''he is going to be so pissed.'' Gabby said, letting out a nervous laugh as she looked at it. But it was going to be okay, she was sure of that. They said it was just for his hip.

Motionless she sat in the waiting room. Minutes seemed to pass by like hours and even Kelly tried to talk to her sometimes, she couldn't even listen to him.

She thought Matt was gone when they were waiting outside the building, and now he was hanging on to life. She didn't want to lose him, and the only thing she could focus on now was making sure she would see him again.

Some of the other members of the firehouse left as she told them to. It was taking a while, and it was hard enough to be here, and them all looking at her didn't make it any easier.

''it is taking long, something is wrong.'' She said as she bit her nail. In the ambo it had only seen that his leg was injured by the rebar.

''Maybe it's a good sign, maybe somebody worse came in and his surgery was pushed back.'' Kelly tried to comfort her, but Gabby shook her head.

''No, this is taking way too long.'' She said, getting up to grab some water then. She just got up when a doctor came walking her way.

''Are you the direct family of Matthew Casey?''

''I am his wife.'' Gabby said and she walked along with the doctor.

''We got the rebar out of his leg.''

Gabby sighed relieved, but the doctor looked really somber.

''It means he could walk again, but we are not sure if he is. It is too early to tell.''

''What?'' Gabby asked worried.

''On the MRI for his hip to see if the rebar damaged anything after removing it, we found fractures in his neck and back. I thought a neurologist had come to tell you.''

''No.'' Gabby said then, her lip shaking.

''He is breathing on his own but there is a lot of damage to his neck and spine, and we can not tell how he is going to recover.''

She sunk down back on the stair and started to weep. She wanted to get up, ask things, but it was like the entire world came crumbling down.

And she had told him that she hated him.

''We stabilized his back and neck, but it is too early to tell the damage.''

Gabby looked down, not sure what to say, hoping that she would wake up soon and it was all a nightmare.

''You can go see him if you like.''

''No.'' Gabby said as she panicked. She brushed past the doctor and walked into the bathroom. She threw some water in her face and started to sob then, leaning on the sink and tears streaming down her face, dripping into the sink.

After a few minutes she managed to keep her composure again and walked after a nurse to the room.

She peeked around the corner of the room, finally walking in. he was still asleep and she carefully walked closer to the bed. His neck was in a brace and the reality the doctor had said wat pushed in her face again. There was a soft knock on the door and Kelly looked at her.

''is it okay if I come on?''

''Yeah, yeah, I just got here.'' Gabby tried to dry her tears.

''Boden told us.'' Was all Kelly said.

''I uh, I didn't really listen.'' She admitted as she walked closer and sat down on the edge of the bed.

''They say he should be waking up tomorrow; there is no damage to his head.'' Kelly said as he laid his hands on her shoulders.

''I hope we know more tomorrow.'' Gabby said then, sniffing a bit as she hoped it would all be okay. The doctor said he could still recover, but she was also scared.

The next morning, she woke up to the cold and empty house.

She wanted to get up, go see Matt in the hospital, but before she even got up from the bed reality set in again. It was a lot worse than they had thought, and she didn't even want to think about bad this could end up.

She loved him so much, and she would be able to deal with it and be by his side, but she knew Matt, and she was not sure how he was going to react to the news. The doctor was going to tell him this morning, and she knew she should be there for him.

Crying on the edge of the bed, it took hours before she finally got up.

Slowly she walked into the room. He was awake and he didn't see her immediately, but his blue eyes made their way to her then.

Slowly she walked closer, stopping halfway.

''I figured you needed some time this morning.'' She bit her lip as she looked down. She knew she should have been there for him. Reality was only setting in on her, and she knew she was wrong for not being here for him. She should have bene here when they told him, but it had been too hard this morning.

''Really could have used my wife here.'' He said, his voice soft and cracking.

''Sorry.''

She walked a bit closer. His eyes were red and she was sure he had been crying. She was so angry about how he had blocked her off saying anything. That he had given her different orders. That there had been enough time for her to save him, and he had not let her.

It shouldn't matter to her at this moment, not with everything that was going on with him, but she was still so angry with him.

She still had her hand on his, and even though he had not said anything, she hoped that it would bring him some comfort. As mad as she was, she did care, and she knew this was not the moment to throw it all out on him.

''how are you feeling?'' She finally asked, and he looked her way.

''I uhm, I don't really know.'' He admitted softly.

''Can we talk about it?''

''What is there to say Gabby.'' He said, biting his lip. ''Look, I lost everything, and you hate me.''

''Matt – I don't hate you.''

''I can't stop thinking about how you hate me.'' He said softly. ''I mean, I guess I deserved it.''

''Matt, it was –''

''I know it is stupid.'' He mumbled. He looked at her then, saw that she was holding his hand.

She was still holding his hand, and just for a second she felt it move a little bit. It was like a short tremor.

''Please let go of my hand.''

''Matt-''

''Please.'' He said, and she laid his hand down on the bed.

''I feel really guilty about not going upstairs to get you. You would've been out before the collapse.''

''You listened to my orders, I don't blame you. I am glad you got out in time.''

She looked down, in silence.

''I am really sorry I wasn't here Matt, I am so scared what is going to happen, and I felt so bad about not being able to do anything after leaving you in that building.'' Gabby started to cry now. Looking aside at his wife, he felt so bad he could not even raise his arms to dry her tears and he couldn't help but start to sob as well.

''You were holding my hand, and I couldn't even feel it.'' He sobbed now and she felt horrible about not being with him these first days.

''I can't feel anything.'' He struggled to say then, so upset she didn't even know what to say anymore.

''I felt your hand move.'' Gabby said, talking about the little tremor in his hand when she was holding it.

''Don't lie.'' He cried on and Gabby dried her tears with her hand, grabbing a tissue and carefully drying his cheeks.

''I did, really.''

''how are we going to get through this?'' He asked scared.

''we will, I am sure.''

The next day, she was waiting on the hallway as Matt was being looked after by the nurses. Kelly and Boden had wanted to come by today, but he didn't want to see anybody.

She knew it was hard on him and she could imagine that it was not easy for him to let people see him like this, but Kelly was his friend and really wanted to see him, and she hoped it would cheer him up a bit, but he was pretty stern on it.

''Hey.'' She said as she walked in and kissed him on his forehead.

''hey.''

''How was the night.''

''Was mostly knocked out.'' Matt said and she was concerned as he looked really tired.

''Can I put your wedding band back on? I got it here the…the afternoon before you went into surgery.'' Gabby said as she was holding his ring.

''Yeah, ofcourse.'' He said then and looked as Gabby moved the ring around his finger. He hated that he could not feel it, or move his hand so that it was not so hard on her, but she managed. She held his hand in hers, caressing it for a second, put it down then, not sure if he was okay with her holding his hand.

''They did an MRI again this morning to see if the swelling is going down. Should get the results this afternoon.'' He said then.

''That is good, I hope there is some change for you soon.'' Gabby said, not sure what else to say. They knew that for all they knew, it would not get better, but she still hoped that once the swelling would go down, he would regain some feeling.

Honestly, she hadn't really thought about the other option. As much as she loved him, she didn't want to think what would happen if it would stay this way. She loved him, and she wanted to be by his side, but knew he wasn't going to take this situation.

''Lots of people called me today…asked me how you were doing.'' She said as she had awoken with a ton of messages.

''I am sure I got a lot too, but I haven't really been able to answer them.'' He mumbled.

''I haven't really felt like answering anybody.'' Gabby admitted.

''Me neither, because it means this is the reality then.'' Matt said and his lip started to shake.

Gabby moved a bit closer, as close as she could, hated seeing her husband like this.

''Anything I can do for you?''

''My neck is killing me.'' He admitted, ''And I can't even press the call button.''

''What about your back?'' Gabby asked a bit concerned.

''I can't feel it. It's my neck and a whole bunch of nothing'' He said a bit angry and she wasn't sure if he was angry because he was pain or angry with her in general.

''I will get somebody.'' Gabby said, feeling even worse for him. Standing on the hallway as she looked Matt getting more painkillers and was moved around the bed and walked inside as he was falling asleep.

''I am really sorry I asked that, it is was stupid.'' She said as she sat down, caressing through his hair as his eyes were falling shut.

''That is okay.'' He mumbled then, Gabby kissing him on his cheek.

''I know you don't want me to say it, but I still think you are going to be fine. You always have been. And I will be here for you, and together we will make it work.'' Gabby promised him, kissing him on his forehead then. Matt's eyes fell shut and she looked as he fell asleep. Knowing he was fast asleep, she started to sob, not being able keep it in any longer.